Scared to Death
Summary: One is terrified of losing, the other is terrified of knowing can't go through but both are scared living a lonely life without each other. With the tragic truth brought by the past, will their love ever be truly begun? Inspired by a song with the same title and other things, like a blog.
A/N Ahm hi. I did this to let this out of my head cause it's haunting me for months now and so yeah that it is. Unbeta so all mistakes are mine so sorry for all the errors. I don't live in UK so I guess things will be weird here. I also had a plot and story for this but the thing is I don't know if I could pull this one through. To be honest, it is a writing exercise [and stress reliever for me]. So be gentle...please?
I don't own anything here except this story and lack of talent.
|Prologue|
..
I'll never be good enough for you...
..
"I see that doctors practice their patient's privacy these days"
The man in the white gown took his eyes away from the paper and smile at young lady's sarcasm. He tilted his head up.
"Yes they do but the thing is", he paused for a dramatic effect then looked back at her, "I'm not a doctor"
..
I don't expect you to forgive me...
..
He properly looked at the sight that is in front of him.
The young lady was sitting at the chair near the bedside. Her head resting at the bed and clasped the hand of her lover like its her lifeline. She knows that he could see her crying but she doesn't care. Eyes says how much she was worried, the way she looks with the person who was sleeping at the bed with different contraptions attached.
Of course, he knew how much this person means to the young lady.
"You know the more you stay, the more danger you'll cause. It is not safe for everyone if you are here. Most especially hers"
"I know" she whispered and letting another lone tear to escape.
..
Just don't do anything reckless...
..
The doctor knew how stubborn she could be. He may not be with her through out her life, but he was always there. He knew how much this moment means to her and stayed still and quiet at the corner of the room.
She looked at the bruises and cuts, carefully caressed the broken bones so her lover won't accidentally woke up and gave more pain. She listened to the slow but calm breathing and beeping sound of her girlfriend's heart monitor. And there she was looking at her full of adoration, love, and sadness. Making this moment last, imprinting and memorizing every detail in her memory.
No matter how those bandages doesn't suit her, she was still beautiful in her eyes; as always.
..
Don't wait for me...
..
The chair made a loud noise as she stood up and took the paper at his hands.
"It is not in your place to read that letter!"
He didn't responded but looked straight in her eyes. A deadly stare with a warning—no, that is not right—a threat that says she will not make any remorse on whatever she will do. The Ice Queen I see, but you are more than that. A look that could certainly kill, you are really a natural huh kiddo?
Lost in track at his mind, it reminded him of another person who possessed the same attribute. The same person who was responsible for all of these. But still, he smiled at the thought, even a sad one, it is a curse but I have stronger faith in you.
Neatly folding the paper she knew what she had to do. As much as she hates herself for doing this, she must leave. It is for the best..but what's best is not right.
She noticed her girlfriend stirred her button nose. Still fucking adorable, she thought.
"Moments from now she will wake up", she whispered as those emotionless eyes turned into a soft and loving one.
"So what are you going to do about it?" the replied and left the room.
Hearing the door shut she slowly closed her eyes and let the words sank in her. She took a deep breath and settled beside her girlfriend again. Taking her hand, she lead it to her cheeks and kissed the palm and knuckles and started to snob again.
"Remember the last time I told you that I was scared?", a laugh echoed to the room as she recalled with self pity. "A fear that was so stupid. I'm really a twat, aren't I? But then... then you'd forgiven me and took me back. And I was so fucking happy... and I promised that I will never ever hurt you again"
She was now overwhelmed with her emotions. She sighed, smiled, laughed and cried as she reminisced all her memories with this amazing person. This amazing person who made her happier, made her less alone; less lonely. And now, just by knowing the aftermath of what she was about to do, she can't do anything but to cry and felt it all over again. Embraced all of these feelings she have with her for the very last time.
"But.. but you know what? I am again... I'm gonna break my promise. I know how much you'll throw a fit. How much it gonna hurt you and please understand I'm hurting too. But you matter to me more than anything else and this will the last time I'll ever hurt you. And this will be the last time you'll be hurt because of me. Be happy... Fall in love again... Be contented with a life without me my love. Can you promise me that huh Ems?" she said crying as she tried her best not to choked with her parting words.
She covered her lips with her hands, so the heavily beaten up girl on the bed won't wake up as she cried her heart out
"I love you Emily Fitch. I'll always will"and gave one last lingering chaste kiss at her forehead.
..
Outside the room, where the man was waiting, he witness another tragic story unfold. It is nothing new to him, he had been doing this all his life; most of it he had been the reason and will continue to be. But now was different, he was up close and finally able to met her, his behavior changed into something that fully understood the pain. [In which he had not felt for years.]
He saw devastation, that can not be compared, walked out of the room and as soon as she closed the door, he saw her lost her fought with the demons inside her.
The war of the broken person won by the monster who was living inside of her. The same monster who she thought died when she open up, let herself to love and be loved.
As much I've tried to get you away from this trouble, there are just things that are inevitable. But what hurts me the most is that, what I did ages ago, will be done again.
"I'm sorry", he said sincerely as she stop beside him.
"For all these have to happen?" she said with no accusation but he was bothered with the tone. As he observed her posture, her demeanor, her aura. He knew at that point she was changing. He knew what she was about to become. Someone who had to be on the day they were born.
"For you have to become your father's daughter"
She didn't bother to respond rather she looked at Emily one last time. He was wrong though. She's not doing this to run away; she's doing this to save the person who terrified her and also taught her to take the risk. So she just simply walks away from her, walks away from her life, her love, and leaving her everything behind.
..
..
...Goodbye my love.
Nx
hmm thoughts?
-cly