"Chapter 1 – I Don't Care"

"I try to make you see my side. I always try to stay in line, but your eyes see right through. That's all they do. I'm getting buried in this place. I've got no room; you're in my face. Don't say anything just go away." – Apocalyptica

It rained that day.

Then again, it rained that whole week...

Jade hated driving when it rained. She could stomach walking in rain in small doses, but she would never drive in it.

She wouldn't go through that again…

She should have gone home since this should be a private moment, but there was no privacy in her home. At least, not for her.

So instead, she sloshed along the sidewalk to Cat's house. Jade found herself spending the majority of her free time at Cat's. It was an escape and a relief that Jade could only find in the midst of Caterina Valentine.

Since the breakup, Jade couldn't find her escape with Beck anymore.

It's been five weeks since they separated, but Jade still felt the sting of losing the one guy in the world who loved her. He was the only guy that she could find it in herself to love back and he was no longer hers.

She couldn't find solace in André, or Tori, and definitely not Robbie. She barely considered the last two as people, so how could she run to them? Tori and Robbie were practically strangers to Jade, and Jade hated strangers. She could confide in Cat—after all, they were best friends—but there was only so much the little redhead could do; Cat didn't know what it was like to be forced to leave someone you loved when you'd been with them for nearly five years.

Mechanically, Jade moved through the rain and stepped up to Cat's front door. She banged loudly on the door, but the rain was pouring so hard that she couldn't hear it. She wondered if anyone inside did and proceeded to ring the doorbell rapidly until it hung.

After a few seconds, Cat's brother, Bryce, ripped the door open. His goofy green eyes were distorted by his bushy, furrowed brows and his goofy grin was plastered into a mocking grimace. His curly brown hair was pressed flat on one side like he'd just woken from a nap. He wore a baggy T-shirt and boxers, scratching his stomach once the door was open.

"I told you crazy kids to stay off my lawn!" he exclaimed in an old, tired voice as he weakly shook his free fist at Jade. She scowled and pushed him out of her way, wordlessly leaving behind a trail of rain on the carpet.

She didn't have time for his jokes today.

She stormed up to Cat's room to find the door open and the redhead lying on her bed, hands resting on her stomach, as she stared at her ceiling. She had her headphones on and legs crossed as her foot moved to the beat of a song. She was also quietly humming along.

Jade entered the room and slammed the door shut, casing the walls to rattle and starling the smaller girl. Cat threw her headphones off, sat up, and smiled in amusement when she saw Jade.

"You're all soggy!" she exclaimed airily.

Jade rolled her eyes and made her way to Cat's personal bathroom. "I gotta pee," she grumbled. Cat gasped happily and quickly scurried into the pink bathroom before Jade did. Again, Jade scowled.

"Out," she snarled. Cat squeaked in fear and scuttled out of the room, gently closing the door after leaving.

Once Cat had gone, Jade sighed softly to herself. She pulled the crumbled brown bag from beneath her black hoodie and pulled the white box from inside.

It's just to be sure, she reminded herself. Just to stop freaking out.

Jade was on the pill, as she needed to be, but you were still supposed to get a period every now and then. She always kept track of them—it was easy when you only had four a year—and she'd missed one. She knew it was normal to miss one or two as a teenager, but that was if you weren't taking contraceptives.

Jade West didn't panic, but everyone worries at some point…

Her pants made a disgusting slick as she slid them off and clung to her cold body. She held her breath as she peed on that little stick of fate. Thousands of thoughts whisked through her head, but she refused to let them fill her mind completely. Her thoughts were overwhelming and Jade West was never overwhelmed.

What if I'm pregnant? Could I tell Cat? What if she tells someone? What if she tells Beck? What will he do? I can't keep this stupid baby, not with everything going on right now. I can't go through nine months of this crap.

As the thoughts began to cloud her head, she started to feel lightheaded and her hands began to hurt.

She was still holding her breath and squeezing the test tightly.

She let out an audible sigh and replaced it with fresher air.

"Jade?" Cat called. "Are you okay in there?"

"Yeah sure," she muttered. She didn't know if Cat heard her, and she didn't care.

She felt for her phone. She hadn't even realized she'd gotten up or put her pants back in order. She checked her phone for the time. With the way the rain had drenched her pants, it was a miracle it still worked...and the necessary three minutes had passed. Jade let out a small sigh of relief.

