Broken Hearts – Life
The dorm had been quiet for quite some time. At least, Kuro assumed it had been quiet. He was able to sleep the entire day without interruption. Normally, Rin and Yukio would wake him up with their arguing or talking, but today, he was lucky. Rin wasn't even listening to music loud enough to wake him!
This wonderful silence could only mean that Yukio was away on some mission and that Rin was... Where was Rin? Kuro sniffed the air. It didn't smell like food, so Rin must not have begun dinner yet. Strange though, as it was already late in the evening. Rin was never late with making food. Maybe he was sick or something?
Kuro decided that he'd take a look around, maybe see if he can find his friend. He checked everywhere he could think of: the bedroom, the rood, the kitchen area, the main hallways, the toilets, and finally the bathroom. He could hear a slight sloshing around inside, indicating that someone was probably having a bath. It was excellent! He had found Rin, so he could now bother him about starting dinner because he was hungry.
The small cat lifted his body and put his front paws on the door to push it open. He was surprised when the door didn't move a centimetre. Why would the door be locked at this time of day? Neither Rin or Yukio ever lock the door when they take baths. Kuro sniffed the air. It smelled faintly of the twins, and strongly of water, soap, and... blood? Why did it smell like blood?
Panicked, Kuro transformed into his larger self and broke the door. The sight on the other side scared him. Rin's head was slipping under the water, and the liquid around him was turning darker quickly. Kuro didn't know what exactly was going on, but Rin didn't look like he was going to stay awake under the water.
The cat sith jumped forward, and quickly pulled the unconscious teenager out of the water. He was still bleeding, but his chest was still rising and falling. He was breathing, and that was good for now. Kuro yowled as loudly as he could, hoping that someone might hear him, before he set to work on Rin's arms.
It was a well known fact that the saliva of cat sith can heal wounds.
Two minutes of frantic licking was enough to clean off a lot of the excess blood and stop the flow from the wrists. The skin was still raw and red, but the situation was no longer urgent or likely to be fatal. If nothing else, Rin's demonic powers combined with his natural immune system should easily fight off any infection, should one set in after he wakes up.
Kuro knew that he had to wake up eventually.
With the situation more or less under control, the feline wailed as loudly as he could for someone to come and help. He alternated every minute between cleaning and yelling until Yukio eventually arrived back from his mission.
"Rin! Rin, where are you?" a voice called from below. Kuro began to wail again to grab the attention of the newly arrived student. "Kuro? What's wrong?" The cat sith could hear fast, loud thumping as Yukio ran up the stairs.
The teen ran into the bathroom with his gun held in front, assuming some sort of demon attack, since Kuro seemed to be in distress. In the loosest sense, he was correct...
Yukio's eyes scanned the room for danger, quickly taking in the stained floor, the dark red water, and the body on the floor. The body? It's...
"Rin! What happened? What's going on? How...?" Yukio paled as he noticed the wounds on his brother's arms. Only self inflicted wounds look like that. And these ones were so deep, as if he had tried to rip his arms apart. Why would Rin do something like this? Maybe times were tough, but he was still happy, right?
Apparently not.
Suicide is never the answer. Would he even be around to learn that?
Yukio moved to his brother's side. He turned Rin onto his back, and put his ear over Rin's mouth to check for any breath coming from his mouth. It was soft and shallow, but the breath hit his ear, and there was a slight movement of his chest in time with the puffs of air.
Now that he was certain that Rin was alive, Yukio examined the wounds. They already showed preliminary signs of healing, likely due to his demonic powers. They also looked surprisingly clean and dry. Maybe Kuro...?
"Kuro, did you clean him up?" Yukio asked, pain thick in his voice.
The cat sith nodded his assent.
"I...I can't thank you enough. Just... I-I'm so sorry that you had to see that... to do that... I-I..." Yukio couldn't keep talking. The words just stuck in his throat. He took a better look at the room, finally noticing what was written on the floor. He took a picture with his phone before lifting his brother and carrying him back to the room. He placed Rin on the bed, then set to work cleaning up the room that was designed for cleaning.
