Gibbers: Week 3 in my summer long tag campaign! This is an episode that is truly close to my heart, I think I've watched it a billion times. Mom and I always hit "repeat" on the scenes with Sam's headaches. Is that sick? um yeah it is. Is it what every fangirl would do? yes yes it is :P hahaha.
Spoilers: Nightmare, bugs
"When my dad used to look at me there was hate in his eyes…do you know what that feels like?"
Sam hesitated. He never got along with John Winchester, at least not since he left middle school. They yelled, they bickered, they fought. Never saw eye to eye. Never understood. The words they tossed at each other left scars that still had yet to heal, but when Sam thought back to the look in John's eyes—even during the worst of it—he couldn't remember any hate.
Strong arms wrapped around him lifting him off the pavement.
"Daddy I fell," the teary eyed child sobbed.
"I know baby," John soothed, scooping up his child.
Sam remembered a lot of emotions between them, but hate was not one of them.
John walked through the door, his clothes smelling of smoke and blood.
"Are you ok Dad?" the teenager asked, his eyes wide with worry.
"I'm fine, kiddo," John Winchester replied, resting a hand on the messy brown hair.
He remembered forgetfulness, misunderstanding, stoniness and even cold; but not hate.
Sam stood in the doorway, silently watching his father. John had been home three hours and had yet to say a word to either of his sons. Dean said to leave him alone, the preteen knew he should but he was worried.
"Dad?" he walked cautiously into the room, nearing his father like Dean had taught him to approach the creatures they hunted. The man was motionless in his chair, eyes staring blankly at the white washed wall. "Dad?"
In an instant John went from still to motion, rough hands grabbing Sam and shaking him.
"Why? Why?" the older hunter begged, shaking his youngest harder.
"Dad…Dad! What's wrong?" Sam pleaded.
Sam watched as a cloud lifted from John's face, as if looking into the terror filled eyes of his child—his baby—brought him back. The older hunter wrapped his arms around Sam, pulling him close.
"I'm so sorry…I'm so sorry Sammy."
Even when his father scared him, Sam never truly worried about his own safety. On some level he knew that John would always take care of them, no matter what they disagreed on.
The hesitation was only for a second, and Sam answered with utter honesty.
"No."
Sam could empathize with Matt all those months ago at the cursed housing development, but he could only sympathize with Max.
Later, when he and Dean returned to the familiar comfort of the Impala he stated the facts that had been in his head for hours.
"We're lucky we had Dad."