a request from ~AngelusZeroX, who was so kind enough to comment one of my fanfics, so I did this as a favor.
And I'm sorry if I didn't get the Organization XIII members's characters in character but I've never played Kingdom Heart and the only information about them I had at the moment was a little booklet from a DS game and what a friend described to me alittle about them (I also went on the Internet for more info but it mostly gave me info on what they could do and how they were defeated and not the info I really want, what there personalities were like).
This is entirely a crack fanfic, meaning the purpose of this fanfic is to make you laugh your ass off (if you didn't then I'm sorry)
The main pairing I even might be hinting is Hidan/Larxene, and its just cuz it's so damn canon ( it's a crack pairing to me but I've come to like it, just cuz I like seeing the two argue and slap each other like crazy XD). Oh and I also had Tobi and Madara two differ people instead of one. Sorry if I misspelled some words, I was kinda in a hurry to finish this.
Summury: Pein and Xemnas have an important meet for the members of the Akatsuki and Organization XIII, if only they could get the members to work together.
-
Pein and Xemnas looked at the empty meeting room, with an annoyed expression. Their members were all suppost to meet there but no one showed up.
"That's it I'm going off to find my sorry of an excuss of criminals." Pein growled, as he got up slamming his fists onto the table.
"I'll come too, my members better have a good excuss for missing this meeting." Xemnas agreed, as he and Pein both walked out to the main room of the Akatsuki base.
There they saw Axel and Deidara playing video games, Itachi and Zexion were discussing many topics and having a grand time,Tobi and Demyx where eatting candy canes and were holding big bags filled with candy. Both leaders noticed the bags and grabbed them from the two easygoing guys.
"Who the hell gave these two this much candy?" Pein demanded, holding the two big bags up.
Axel and Deidara raised their hands.
"Vexen and a guy called Sasori gave the two goofballs those bags of candy." Axel replied, continuing to play video games with the blonde artist.
"What?" both leaders exclaimed, "Why the Hell would they do something so stupid as give Tobi and Demyx candy you all knows what happens when those to goofballs are when they get hyped up on sugar."
"Yeah yeah yeah, they basically almost go on a rampage, I heard this all before ya know." Axel grumbled, as he started pressing buttons fraticly, "If you're so mad then go to them and yell at them not us."
Pein looked at Xemnas, curiously.
"Is he always like that?"
"Yes, that's one of Axel quirks, he's never lacking a smartass comment when it is or isn't needed." Xemnas replied, "Why are you such a smartass anyway?"
"I'd rather be a smartass then a dumbass." Axel stated, get a woot and chuckle out of Deidara.
"Deidara, don't encourage him, not unless you want to be sent on another mission with Itachi again." Pein growled, sending the bomber a hard stare.
"Kindly leave me out of this, Leader-Sama." Itachi said, looking over at the orange haired man.
"Itachi, if you keep skipping every meeting I have then I will make you and Deidara permanant partners." Pein growled slightly, "I however am glad you and a member of Xemnas's organization are geting along."
"Well, he's actually sane unlike the members of the Akatsuki."
Pein chosen to ignore that last comment and he and Xemnas looked at Tobi and Demyx.
"If Sasori and Vexen gives you two candy for the love of Kami DON'T EAT IT." both leaders growled, "Because they most likely drugged it."
Both Tobi and Demyx whined but agreed.
Deidara looked at Tobi. "Go see what Zetsu and Saix are up too."
"Ok." both guys said, as they ran off.
Pein quickly turned to Tobi "And make sure Zetsu isn't eating any of Xemnas's members or any of his fellow Akatsuki members." Pein said, "And if he is you go tell me or Konan, got it?"
"Okie dokie." Tobi screamed, as he and Demyx ran off to find Zetsu and Saix.
Both Pein and Xemnas then headed toward the kitchen and found Kakuzu and Luxord playing cards.
Zemnas gave Luxord a hard stare.
"You better not be trying to attack one of Pein's member or else."
