The legend of Zel, fairytale arc
RapunZEL
Prologue
Chapter 1- Rapunzel
The trouble with dark lords, you see, is that they tend to be smart. They have to be, or they wouldn't be dark lords, they'd just be henchmen (who are wonderful but not quite the same). And when one has been a dark lord for just as long as Sauron, well, you know they're pretty smart. It was so that when forging his rings, it occurred to Sauron that he needed a plan- a backup plan. Immortality was all good all well but what if something happened? It was such that Sauron decided he would get himself an heir.
He appealed to Morgoth for aid, and aid he got. Morgoth sent down 7 lumps of highly radioactive metal for him to carve into heirs, and so he carved himself 7 sons. Strong, fair, and quite loyal to Sauron- loyalty, after all, is so hard to find in the world of evildoing. All was well until the seventh son was carved, when Sauron suddenly sneezed and cut off the top of the metal, thus making his youngest a foot shorter than his other son, and possibly missing some of the properties imbued in the stone my Morgoth… Oh well, thought Sauron, no matter. What could possibly go wrong, right?
Thus was born Rapunzel, youngest of Saurons sons. And thus begins Rapunzels story.
13 year old Rapunzel groaned. Honestly! What did he ever do to get locked up in this stupid tower, huh?
Okay, so maybe he did kill a couple thousand orcs, and his dad decided to restrain him to this tower. But seriously! His dad didn't need to put him here...
Did I mention his dad just so happened to be Sauron?
So, Rapunzel, who was quite clearly a boy and the son of Sauron, was locked up in a tower scowled and glared outside the window. Then he decided to go back to his current activity, which was not embroidery.
Not one chance in hell. He was only decorating his socks because he had nothing else to do! It wasn't like he was some princess locked up in a tower waiting to be rescued!
...Ahem. Anyways, Rapunzel was in his tower one day when his rather androgynous looking fairy godmother came by. He didn't really like his fairy godmother, since he (or was it a she?) was so annoying. But still- locked up in this tower he couldn't really do much better.
So, with a great BANG!, his fairy god mother appeared.
"Hello! I am the great Gandalf, come to help the princess in need! Now, what can I do for you today, good princess?"
Rapunzel dropped his project (it wasn't embroidery!) and rolled his eyes. "I didn't call you. And I'm not a princess."
"No need to be humble, good princess!"
Rapunzel was used to this, since it happened every day, so he kept his temper in check.
"DARN IT OLD MAN! OR WOMAN! I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU ARE! JUST GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWER ALREADY!"
Well, temper in check for Rapunzel, anyways. And like every other day, Gandalf just danced away from the attacks. Yet today, something was a little different.
"Well, I do haaveee soooommmmeeetthiiing ffooor youuuuu..." sung Gandalf happily.
Rapunzel stared in awe. "Really? You do?"
Gandalf grinned evilly and handed Rapunzel a little bottel with a ash-blonde liquid inside.
"Drink this before you sleep tonight, and when you wake up, everything is going to be better!"
Rapunzel did as told, and the next morning Gandalf knew that it had worked, when, 15 miles away in his (or was it her?) hidden cottage, he heard a voice screech
"WHAT THE! OH MY GOD!... GANDALF! DARN IT! I HAAATTEEEE YOOOOUUU!"
1.
Rapunzel woke up and grumbled. He was always grumbling these days. So, he woke up and grumbled, then he stretched a little a flopped out of bed. Then he brushed his hair.
And he had a lot of hair. Ever since Gandalf (who he know knew was really a she, and not called Gandalf at all) had fed him that stupid potion, he know had 1500 feet of hair. Ugh.
It wasn't like Rapunzel had tried to hack/saw/bite/cut/tear/rip his hair off! But the darn hair appeared to be made of steel. He told not-really-Gandalf this once, and not-really-Gandalf happily told him
"It's elvish hair, silly! It can't be cut! Why do you think Legolas has such long hair?"
Rapunzel replied that he didn't know who Legolas was, and not-really-Gandalf pouted.
Anyways, since Rapunzel couldn't cut his hair, he just coiled it and kept it in a corner of his room. And waited. Because not-really-Gandalf had told him to wait, and that his hair would help save him. Rapunzel didn't know what that meant, so he just waited.
And waited.
And waited.
And waited
And waited.
And waited
And waited
And waited
And waited
And waited
And waited
And waited
And waited
And then... One day...
He waited.
And waited.
And waited
And waited
And waited
And waited
And waited
And waited
And waited
And then... one day...
Something was different.
Rapunzel could feel it in his bones when he woke up. Something different. Something strange...
So he stepped over his big coil of hair in the corner and looked out the window.
And screamed.
For down there, finally, after all these years (2 years, actually) was what not-really-Gandalf promised as his "prince charming". But this was not prince charming. The terrible voice rose up to it's windows.
"My precious... My precious..."
Rapunzel freaked, obviously, because of the strange creature down there. He quickly looked around for any weapons, but dad had stolen all of his...
His eyes were suddenly drawn to the mass of hair curled up. Yes! He could use that! Quickly, he dragged the end of it out and focused on the strange creature climbing the tower. With a loud ki-ai, he flung the hair at the strange creature. Since it was elven hair, it quickly threw the strange creature off. Rapunzel sighed in relief- he had won!
He turned his head, and suddenly realized that his hair was slipping out the window. Quickly. And headed for the ground. He pulled and pulled, but found he couldn't stop it.
i'm going to die! NOOOOO!
15 miles, away, not-really-Gandalf looked up as he heard a
"AAAA
AAAAA
AAAAA
AAAA
AAAA
AAA
AAAA
AAAAA
HHHHHH
HHHHHH
HHHHHHH
!
!
!
!"
Must be Rapunzel, not-really-Gandalf decided.
He always was a bit loud.
Rapunzel gasped and flailed his arms as he hurtled down through the air and plummeted towards the ground, and towards that long dirty-blonde giant pile of elven hair. He always knew that not-really Gandalf would be the death of him! He just didn't know it would be this literal.
Anyways, so, Rapunzel fell... and fell... and fell...
And landed.
On top of Golem.
Who was promptly crushed, because with the weight of the hair on top of him, Rapunzel was the straw that broke the camels back. Or Golem, in this case. So with one last cry of
"NO! MY PRREEECCIOOOUUUSSS!"
Golem was suffacated under the ginormous weight of the hair. Rapunzel landed on a soft cushion of hair and Golem, and lived to see another day.
And they (well, he. And maybe not-really-Gandalf) all lived (sort of) happily ever after.
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Yeah right.