Don't think about it don't think about it if you don't think about it then it isn't real –

You think about it.

You think about it because your eyes refuse to close, despite how heavy they suddenly feel. You think about it because that's all you can see, despite the world starting to fade away. You think about because you can't stop thinking about it.

All your friends are dead.

There's a pressure on your back, encircling across your chest. Your chest hurts, why does it hurt?

It feels like there are arms around you, but that's impossible, or, it feels impossible. Everyone's...everyone's dead. Dead and you couldn't save them, couldn't do anything for them.

Dave. Dave is gone, you couldn't save your brother, not while he fought, not while he was falling, a red dot in the distance, one you couldn't quite see, but just knew it was him, bloody, dead or dying while all you could do was watch, not able to get near him.

Jade, you can't see Jade. You don't know what has become of her, and that's almost worse than finding her dead. You can't see Dirk, but you can see Jake and Jane, small, lying together...you almost wish you hadn't see what has become of them.

You have no idea where John is.

You've failed as an auspistice, couldn't mediate between Gamzee and Terezi, and they died because of it. You couldn't keep the balance, couldn't remember any of your lessons because you were drunk during them. The violence went too far, you couldn't control Gamzee, couldn't protect Terezi, and though you can't see him, you fear Karkat was dragged down in the middle of it.

And...and Kanaya...Kanaya is gone, destroyed in a wave of light, a cruel joke, a mockery of her natural, luminescent radiance, one that you will never see again. The last of her light was burned out and you couldn't save her. You, a Seer of Light, could not save her, couldn't reach out your hand and take hers, couldn't hold her hand one last time, lucid and sober. It feels like you've lived these last few months in the bottom of a bottle, only to crawl out and find nothing left for you.

Maybe you should just crawl back in...

You can't see your m – you can't see Roxy. You can't see her, yet your eyes refuse to close, staring wide open, locked onto the horrors that have become your reality. Tears blur your vision, streaking your face, but you can still see.

All of these realizations come to you in a near instant, though it feels like it has been dragged on through an eternity. The darkness folds in around you, like the arms enveloping you, and you go under, with a pain in your chest larger than your wound, and further to your left.