"Relax, sir, I wouldn't attack one of Pein's members especially this guy." Luxord replied, pointing at Kakuzu, "This guy is highly skilled."
Pein looked at Kakuzu and nodded, "I am pleased to know that you haven't tried to kill any of Zemnas's members, yet."
Kakuzu nodded, "For once Pein-sama I finally came across someone who can prove useful in this organization."
Then Kakuzu looked up at Pein with an somewhat pleading expression on his face.
"Pein-sama, can I please trade Hidan for this guy?" Kakuzu asked, "I've got a funny feeling that if I partner with this guy he would make me...I mean this organization millions."
Pein gave a long sigh, "No, Kakuzu I do not want to risk you losing it and killing him."
Kakuzu looked annoyed but decided against arguing with Pein, so he took a long sip of his coffee. Luxord just shrugged and sipped his coffee.
Pein paused for a moment before saying, "Speaking of your partner, where is Hidan?"
Kakuzu sighed as Luxord shruged his shoulders.
"If you're talking about that silver haired guy then he's with Larxene." Luxord said, "I have no idea where those two are, though."
Zemnas nodded. He then noticed what card game the two men were playing. "Are you two playing Bullshit?" (I'll explain what 'bullshit' is later)
The two men nodded
"Luxord, you better not be cheating." Xemnas growled, "I know how you are at these card games."
Pein looked at Xemnas and then at Kakuzu, "Same goes for you, Kakuzu."
"How in the hell are you suppost to cheat in 'bullshit'?" both men asked their leaders in unison, earnning them a hard stare from the two men.
"Knowing you, you'll find a way." both leaders said, knowing full well that both would do whatever it takes to get money from the other.
Leaving the kitchen they heard a squeal coming from one of the rooms. Suddenly Roxas and Xion ran into the living room with a delighted Konan following close behind.
Roxas and Xion ran over too Xemnas, as they tried to hide from the blue haired woman.
"Sorry, Xemnas but save us from that scary lady." Roxas said, as Xion nodded, "She keeps trying to squish us."
Xemnas looked at Pein, with a odd look.
"Sorry about that, it's just Konan loves kids." Pein explained as he turned his head to Konan, "Konan, dear try not to be overly affectionate to Xemnas's youngest members."
"Sorry Pein, but they're just so damn cute." Konan squealed before pointing an bitter finger at Pein, "If you would just let us have some kids I wouldn't be so obsessed with the subject and little incidents like this wouldn't happen."
Pein looked uncomfortable "We'll decuss this later, my dear." Pein said, before seeing Xemnas's weird expression. "Ok, moving on."
He turned back to Xemnas and appologized to him again.
"It's ok Pein, I should have warned you that two of my members were young kids."
The two men walked into on of the other living rooms to hear a few yells and screams.
"What the hell do you mean by that whole 'what kind of pansy ass are you?' comment, you blonde bitch?"
"Just what I said, you silver haired asshole, you call that a slap? You fight like a little baby."
Both leaders rushed over to the room to find Hidan and Larxene yelling at each other.
"Is that what your precious 'Jashin-Sama' teaches his pitiful worshippers, ha what a joke." Larxene scoffed, as the man turned beet red with rage.
Hidan was steaming, "How dare you insult the might Jashin, you bitch. You're lucky that Pein-Sama strictly ordered no one of us to kill any of you Organization 13 members or else I would have shoved a kunai up your preppy ass."
Larxene pulled back and slapped Hidan hard against the face. Her slap was strong enough to cause Hidan to fall flat on his ass on the floor. He jumped right back up and slapped her back. She glared at him as she brought her hand up to her bruised cheek.
"You bastard." she hissed, "You ruined my perfectly good face."
"No I made it look better, you ungrateful bitch."
Larxene gasped before slapping Hidan again. He pulled back and slapped her again. They both glared at each other before pulling the other toward them and started kissing each other ferociously. The leaders stood in shock at what just happened. The scene was extremely confusing, the two were just arguing and now they are making out
Both Pein and Xemnas stomped their foot getting the two's attention.
