Title: Seeking You

Author: Twisted Usia

Pairing: SS/RL

Category: Drama/ romance

Disclaimer: I don't own them. If I did, the movies would have been a lot racier. They belong to J.K Rowling and anyone else she says.

Summary: When the situation is bad, the ones who love you are the ones who remain.

Challenges: 182) Snape always tries to protect Remus, but does he have to? What if Remus were extremely powerful (we know he is intelligent, but powerful?) and only a few people knew of it. And what if he discovered how powerful during a mission? What will he do when he thinks he is not needed?

217) Voldemort has a new weapon at his disposal. In order to gain strength, he is 'trapping' powerful wizards, witches, and dark creatures. Once they are trapped, he is able to use their power as his own. Snape and Remus find themselves trapped in this manner.

Archiving: let me know first!

Thanks: to my sister, who beta'd this even though she thinks I'm a weirdo for writing it.

"So you will go to this meeting to spy on Voldemort on behalf of the order once more?"

"Yes Albus. You may depend on me."

"Thank you Severus. I know that this will be dangerous for you. When we defend these people, there will be no way that they will not realize that you have betrayed them. You will be bringing down a lot of danger on yourself. Is there anything you would like me to do if the worst happens?"

"No, my will shall take care of it."

"Very well Severus. You should go and prepare."

Severus nodded and stood up to leave. Albus turned to some papers spread on the desk, and therefore was surprised when Severus cleared his throat nervously.

"Albus?"

"Yes Severus."

"There is something that I would like for you to do. If something were to happen to me, you must promise me that you will look after Lupin. To not allow him to throw away his life on Voldemort."

"Remus, Severus?"

"Yes."

"Of course, dear boy"

"Thank you, Albus," and with a swirl of black robes, Severus was gone.

Albus returned to his papers, a smile tugging at the corner of his mouth despite the sadness of the information. It was good to see that Severus cared for someone. Even if in person, Severus tormented and sneered at Remus, the fact that he could swallow his pride enough to show his emotion to another was very indicative of the depth of Severus' feelings. Perhaps he would come up for a reason later for Remus' to overhear the memories of this meeting.

Lupin looked tired, but triumphant. There were cobwebs in his hair and a smudge of dirt decorated his cheekbones, but Lupin didn't appear to notice. Albus had to physically restrain himself from going over and tidying the werewolf up. Instead, he put his hands in his lap where they would be less tempted and spoke.

"I take it from your presence that you have finished."

"Yep."

"You managed to renew the anti-apparation wards in one night?"

"Yep." Remus was bouncing in his chair. Again, Albus had to restrain his paternal instincts.

"Are you alright?"

"I'm fine."

"You certainly seem full of energy." Remus looked down, saw himself bouncing and blushed. He continued bouncing however.

"I see you can't control it."

"Nope."

"What's different this time? Last time you renewed the wards, you were dead tired on your feet. You looked so bad that Poppy gave me a lecture on your not being a superman, despite your powers."

"I remember."

"So… what's different?"

"I didn't argue with Severus this time."

"Oh? How did you manage to do his rooms? I know that when he leaves them he puts up wards that leave a signal when taken down. You didn't renew them in front of him, did you?"

"No Albus. I didn't. Though I wish you would let me tell him. I know we can trust him."

"I trust him too. It's the effects of cruciatus that I don't trust. I don't want to put any more strain on Severus than we have to. The less that he knows, the less he has to prevent Voldemort from learning. But you still haven't answered my question Remus. How did you do Severus' rooms?"

"I snuck in while he was bathing."

"Remus you didn't… what if he had caught you?"

"Was worth the risk."

Albus sighed, shaking his head. "Remus, you really shouldn't have."

"I know, but I couldn't resist."

"Why don't you approach him openly? I know that he wouldn't rebuff you if you moved gently…"

"Albus, I'm not going to disrupt what little relationship we have right now by moving. At least for now he doesn't flinch when I come near him. It's not worth going back to how we were just because I can't stop thinking of him."

"Whatever you say Remus."

"So what is my next assignment?"

"You don't have one yet. I'm expecting more information tonight and I want you to be available if I need you."