The entire time, he could only repeat that one sentence in his head.
Friends only exist to break promises and break hearts.
How right you are, Rin. Friends, and brothers too, it seems.
The exwires gathered outside the old boys dormitory where their exwire exam was held. It had been some time since they'd been there, and no one was sure why. They had all received the same short message from Yukio.
I have something to tell you all. Please meet me at the old boys dormitory this evening at 8. - Yukio
"What do you think he could possibly want to tell us that's so important it couldn't wait until tomorrow! Some of us have things to do in the evenings." Izumo complained.
Suguro walked up to the girl, "Like what? Some of us actually study for our classes." he challenged.
"I do too study for classes. I forget a line one time, and you won't let it go? How petty." Izumo turned her back to the male and moved a few steps away, effectively dismissing him. This only served to anger the other teen.
Suguro began to shout at the girl, "What? I'm petty? What about you, you-!"
"That's enough you two." a tired voice cut off the rant before it gained momentum. The entire group was startled by the sound, and turned to stare at their teacher. He was never anything but confident and sometimes a little cold towards them. "Come inside, please." To the students, it sounded as though their teacher was about to pass out from exhaustion.
Yukio led the students to one of the empty rooms on the first floor. He wasn't paying too much attention to which one, just that it was it was close and that there were beds in it. He was drained. He gestured for the exwires to sit down as he collapsed into one of the beds in the room.
Once they were settled, Yukio tried to speak, but found that anything he had planned to say had suddenly disappeared from his head. There were no elegant speeches or nice ways to break the news. He settled for what was shortest and most direct. He took a deep breath before holding out his phone and speaking. "This is Rin's suicide note. I found it an hour ago. He's alive."
Konekomaru, being the closest, took the phone from Yukio's hand as the younger teenager slumped farther into the bed. It was clear that he wouldn't be moving any time soon. The smaller teen turned the screen to show the rest of his classmates. They were all shocked by the words written in Rin's blood.
Did they really do that to him?
Suguro pulled out his own phone and sent a message to Shura, asking her to come over and see Rin and Yukio. If anyone would be able to knock sense into the two of them, it's her.
Shiemi, surprisingly, was the first to be able to speak, if only softly. "You did say that he's... alive... right? Yuki..."
Yukio made a noise somewhere in between a grunt and a sigh, that they assumed meant "yes."
Once again, softly, Shiemi spoke. "I-I'm going to go and see him, if that's okay. B-But... I'd rather go alone... I d-don't think... he'll want... too many people there right now..." She stood up and left the room, making her way towards the sleeping half-demon while the others sat and thought deeply about the situation.
Izumo felt some guilt and some regret. Would anything have changed if she had talked to him about other exorcists with demon blood? If she'd mentioned her own ties to demons, would he have had second thoughts about his own situation? It wasn't as if she ignored him because she learned of his heritage. It was because she didn't really talk to him much in the first place. He didn't act like anything was wrong, so what was she supposed to do? Something more, perhaps. At least she had a chance now, eventually. Probably. What if he tried again?
Shima felt a little guilty. He didn't dislike Rin, but trying to say something seemed unnecessary and like too much effort. He just did what Bon did, because that's what he was supposed to do. In the end, he also didn't really care too much about humans and humanity either. So why did he feel a twinge of guilt? Is it because he was finally witness to the consequences of standing back and watching the world with an uncaring gaze? Should he try to make things right? He didn't really care one way or another about blood, but a life was a life. Did he care enough about someone else to move past the motionless world he made for himself? Or was it even motionless at all? Should he have helped? Will he try to help now? So many questions to be answered.
Konekomaru was destroyed. He could barely think past all of the thoughts reminding him about how he had been so scared of the other teen that he had gone out of his way to avoid him and make horrible comments and statements about him. He was half demon, but he hadn't actually hurt any of them (yet), right? And technically he was still half human. And maybe he had only known about his heritage for a month longer than they had, but fear is a strong emotion. It was overwhelming because he was too damn weak to do anything about it... So why didn't he try harder? Is one person really that scary? They can be, but Rin had only ever showed signs of going out of control once, and that was an impossible situation. Was it really his fault? Why did this have to happen?
