well hello guys :)

i hope you'll like my story, but i have to warn you though that its definitely AU and a lil bit angsty.

in this fic mere isn't that friendly but otherwise i really really love her (it just didn't fit in this story)

It would be nice if you would leave a review,

but for now, just enjoy my story about Addek:))

Your Hailey :)

I entered seattle grace and put my umbrella away.

I really hated all that rain in seattle. It`s going to ruin my new pair

of Jimmy Choos and my black Chanel coat. Leather isn´t to fond of

rain.

I was on my way to see Richard, when i saw derek with his little

`girlfriend´. How could he do that to me? After 11 years of being his

wife, how could he just assume i would be screwing Mark?! I mean

it´s Mark, as his best friend Mark. I would never do that to him.

But that he really believed i would do that, that hurts.

I could hear him say sorry to his girlfriend.

So he hadn´t told her about him being married.

I could see it in his eyes, that i´m going to destroy his new life that he had built.

A new life without his wife.

I was a little bit sorry for his girlfriend,cause she didn´t knew, but i didn´t care too much.

After all he was my husband.

Determined I made my way to him.

„Addison what are you doing here?"

„Oh you would know if you bothered to return any one of my phone calls!"

His little intern looked quite confused, probably asking what a woman like me had to do with the famous Derek Shepherd.

„Hi, I`m Addison Shepherd"

„Shepherd?"

She looked questioningly at derek, i decided that i would go one step better:

„ and you must be the woman who´s been screwing my husband"

Seriosly, that was good. That look on her face, hilarous. Dereks look was more like a death glare.

His slutty intern stormed away and he followed her. I went to the lobby and grabbed a medical journal.

I don´t think i was intended to hear the following converstaion between the two of them.

„why didn´t you tell me you were married!?"

„i really wanted to tell you but when should i have told you that i was married?"

„On our first evening in the bar,i wouldn´t have slept with you because you are freakin´fuckin´married!"

„It hurt, ok, I.. she slept with my best friend! I couldn´t look at her anymore.!"

„How the hell could that cripple cheat on you? She´s pathetic. I`d understood, if you cheated on her, because be honest sex with a cripple can´t be good, can it ?"

„Stop talking so low about Addison! You don´t know her!"

„And what makes you think to marry a handicapped Person?Out of pity, or as a sex slave or did she have money and you thought i could easily get her and her money?!"

„How can you say something like that, i love her or i used to love her!"

„That doesn´t sound to the way, what does she do for the living? Staying the whole day at home or working in a studio for freaks?!"

„She´s a surgeon "

„never ever, does she operate on dead chicken or something like that?!"

I`ve heard enough.

With Tears in my eyes i wheeled myself out of the hospital to my porsche.

Derek turned around, when he saw me.

He must have noticed, that i over heard their conversation.

He knew exactly that this was my hurting point. He wanted to say something to apologise, but i turned him down.

I didn´t want to hear any of his excuses.

I just wanted to go home, but since i was in seattle i had to put up with the archfield.

After i had a shower and tried to remove my smeared mascara it knocked on my door.

I had ordered room-service, a big package of Ben and Jerrys.

I quickly put on a bathrobe and lifted myself in my normal wheelchair.

But when i opened my door it wasn´t room service , i looked into a face i was really familiar with.

„Derek, what are you doing here and how did you find me?"

I was shocked how exhausted and depressed i sounded.

Sighing i opened the door completely and wheeled into the livingroom of my hotelsuit.

„I wanted to speak to you! And tracking you down wasn´t that difficult, you´re in the same hotel we were always in when we were visiting richard."

„well then talk"

i lifted myself out of my wheelchair and lay myself down on the king size bed.

„Look, i´m sorry Meredith shoudn´t have said that!"

„Ohh so Meredith is her name, how wonderful. And yeah she shoudn´t have said that but i should face the truth.

It hurts but i know that everyone isjust seeing my disability. No more no less. I´m just an cripple" I said defeated.

I had to lern to deal with the truth, as much as it hurt.

„Addie, don´t say that. I see you, your real self!"

„Oh really and why is it then that you still think that i am satan and an adoulterus bitch!?"

„you slept with my best friend, do you think i forget this so easily?!"

„Derek, not everything is like it seems to be"

„well then tell me what you think what happened that night?!"

Flashback

It was the 9th of may, their 10 year marrriage anniversary.

Derek was on call the night before and had to stay at the hospital til half past 5.

So i prepared a romantic candlelight dinner fort wo and placed the present i got for Derek on his plate.

I was really looking forward tot hat dinner.

It would be the first time in weeks that i would be spending the evening with Derek. Without the Hospital.

Just her and Derek. Just AddisonandDerek.

I had given a lot of effort to make everything perfect.