"More information tonight? Don't tell me that you sent Severus back into that den of vipers."

"We have no choice, Remus. And he agreed."

Remus sent his fist into the wall. Albus watched, but didn't say anything. Remus calmed slowly. Albus dared to speak.

"You should go to bed. You should be rested. We may need you to act immediately, depending on what Severus brings us."

"I'll sleep when I know that Severus is back safe."

"Remus…"

"No Albus."

"Very well. I'll inform you when Severus returns."

"Thank you Albus."

Albus was still working very late that night when a charm chimed. Albus looked up to see that the charm he had added to the defenses to tell him when Severus returned had gone off. Albus stood up and hurried down the stairs to the great hall. He arrived just in time to cast "wingardium leviosa" and prevent Severus from landing on his nose.

Severus was a mess. Albus was surprised that Severus had managed to walk from the apparition boundary. In addition to the obvious and expected aftereffects of cruciatus, there were livid bruises starting to come up as if a flagellus charm had been applied repeatedly and his left leg was broken. Careful to mind the broken limb, Albus levitated Severus through the hall and out the back door of the great hall and directly up to the infirmary wing.

Poppy took one look at the situation and immediately began spinning into work. Potions and charms began flying and by the time Albus lowered Severus onto the bed, he looked much improved, though still unconscious. Poppy continued her work, and shortly Severus was awake and aware.

"Albus"

"Are you able to give me the information now, or do you need to rest first?"

"Tell you now."

Albus waved his wand and a cloth that was on the table next to the bed became a quill and parchment. Severus began speaking, though his voice was hardly more than a rasp.

"Voldemort was less than pleased to start with. The efforts of the order have been particularly effective lately and he is beginning to get frustrated. He beat the information into the circle as they arrived. He's going to try a coordinated strike three days from today at moonrise, one or two death eaters at each site, in a lot of areas. All kinds of targets, mudbloods, artifacts, creatures, anything with minor value. Only the person who was in charge of that group could hear their assignments. Everyone else was too busy screaming. The charm only worked partially; sometimes the screaming was too loud."

"How many attacks are we talking about?"

"At least a hundred."

Albus blanched. "We don't have enough people to mount a defense that large."

"I know, but you'll have to cover as many as possible. Many of the targets are too valuable to let them be taken to preserve my status as a spy, especially the ones my group is supposed to deal with."

Albus closed his eyes. As he'd feared, this night would bring a warrant on Severus' head and the man would be hunted to his death.

"How certain are you that everything is going to happen on the same night, Severus? If he does such a large action, there is going to be no way that Fudge is going to be able to force the ministry to ignore the aftereffects."

"I know, but I'm not sure that he cares about those consequences. He seemed mad."

Albus sighed and closed his eyes. "Alright, I'm going to summon the order. Continue speaking the targets, the quill will record them."

Albus left and Severus' voice continued rasping into the darkness. After a while, his voice wound down and Poppy came to give him a last potion to sleep.

Owls flew in droves from the Headmaster's office. The floo system was constantly in use and other esoteric systems buzzed as vast amounts of planning and orders went out. The only time when the system was quiet was an hour or two in the night when the Headmaster eventually gave up and slept.

Severus Snape was no less busy. While repairing his broken leg with Skele-grow meant that he had to remain in bed, he had two of his trusted students move him to the basement and he directed the mass production of healing and offensive potions from his bed. All of the students that Severus had chosen were either members of the order or definitively not death eaters and knowing that their efforts were deathly important, they moved swiftly in their tasks.

Severus was still in pain as the potion for the after effects of cruciatus interacted badly with pain potions and charms, but he was distracted by his surprised pleasure in his students. While he knew that he was a good teacher, he was still impressed with how well and efficiently his students were moving at their tasks. There were no explosions and only one failed potion that really could not have been prevented (inquisitive spiders happened). While none of them were fully trained, many showed promise as potion masters. Severus knew that should the worst happen, these students would be able to continue without him.