"What the hell do you bastards want?" both Hidan and Larnexe said in unison, glaring at their leaders for ruining a angry hot moment.
"Hidan, you dare to disgrace the Akatsuki by commenting such a disrespectful thing to one of Xemnas's members!" Pein growled, as he pulled the Jashinist off the the blonde woman.
Xemnas glared at Larxene, "What do you think you was doing with one of Pein's members, Larxene, and it had best be good." he growled.
Both members in question dusted themselves off before answering their suprieors.
"No of your damn business." they both said, before running off.
"Dear Heavens, I swear you must have the paintence of a god in order to put up with some of those rebelous members of you're, Pein." Xemnas said, rubbing his brow in disbelief.
"Same goes for you, Xemnas." Pein said, sighing, "They are certainly taxing on one's nerves."
"Saix."
"Zetsu."
Both men appeared before their leaders, "Yes, sir."
"Zetsu, I want you to keep an eye on Hidan and make sure he doesn't do anything to any of Xemnas's members."
"If he misbehaves can I eat him?"
"Hell, no, just hit the bastard and drag him over to Kakuzu." Pein said sharply, "Kakuzu IS suppost to be watching, the asshole anyway."
"Alright, I won't eat him, geez." Zetsu said, grumbling inwardly.
"Saix, make sure Larxene doesn't try to casterate anyone, understood."
"Yes, of course, Sir." Saix said bowing, before him and Zetsu disappeared.
Xemnas turned to Pein, "That plant man eats people?"
Pein nodded.
"Interesting."
They heard a door open and saw Kisame and Lexaeus come in soaking wet and muddy. Both leaders raised an eyebrow at the scene the saw. Kisame and Lexaeus, despite being covered with mud were in high spirits.
"I know I shouldn't ask, I should just be grateful that you and one of Xemnas's members are getting along." Pein started uncertainly, "But why in the hell are you two so dirty and yet so damn happy?"
Kisame grinned, his shark like teeth showing.
"Me and Lexaeus were sparing outside." Kisame said, " I was curious on how strong one of the members of Organization 13 were and had to test out the rumors myself. It proves that the rumors were indeed true the organization is indeed full of incredibly strong opponents, especially this guy. I think we will get along quite well, wouldn't you say, Pein-Sama?"
"Did you enjoy your fight, Lexaeus?" Xemnas asked, as the big man in question nodded.
"You two go get cleaned up, me and Xemnas don't want anyone dirty for the big meeting."
Kisame and Lexaeus nodded before heading off to the organizations's seperate bathrooms. Pein and Xemnas then headed off to find Xigbar and Xaldin who were no doubt in the kitchen with Luxord and Kakuzu.
Luxord looked up at the leaders and held up a deck of cards
"Wanna play 'Poker'?" he asked, as Xaldin got out a big bottle of sake.
"No Luxord, do you know where Vexen is?"
"He and a red haired guy called Sasori went down to Vexen's lab." Xaldin said, "If you guys hear an explosion or smell something that makes you high you'd know what those two are up to, but if you smell something weedy let us know."
"Just don't get too shit-faced today, gentlemen." Xemnas said, "We will be having a very important meeting today and I wish Vexen didn't get ideas for mixing plants from Xigbar and Demyx now him and Sasori are goofing off making weird ass drugs instead of working on important projects."
"Come now, Vexen needs a little fun once in a while." Xigbar said, "What's the harm in playing around with stuff like that?"
"Last time Vexen made a weird mix, you guys stripped Luxord and put him in a big ass tutu, Demyx drew on Xaldin and Marluxia, put Saix in a dog suit, ran off with Larxene's bras and underwears and put them on each other and Vexen, and gave Vexen a total girly makeover."
Luxord glared at Xigbar and Xaldin as the two started laughing and high fiving each other. "Man, did Vexen make a good looking chick or what?" Xigbar said, "The make up made him look younger and he did look good in that bra, too"
Xemnas growned, slapping his forehead in disbelief. "Just make sure you guys make it to the meeting this time, without any incidents."
