Apov
I find myself both dazed and confused by my little coffee date with Christian. It's still so much I want to ask him, I just can't seem to find the courage. However there is a simple question that has been on my mind since we've met.
"Do you have a girlfriend?" Okay. maybe I shouldn't have blurted it out the way I did. That doesn't change the fact I asked a very important question. He chuckles a little to himself.
"No. I don't do the girlfriend thing Anastasia." Huh? Just when I thought I would get a straight forward answer , he goes and throws a curve ball. What on earth could he possible mean? I'm pulled to a man I know nothing about. It scares me to be so close to him, yet so far. I have to get away.I begin to walk across the street only to be pulled back by Christian. As he pulls me close to him a car goes racing by.
"Anastasia Are you alright?" That's a stupid question to ask. I could have been hit by a car and possible dead, it's safe to say I am not alright. Of course none of that matters because Chriatian has me pressed to his chest like a cherised keepsake. I want to live in this moment; wraped in his arms for the rest of my days. I need to feel his lips, I want him to claim my mouth as his. It's no mistaken that I want to be kissed, I think I make it pretty clear. I wait for what seems like hours for anything from Christian. Instead he denies me with a little shake of his head.
"Anastasia, I'm not the man for you. You should stay clear of me." I hear him talking to me,I know I should be listening, I just can't get over his rejection which is all I seem to hear in head. He doesn't want me, I was stupid enough to think he did. He slowly places me back on my feet before slighlty pushing me away.I need to say somenthing. What do you say to someone who just rejected you?
"Thank you." Yes Ana that's what you should say. I want to face palm myself. He looks confused.
"What are you thanking me for?" That's a good question, What am I thanking him for?
"For saving me, I could have lost my life." Yes he saved me, from the car and appearantly from him.
"Please Anastasia, you don't have to thank me for saving your life. I would do it again if I had to" Of course he would say something nice after he hurt me, I need to get looking I turn briskly walking into the middle of a group of cyclist. I feel the medal frames of more than one bicycle, with the weight of bodies throwing me down. I feel the hard pavement collide with my head. I see Christian Grey before I'm taken over by darkness.
Cpov
As I lean over Anastasia I try to wake her. Everything happened so fast; I was holding Anastasia one minute then pushing her away the next. I knew she wanted me to kiss her, I realized at that moment just how innocent she really was. She wants a fairy tale type of love, where two people kiss in the middle of the street without a care in the world. Sadly, I can't be that for her, yet strangley I wish I could. I didn't want to reject her,I had to. She looked so confused when I denied her. I could tell she wanted to get away from me as soon as possible. I closed my eyes briefly to spare myself the pain of watching her leave, thats when it happened. I need her to open her eyes, I need to see the most beautiful shade of blue I've ever seen. a crowd starts to form and I notice an ambulance coming. The EMT ask some questions about what happened before placing Anastasia on a stretcher. The ride to the hospital is quick, Thank god! Anastasia is still out cold. The doctors wouldn't let me know anything since I wasn't family. I am Christian grey so fuck that, I called my mom and tell her I need her help getting answers. I sit in the waiting room with horrible thoughts running threw my head and blaming myself for putting this sweet innocent girl in this hospital. Thankfully my mom gets there before I drive myself completely crazy.
"Christian, Miss. Steele has substain a very serious head injury. Although she is responding." I don't get it, she was hit by bikes how much damage could they really do?
"Mom, you mean to tell me a bike caused that much damage?"
"Sweet heart, She hit her head pretty hard on something. I'm just telling you what I know." I can actually see my mom debating with herself if she should ask me more about this girl. I put her out of her misery.
"No mom, she's not my girlfriend." She smiles a sad smile but decides not to push it. "Mom, is there anything I could be doing right now?"
"I'm sorry, but no. You could call her family or friends to let them know what happened." I make sure Taylor gets on it right away. He has been in touch with her friends from the photo shoot, their turning around since they were half way home. Her dad says he'll be here as soon as he can. I'm all Anstasia has right now, I wouldn't want her to wake up alone and scared. The hours past and Kate and that Jose guy made it here. I fill them in on what happened and tell them all I know about her health status. We wait and wait and wait. Finally Dr. Johnson tells us She's awake. I want to go see her, scratch that I need to see her. I know I don't have the right to demand to go in so I stay seated once Kate and Jose get cleared to go in her room.
"Um, Excuse me Mr. grey, would you like to see Ana also. I mean you did bring her in and wait all this time." I smile at Miss. Kavanuagh, I couldn't be more grateful for this. We all head to Anastasia's room praying for the best. Upon walking in you wouldn't think this girl was just unconsious for five hours.
