It takes place early in S4, it´s basically a mix of jangst, fluff and making-out; and the hatch is still alive. ;) I wrote it for 3 great girls on LF. ;)

CONFESSIONS

˝You love Jack. ˝Claire said. ˝

Kate looked up at her. It was a statement, not question. She looked down again, playing with the hem of her sleeve. She closed her eyes; then opened them again. ˝Yeah. ˝She let out a deep breath. It felt so good to finally admit it; not only to Claire, but to herself too. She´d known it for quite a while now, but this was the first time she actually said it, spoke it aloud and it felt…liberating. As if a huge burden was suddenly lifted off of her shoulders.

˝When did you realize it? ˝Claire asked softly, knowing that what she was doing was wrong in so many levels, but rationalizing it that it was for the greater good, because neither of them could continue like this for very long anymore – it would destroy them both eventually.

Kate said nothing for a while, absent-mindedly twirling the little brown button that was hanging from the edge of her sleeve. Then, she finally spoke, still lost in her thoughts. ˝When I returned back for him. ˝

She paused and Claire waited too. She was eager for her to continue, but she didn't want to rush her, especially now that she was finally opening to someone; now that so much depended on this reply.

Kate took a deep breath and then continued, a bit more loudly this time. ˝I guess I´ve always known it, somewhere deep down, but when he told me they were letting him go; when I was faced with the possibility of losing him, of never seeing him again…that´s when I finally let it sink in. ˝

Claire nodded. ˝And Sawyer? ˝ she asked carefully.

Kate´s head shot up. ˝What about him? ˝she said, unsure.

Claire looked away, uncomfortably; then forced herself to look up again. ˝Kate, I don't want to pry, but… it´s obvious that something happened back there, when you were in captivity. ˝she said, blushing; then added quickly. ˝I know it´s not my business, but…˝

˝I slept with him. ˝

˝What? ˝

˝I slept with him. With Sawyer. ˝Kate repeated, looking down.

˝Oh. ˝Claire mumbled, not really knowing what to say to that.

˝Jack saw it. ˝Kate continued. ˝They had cameras. ˝

˝How…how do you…˝

˝Juliet told me. ˝Kate replied before Claire even finished the line. A small tear escaped her eye, finding its way down her cheek and onto her chin. ˝The day we were handcuffed together. ˝

Claire looked at her friend. She didn't know what to say.

˝Oh, is that why her arm was in strange position when she got here? ˝she said, in an attempt to cheer Kate up.

It worked. Kate smiled through tears. ˝No, that was actually before that. ˝ She grinned as she remember how good it felt to do it, to let the anger out; but it lasted only shortly though; ´cause the next moment she returned serious again. ˝I can't even describe how awful it was. To know I was the one that hurt him that much. That broke his heart. ˝she said, fresh tears forming in the corners of her eyes. ˝

Claire nodded sympathetically as Kate tried to dry her face, but the tears just wouldn't stop flowing. ˝And Sawyer? ˝Claire asked again, knowing the answer already, but also knowing that it was crucial to clear that one out too.

˝Sawyer. ˝Kate repeated, breathing deeply as she tried to calm down. ˝I… I love him too, but…˝

˝…but you´re not in love with him. ˝Claire finished slowly and Kate nodded.

˝No. ˝

They sat in silence for a while; then Claire gently put her hand on Kate´s thigh. ˝Kate…˝she started, her voice apologetic. ˝…please don't hate me for what I´ll do now; I know it was wrong and that I should have put a stop on it long before, but I did it because I care about you…both of you…and I really think it´s for the best. ˝

Kate looked up at her, confused. ˝What are you…? ˝she started, but Claire turned towards the door and called:

˝Jack, you can come in now. ˝

Kate´s head shot up towards the door, and, soon enough, she saw him stepping out slowly, clearly feeling uncomfortable.

˝I saw him when he entered. ˝Claire started, ˝… and I wanted to tell you, I really did; but then you started talking and…and I thought the time had come for this conversation to happen. I really am sorry, Kate. ˝she said and gave Kate´s leg a light squeeze; then got up. ˝I´ll give you two some privacy. ˝

Kate felt the room spinning around her. She had never felt this helpless, this trapped before. But at the same time, it was also relief, relief to have things finally out; ´cause keeping them inside was starting to drive her crazy. She sank back into the couch; her head in her hands.

˝You gonna be okay? ˝Claire asked Jack as she stopped herself next to him.

˝Yeah. ˝he said; nodding slowly.

˝Okay, see you later then. ˝she said and passed through the door, taking hold of the handle.

˝And Claire…? ˝Jack called and Claire turned around. ˝Thanks. ˝he said; barely audible; but Claire caught it and smiled at him.

˝You´re welcome. ˝

And with that, she was out, closing the door behind.

Jack took a deep breath; then turned towards the living room again; his steps slow, guided. His mind was still spinning from everything he'd heard, and his thoughts were speeding 100 miles per hour. What did it all mean? Was she honest? How to act from now on?

He returned in the room, closing the door behind him. She was sitting on the couch, still in the same position he'd left her in. He slowly made his way towards the couch, stopping when he reached its side. She sighed, removing her hands from her eyes and leaning back against the soft fabric.

˝I guess there is no much sense in asking you how much you've heard. ˝she said quietly, wiping the tears away with the back of her sleeves.

Jack glanced sideways at her. The shirt she was wearing once probably belonged to someone much taller than she was, as the sleeves were reaching far beyond her wrists, making her seem even more fragile than that day in the jungle; when he first saw her with all of her defensive walls down, if only for a moment. It made him want to hug her and cradle her in his arms, tell her that everything would be alright; but he knew that wasn't the right approach and that they had to clear up some things before anything else happened.