The wait was agonizing.

With shaking hands, she looked down at the test. Then she slapped her shaking hand. Jade West is never scared.

With a firm grip, she brought it close enough to read. Two sadistic bars taunted her on the test's screen and she dropped it. She stepped backward, grabbing onto Cat's towel rack for support. Any other movements or actions were unimaginable.

"Crap..."

"Jade?" Cat called again. "What's wrong? Did you lock yourself in the bathroom? I did that once. Do I need to get my brother? One time he kicked a door open with his head!"

And that silly, incomprehensible sentence brought Jade back to reality.

She grabbed the test from the floor, put it back in its box, and shoved the box in the bag before hiding it under her hoodie again. She opened the door to see a scared Cat looking up at her, twirling a lock of her red hair and bouncing nervously. Jade bit her lip and contemplated telling her. I want to tell her, she thought to herself, but what good would that do? Cat isn't going through this—and I hope she never will—so she wouldn't be able to help me…as if I needed help. What could I possibly gain from telling her? And what if she says something?

After a long silence, she gently put her hands on Cat's shoulders and steered the eccentric girl backwards to her bed. We promised to never keep secrets from each other, she reminded herself as she sat Cat down and sat beside her, looking at her feet. She sloshed a bit on the bed, but Cat could just get a maid to wash them. That was a perk of having a wealthy mother.

"If I tell you something," she began as she looked up at Cat, "Can you promise me you won't tell anyone? Not even Tori, Beck, André, Robbie, or his stupid puppet."

Cat nodded rapidly. "Yeah, yeah," she answered eagerly. "Not a word!"

Then Jade took in a deep breath. It still felt surreal. It had only been a minute and a half since she saw those evil two bars and she wasn't sure she could say it. She was waiting for her eyes to open, tearing her away from this dream. She was waiting to wake up and be ten again, when everyone was happy (even though she hid it) and the world was right. Everything was okay up until half a year ago, but ten was always her favorite year.

She opened her mouth, closed it, opened it again, and closed it again. She couldn't say it. She didn't want this to be happening. She couldn't say it…

With a low, annoyed grunt, she ripped the wet paper bag out from beneath her hoodie and tore it open to reveal the white box. Cat stared at it for a moment in confusion.

"But I'm a virgin..."

Jade rolled her eyes and threw the box into Cat's lap before shooting to her soaked feet. "I took the stupid test!" she shouted angrily.

Cat gasped loudly. "Did you pass?" she asked curiously.

Jade groaned in pain and slapped her forehead. Though she loved Cat to death and trusted her with her life, she'd rather claw her own eyes out than have this conversation with Cat. She wished she hadn't said anything about the test. But there was no turning back now. And they made a promise to never keep secrets from each other. If Jade didn't finish what she started, Cat would be stuck with questions and she'd go around asking them.

Jade could picture the conversation now.

She had considered—with her current situation—that an unexpected pregnancy could happen to her just as much as the next girl, so she decided she would never be able to raise a child while she was in school.

Now that it had happened, Jade wasn't sure if she would skip school to get rid of the baby, but it was hard for her to imagine keeping it. And if she ran out tonight and skipped school tomorrow, Cat wouldn't grasp the concept that Jade was announcing she was pregnant until a much later date. Therefore, Cat would be bothered by the previous night all day at school and she'd finally decide to say something at lunch time.

"Jade took a special test!" Cat announces all cheerily. For a moment she keeps her smile, and then it falls. "She came to my house last night to tell me about it, but then she got upset and wouldn't tell me if she passed…" It's a relief to get those words out of her head; she thought she'd explode if she didn't say them! She's not speaking to anyone in particular so she doesn't think she's breaking Jade's promise.

Beck, however, is listening.

"Did she take this 'special test' in the bathroom?" he asks curiously. Cat—actually, everyone—can hear the worry in his voice. He's not worried about Jade though, no…he pushed her away and didn't bother trying to bring her back; he just couldn't deal with her drama anymore. He's worried about being a father, though; his mother raised him right and he knows he'll have to take care of the child and deal with Jade again…

Cat nods and fidgets with her fingers. "Then she handed me a little white box with a pregnancy test in it but I told her I was a virgin!"

