Disclaimer: I don't own any Sailor Moon characters. The song "Goodbye To You" is by Michelle Branch.
A/N: I'd like to thank impersonal for helping me get this out of my system and for being an awesome beta reader. I also want to thank the SQ fam for all their love and support. I'm moving forward.
I used to believe in the expression that says if you love something, let it go; if it comes back, then it was meant to be.
After being together for almost three years, you asked me to prove how much I loved you. You wanted to pursue your dream in becoming a violinist, and it meant not having me in your life. I never understood why I couldn't be a part of that area in your life, but you told me that if I loved you, I'd let you go. I loved you, so I let you go. I could never move on though. I held on to the tiny thread of hope that you'd come back to me.
Two years later, you did come back and you asked me for another chance. I welcomed you back with arms wide open because all I ever wanted was for you to come back to me, even though you had made me suffer so much. I didn't care about how much you'd hurt me before when you kept me under ball and chain, and I didn't care about how much I hurt after you left. I believed things were going to be different. I believed things were going to be better. I believed you were going to show me love like you never did before.
But since you've come back, all I've felt was more pain and misery. All I felt was your tight grip on me, slowly suffocating me and draining all that I had to give you without giving back anything in return. The only difference was we were older, and supposedly a little wiser than we were in high school. But I was determined to stay strong for us, and in my determination I refused to believe the possibility that we weren't meant to be after all. When you had me give up racing to devote all my time to you, I should've known that was the first sign something wasn't right. But I ignored it. I refused to admit to myself that things weren't supposed to be like this. I even went as far as allowing things to happen because I couldn't accept that there was something wrong. For every scar, every bruise, every spiteful word, every drop of blood and tears, I made myself believe I could handle it. It's been six years now, and I'm finally being honest with myself.
Of all the things I've believed in
I just want to get it over with
Tears form behind my eyes but I do not cry
Counting the days that pass me by
I've been searching deep down in my soul
Words that I'm hearing are starting to get old
It feels like I'm starting all over again
The last three years were just pretend
And I said
Goodbye to you
Goodbye to everything I thought I knew
You were the one I loved
The one thing that I tried to hold on to
No matter what I did, things weren't getting better the way I always hoped it would. And slowly I found myself losing purpose. I don't know who I am anymore. I've tried to be everything you wanted me to be, but it was never good enough. There was always something more you expected from me, always something I needed to change, always something that just wasn't acceptable. I can no longer reason out with myself. I can no longer tell myself I don't mean what I'm feeling. I've heard it all already. There's nothing new anyone can say anymore.
I still get lost in your eyes
And it seems that I can't live a day without you
Closing my eyes and you chase my thoughts away
To a place where I am blinded by the light
But it's not right
Goodbye to you
Goodbye to everything I thought I knew
You were the one I loved
The one thing that I tried to hold on to
I know I shouldn't answer when you call, but part of me stills waits for your call. Part of me wants to reach out to you, wipe the tears from your eyes, and tell you everything will be okay. But we both know it'll just make it harder. We have to do this on our own. I could never resist when your eyes settled upon me and lured me over to you, I could never resist the ocean scent of you in the air around me, but it'll never be the same if I give in and stay with you. I know you love me now, and I can't deny that I still love you. I will always love you, like the wind longing to be one with the sea… but it's not fair. It's better this way-
For the love that eats away life.
And it hurts to want everything and nothing at the same time
I want what's yours and I want what's mine
I want you
But I'm not giving in this time
I was determined to hold us together, even if I had to do it single-handedly. I was foolhardily ignoring the space of air that separates us. I hated the storms when the sea got all rough, but I joined in it and braved them. Who notices the wind that tries desperately to blow the ships floating on the sea to some direction of safety? When the ships finally sink, I take the blame for you. I did all of it because I loved you. Some might say I was blinded by love. Sometimes the wind gets engulfed into the storm and loses its direction, hence it follows the sea blindly. But no, love is not blind. Love sees all, and keeps on loving. Too bad you didn't realize that till it was too late. Too many ships have sunk; we have become sinners of our own world. The calm is no longer enjoyed, the wind has nothing to protect from the stormy rough sea. It's true what they say – You don't know what you've got till it's gone. There's only one thing left for me to do now.
Goodbye to you
Goodbye to everything I thought I knew
You were the one I loved
The one thing that I tried to hold on to
And when the stars fall I will lie awake
You're my shooting star