Two teenage girls and a boy enters a room with three chairs. The kids are taking the chairs and the boy sighs:

"Um... L-lady's first?"

"In your dreams, baka", the red-haired girl grinned.

"That is acceptable." The blue-haired girl said at the same time. "Hello, my name is Rei."

Applause.

"Welcome, Rei" say the duo.

"I am a fic character. It's a part-time job, though. First of all, I must say, when you have a deal with eva-fics (read, write, make movie) of the whole world, not your country only; you may see that the most popular are either Xovers or AU."

"So true!" interrupted the boy.

"Close your tomato cutter, baka", the Red roars.

"And when I say AU", Rei explain, "It means AUnivers, not AEpisode, not AMoment and not AEnding. As a rule, it's a tech Universe. With robots, battlestars and stardestroyers. Not that I want to take part in sword-magic dungeon-dragons world, but come on. Don't I deserve being a princess or a unicorn riders? At least just once? Really, people?"

"I think, you do", whispered the boy.

But the Red heard and glared then.

"What hurts me most is I never have a clear ending", Rei smiles but that is a very sad smile. "It always (yes, always) looks like this: final chapter: "Rei dies", epilogue: "she's alive". I don't want to be rude with fans, but, hey, writers, who is "she"? Girl-the-next-door? Your-momma-so-fat?"

The boy giggled. As well as the Red.

"The other problem with ending is: it's stopped in the middle of nowhere. Looks like there has to be a chapter or two or even sequel. But there's no. How is that even fair? Thank you so much for your attention, I must say."

Applause.

"Go ahead, baka, your turn."

"B-but... I th-thought..."

"Excuse me?"

"Em... Hello, my name is Shinji."

"Welcome, Shinji."

Applause.

"Well, I am a fic character. I m-must say this is a part-time job as well, and the job is boring. Because I always do the same. Remember the cube guy? I always work as the shield while Rei is shooting. I mean, are you seriously? Trying to create a unique fic, all you can do is changing characters? Now you see why I say boring. Oh, how about that. Fic by fic I came in Rei's home and make NERV give the girl a new apartment. Really? First, I am not an idiot, and if I wanted Rei to change her home, I would make her live with me and Misato-san, not somewhere beyond the f-word sea!"

"Language!" yelled the Red.

"Who cares! Second. Do you even see how unreal it looks. Make an experiment. Come to your classmate and say that his (her) home is awful and needed to be left asap. Really, boy, come to a girl and do it. Or, girl, come to the boy... Well, what was the result of the experiment? Now. My friend, Rei, said that an AU fic almost always is a space opera. What can I say, it's even worse than boring. It has no sense. Chapter 1: "he buys a doll". Chapter 2: "they met each other". What? Why did you need the scene with the doll? If he was in a mall how could he meet her in a mountain. Gosh, people, just fill the empty places. Write what happened after c1 and before c2. What and how, you, nerds."

"Lang..."

"OK, OK. Thanks for your attention."

Applause.

The red girl smiles.

"Greetings, my friends. My name is Asuka."

Applause.

"Hi, Asuka."

"Well... as for endings in the middle of nowhere. See you in the sequel."