Author's Note: Rating may be subject to change to M for violence/dark themes later.
α
It is almost banal in the way she leaves this life—an ending wholly unbefitting for someone like her. Someone whose smile could melt snow and turn winter into summer, whose heart could wrap all of Arendelle in its warm embrace, and whose light could bring even the darkest of creatures back to the side of good.
...But what good would good do now?
What good would good do now, as Elsa's hands desperately attempt to staunch the wound in her sister's chest, her pale hands turning red, red, red—
"A-Anna, please…!"
Her words stumble from her lips as a sob. It is a miracle they sound coherent through her tears, through the pounding in her ears as blood thunders along her veins and blood stains her skin without care to her frantic pleas. She cannot even see her sister's face as her vision blurs, but she feels the hand brushing along the curve of her jaw, feather-light and weak.
So very weak.
"El...sa…"
Her name passes through Anna's lips almost reverently, and Elsa's own heart nearly seizes at the realization that this may very well be the last time she will ever hear it. That it will be the last time those four letters, those two syllables, that one name—her name—will ever be uttered in that light cadence, filled with fondness and love.
Love…
Love...is patient.
Anna's hand falls and Elsa catches it, knuckles as white as snow from how hard she grips it, as if she could anchor her sister to this world through her hold alone. As if she could anchor her here, and they could continue their outing, and no one would have to die, and—
Love...is kind.
Her throat burns. She hears someone screaming; the dreadful wailing echoing in the snow-covered clearing.
Love…
She feels the frost tingle beneath her fingertips, hears the whispers of the ice and snow, and the crunch of boots as the unfortunate hunter takes a step away to flee. To flee from his crime, to flee from the girl who ran through the snow without care to the world, turning back to smile at Elsa in the same instance that—
"She came out of nowhere!" Elsa hears him protest, and a part of her wonders why his voice sounds so choked. "I already loosed the arrow, and she suddenly—"
Her hands clench, and she wonders why a wet gurgle passes through his lips.
She wonders why the snow seems so much redder than before.
She wonders why the clearing glitters so brightly beneath the sun; the light reflecting from...from—
Love is…
But that is no sun, hanging in the sky. The sun does not belong so high, so distant, so beyond the reach of those who need it most. The sun is here, down here where its warmth can thaw even the coldest of hearts. The sun is down here, in her arms.
Love is…
The sun is dead.
"Please…"
Anna is dead.
"You can't go...Not like this, you...you can't…"
Love is…
"Anna, please...please...Say something!"
But no words come. No laughter reaches her ears, and for the first time in forever, Elsa feels the cold. She feels the ache seeping into her bones, the teeth nipping at her skin as the hand firmly clenched in hers grows stiffer and colder, like stone.
Like ice.
She cannot see through her tears now. She cannot see Anna's face. She cannot see her loving smile. Not anymore.
Elsa bows her head, black bangs obscuring her vision further as another scream tears itself out of her throat.
Love is...cruel.
β
"I'm bored!"
Elsa quirks an eyebrow and gives her reclining sister a side glance. She's draped across the couch Elsa had requested to be brought into the study, an arm thrown dramatically over her eyes. Elsa allows a faint chuckle to escape her before she signs the document before her and places it on the slowly growing pile off to the side. "Not much I can do for you, sister dearest. Why don't you go find Olaf and play with him?"
Elsa watches as Anna lowers her arm just enough for Elsa to get a glance at the enchanting teal irises. "Because as much as I love Olaf, I want to hang out with you," she replies matter of factly, "But what you're doing is so boring! Let's go play in the snow instead!"
"Anna," Elsa chides her sister gently. "I can't abandon my work just because you're bored."
"Of course not!" Anna protests, her impish smile belying her words. She sits up and gives a dramatic flourish of her hand. "You aren't abandoning your work; you're simply delaying your efforts towards purveyance of household goods in favor of solidifying your allyship with a fellow noble, who simply demands your attention!"
