Disease
thornclaw's POV
Love and protect.
That's what I promised him.
Ashfur's broken body was at my paws. His bones were smashed, there was the faintest remnant of blood on the nape of his neck. His freckled gray fur was wild, strands messily swooping in all directions. Those blue eyes, those deep precious blue eyes were fogged over. There was no sign of life, no heartbeat. The warrior was dead. Someone was responsible. That's what the medicine cat had told us.
I hadn't been there by his side. I hadn't been there to protect him like I told him I would. In the night when he'd come to me, his fragile heart shattered by a she-cat who never deserved him. She destroyed his mind, that heart of kindness and strength - the heart of a true warrior. She destroyed him, and she destroyed me at the same time. She tore him apart, and the pain in his eyes tore me apart over and over again.
My claws were flexing, tearing into the ground. The cat who killed Ashfur was going to pay.
I sat in vigil, I reached down to touch my nose to his soft fur. I breathed in, taking in his scent. It only fueled the fiery rage that was burning deep inside of me. I could feel a hiss rising from within me.
I awoke from my dreams.
The same dream night after night.
Sitting vigil for Ashfur, trying to taste his scent once again.
He would have been sleeping by my side if he were still alive. Though I wasn't sure if he'd ever returned my affections, what with his heart being shattered and his mind clouded with the darkest kinds of thoughts, I always imagined that deep down inside he loved me too. He would tell me about all of his problems, all of the horrible things that were done to him by Squirrelflight and Brambleclaw.
I was disgusted.
If not for that family of kittypets, my Ashfur wouldn't have grown distant. More and more distant every single day, though he tried to keep himself together. Every harsh word from Squirrelflight dragged him further and further into despair. I could only silently promise. I would love him. I would protect him from ever being hurt that way again. I was a warrior, and my job was to defend. My clan, my clanmates... Ashfur...
My Ashfur.
He would have still been right here with me.
Though lost in depression and thoughts of revenge, he would have been right next to me. He would have told me how grateful he was to have a friend like me, just like he always did. He would have looked at me through those deep blue eyes, sparkling with some intense force that I could not understand. He would have... just a lick on the cheek... maybe even closer... bringing him closer until he was underneath me... his heavy breathing... my heavy breathing... our hearts burning with such a passion... our bodies tingling with pleasure...
No.
I was lost in fantasies again.
He'd only smile sadly.
I'd smile sadly... but for a different reason. I'd smile sadly for a love that I could not have.
Ashfur whose heart had been shattered into a million pieces.
Ashfur whose every step was heavy with the weight of a life gone wrong.
Now it was I whose heart was shattered into a million pieces.
Now it was I whose every step was heavy.
Now it was my mind that was swirling with thoughts of bloodshed and vengeance.
Heartbreak is such a contagious disease.