Yuki stirred into life when she heard that the front door of the house was being opened. She shifted her position, took a look at the clock that hanged above the cabinet on her right side, and sighed when she saw that it was already one in the morning. She must have fallen asleep waiting for her husband.
"Where have you been?"
The husband she was waiting for stopped on his tracks and looked at her. "We had a party after office hours."
"And you didn't tell me?" She felt her heart squeezed in pain.
"I forgot."
"You forgot to tell your wife that you were coming home late?" She raised her voice because she was starting to get angry at her husband.
"Yuki, please," the husband in question sighed.
"Please, what?" She was already on her feet while anger was setting in on her face.
"Not now. I'm nearly drunk. And I'm having a major headache."
"Because you've been- "
"Yuki!"
"Toru!" She winced but retaliated. Her tears started to fall but she wiped them away and in pleading voice she said, "Toru… Please…"
But Toru just growled in annoyance and stormed off up the stairs. She heard him banged the door open and shut it loud enough for her to hear and reverberate on her ears. Yuki clasped her hands together. She wanted to shout at Toru and tell him how angry she was at him for neglecting her – for forgetting that he had a wife to return to. But Yuki knew better. She loved Toru so much as to not do anything that would drive him into a corner and be the reason for him to leave her.
"Why don't you talk to him about your concerns?" Kyouko advised. Yuki's best friend was sitting on the couch with her and Izumi's baby cradled on her arms.
"I cannot do that," Yuki smiled sadly as she placed a glass of orange juice in front of Kyouko and on the couch across her.
"Why can't you? Toru is your husband!" The baby let out a sound that made him seemed to be agreeing with his mother.
"He would hate me," Yuki sighed as she caressed Toru's smiling face through the photo displayed on the table beside her. "And I don't want that."
Kyouko frowned her brows at what her best friend said. She then let her eyes roamed around the living room of her married best friends. And for her the house Toru and Yuki was living in looked big but somehow… empty. "He won't," she returned her gaze at Yuki and gave her a reassuring smile.
"He would," Yuki awkwardly tried to laugh at the thought.
"Yuki…"
"Kyouko… we have been married for almost five years. I think I know my husband better. He'd leave me."
"Why are you so afraid?" Kyouko could not picture Toru leaving Yuki. He loved her too much.
"Because I love him so much. I love Toru to the point that I cannot live without him anymore. I may sound clingy and obsessed but you know… He was the only one who saw through me back when we were in high school. He was the only one who embraced my emptiness. And that is the reason why I cannot have him leave me. If he leaves I'd end up being an empty shell again – a dirty pile of snow again."
"Then that must mean he loves you, right?" Kyouko took a sip of the orange juice and she smiled happily as her baby tried to take the glass from her. "If he loves you to the point of embracing your so called emptiness then you can tell him all of the worries that are bugging you!"
Yuki let out a sad laugh. "Acceptance and love are not the same."
Kyouko was about to insist that Toru loved Yuki but her baby started crying. Yuki came to her side and cuddled the baby on her arms. Her eyes lovingly stared at Kyouko's baby; her eyes longingly wished for her own child.
Yuki glanced at the clock. It was ten in the evening. Toru's work ended at seven but he was still not home yet. She let out a long sigh and started putting away the dinner she prepared. She was not a good cook but she always tried her best for her husband.
When she got to the cookies she baked for him, her tears started to fall. They were burnt. Her hands were trembling as she took a bite from one of the cookies. "Bitter," she giggled to herself. Yuki grabbed a plastic bag from one of the drawers and then put the burnt cookies inside the bag. "I need to throw them out tomorrow."
"Toru?" Yuki whispered. She hoped that her husband was still awake. "Are you already asleep?"
No answer.
"Hey?" She tried again.
There was still no answer.
She sighed and got up from bed, a pillow crushed between her embrace. She leaned in and gave her husband a kiss on the forehead.
"Goodnight."
That night she started sleeping on the guest room.
"When are you going to tell him?" Kyouko excitedly queried.
"Tonight? It is our anniversary, so this would be a nice gift." Yuki was excited herself.
Her best friend chimed happily and squeezed her own son in an embrace. "You'd finally get a little sibling from Aunt Yuki and Uncle Toru!"
The people who were walking passed them gave them a confused and questioning looks when the two of them started to squeal. Yuki was the one who was most ecstatic about it because she and Toru waited for almost six years for that news to arrive. And with the arrival of the first member of their family, she thought, the distance between her and Toru would finally be shortened and hopefully resolved.
"Do you think it is a girl?"
Yuki smiled, "I hope so. So that Horimiya would have a little sister!"
"Or a future girlfriend!"
"Kyouko!
And they both giggled at the thought.
Yuki was waiting for the train when she suddenly caught a glimpse of a familiar back. Her eyes squinted, trying to focus. With hundreds of people on the train station she thought she might have mistaken someone's back for her husband's. But her eyes were glued to that person's back because in her head it was achingly familiar. She caressed her tummy to calm herself down. She was about to look away when a certain green haired woman came into view. The two of person talked for a few minutes and then they started to walk.
Yuki followed them. Her feet could not seem to stop.
So she followed them.
Out of the train station.
Into the streets.
Her eyes were glued to their backs.
To their arms slightly brushing each other.
To their hands that seemed to have decided to hold each other.
Her mind was full of thoughts – of negative thoughts.
How…
Why…
When?
"Toru!"
Before she knew it she shouted his name.
But they were too engrossed with their own world that they did not hear her.
And everything just went blank when she saw them enter a hotel together with their fingers entwined to each other.
Yuki got out of the hospital that same night. No one knew that she collapsed on the side of the street.
That night she went home.
She took all her clothes from the closet, folded them, and then put them on a suit case.
She did not take the things Toru bought for her. Nor the things that they bought together. She just took what was hers from the beginning. And that did not include the love of her life – her male best friend, her lover, her boyfriend – Toru.
She wrote a small note and placed it on top of the dining table. She placed next to it her keys to his house, the result of her check-up, and the burnt cookies she (always) baked for him.
With all the things that belonged to her on her hands she started to walk away. Then she shut the door close. Leaving the house totally empty.
Hello~ This is Psychoticauthor! As you have read, this was a Yuki x Toru fanfic (EDITED VER). Yes, their OWN fanfic. I love them both you see? ANywaaay, this story was set five-six years after Regrets. Toru is a bit OOC :) But yes, I love them drama, angst, romance story. Please do R&R! Reviews are VERY MUCH WELCOMED!
And let us spread Horimiya love :
forum/HORIMIYA/188420/