Suguro was stunned, shocked, and filled with guilt. Was this because he had led the others in ignoring the younger teen? He was naturally a leader, and people, especially Konekomaru and Shima, tended to just follow him and do as he said and did. Why did they do that when he makes such horrible choices? It wasn't even because he had a problem with the kid and his parentage. The only problem is that he didn't trust them all enough to tell them. What kind of teammate does that? And what kind of teammate would that make him for thinking (and often saying aloud) such negative and aggressive thoughts. Was this all caused by his own pride? Was it his fault that someone he considered a friend had just tried to... It was something that he would have to discuss with the younger teen. Did he not understand that to be friends meant to be honest with others and trusting them to trust you?
"Hey! Is anyone here? Yooooooo Rin! Yukio!" Shura's lazy voice called from the entrance to the building. Since he had sent the message, Suguro went to bring her to Yukio.
He walked slowly to the end of the hall. This was a difficult thing to have to tell someone. How did Yukio do it? He saw her standing there and gestured for her to come follow him. She didn't say anything, so he could only imagine what she was thinking, just based on what he must look like.
When they reached the room, Shura immediately noticed Yukio face-down on the bed, not paying attention to anything around him. What had gotten him in so deep? "Moley four-eyes, what's up?" Keeping her tone casual and her voice softer than normal, she tried to get the young exorcist to speak up about whatever was making him act so strangely. She had seen him earlier, and he was perfectly fine.
The room waited for a moment, and Yukio didn't respond. Whether he didn't notice the others in the room, or whether he just didn't want to (or couldn't) respond was anyone's guess. Konekomaru handed the phone to Shura with a simple haunted statement. "Rin wrote this."
"My god... I'll have to speak with him. This wasn't... Hah. You know, I think I need to have a word with Yukio first. I imagine Rin is in good hands right now?" Shura asked kindly.
"Shiemi is with him." Shima said solemnly. "She said that she was going to talk to him... I guess, after he wakes up."
"...Probably for the best. Can you leave us alone for a bit. Don't worry, this one'll be okay." Shura said, lightly placing a hand on Yukio's shoulder and sitting beside him. The younger exorcist flinched at the sudden unexpected contact. At least he was that much aware.
The exwires left the room quietly so that the other two could speak privately. Konekomaru left Yukio's phone on a stand when he left. Shura picked it up and handed it back to the younger exorcist.
Shura began with a sigh. "You know, Yukio, it wasn't your fault. There are three good reasons for that too, and you can't argue with what I'm going to say.
"The first is that this was a suicide attempt." Yukio flinched at the word. "And that means that he did this to himself. You did not physically do whatever it is that caused him to lose enough blood to write with. You did not physically cause him harm. You are not responsible for what he did to himself."
Shura stood up and went to lean against a wall. "Second, you can't know or control what Rin is thinking. If he was acting alright, then why would you believe that he was anything else? If he didn't tell you or show you otherwise, then he obviously didn't want you thinking that there was something wrong. It is not your fault for not knowing what he didn't want you to know. That is his fault for not telling you or asking someone else for help. Rin's choices and actions are not your fault or responsibility.
"And finally, as far as I'm aware, you haven't actually said or done anything that would make Rin want to try to kill himself. His note said friends. You are his brother. Rin does not blame you either. If you didn't do anything, then it couldn't possibly be your fault."
After the speech, Shura could only hear the sounds of wet, heavy breathing coming from Yukio. It was good. He was grieving.
"But I did say something. Right after the he joined the academy." Yukio had to paused to let out a breath. "I told him that he... he sh-should just... just die!"
Shura had to pause for a moment to think before continuing. "That was a while ago. Rin forgave you for that, and you changed your mind immediately after, right? He knows that you love him and care for him. Back then, killing himself was the farthest thing from his mind. He told you so himself, right? He had to live to prove people wrong and kick Satan's ass. Saying that to him once would not be enough to convince him to try to do this."