The delicate hand over Elsa's mouth does nothing to hide her laughter. "You've been practicing court speech, haven't you?"
"I'm practically a lawyer," Anna answers smugly.
"That wasn't the sort of court I was referring to, Anna." Elsa looks back down at her current reading, over to the pile of what she has yet to do, and sighs. "I really can't afford to take a snow break, but how about a quick lunch?"
"A picnic?" Anna compromises, and the light in her eyes and the little excited gasp she gives is too much for Elsa to refuse.
Elsa just grins, stands up from her desk and walks over to the couch with her arm extended. "Come on then, let us find Gerda to assemble some food and a blanket."
"Yes!" Anna quickly grabs the outstretched hand, and bounces to her feet. "You need to take more breaks, the stress of working all the time isn't good for you. And… and…" The faintest hint of moisture wells in the corner of her eye, before she continues, "I-I… I missed you SO much, and… I know you're busy with running the kingdom, and I don't want to be bothersome… yet…" She starts to play with the tip of her right braid absentmindedly. "I feel like we still don't have enough time together—at least, not enough time just for us, without..." The left side of her lower lip disappears behind her teeth.
"Oh, Anna," Elsa frowns and sighs deeply, as she pulls her sister in for a crushing hug. "I'm sorry that my work is keeping me so occupied. The repairs from… the incident are near complete. Hopefully once those are finished things will slow down a little."
"Hmm, I hope so Elsa," Anna snuggles deeper into Elsa's embrace, "because we have lots of catching up to do!"
Elsa only nods and continues to hold her in place, all the while trying to swallow down her negative feelings. The Queen feels the slow creep of anxiety flow through her veins at the thought of what had transpired not too long ago. In a brief moment of weakness, her arms stiffen and Anna takes notice of this as she pulls back a fraction to gaze upon her older sister.
"Elsa?..." Large concerned teal eyes bore into hers. Is she really that transparent?
Focus.
"Everything is fine Anna," Elsa sighs and tries to press forward with a small smile, "...just lost in thought. Nothing to worry about."
Anna looks at her skeptically, and Elsa knows her sister wants to press further.
"Are you sure?" she asks, letting go to cross her arms over her chest, teal eyes narrowing. "You're not just saying that, are you?"
I say many things. Most of them I don't mean. "For once, I'm not," Elsa says at length, her smile growing a little bigger and more genuine. "Just...boring queen things—you wouldn't find it interesting."
Anna responds with a snort. "Even if I don't find it interesting, if it's something that's troubling you I'd like to hear about it," she says sternly. She drops her arms and takes Elsa's hands between hers, giving them a loving squeeze. "I want to help you, Elsa. If there's anything you need me to do, any work I can take over to remove some of the weight off your shoulders, please let me do it!"
Elsa's smile falters; the corners curling ever so slightly downwards. Her hands threaten to tremble, and she valiantly fights to keep them still and unassuming in Anna's warm grasp. Her old mantra dances at the edge of her thoughts, whispering those well-worn words.
"Anna, I can't ask that of you," she says at last, voice soft, "This is my problem to bear; not yours."
Not when you've gone through so much as it is…
Elsa could see Anna opening her mouth to protest but she silenced the words by leaning forward and placing a feather light kiss on her beloved sister's forehead. "How about that picnic?" She asks, forcing a reassuring smile and praying that Anna would let the topic go.
Anna gives her a frown in response but reluctantly allows for the topic shift. "I was thinking maybe we could eat over by the pond," She suggests, "There are some ducklings running around that I want to see."
"Certainly, let's go find Gerda and get that food then."
As the two sisters make their way from Elsa's study towards the kitchens, they engage in idle conversation as Anna tries to keep the mood light between them. Anna spent several minutes telling Elsa about her adventures around town, especially about time she had spent playing with many of the young children in the kingdom since the Great Thaw.
Upon reaching the kitchens, Elsa opens the door to find Gerda overseeing the staff preparing lunch. "Gerda, could you please pack up the lunch for Anna and me, as we're going to go have a picnic by the pond."