Robbie chokes on his food and André does a spit take. Tori isn't there—because in Jade's mind, Tori doesn't exist. Beck's face falls. He shoots up from the table and sprints to his truck. He knows why Jade isn't at school and he has to stop her.

He speeds to the women's clinic because he thinks—knows—that's the first place Jade is going. He's hoping, praying, that he won't be too late; he'll never forgive himself if he's too late. He arrives at the clinic and rushes to the receptionist's desk. He asks for Anastasia DeVrough, Jade's chosen pseudonym for when she becomes a famous gothic novelist. The receptionist, who's obviously trying to flirt with him, tells him that Anastasia came and left before ten o' clock.

He's so enraged by those words that he throws everything on the desk to the floor and smashes the closest window, scaring the receptionist. She won't say anything because she'd hate to see a pretty face get in trouble. And while Jade likes it when Beck's mad, she'd hate this because he hates her.

Around twelve-thirty, he arrives at Jade's house. Liam isn't home; he's probably at a bar or something. Beck kicks in her front door and it startles Jade, even behind her closed bedroom door upstairs. She turns her music down and listens to the loud stomping of Beck running up the stairs. By the time barges into her room, Jade's staring at her wall clinging to her knees.

"Why didn't you say anything?" he screams. "Why didn't you tell me about it?"

"You didn't need to know," she mumbles. She keeps her eyes on the wall because she can't bear to face him.

"What do you mean I didn't need to know?" he shouts back at her. He refines himself to her doorway because he's afraid he might do something he regrets if he leaves; he can barely even see straight. "That was our child, Jade! You can't get rid of it without my consent!"

Jade scoffs and snaps out of her pity party. She shoots off the bed. "What the hell do you know?" she shouts. "You're not the one that has to carry the stupid thing. You're not the one who'd have to finish senior year with a kid on their arm!"

Beck kicks the doorframe. "I don't care!" he exclaims. "That was my child! That was a life growing inside you that you killed! How could you—"

"Shut up!" she shrieks. "It wasn't your child! I couldn't—" She gasps, realizing she slipped up. She falls back onto her bed and lowers her head, refusing to say anything else.

Beck grabs the doorframe for support. He promised himself he wouldn't worry about Jade anymore, but the thought of her getting pregnant by another guy is devastating. He clears his throat, trying to find his voice. He doesn't want to ask, but he needs to know.

And knowing Jade, she'd tell him the truth and—

With a deep, devastated sigh, Jade snapped back to reality and plopped back down on Cat's bed. She held her hands in her lap and looked at the rain chipped nail polish on her claw-like nails.

With a swift motion, she turned to look at her anxiously waiting friend.

Then she uttered those life-shattering three words.

"Cat…I'm pregnant…"

Cat gasped and squealed in excitement before placing her hand on Jade's soaked stomach. "There's a baby in your belly!" she exclaimed loudly. She looked up at Jade in astonishment. "I wonder if it looks like a sea monkey," she uttered in fascination.

Jade growled in annoyance, threw Cat's hand off her stomach, and shot to her feet once more. She began to pace back and forth, her hands in her damp, wavy hair.

"You don't get it, Cat," she forced out. "I can't have a baby! I'm only seventeen!"

Cat bounced to her feet and stood in front of Jade, placing her hand on the damp girl's shoulders. "You could give it up for adoption!" she offered with a hopeful smile, "My mommy did that once and you could too!" Then her smile fell and she looked down at Jade's flat stomach hidden under clinging clothes.

"I don't think Beck would like that though..."

Jade pulled away from Cat and sat back down on the bed with her head bowed. "I don't know if it's his," she muttered slightly; her voice was barely audible, but Cat still heard it. Cat knew a lot of Jade's secrets, as Jade knew all of Cat's, but Cat didn't know Jade's darkest secret; she still thought Jade had only ever slept with Beck…

Cat gasped loudly and fell down beside her friend. "Then who's is it?" she asked worriedly.

"None of your business!" Jade snapped, her head shooting to the redhead.

Cat flinched and frowned. "That's a weird name..." she mumbled with a shaking voice. Her eyes threatened tears and Jade sighed deeply.