Another moment of silence passed before Yukio spoke again. "But you don't know that."
"You're right," Shura had to agree. If she try to speak with logic and concede certain points, then he would invalidate all of her arguments just as quickly. "But this is the most likely reasoning. Have you talked to Rin yet?"
"...No. He hasn't woken up yet." Yukio said sadly.
"Then you can't know either. Would you like to join me upstairs to ask him yourself? Or at least take a look to make sure that he's okay?" Shura offered. It was always easier for people to take on a challenge with company.
"Sure. I... I think I might be ready." Yukio said, looking up from the bed, and moving to stand.
Shiemi slowly made her way to Rin's room. She wasn't sure that she actually wanted to see him, especially after everything that he's been through. She did feel guilty though, for basically abandoning him because she was too shy to talk to him after his powers became knowledge to the class. Was it her fault? She was Rin's friends after all, and he was her first real friend too. She felt terrible for abandoning him, and that was one reason why she felt that she had to see and talk to Rin now. The other is that they were friends. She had to apologize and actually start being one.
As she approached the room, she heard some shuffling sounds and a couple of grunts. Did this mean that Rin was awake?
Shiemi knocked quietly on the door before slowly pushing it open. Rin looked tired and confused, as if he didn't expect to see the bedroom that he was sleeping in. It occurred to Shiemi that he probably didn't. Did he think it was a bad dream? Or is he disappointed? Frustrated? Glad and relieved? That's what they were going to talk about, right?
"H-Hey Rin. How are you doing?" Shiemi asked nervously. Rin's eyes darted towards her, slightly panicked, before he calmed and put his head back down on the pillow. He sighed and turned away from her.
"I just... I wanted... I'm sorry, Rin. For everything I did that... That made you feel like... Like this." Tears began to fall from Shiemi's eyes. Rin's eyes widened in surprise.
His throat was dry, so his voice came out in a croak. "Wh-why are you crying?"
"B-because you just... you tried..." Shiemi stammered.
"But why do you care?" Rin was genuinely curious. He sat up on the bed.
It was Shiemi's turn to stare in shock. After a moment, she composed herself to speak. "Rin... you're my friend. Whether or not I care isn't a question. It's a fact."
Another pause. "I... don't understand..." Rin trailed off.
Shiemi blinked back the hurt that she was feeling. Was that an accusation? "I-I'm really sorry! I know I'm r-really shy, b-but that's not an excuse to b-be mean like that and ignore you for s-so long! I-I was j-just scared..." She realized what she was saying as she trailed off, "Not of you! I would never be scared of you! I... I was s-scared that... you... you wouldn't want to be my... my friend anymore." she looked away, ashamed of herself. "I know that... if I was really a friend to you... I would have known that I could trust in you... to not think so little of you and what you believe... so... I'm sorry... I'm really really sorry, Rin. That I didn't say it sooner, and that it took something so extreme for me to figure it out."
The two took a moment for all of that to sink in. Rin cleared his throat, and his voice sounded a little better. "I mean... I don't understand why... being a friend means... that."
Shiemi looked back and blinked. "Don't you care about all of us?"
"Well, yeah. Of course." Rin was almost taken aback by the question.
Shiemi continued to probe. "And you consider us to be friends, right?"
"Yeah..."
"So why can't we feel the same way?" Shiemi asked.
Rin was floored, because, logically, it should work both ways, right? Friends should care about each other unconditionally, right?
"But... I'm not even a person. I'm a demon. Do I even count?" Rin proposed.
Once again, Shiemi had to take a moment to stare and process what Rin had just said. "Rin... Do you believe that? You aren't a demon. You're a person. Of course you count, and of course you matter! Not just to me, to everyone. Yukio... He won't even move from the bed downstairs. He sent us all a message to come here, and then he just... stopped."
Rin froze. Shiemi could see the horror in his eyes as he realized that Yukio must have found him and seen the mess he'd made. And the note he'd written.
