A/N: I wrote this right after "Truth and Consequences". The emotion in that episode was amazing and I wondered what went through Tony's mind. We saw how time blurred for him and I wanted to get into his head. Enjoy :)
"There were no survivors."
Who knew that four little words could change a person's life? Well, it definitely wasn't you. You'd spent the last 2 and a half months worrying about her, devising a plan with the McGoogle and now…nothing. There's absolutely nothing. You're surprised. I mean, you expected anguish, pain, grief…something. There's nothing there. You're absolutely numb. Sure, the shock on McGee's and Abby's faces registers for about a second, but you're a captive in your own mind. There's a void in your body that you never knew was filled before. You picture Ziva. Ziva as you knew her. Ziva laughing. Ziva smiling. Ziva frowning. Ziva threatening. Ziva, Ziva, Ziva. As suddenly as those images come, they're gone, replaced with images out of a horror film. You see Ziva floating, dead, in the sea. Ziva lying on Ducky's metal slab. Ziva with pieces missing. Images flash before your eyes, but you're numb. You can't do anything about them. You can't stop them; you can't bring back the good ones. There is one thought that breaks through your haze:
You love her.
You're on autopilot now. Your life is passing and you aren't living it. You can't live it without her. You aren't sure how the rest of them go on. Briefly, you think maybe, they're hurting too. Yet, dead body after dead body show up in your jurisdiction. You know, deep down, that when her face appears on each mutilated body, it's your imagination working against you. No one is doing anything. And yet, deep down you think you'd know if she was dead. You think you would have felt it. After all, you realize now, you are soul mates. Ziva was definitely you better half. She laughed at your jokes. She gave you smiles that made you day. And now she may be gone. Even if she is, you need closure. You need vengeance. And one thing is for sure, you won't stop until you get it.