"Of course, Your Majesty." She quickly bustles around the kitchen, co-ordinating the workers to gather the sisters' lunch into a basket, while finding a blanket to put in with the food. On the sly, she sneaks in a small tray of chocolate, knowing their deep-seated weakness for it.
Which is why Elsa later finds herself laughing at the sight of Anna half-soaked from having tripped into the pond. The duckling squawks at them from around the piece of chocolate still in its mouth, and it swims further away to rub more salt in the wound.
"I may love chocolate, but I wouldn't go that far for it," the queen teases as Anna plops her half-drenched self beside her on the picnic blanket, grumbling about stupid ducklings and how 'they aren't that cute anyway' under her breath. She reaches a freckled hand for the remaining chocolates on the tray, but Elsa snatches it out of her reach, a smirk playing on her lips.
"Hey!"
"Diplomatic relations between us and the ducklings have already fallen once—I'd rather not have another repeat," the blonde says cheekily, taking a piece and smoothly popping it into her mouth. "Besides," she continues in between her chewing, "your hands are still wet and covered in dirt, too."
"There you go with that thing about dirt again…" Anna grumbles as she wrings out her braids, the sounds of countless drops hitting the blanket following shortly.
"Anna, I told you—I do not have 'a thing about dirt'."
"Ah, Elsa… while the gloves may not have been required for the purpose of keeping the dirt off, that doesn't change the fact that you don't like to get dirty."
She giggles. But inside, she knows how much it hurts to hide the fact that it's not the dirt that's making her cover her hands. Anna doesn't notice it and smiles with grace with her.
Anna twirls the tip of her braid around her fingers. "So you admit it?"
Elsa shakes her head. "I don't know, what do you make out of the laugh?"
She shrugs and Elsa finds how ridiculous, she is herself. Oh, she knows. She goddamn knows she can't hide this forever.
"I think you hate dirt. Perhaps?"
"Perhaps," she finds herself repeating. Elsa hears the sarcasm in her voice, but a part of her wants to believe that perhaps, Anna knows why she hides. She doesn't dare to question it.
The chocolate in her fingers melts and quickly, she smudges it on Anna's cheek. She doesn't like the tension.
Anna gasps, quickly trying to move away from her, but ends up falling to the ground. "Elsa!"
The woman laughs, dipping the brown sweet on Anna's nose. "And you love chocolate too, don't you?!"
"I do, but not on my face where I can't reach it!" her sister protests, and Elsa's lips quirk into a fond smile.
Elsa chuckles softly. "I remember how you used to get it all over the place when you were small." She jabs. "You had no complaints then."
Anna lets out a huff and shoots her sister a small, playful glare. "I was small and didn't know how to cherish and savour it back then! Now it's a colossal sin wasting it on parts of my anatomy that can't appreciate the taste!"
Elsa erupts into giggles at the passionate speech, covering her mouth with her gloved hand in a vain attempt to stifle the sound.
Anna bites her lip, trying to hide just how much she enjoys hearing her sister's laughter. I wonder what it would feel like to have Elsa lick the chocolate off my face?
Her face twists into a slight grimace at the thought—she's my sister, that would be a little weird? Gross? Wouldn't it? Would it really be so bad, though?
Coming out of her thoughts, she looks up at Elsa and finds that her sister has stopped giggling, and is staring back at her with a raised brow.
Elsa asks, "Anna, is… is everything ok?"
"Oh…" Anna begins, taming her grimace into a small smile, "Yes, everything is fine, Elsa. I was just caught up in my thoughts for a moment."
"Ah, well, don't think too hard or you might hurt yourself," Elsa teases with a wink, and Anna squawks out a protest at the swift rib and catches the queen off guard by suddenly pouncing on her.
Straddling her sister's waist, the princess captures Elsa's wrists and pins her arms to the ground above her head. "How dare you!" Anna feigned outrage. "That was really mean; I can't believe you said that!"
