A/N: A small and easy oneshot!
Disclaimer: No, I do not own.
Story Title: Internet
Characters: Hermione Granger and Draco Malfoy
Summary: Draco wants to know how to surf the Internet. Hermione gets distracted while teaching him. Hilarity ensues.
"Hey, Granger."
"What, Malfoy? Do me a favor and shove off."
"That wasn't too kind. I shan't do you a favor anyhow."
"Well then, hurry up and ask me what you wanted to know then sod off."
"How do you use this computer thingy?"
"Ooh! A computer!"
"Yes, yes, glad to see you're so interested, Granger.
"Well, you press the keyboard—these buttons with letters, see—to type out a word. The mouse…"
"MOUSE? I see no mouse."
"This thing. You left click to see what you want and right click for a mini menu."
"What?"
"Here, I'll show you."
"Cool. Look at that! What's her name…Emma Watson looks like you!"
"Really?"
"Really."
"Ooh! Look! Taylor Swift has topped the charts again! I've got to listen to this song…Boom Clap! It played on the radio for three weeks!"
"Who? Who? Wow. Who knew Muggle stars could be so attractive?"
"I did. And what, did you think only Wizard stars could look good? I don't find the Weird Sisters terribly attractive, you know."
"Of course. They're…well…weird."
"I don't think Celestina something-or-other is beautiful, either."
"I think I shuddered. No! Celestina Warbeck has a huge mole on her face."
"Exactly."
"Who's this?"
"Selena Gomez."
"Ooh."
"Is that all you want to know?"
"Are there more pictures of Muggle stars?"
"Yes. A lot."
"I want to see."
"I'll go on YouTube."
"What?"
"It's a website that allows you to watch and post videos. Oh my gosh are you seeing this? THERE'S A MUSIC VIDEO FOR MY FAVORITE SONG!"
"Big whoop."
"Yes! And yes, I caught the sarcasm. Let's watch it!"
"No! No! Give me the…clicky thingy!"
"Pfft. Pff…WAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA!"
"What? Mouse! Yes! Give me the mouse!"
"No."
"Give me!"
"No."
"GIVE ME!"
"No."
*click*
"GIVE ME NOW."
"NO."
*click*
"What is this?"
"A website called Fanfiction."
"Weird."
"What's Dramione?"
"Sounds like our names, Granger. I thought you were smart."
"Oh, no. I know what fanfiction is! It's people taking a real story and writing their own versions of it!"
"So?"
"In the Muggle world people combine a couple's names together to show they're a couple."
"So?"
"PEOPLE ARE WRITING FANFICTIONS ON US BEING A COUPLE!"
"I find that impossible, Hermione."
"What?"
"Granger."
"No, you said Hermione, Draco."
"What?"
"Malfoy."
"DAMN IT HERMIONE I KNOW YOU—GRANGER—SAID MY NAME!"
"WELL DRACO WHY—MALFOY—WHY AM I NOT ALLOWED TO?"
"Because you never did."
"I'm having a creepy feeling, Malfoy."
"Hm?"
"I think someone's writing out what we're doing on their computer."
"Scary."
"I think the author's controlling us!"
"FREAKY, dude."
"See? You'd never say 'dude,' Draco darling."
"AAH! YOU'RE BEING CONTROLED!"
"AAH! WE'RE BOTH BEING CONTROLED!"
"I'm freaking out, Granger."
"Same here, Malfoy."
"Wait. What if…what if the author's trying to GET US TOGETHER like the FREAKY DRAMIONE WRITERS?"
"Argh! That would suck!"
"But that's possible, isn't it?"
"You're being mind boggling."
"Yeah. The thing is, Granger—would you come with me to the Yule Ball?"
"There is no Yule Ball."
"The author got her facts mixed up!"
"How do you know the author's a girl?"
"Because only girls can be this evil."
"Uh…how do you know a boy's not co-writing this story?"
"Our life is a STORY now?"
"I hope not."
"But Granger…I think I saw an announcement on the common room board saying there will be a Christmas Ball."
"So?"
"Will you come with me?"
"I'll be delighted to, sir."
"Why thank you, madam."
"WHAT THE?"
"BLOODY HELL!"
"Shush."
"You were being louder."
"You were being even louder, Malfoy."
"I'm guessing that if there are people reading this they are immensely bored."
"We're boring, Malfoy?"
"Then we'll give them something to be excited about!"
"…What?"
"We can go to the Slytherin Common room and have hot raging…"
"NO. PERVERT."
"I take offense."
"You started it."
"Well then, what can we do?"
"You're the idea maker."
"My idea was accused of as perverted."
"It was!"
"See?"
"We're still being boring, you know?"
"Granger?"
"Yes?"
"We just hit a word count of 700."
"YOU WERE COUNTING THE WORDS WE SAID?"
"Yes."
"You're crazy, dude."
"Yes."
"I'm going shopping."
"Yes."
"I'm going to eat."
"Yes."
"I'm going to slap you."
"Yes. Wait—NO! NO!"
"MWAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHA!"
"You're a demonic witch, Granger."
"So I am."
"I like it."
"You do?"
"Yes."
"Well that's new."
"As expected."
"I'm ending the conversation."
"Bye."
"Bye."
THREE SECONDS LATER ON A MOBILE PHONE
Sequel!
A/N: That was exceedingly random. Thanks for reading!