I dressed myself in my favorite pair of Manolo Blahniks and a indigo blue etui dress from Dior.

Derek loved the color indigo on me.

Under my dress i wore something new from victorias secret.

The last time we had sex was nearly 5 months ago. And i needed sex so badly.

It really hurt when you always hear `not now addison`or `go away we`ll talk later Addison`.

But Derek said he wanted to make things better.

And i believed him.

By now it was half past 10 and i knew Derek wouldn´t come.

He fucking promised me he would be there.

Maybe the hosptal was an excuse for him that he didn´t have to go home to his cripple wife.

I knew that everyone thought so but til a few weeks ago i didn´t give a damn about it.

But when your husband always rejects you, you begin to doubt yourself.

Maybe it was the sex, maybe i wasn´t enough for him in bed anymore.

He always said otherwise but maybe he just lied all the time.

Or he doesn´t love me anymore.

Or he realized he was never in love with me, understandable.

It destroyed me tot hink he doesn´t love me.

But when someone didn´t even show up on your 10th anniversary...

I couldn´t take it anymore. The pain inside of me, i had to let it out.

So i cried, and cried and cried and cried.

When i thought i had cried enough i decided to relieve the pain with drinking, a lot of drinking.

Within 20 minutes i had drunken 2 bottles of Scotch and half an bottle vodka.

I was completely drunk and coudn´t remember much after that.

I remebered only two things. Both of them not very pleasent events.

When Mark entered the house at 11 o´clock, probably to tell em that derek coudn´t make it, i was already too drunk to recognize him properly.

Then the memory is vanished.

The next thing i know is that i´m lying completely exposed on our marriage bed and that mark is standing before me , naked.

I realized that he wasn´t the only one who was naked.

I knew that i coudn´t do that to Derek so i begged mark to stop.

But he wouldn´t listen.

I coudn´t defend me, i was drunk and couldn´t walk.

He had control over me.

When i imagend having sex at my anniversary it didn´t include that it was with someone other than my husband and that it was practically rape.

I was drunk and i didn´t want it.

Hell, i begged markt to not do it.

But he didn´t care.

So i just layy there.

First i screamed and cried but after a while i was numb.

When mark finished he didn´t leave.

I didn´t realize that until Derek came into our bedroom at 5 am and saw me and mark naked in our bed.

I wasn´t completely sober, but enough to know what it looked like.

I had to fix this and tell him what Mark did.

When he threw me out into the rain and left after that i knew that i couldn´t do it anymore.

I couldn´t live with myself.

That morning i tried to kill myself.

After i took a whole bottle of sleeping pills i passed out.

But when nancy came to pick me up for breakfast she found me.

I was brought into .

After that i had to tell nancy of course, and she said that before i went to win Derek back i had to go in therapy to repair myself.

I did what she said and was 2 months in therapy.

After that i came to seattle to get my husband back.

Flashback end

When i told Derek the whole story i sometimes had to stop because the tears woudn´t stop.

By the end i was hysterically sobbing.

Derek held mea s tight as he hadn´t done in years. It felt so good.

I just coudn´t resist him. When i calmed down a bit i could feel his own tears falling on me.

„a..Add..Oh god Addie, i´m so so sorry you had to go through this because i was such an asshole. I don´t know how i can make this ever good again.I..I."

I knew that Derek broke down in this moment.

It was terrible to look at the love of my life while he was a sobbing mess.

„I don´t deserve you. But i have to ask you if you please please take me abck. I want to make things right with you, i want you to treat you like you deserve it. I would understand if you don´t want to ever see me again. But please give me another chance just one and i promise you i won´t screw up again."

„You know derek that is exactly the thing i wanted to do. I already planned in New York divorcing you, but i just can´t do it. Even if i wanted to. And now i´m damaged and i need you to heal again, tob e Addison again. But i don´t know if i can trust you right now. But i´m sure i will again in the future"

„you will. You don´t know how much i love you Addison Adrienne Forbes Montgomery Shepherd! You´re my soulmate"

I was touched by his words, he hadn´t said i love you in almost one year. It made me feel like i was importent to him.

My mind said that i shoudn´t let him in so easily, but my heart just had to.

When he leaned down to kiss me, he looked first questioningly at me if he could.

I let him.

And the kiss was sweet and soft. It said more than thousend words.

Finally i felt like i was home again.

Slowly i deepend the kiss and opend my mouth to let his tongue in.

I knew that Derek wasn´t perfect, hell he was far away from perfect, but now i knew that he truly loved me.

„I love you Derek!" i groaned.

„I love you too, my Addie"

And i knew that we would be AddisonandDerek again.

It would take us some time but with the love we felt towards one another we would survive everything.

So what do you think? i know at the end its a bit cheesy and unrealistic, but who cares ;)