Elsa laughs and tries to escape from her clutches, but the redhead's grasp is unyielding. "Anna! Let me go. Come on, I was kidding!"
"Ha! As if I'll believe such lies! You won't get away with it that easily," Anna exclaims with a mischievous smirk. "Prepare to face your punishment!"
Ceasing her squirming, Elsa cautiously looks at Anna and questions, "What punishment?" She doesn't wait for an answer, shaking her head adamantly and saying, "Wait, you can't punish me! I'm the queen!"
"Watch me!" And with that, Anna brings her chocolate smeared nose close to Elsa's and boops them together, passing some of the yummy brown stuff to her sister's flawless skin.
"Anna!" Elsa shouts, her eyes going cross-eyed as she narrows them at the glob now prominently perched on the tip of her nose. She pouts and whines, "Anna, no."
But the princess refused to stop there, nuzzling her chocolatey sweetened cheek against Elsa's, further spreading the melted treat around her face.
How can she be so cool, and yet so warm, all at once? Anna thinks to herself.
A wave of understanding washes over her as she feels the tingling warmth, growing ever stronger, spread from her cheeks through her entire body. OH… the warmth isn't coming from her.
Wait, what?! Why am I feeling this way?
Her thoughts swerve back to reality at the sound of melodic laughter, and she pulls back somewhat to observe her sister. As the princess takes in the sight, she feels the air sweep out of her lungs. Anna swallows the lump in her throat at the view of Elsa pinned beneath her.
She laughs shakily. "U-Ummm… I-I guess we sh-should clean up."
Elsa replies with staggered gasps, "I think… I saw extra… water flasks and a… cloth in the basket."
"Y-Yeah, great thinking Els! I'll get them…" For some reason, Anna doesn't move and unconsciously averts her eyes to the rise and fall of her sister's chest.
Up...and down...Up...and down...Up—
"Um, Anna?"
"Yeah?" Anna has half a mind when she answers but does so nonetheless, still entranced by the motions of Elsa's chest.
"In order to retrieve them you have to get up…"
Anna hears Elsa trail off and looks up to see the blonde's face flushed a light pink, cobalt blues looking off to the side. The redhead is about to question her until a dawning realization is dumped on her like an ice cold bucket of water.
G-God! I must look like a total pervert!
Wait… was I just… did I…
She suddenly pushes herself up to her feet, rapidly getting off of her sister and putting some distance between them as her own face lights up like a lantern. Oh GOD, was I… I was… checking out my sister?! What is going on with me?
She tries to look away, truly. Yet from the corner of her eye, she watches as Elsa stands up—her lithe form moving as gracefully as a duck gliding across the water, sun glinting off platinum hair akin to the rays of a majestic early sunrise over the fjord.
Anna has to forcefully tear her eyes away from the mesmerizing sight that is Elsa. In order not to fall into whatever mode she was in earlier, she busies herself by scurrying over to the picnic basket. However, during her search, the princess chances a glance at her sister.
Anna sees nothing out of the ordinary as Elsa inspects her dress, smoothing out wrinkles here and there. She dabs at her hair and pushes a few strands back into place. They are simple tasks really, but Anna still finds herself watching nonetheless. A moment passes and her sister stops her ministrations to look in Anna's direction.
Embarrassed, Anna snaps her head back to the basket to continue rummaging through it.
I need to get a grip on myself right now.
"Are you alright, Anna?" Elsa asks and Anna's face grows hot at the concern in her melodic voice. "You look nervous."
Probably because I keep thinking about you in ways that I shouldn't be…
"I'm fine." Anna answers instead. "Not nervous just...having a hard time finding…" She pauses when she realizes that she had forgotten what she was looking for while she was lost in thought, "...that thing I'm trying to look for…?"
She hears a warm chuckle, "The water flasks and cloth...remember?"
The redhead rolls her eyes, mentally berating herself for forgetting such easy things. I must really have my head in the gutter.