"I... I did that... to my brother?" Rin's voice was low and quiet. Shiemi had almost missed what he'd said.
"A-and we all... we saw the message too. Yuki... he took a picture and showed us." Shiemi admitted sadly. Maybe, now that Rin had survived, he didn't want them to know what he'd said, but being honest would probably be better in the long run.
"I... I didn't even think..." Rin trailed off, looking down.
"But it's okay! Since... you're here, so you can still talk to him! You don't have to be sad, because you can still make everything work out." Shiemi started to smile. She hadn't thought about it yet, but she was really glad that Rin was still alive. If nothing else, he was still alive and physically completely fine. They were really lucky that nothing had gone wrong, and that he had been found soon enough.
"Will Yukio even want to see me?" Rin asked, looking scared.
Shiemi picked up the blanket from the other bed and wrapped it around her friend, taking a seat next to him. "That's not a real question either. He will definitely want to see you."
The two sat beside each other in silence for a few minutes before Rin broke the silence.
His voice was soft, but just loud and articulated enough for Shiemi to hear. "Right before I passed out, I wondered if wrapping up in a blanket would have stopped me from trying." She didn't think that the thought was meant for her ears, so she stayed silent and leaned towards him a little, the touch offering him a shoulder to rest on. Rin accepted and leaned heavily. Shiemi figured he must be exhausted from the blood loss and the conversation.
Rin's eyes were closed, and he appeared to be dozing, if not asleep. Shiemi felt proud that he still trusted her enough to allow himself to rest on her. She spent a few minutes enjoying the moment until she heard quiet footsteps outside the door to the room.
There was a very quiet knock before the door opened up a sliver, just enough for an eye to peek through. When it was determined to be "safe," the two people standing outside walked in.
"How's he doing?" Shura asked quietly, concern written all over her features. Rin didn't stir, so Shiemi assumed he was sleeping.
"He's doing okay. We had a good talk." Shiemi whispered back, "And how are you doing, Yukio?"
"I just want to talk to my brother." Yukio replied.
Shiemi and Shura were both a little concerned by Yukio's lack of answer, but were interrupted before either could think of something to say.
"What do you want to say, Yukio?" Rin breathed heavily. Shiemi could feel him trembling a little on her shoulder. Was he really so scared of what his brother could say?
"Kuro was the one who found you." Yukio had to pause and take a few breaths before he continued. "Do you hate me? Is there something I missed, or something I could have done better? Is it my fault?"
Rin's eyes went wide. "No. None of that." It was a short answer, but it said more than anything else.
"Then... why didn't you talk to me? Or ask for help?" Yukio asked.
"Do you know what it's like to be alone? The only one like yourself? To know that no one will understand exactly what you're going through because they can't possibly be in your position?" Rin answered with another question. It made Yukio think back to his days as a child in the exorcist cram school. He was the youngest exorcist ever, by a large margin. There was no one else even close to that achievement. As great as it was, as an achievement, it was a tough childhood, and a tough time in general. He could kind of understand where Rin was coming from.
"Who do you go to when the problem is yourself?" Yukio understood. Some problems, even if they are only perceived problems, just can't be solved. For Rin, Yukio assumed that this would mean his flames and demonic heritage.
Rin nodded and continued. "I'm the demon I've always known I was. Nothing will change that." He lifted his head off of Shiemi's shoulder and laid himself back down in the bed. The conversation seemed to be over.
Yukio was left to think about Rin. Did he really hate himself that much? Hate the circumstances? He seemed okay, but what if the altercation with Amaimon and the subsequent fallout with his friends pushed the dark thoughts and feelings to the edge. Maybe he truly thought that he wanted and deserved to die.
"Whatever you think Rin, I'll always be your brother." Yukio said. He then left the room to let his sleepy twin rest.
Outside of the room, Yukio took out his phone and looked again at the picture of Rin's note. He pulled up the photo editor to add some new text below.
Friends only exist to break promises and break hearts. And stitch them back together after.