"Hey Kate, What the hell happened?" Her voice is raspy, still I'm glad I get to hear it. Miss. kavanuagh runs to her friend wrapping her in a hug.
"Oh Ana, I was so worried." A single tear escapes her eyes. I'm touched by this moment , yet I feel like I'm invading on something that was meant to be private. I move for the door making a slight sound. Ana head snaps towards my direction. If feels like I'm seeing her first the first time all over again.
"Hi. Can I help you with something?" Her voice is soft and pleasant, my cold demeanor melts just a little.
"Anastasia, I wanted to make sure you were ok. I have to say you really scared me." She looks stuck as if trying to figure something out. I wait for her to say something.
"Excuse me sir, but do I know you?" What does she mean? If this is a joke I don't find it funny. She's serious, she looks between Kate and Jose searching for answers. I feel like a fool, here I am standing at the foot of her bed with feelings I'm not sure how to describe and she seems to not remember me. Once again Miss. Kavanuagh saves me.
"Ana, this is Christian Grey. You interviewed him for me last week. You were with him when your accident happened." It still doesn't seem to be connecting. I decide to give them some privacy. I feel my anger building as I go in search of Ana's doctor to tell him the situation. He tells me not to panic, he'll have to run some test to see how much of her memory has been lost. I want Answers and I want answers now, after three hours I get them. The doctor says the last thing Ana remembers is watching a movie with Kate and eating chinese takeout. Miss. Kavanuagh informs me that was the night before the interview. I'm at a lost for words, She remembers everything but me. This can't be happening, the connection we had was way to strong for her to forget. I decide to spear myself the embarassment of trying to make her remember me, instead I just stand outside her door listening to her talk to her dad who got here a little while ago. My need for this girl has morphed into something I'm not use to feeling. I wanted this girl as a sub, and yet the thought of this sweet innocent girl anywhere in my playroom fillls me with dread. WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME? I never felt like this about a sub. That's just it, Ana isn't a sub, she's a young women who doesn't need to be tainted by my fucked upness. Just like that, I've found the silver lining to whole thing. She doesn't need to remember me, she can go on living her life as if she never meet me. I meant what I said to her, I could never be the man that she wanted. WIth one last look at the beautiful Anastasia Steele I leave.
2month later cpov
My life has returned to the way it's always been; dull and pointless, I'm grateful that it's friday. I've been very tense since you know who had her accident. Needless to say I had to get a sub.I think I would have had a heart attack from all the stress if I hadn't. I did everything possible not to see Ana. I didn't do graduation, The fear that my pull towards her would be too overwhelming stopped me. For once in my life I'm putting someone elses needs before mine. If I gave into my needs I would have made Ana mines, I just refuse to ruin her life. So her I sit slowly watching the time wind down before I can go home to Jennifer. She's an okay submissive, I mean she doesn't really have any limits and she obeys my every command. I should be happy, right? My life has returned to normal without so much as a trace of Anastasia. It's something about having a beautiful women waiting for me at home that's makes my dick throb. I gather a few sheets of paper I need and decide to leave. I'm walking on cloud nine, and why shouldn't I be? I'm Christian fucking Grey. While waiting for the Elevator I start to picture Jennifer in different positions in my play room; On the cross, spread eagle on the bed and bent over the spanking bench. I smile to myself thinking about all the fun I'll have this weekend. The ping of the elevator breaks me from my reverie. I'm shocked at what stands before me. I think I might be dreaming or Finally went completely insane, this women before me can't possible be Anastasia.
"Um. I'm sorry I don't know if you remember me, I'm Ana...Um I mean Anastasia, Anastasia Steele. You helped me out a few months ago." I'm still standing there speechless, what is she doing here? Surely from the long winded introduction she just gave me she hasn't regained her memory. What am I suppose to do? I already know I'm no good for her, yet I still feel a pull to this young women that quite frankly just pisses me off. I had nothing with this women, absolutely nothing. Granted I wanted something with her, but that's besides the point. I can look into her beautiful blues eyes and see straight into her heart. She wants an epic love;the kind people write stories about. A never ending, life changing kind of love, sadly I could never give this to her.
"Yes Miss. Steele, What can I do for you today." I don't mean to sound so cold, I just want her to leave.
"Well Mr. Grey, I wanted to talk." Talk? She came all the way here to talk?
"Miss. Steele What could you possible want to talk to me about?" Maybe she remembers something that spiked her interest about me.