It was almost dinner time and Severus was about to gingerly rise and test his leg when Remus walked into the room. Severus immediately flinched and with a twitch of his wand his appearance was immaculate and imposing as usual. Ignoring the warning twinges of his leg, Severus strode through the workroom and faced the intruder. He gave the man a quick once over, but nothing in the man's demeanor screamed that he needed emergency assistance, though his body still looked worn and drawn.

"Is there anything I can help you with?"

"The house elves wanted to know if it was alright to bring dinner in. They didn't want to interrupt if anything was still delicate or time sensitive."

Severus turned to look at the projects. Many of the current batches were done and those that were still running weren't that sensitive to contamination. There were still some that required monitoring, but as long as the students were in the vicinity, it would be obvious.

Severus gave Remus a stiff nod and suddenly house elves were flashing in. The food was spread on top of cloths, picnic-style, so that no food could contaminate the working surfaces. The students cheered and food immediately began disappearing at a fast rate. Severus turned to Remus.

"Are you joining us?"

Remus smiled at the indirect thank you. "No, I have a couple more stops to make before the meeting tonight. Thank you for the offer."

Severus grunted, but when Remus turned to go, he found a sandwich from one of the platters thrust in front of him. Remus took the offering and nodded his thanks to the swiftly retreating limping body of Severus Snape before leaving on his errands.

The remaining two days sped by in a whirl for Severus. Between his preparations for the order and doing his duty as a member of the inner circle to the death eaters he was in charge of, many hours in the day were eaten. He was curt and short with everyone, not having time to deal with niceties, and food and sleep would have been optional except that Albus had pulled him aside and ordered him to maintain himself.

So when Severus was offered food in the final meeting, he took it though his stomach threatened to remove it. As he was passing Remus, a portion of food appeared on a napkin before the werewolf. Severus took his seat in the corner of the room and looked around the room at the forty-eight wizards and witches that Albus had drummed up.

Albus had gone over the targets and selected the targets that they couldn't afford to let Voldemort have. The decision was obviously heartbreaking as there were many cases where they knew that not going would mean that someone would die or be captured. But the results were the best effectiveness that they could manage. They were going to prevent and capture as many of the Death Eaters as possible.

Many of them had spent time surveying their sites through Mad-eyed Moody's devices. They consulted texts and trusted experts on ways to counter the spells they knew they were going to be facing, but all of them knew that they would be facing Avada Kedavra and they were all resigned to dying if necessary. Severus had spent many hours telling them about the personal foibles of the death eaters they would be facing, and they had rigged as many traps and counter-measures as they could. They were all as well prepared as they could manage, but Severus' heart ached, knowing that many of them would be dead before the night was over. The worst were the kids. Barely out of school, the golden trio with their cronies couldn't know the damage they were facing. And it tore at Severus that he was sending out innocents to die.

This was a final meeting to mention any last minute advice and to say good-bye. Severus was eternally grateful that Albus had decided to forgo the pep-talk and instead had merely provided pensieves if anyone wanted to leave memories for a loved one. Severus sneered at those who were taking that option now. Memories belonged to the person who had lived them and no one else. And anyone who would put off such a task till now was very much a fool. But even Severus had to tell himself that they were brave fools.

The people milled, speaking to people all over the room and occasionally crying. Severus was quickly tiring of the melodrama and stood to leave when Albus came over.

"I'm sorry to drag you here, Severus. I know that this isn't your idea of fun. But I wanted to see everyone one last time. Forgive an old man's indulgence, but I could not send you to die without telling and trying to show you all how much I care for you."

Severus' eyes closed. "I don't need to hear it to know Albus. You proved it to me when you took me in. You will never have to say it to me."

"I also wanted everyone else to remember. This is the army. These are the fighters. These are the heroes."

"These are the martyrs, Albus. But if there are to be people to remember us, we must win."

"Too true, Severus. Then go and may Merlin watch over you."

"Tell them all to watch their backs, especially the kids. They don't know any better."

"You're a good man, Severus. And I promise that you will be remembered as one."

"I'd rather you remembered your other promise, Albus. The memory of fools does not matter to a dead man."

Severus left the room, his robes swirling behind him. Albus watched him go, then turned. It would not assuage his guilt, but he had to speak to everyone before they left.

Remus stood by the door and watched Severus walk away.