I'm gonna be (500 miles)

Something inside me told me to go back. To go back to that place that holds so many memories. Beautiful memories and memories I'd rather forget. On a mellow Sunday morning in May, while I was drinking tea and reading the newspaper, a certain song kept me from actually reading that newspaper. That song, it reminded me of someone. That someone who made my heart tremble, made it seem as if the earth was moving under my feet. I was certain of it, that song was telling me something. I had to go back to my hometown and see her. Even if just for one second.

The military had made me stronger, both physically and mentally. But only one person in the entire world could make me feel weak. And the thing is, that one person wasn't even around physically...just in my mind. My doubts found its way to my mind during the long flight to Rosewood. Would things be the same after all these years? Of course it wouldn't be. Maybe she has found someone. What if she is married. Was it a stupid idea to come back? What if she doesn't remember me anymore? Will I still think the same of her? Has my mind made up an illusion? What if she doesn't want me here. Oh Emily you're gonna be so devastated once she rejects you. I should just go back to Malibu, shouldn't I?

But I couldn't go back. I had already landed in the state of Pennsylvania. Rosewood was just a matter of minutes away. After paying the taxidriver, I looked around. Rosewood hadn't changed at all. First I went to see my old house. It looked the same after five years. I was surprised the new household hadn't made any changes. I kept on walking, past Rosewood High, past the church. All of my friends went to live somewhere else, probably gotten a life in which they are truly happy, something I aspired to. But coming back, I felt as if I was never supposed to leave. This town is where I belonged.

Before I even realised, I stood in front of the Dilaurentis house. I checked the time one more time. 3.27 pm. before I would ring the doorbell, but I never had to ring the doorbell. To my surprise, the front door was open. I knocked on the door. ''Hello?'' Nobody answered. Weird. I stepped over the treshold, and getting inside. Suddenly I heard faint crying. Oh God, this isn't her, is it? I walked towards the living room. There she was, but was she crying? I had expected this moment to be a little more different. I had expected Alison to be happy and beaming but instead she was sitting on the ground, knees to her chest and face buried on her knees. ''Alison?'' Alison turned around, showing her tear stained cheeks and weary red was a silence for a while. ''Emily...what are you doing here?'' Alison said quietly, forcing herself to stop crying. ''Alison, what's wrong''. Alison kept quiet, then she turned away from me. And then suddenly all at once, let herself go. ''Everything is wrong, I'm planning a goddamn funeral. Cece fucking died Sunday, yesterday. And you know what, she didn't fucking deserve this, she was getting better but there is always someone that has to ruin it for her. I cannot bel...'' Alison cried even harder, her crying made it harder for her to breathe. I had never seen this Alison before, and it hurts me seeing Alison so devastated. But then again, I know what Alison's feeling at this moment. I had experienced it herself. The moment I got a phone call from my mother telling me that my dad had died, I was just as devastated. I could not wrap my mind around it, the thought of never holding my dad, never hearing his voice ever again. It made me sick, mentally. Eventually I dealt with it. He was still alive after all, somewhere else.

Alison interrupted my thoughts, ''It is just so not fair. My own sister….dead. Do you know what that feels like? Having something precious to you be gone? It happened to me twice. Twice.'' Alison stopped for a moment. Sadness had replaced the anger. ''I know exactly what that feels like'' My voice softened, ''My dad...he died too..'' I sighed heavily, trying to hold back the tears. ''Let it go Em, just cry'' Alison said. I hurried to Alison and held her tight. Both crying, and both feeling extremely sorry for each other. I was overwhelmed. I needed to let her tears go to gather strength again..

''You know what makes me feel slightly better? Music'' I said softly as she let go of Alison. I got off the floor, taking Alison with me. 'How about we dance for a while?'' Alison nodded, showing a weak smile. ''See, that's what I like to see, forget about everything for now, let yourself go in the music.'' Alison moved closer to me, she put her hands behind my neck and I placed my hands on Alison's waist. I turned on her favorite spotify playlist, knowing exactly what song to play. ''Hey Em, what are you actually doing here, we haven't seen each oth...'' I interrupted her. I put my finger on Ali's lips ''ssshhh, just listen to this song and you'll know why I'm here.'' And so, we swayed around the room. And I guess Alison figured out why I had come all the way here.

When I wake up, well, I know I'm gonna be

I'm gonna be the man who wakes up next to you

When I go out, yeah, I know I'm gonna be

I'm gonna be the man who goes along with you

If I get drunk, well, I know I'm gonna be

I'm gonna be the man who gets drunk next to you

And if I haver, hey, I know I'm gonna be

I'm gonna be the man who's havering to you

But I would walk five hundred miles

And I would walk five hundred more

Just to be the man who walked a thousand miles

To fall down at your door