Suddenly, Anna overhears the crunch of soft grass and as the sounds get closer, she swears she catches the crisp fragrance of mint.
The picnic basket below her gradually appears darker as more shade falls over it, and she feels Elsa's hand gently rest on her back—her breath hitching at the touch.
"Here, let me help you find them."
Shuddering ever so slightly at the warm—and definitely hinting of mint—breath glancing over her cheek, she tries to keep her thoughts straight.
Elsa uses her hand that isn't occupied by Anna's back to help dig through the basket. Anna assists her, albeit slowly, pushing sandwich contents and napkins off to the side. The princess makes sure not to cross paths with Elsa's hand as they both go through the contents of the basket. She is already on edge as it is!
A few short moments of silence pass until Anna spots the items they are looking for. She gives a small sigh of relief and begins to reach for the flask of water first located near the back. Unfortunately, Anna did not take into consideration that her sister had seen the contents as well and is now forced into another near heart attack situation.
Of course she would see it too dummy! She's right next to you for crying out loud!
Anna holds her breath at the sight of her hand atop Elsa's.
"I win," Elsa breathes, almost in her ear, and a quiet chuckle follows. Her hand moves, taking the flask, and Anna nearly sighs in relief at having avoided a potentially awkward moment. They resettle themselves on the picnic blanket, and Anna finds a wet cloth on her face before she even has the chance to say anything. Elsa's movements are gentle, careful, as if Anna is glass beneath her fingertips, though it wouldn't be too far off the mark to think it's due to what happened out on the fjord a few days ago…
Cold.
So cold.
The coldest I've ever been—
Anna blinks away the memory of frost creeping across her vision, her features twisting into one of annoyance at Elsa's amused mutter of, "This is like cleaning a messy child."
"I am not a child!" she immediately protests, "And if we're talking about who's being a child here, you're the one who smeared chocolate on me in the first place!"
"True, true…" Elsa chuckles, withdrawing the cloth from the princess' face. Holding it over the grass instead of the blanket, she wrings it dry before pouring more water to wet it once more. She sets to work cleaning her own face before Anna can even offer to do so.
Although, that's probably for the best, with these…strange feelings of mine...
α
"For the best?!"
"Your Majesty, please—"
"Anna was killed because of that man, and you think I need to compensate his family somehow?!" Blue eyes as icy and cold as the frozen fjord outside narrow into slits. "This jest of yours is in poor taste, Kai."
The portly man before her stammers for a few moments; by contrast, his eyes are wide, wide with shock at her insinuation. "Your Majesty, I would never treat something this terrible as a mere jest! Princess Anna was close to me, to all of us, as well!" He wrings his hands, expression pleading as he takes a step forward. "If it was an accident, as he said it was, then...his family needs to be taken cared of. There are children out there without a father now, and—"
"There is a queen without her sister, too," Elsa snarls, and more frost creeps up the walls of her throne room in response to her growing fury. "His family does not concern me."
Kai shakes his balding head. "They are still your subjects, Your Majesty. Your actions have consequences, as you very well know, and as your advisor—"
A laugh escapes from her cracked lips, which curl into a smile that's just as cracked and broken. She hears Kai continue to speak, but his words are muddled, sounding as if her head were dunked underwater and he was speaking to her from the shore.
Consequences, consequences, consequences...I know them intimately. As intimately as her.
"You always give such good advice," Elsa finally says when her laughter stops, and her tone is as cold and biting as the ice she commands. "So why has not one single word you've said been any help at all?"
The smile has not left her face.
She sees Kai furrow his brow in confusion. "Excuse me?"
Gerda, her old nanny, steps forth from where she had been standing off to the side, having been waiting for her turn to discuss...preparations. Her eyes soften into a look Elsa knows too well, and her hands grip tightly at the armrests of her throne for the words to come.
"We know you are grieving, dear. We all are. But taking your anger out on Kai won't bring her back." The older woman takes another step forward, a small—albeit sad—smile forming on her face. "We'll all get through this together, Elsa. Anna wouldn't want you to wallow in your grief for too long. And before you know it...you'll see the sun again. Her memory lives on in you, in all of us, and the best thing we can do...is to keep our heads up and carry on with a kind heart like she wanted."
She can't help it. She laughs again. The smile grows.
"Like she wanted?" The words are so absurd—how could anyone know what Anna wanted if Elsa couldn't even figure that out herself most of the time? For Anna had always been there to tell her, to give her a warm smile, to hug her close, to tell her she did the right thing, to...to…
"Elsa—"
"That's Queen Elsa," she snaps, and that broken smile finally falls. Her lips curl into a cruel snarl, and the room rumbles as spikes begin to jut out of the walls and the floor in response to her fury.
"Queen Elsa, she's only trying to help!" Kai says, and she sees the anger in his eyes. A mere drop compared to the ocean inside her, but it is still anger nonetheless...and it merely fuels hers further.
"Oh? Help? Help like you've been doing?" Elsa says sharply, her voice raising once more. "You can't help!"
"Queen Elsa, Kai is only—"
"And you, who sound so nice!" she says, whirling on her old nanny and standing as snowflakes begin to fall from the ceiling, "The more your dreams and fancies fill my head...I'd rather that I fall; taken by an arrow of my own! If I was senseless, I'd prefer it!" More ice, more spikes. "I'd prefer it over continuing to hear these meaningless words coming from your mouths!"
"My Queen, please! Calm down! It's the grief talking!"
"Leave me! Now!"
Kai and Gerda flinch at the furious demand and give each other a sad glance. With hasty bows, they obey and leave the heartbroken Queen to her own devices.
Sitting upon her throne, now all alone, she finally lets her grief take over—no longer having to keep up a strong facade. Tears roll down her cheeks, only to freeze as they fall off.
What she wanted… she scoffs, How could they EVER know what she wanted?
"Oh, Anna…" she cries out amidst her tears, choking back sobs. "How… " She can't finish the sentence—it's too painful, sending her into a fit of unbridled wailing as she screams profanities at the heavens.
This can't be the end.
It has to be a nightmare. A horrific dream she'll wake up from any moment. A hallucination. Something besides this reality. The rest of her life is meaningless if Anna is gone forever.
There has to be something.
Elsa stares at the ceiling with wide, dead eyes. The image of Anna's blood seeping into the snow burns in her mind. She digs her fingernails into the arm of her throne, frost creeping from beneath her skin. Every time she closes her eyes, Anna's pale features flashes before her. A powerful urge grips her. The need to claw at her own face, to rid her mind of Anna's still form, makes the blood in her veins race.
It's a nightmare. It has to be.
"It can't be real," Elsa whispers, covering her eyes. "You can't be gone. Oh, Anna. Come back to me!" A sob breaks from her throat and tears slide down her cheeks only to freeze seconds later.
The air around her thickens with fog. The frost on her chair descends to the floor and the familiar hiss of ice spreads throughout the room.
She is alone again.
Alone.
Alone alone alone alone alone—
I want this pain to stop.
The thought flashes through her mind, and she hears it again—the whispers of the ice and snow. Of the power humming in her veins, lurking at her fingertips. She remembers that day on the fjord, when Anna showed all of Arendelle how she still believed in Elsa, in the cruel Queen of the Ice and Snow. How she still believed that her sister's heart wasn't entirely cold, how she was still worth saving, how there was still some light left in her…
But what now? Elsa thinks, and another chuckle threatens to fall from her cracked lips. Why does she laugh? Why is it so funny? What sort of twisted humor can be found in this...?
What light can possibly be found when the sun is gone?
Again, the whispers beckon to her.
But, for now, at least...she ignores them.
Contributors: the-wandering-quill, pankite/Wolfy Puppy7, Nopantsparade/Issandri, Cyrianu, Winterssummerallthefunner, CanITellUSmThin, Gunman/iamrottingbitch, TalksToPaintings