This necklace is my own noose, it never tarnishes it only tightens slowly cutting off my wind pipe. Slowly stopping the blood pumping to my brain, and yet I can never stop putting it on. No scratch that, it never comes off. There is no release, no escape I will become nothing but a hollow shell of a human. Once, once I was normal it sounds like some sort of a fairy tale now. And yet every day, I can't help but open the locket and I gaze at the perfect angel. The girl I love and yet hate, I know somewhere in my soul in the pit of what should be my heart. I will never be happy,
The ding of the elevator clanged as she reached the top floor exiting on to the student council's usual meeting space. Miki sat in his usual chair, clicking away at his stop watch. It almost seemed so dam normal. The usual student council president wasn't there, crushed beneath the lovely pink haired prince. He hid away in some deep dark place, his little sister replaced him now. She took his spot, speaking for him her words didn't quite make their way to my ears. As I sipped at my tea my mind couldn't quite focus on her. It wasn't that she was boaring… But I'd heard Touga say that speech… How many times?
I focused on Ruka and how he tried to give me some slice of happiness, but in the end it only crushed like a fragile petal. We left the meeting, riding down with Miki I realized he was studying me. As if I had some sort of a sign on me that read 'shell.' Why was I so…. So fucked? "Something on your mind? Sempai…" I said nothing, there wasn't a thing I could say. We exited together walking towards our classes. Except when we parted… I didn't go to my class, how could I? While Shiori was on my thoughts… and then again how was she not in my thoughts? I swear I heard the clinking sound of my own necklace going up a notch, maybe it would put me out of my misery… But instead, my fingers locked into it, tugging it off. Though only for that one, single moment… It was no longer choking me.
He skipped out on me again, leaving me a message on my phone. Why had he done this again? I notice someone walking alone her auburn locks shimmer in the dying sun. As I walk towards where I would have met my fiancé, however instead I saw something gold shimmer on the ground. How could I not pick it up, it was a wonderful locket adored with a rose insignia. I heard the roaring of an engine, I saw my fiancé stopped talking to the woman. Thought I couldn't hear their words, she only walked off. Unaffected by his charm so unlike so many others. Who swooned over him, practically fought for simply his gaze. I noticed the chain was broken, perhaps it was hers. Now, now I had to know who was inside. The funny thing was, it wasn't who I'd expected.
What does love mean? This question hits me like a ton of bricks, leaving invisible bruises on my flesh. The prince girl looks so dam happy with that fake bride at her side…. Sometimes I wonder if that's what it means to be loved. Having a moment where you're blind to the truth right before your own eyes. I continue to watch and I see that the doe eyed girl tried to gain Utena's attention. I almost felt a deep ache in my chest, and yet all I could wonder was…. How could you want someone who was that dumb? And yet I chuckled inwardly how could I? I want someone who intentionally hurt me. Although not physical pain… It still hurt.
That night was cool, it helped calm her mind my ears picked up on a soft voice. It was Utena walking around with that horrid little monkey, "Now, now Chuchu, it's ok…" her voice cooed in the silence. "Having… troubles?" Juri didn't even recognize her own voice, more hollow… Kami-sama she was turning into nothing. The pink haired girl looked frozen in the gloom, she was beautiful... "Oh Kanae found this…. I think its yours." and out of her pocket came the noose. The golden chain was not broken, in fact it wasn't the same golden thin chain. It was thicker what was even more frightening was…. It even looked smaller. Juri lifted her arm slowly "… Yeah." It was slightly warm as if someone had put warmth into it. However somewhere Juri knew that warmth would fade.
"Hey I have a question for you…" Said the young girl looking quite nervous now, Juri closed her hand into a fist. "What is it?" her necklace came to life tightening around her long hands, crushing the life from it. Though it was only in her mind, it felt oh so real. "I know it's a really big favor to ask… But can… Anthy's sister in-law share a room with you?" Orange eye brows arched in thought, "Uh no… Why doesn't she just move in with you?" Utena bit the corner of her lip. In the back of her mind she knew it wouldn't work, the black rose had revealed the polite house wife. To be extremely vicious however she was very benevolent, and besides who else could Utena trust? Miki could have been a choice if only his twin wasn't so … She was uncertain if there was a single word to express Kozue. Utena tried to plead "Please Juri.."
Kami-sama…. Someone help me…
"Fine." She couldn't fight, the necklace had taken everything last drop of energy she had. Utena was extremely overjoyed "Thank you! Thank you so much Juri." A soft sigh escaped from Juri's lips, she hated herself more now than ever. "When will she be coming over?" Utena cleared her throat, "Tomorrow? …" she tried to remain calm, "Ah…" was the only response Juri could muster.
Today after school I left to go speak with Utena over my new board, though I know she wouldn't let me stay with her. Since Anthy is my fiancé's sister, but… her eyes… their so cold… almost alien. I can't help but feel such fear clench my heart, I've brought only a little of my things. As I approach our meeting spot, I notice the girl with orange curls standing next to Utena. Her eyes are fixed onto the ground; the two of them seemed to be talking about something. I can't help but wonder if they are alike. Since they are both dressed up as men, or perhaps Utena hasn't told me that she belongs to the student council. My feet stop, I can't help but wonder if they are talking about me. The girl with long orange tendrils seems angry as she turns on Utena. Then I see a young man tug on to the orange hair girls arm, he seems to be trying to calm her wrath. My feet start to move once more closer… ever closer
Kami-sama how can I not be afraid?
"Ah Kanae-san!" her voice doesn't sound as it usually does, she seems afraid as if fear was a flu bug, spreading. Quickly, "Kanae, this is Juri Arisugawa. I've asked if you can share her dorm for a while."
Although she hasn't spoken a word somehow I know, I know on some deep level that she only agreed for her own reasons. "My dorm was meant for only one person, so forgive the small living quarters for the moment."
How…. Can I not feel the cold escape her lips… hitting my body, no not hitting but touching me. Wrapping me in almost a gentle embrace, and I feel sorrow and guild that cuts deeper then my own.
"I… I hope that this won't be a problem."
Her voice is so… Unlike Shiori's, it makes me feel as if I'm in that rose garden. Oddly.. or frighteningly enough I feel at peace.
Juri turns towards Utena "We will finish our conversation later…" they bid each other fare well, but beforehand. Utena insist on Juri taking Kanae's bags, making me wonder.
What do I look like? Her personal bell hop? Good god…
Juri takes the bag away feeling more than steamed about the whole situation, she walks slowly but doesn't take note on where Kanae is.
I follow behind her and I feel as if someone is watching us in the shadows. Though I dare not look, she seems to not care though. It's rather unnerving, I know I can try and strike up a conversation. However fear tugs on my soul, although I am uncertain what there is to fear… I know that it's best to be wary.
We enter into her room, and I'm left feeling slight wonder. Though she stated it was small, her belongings are less than mine… Suddenly I am overcome with an indescribable emotion, she places my bag on a very old looking chair.
Juri's voice is sharp as she speaks "You can use the other side of my closet. I'll have to rearrange my things in the drawers, that is if you want to use my dresser as well." Kanae swallows a rather thick lump that had unknowingly built, "Just the closet will be fine."
I spot the spotless desk, it's amazing how bare it looks without books of any kind on it. However the face down picture makes me wonder. But only a moment, as my hostess asks if I would like anything.
Then I realize our sleeping arrangement, her bed is a queen size. However I know in the end I'll wind up in a very uncomfortable position. My body was so use to having Akio's cold skin against mine. I can only pray she doesn't sleep… naked.
I noticed that Kanae looks very…. Uncomfortable with the bed, and for that one moment I turn… nice?
"I'll take the floor. Don't worry I've got a sleeping bag."
I can't help but thank Nanami for that little bag, if she hadn't gotten all weird. I would have never purchased it.
In the end Juri took a shower first, since Kanae was still unpacking her things into her side of the closet.
I can't help but feel snoopy… my mind burns it the need to see what's in the picture frame on her desk. However it's her personal thing, but my hand reaches for it… Kami-sama….
The sound of the shower shutting off causes Kanae to jump, she places the image face down. Juri exits in a mist of steam. Her night gown almost seems misplaced, long and white. "I put an extra towel in there for you."
Kami-sama… I think a prince just turned in to an angle….
"Oh! Yes… thank you." Kanae picks up her night attire and hurriedly runs into the bathroom.