"Well, Um I...I wanted to talk about...Us." I've noticed my employees have become deadly quit. She just said Us, As in me and her together. You know what...Us doesn't sound so bad coming from Anastasia. Still, it doesn't change what we both want and need from each other.
"Follow me to my office Miss. Steele." She walks from the reception area to my office visible intimidated. She has no reason to feel that way,Even in her sweater and sneakers she's still beautiful. I hold the door open wide for her, remembering how she fell her first time here brings a smile to my face.
"You should do that more often." I direct her to a chair in front of my desk before I try to figure out what she's talking about.
"What should I do more often Miss. Steele?" I say as I take my place in my chair behind my desk.
" Smile. I know I don't know you, It just seems like you don't really do that a lot. It's a shame to, you have such a beautiful smile." Her words are so sincere, I feel the wall I've built around my heart begin to collapse and fall apart, while I try to put it back together. If I stay cold and distant she'll want no part of me.
"Miss. Steele I'm very busy, so if you could just ask what ever questions you have." Yup, I can still be a dick.
"Well it's really only one question. What happened on our coffee date?" I'm stunned.I know this is Kate handy work.
" Miss. Steele it was not a date. We just got a cup of coffee after the photo shoot. Well,you had English breakfast tea, still it was not a date." She doesn't seem like she buys it for one minute. The smirk that touches her lips is both sexy and scary.
"Is something funny?" I know I sound mad, if I'm honest I am mad. Who is she to be sitting there smiling while I'm going threw hell remembering that day.
"I just find it funny that you're soo busy running an empire, yet you've remembered what type of tea I had two months ago." I try to not laugh, I really do I just can't seem to help it. We both burst into full blown laughter. I don't remember the last time I laughed like this.
"Well, I guess I just have very good memory." I say with a smile
"Oh." Her smile falls and I fell like a piece of shit.
"Mr. Grey I have one more question." I nod my head and she continues.
" What happened right before my accident." I'm floored. I debate with myself on weather or not I should tell her the truth. I take a deep breath.
"Well, we had just left the coffee shop and you were lost in your thoughts; not paying attention, when you almost got hit by a car." She smiles.
"It doesn't surprise me." She giggles to herself a little. "Please continue."
"Well, I pulled you out of the way of the car." I wish I could stop here. "Afterwards, I held you close and watched as you took deep breaths. After you collected yourself, you wanted me to kiss you." I feel my lightheaded thinking about that very moment in time.
"So, Did you kiss me?" She seems so hopeful.
"No. I rejected you, you were upset. So once again you walked into the middle of the street without paying attention and that's when all the bikes came."
I pause letting everything I've just said sink in. She doesn't seem mad or even sad. If anything she seems happier.
"Only in my world would I miss getting hit by a car and get ran over by a bunch of bikes." We laugh briefly. I feel so relaxed right now. I see her grab her things and begin to walk towards the door. She stops half way there.
"Mr. Grey I dream about you sometimes. I know It might seem crazy, just wanted you to know.I know this is probably the last time we'll ever see each other so, I just want you to remember to smile more." As if on que I smile. What the hell is happening to me? I can't leave it like this. If I never see her again I have to do this.
"Ana Wait." she turns around and faces me. I rise my palm to her cheek and very slowly I place my lips on hers. It's soft and slow but meaningful. A moan escapes from her and it gives my tongue access to hers. I taste her and she does the same to me, I feel warmth flow from my head to my toes and I wish we didn't have to stop.I pull away and stare down at the floor while I catch my breath. I can't believe I just did that, no good can come from that kiss. I realize at this very moment her hands are on my chest. I stiffen but I don't move her. I just let them rest there, They don't bring my pain or fear just peace. I can tell she's worried, I need to get her away from me. I hate this, it means I'll have to reject her again.
"Ana, I think you should leave." she smiles sadly then walks back to the door. she turns around with her hand on the door knob.
"I don't know why you rejected me, and I don't know why you're pushing me away now when you know something is pulling me to you. I just wish what ever was stopping you from letting me in wasn't. I'm glad I got to meet you, even if I don't remember it. Have a wonderful life Christian."
That's the last thing she says before she leaves me alone with my name hanging in the air. I've never heard my name sound so cherished before. She's glad she met me, she doesn't even remember meeting me. This is madness, I can't be with her, I can't give her what I'm sure she wants; A loving, caring boyfriend. All I could give her is hard limits, punishments and sex. Would that be enough for her? That's a stupid question to ask, of course not. I have to let her be. She'll never know of my shades.