˝No. ˝he said softly as he went around the couch.

She felt the weight shift as he sat down next to her and another tear escaped her eye; but this time she didn't bother, she just let it fall.

˝Why didn't you tell me? ˝he asked, looking sideways at her. ˝I don't understand. Why didn't you tell me anything? ˝he repeated, this time more gently. ˝Back in the game room, or when you found me lying there? When I told it to you? ˝

˝I… I'm not so good in these things, Jack. ˝she started. ˝I've been through a lot and…˝she paused, struggling to find the words. ˝…and every time I'd let myself feel something, be happy…it would all disappear soon. Turn into a dust. So I decided to give up on it. I made my peace with my destiny and I was able to be happy again; or at least seem happy. And then I met you. ˝she paused.

Jack kept looking at her, waiting for her to go on.

˝I was a fugitive, you were a doctor; and I knew it wasn't right, but I couldn't help it – I fell for you. Every day more and more. And I felt like we were really going somewhere, even though both of us were too stubborn to admit it. ˝she said and smiled a bit; but then turned serious again. ˝Then they caught us. They separated me from you, they played mind games with me and when you refused to do that surgery and left, I… I lost hope. And that's when everything started to go downhill. ˝

Jack opened his mouth to say something, but she interrupted him. ˝You asked why I hadn't told you. Back in the game room. ˝she said, closing her eyes, transporting herself mentally in that day. ˝I wanted to say it to you, my whole insides screamed for me to say it to you, but I couldn't. I wouldn't. As much as it pained me to deal with the fact that you were leaving, I had no right to ask from you to stay. To keep you away from your home. From your friends. Your family. Especially after I hurt you so much. Then, that time when I found you in that house, you were already distant. You wouldn't talk to me; you wouldn't even look at me… ˝

Jack was about to say something again, but she was faster this time too. ˝And then, the day you told me you loved me… Ten minutes before I saw you kissing Juliet! I didn't know if anything happened between the two of you, I didn't know if you were just trying to let go of me…and I've had my own problems as well. And after that, we just fell into a routine, flipping back and forth between growing closer and growing apart, and I decided that my original decision, to stay away from these kinds of things, was for the best, ´cause that way at least I wouldn't hurt people I love. So I kept silent. ˝she finished.

No one moved or said anything for a while. They were both looking down, trying to grasp the reality of what had been said between them this day. Then Jack finally shifted:

˝Kate, I… I don't know if I can do this. Not this way. Not like this. ˝he said, shaking his head; and she looked up at him, confused. Jack took a deep break. ˝You… you have no idea how…how much it…hurt…to see you that day. To see you with him. ˝he said quietly and made a paused. ˝It felt as someone had stabbed my heart with a knife, and then continued to chop it into little pieces, one by one. ˝he said, his eyebrows frowning in concentration as he tried to explain.

Kate looked up at him and she felt her heart breaking for him. Two more tears slide down her cheeks.

˝And I can't let myself go through it again, Kate. I just can't, I'm not that strong. ˝he said, looking straight in front of himself. ˝So I need to know it, Kate. I need to know that I won't be putting my heart on a plate again. I need to know that you mean it, Kate, really mean it. I need to hear it, Kate. Hear it from you. ˝he finished, looking up at her.

She stared at his pleading eyes and in them she finally found the courage. She would do it. He deserved to hear it and, if she was completely honest with herself, she yearned to say it to him too.

˝Jack… ˝she said, taking his hand in hers. ˝I…I love you. ˝she paused; then added more firmly. ˝I´m in love with you. ˝

Jack looked at her. Tears were streaming down her eyes, but she'd never seemed more beautiful to him than in that precise moment. He brought his right hand to her chin, lifting it up a bit and forcing her to look at him. Their eyes locked and the next moment he was leaning in; neither of them breaking the eye contact until their mouth touched. He saw her closing her eyes and the next moment he had his closed too; their lips starting to move, reviving the feeling of that day in the jungle long ago when they crossed that line of no return…

They had no idea how long had they been kissing: it could have been hours or only a quarter of the hour; but it didn't matter anyway; ´cause it meant nothing in the world in which they were currently in; the world in which time or space didn't exist; only the two of them, and the way they made each other feel. She was straddling him now, her arms wrapped around his neck as his hands skimmed up and down her back; his tongue invading her mouth; slow and gentle one minute; fast and passionate the other. She felt him going hard and she kissed him more urgently, the heath between them becoming more and more unbearable with every second passed. Her fingers found the buttons of his shirt and were now impatiently working on removing them, as his hands continued to explore her body; but they were interrupted by the sound of alarm going off. They broke apart.

˝Aargh…˝Jack groaned, letting his head fall backwards on the back of the couch.

Kate followed, her head resting against his forehead, their lips still connected.

˝There's always something, isn't there? ˝she said, and he felt her smiling against his lips.

He nodded, his mouth stretching into a smile too. The alarm kept beeping, more and more urgently.

˝Aren't you going to get it? ˝she asked confused, her brows frowning.

˝I am. ˝Jack replied, still breathing hard. ˝I just need a second. ˝he replied sheepishly, looking down; and Kate broke into a laugh. ´Think about Mum, think about Mum. ´he repeated to himself; his eyes closed, the alarm going crazy in the next room.

It worked. He gave her a small peck; then gently rushed her off of him, making her slip back into the couch again. ˝Don't. move. ˝he said, before rushing to enter the code. She heard a loud bang, followed by the sound of furniture falling and a painful ´Dammit! ˝, out of which she concluded he collided with the chair inside. She shook her head and giggled, leaning back against the couch and closing her eyes; happy smile playing of her lips. Everything would be fine.

Please R&R. :puppy eyes: