If you're reading this it's because I finally opened up. I decided to gift offense to some and understanding to others. I've lost many people in my life, before you start the 'I'm so sorry for your loss'(es) don't. Because I've never lost anyone to death. I've lost some to betrayal, others to themselves, some I lost just because they didn't like me anymore. The thing about me is, I don't care about myself, I really, really don't. So I care instead about those who care about me, and it's not just 'we grew apart' shit, no, I let these people in after warnings and warnings and barricades I put up to try and protect myself.
They still leave, acting as if the fact they were taking away pieces of my soul wasn't a big deal. It wasn't to death, but in the only way I can imagine, it's the same. They aren't who you knew, you don't get that person, they're gone. I don't feel things for myself much, I grieve and channel other people's feelings, I know I do. Someone I care for very deeply lost someone, I felt their pain…. They didn't understand. I don't try to explain myself, because I know they won't understand, they couldn't possibly, and I'm glad, I wish this pain on not even the lowest of the low.
I want anyone who has done this to someone to know, It's okay. You really can't understand until you've been there, so many types of loss are spoken about, understood. This one unfortunately doesn't make many, if any lists. The people who were once my reason for living, they dropped me, like I was a barbel. I write this to give myself closure. I hope it does someone good….
-Russia