"Ok." all four men said, before starting a drunken game of poker.
Both leader sighed before heading out to the the scienctist's lab. When they got there, sure enough an explosion was here followed by a few chuckles. They entered the room and Xemnas shook his head in disbelief. Both Sasori and Vexen was covered in gray soot and were chuckling like old friends.
"Honestly Vexen, must 90% of your experiments end up blowing something up?" Xemnas said, as both looked up at them.
"Ah, Sir Xemnas, what a pleasent surprise." Vexen greeted, "What brings you to my lab?"
"What in hell makes you think I won't visit this lab if I hear an explosion, Vexen?" Xemnas growled, "Why in the hell did you give Demyx and this Tobi fellow candy?"
"Did they eat it?" Sasori asked, "We wanted to try out this new drug we've been working on."
Pein held up the bag, "Does it look like they ate it?"
"Rats" Sasori hissed,"Well there's always Madara and Marluxia."
"NO." both Pein and Xemnas bellowed, "No, drugging other members, regardless of how much of assholes they are."
"Damn it." both Sasori and Vexen said in unison, huffing in defeat.
"Especially after the last time you drugged one of the members, Vexen." Xemnas said, "You have better have got rid of that ultra cocktail of dope you made."
"Man that was so awesome ass weed."Sasori said, remembering the the mix of dope, crack and weed that Vexen made when he was ultra high on caffine and energy drinks.
"Wasn't it?" Vexen said, "Not even those bums could piss us off."
"Can you two use your genius intellect for something..I don't know more profitable?" Pein said sadly, "Instead of goofing off and getting high off your asses."
Vexen looked thoughtful for a moment, "I suppose we could contribute our brilliat minds for the goal of both organizations."
"But getting high off our asses and drugging fellow members is way more fun." Sasori said, sighing as he got out some liquid substances in viles.
Xemnas sighed, "Well just as long as you two are not late for the next meeting, ok Vexen?"
"Yes, Sir."
"Same goes for you, Sasori."
"Yes, Pein-Sama."
As Pein and Xemnas was about to leave the lab when they heard another small explosion. They turned around and once again Vexen and Sasori was covered with a odd looking gray soot and was looking at the other while laughing. Both leaders shooked their heads in disbelief before closing the door.
"He needs a holiday...BAD." Xemnas said, "I swear if he doesn't he's gonna go batshit crazy and blow the whole building up to oblivion."
"Does he always do that?"
"Only when he's high on caffine."
Both heard the most creepy laugh echoing through the halls. It sent a shiver down their spines.
"What the hell was that."
"I don't know but it certainly wasn't Vexen that's for sure."
"How so?"
"If he was cackling, Roxas and Xion would have been screaming in terrior, besides I think I reconize one of the voices."
"Really?"
"Yes, it's probally Marluxia and this Madara fellow."
"I agree, if that's the case we should leave them be." Pein said, "Madara holds the record in the Akatsuki for the most evil laugh for the longest amount of time."
"Marluxia, too, how long can he laugh?"
"A week, without stopping."
"Damn, same as Marluxia."
"I bet to anything that they're having a evil laughing contest up there."
"You're right, let's leave them be they would most likely try to kill us if we interupt them now."
Much Later Pein and Xemnas held another meeting. All of the members were there but there one little problem, no one of the members were listening and were too loud for the leaders to get in a word in edge wise.
"ENOUGH." Both leaders bellowed out, at their members getting their attention finally, "This is getting us nowhere, all we do is goof off instead of working, we must achieve our goals."
Alex raised his hand, "Then why did you combine teams?" he asked, as if trying to egg Xemnas on.
Both Pein and Xemnas slapped their foreheads once again in disbelief. "We're surrounded by a bunch of idiots." they both said before ajourning the meeting.
Maybe combining organizations wasn't such a good idea after all.
THE END