She opened her mouth to give a rare apology when her phone rang in her drenched pocket. She didn't even have to look at it to know who was calling...

Jade bit her lip for a moment, contemplating on what to do. She knew she was in trouble since he was calling, but what else was new?

She decided to answer her phone. The picture on the caller ID made her not want to, but she knew she had to.

"I got caught up with something," she said vaguely. There was yelling, but Cat couldn't really hear it. Jade didn't flinch at the loudness; she was used to it. "I know, I know," she breathed, "I'll be there in a minute."

Then she put her phone back in her pocket and turned back to Cat. "I gotta go," she announced. She pointed a chipped black claw at the petite girl. "Don't tell anyone I'm pregnant," she snarled.

With wide eyes, Cat nodded wordlessly. Then Jade ripped Cat's bedroom door open and clomped down the stairs before she trudged home.

The rain was still pouring a massive curtain, but Jade ignored it as she clung to herself. Each step she took splashed water off the sidewalk and into the street. She stopped to watch the runoff fly drown the side of the street. As it spilled into the sewer through the barred opening on the sidewalk, she wished she could fly with it.

Instead, she had to continue her murky journey home, preparing herself to black out so she wouldn't have to think about what was to happen next. It was a long walk from Cat's house to her own, but Jade was thankful for that. It would give her more time to forget; it would give her more time alone, more time where she could pretend to be safe.

The rain began to weigh down her clothes, which made it harder for her to walk. She was using a lot of energy trying to get home, and that meant she would have less energy to fight him off. But then again, she was tired of fighting. She was tired of trying to stand up to him, only to be knocked off her feet.

But now there was life inside her. She knew she wouldn't have the heart to give up the baby if she found it in herself to keep it, so it was automatically decided that she couldn't give up on herself.

Even if she didn't have the energy to protect herself, it would be burned in her soul to fight for her unborn child...

~*I try to make it through these lies. That's all I do*~

When Jade neared her house, the door ripped open and a tall figure wearing a white undershirt over baggy jeans stood in its frame. She could tell it was him through the thick shroud of rain because of the brown hair that had grown slightly from its buzz-cut. His piercing blue-green eyes beamed through the rain, filling Jade to the core with fear.

That…and her father was either at work or heading to the strip club by now.

Most people didn't know Jade had a brother. They didn't know she shared the mixture of her father's cold, green emeralds and her mother's warm, blue sapphires with a man of twenty-three. They didn't know she'd dyed her hair black because of him; they all thought she did it because too many people kept mistaking the back of her head for Tori's—and it was no secret how much she detested Tori Vega. No, they didn't know she dyed her hair because it was the one thing she shared with her brother that she could change, the one thing she could use to deny any relation to him.

No one knew that.

That's how she wanted it.

Right now, it was like treading through quicksand as Jade tried to get to her front porch, but she carried on.

She wasn't moving fast enough.

"Hurry up!" her brother shouted above the roar of the downpour. "Don't make me have to come out there and drag you in here!"

He did that once, dragged her into the house. It was two weeks ago, actually, and he'd pulled her back inside the house by her hair because she tried to run away from home. He didn't take kindly to that thought.

Jade clenched her eyes shut and forced her legs to move faster in her heavy jeans. He was already pissed, and she didn't want to make it worse.

Once close enough, the monster in the doorway pulled Jade inside, slamming and locking the door behind her. She stood deathly still, her back to him, waiting for what he had to say.

"Look at me," he demanded in a soft voice, barely above a whisper. Slowly she turned to face him, her eyes wrenching open. His hands shot out to her and he gripped her tightly by her arms. "Why the hell didn't you come straight home?" he screamed. His voice made her flinch slightly and she scowled.

"I told you to always call me and tell me where you are, where you're going, and when you're getting your stupid ass back home!" he shouted. Then he released one of her arms and his hand collided with her cheek. She heard a bone in her neck pop, but that was normal.

He pushed her and she stumbled backwards, but held her ground otherwise.

"Or are you so stupid that I have to teach you another lesson?" he spat. He chuckled darkly and crossed his arms, tapping his index finger lightly on his chin. "If I can't get through to you," he began sinisterly, "Maybe I'll just have to pay your little friend Cat a visit since you two are so close."

"You leave her alone!" Jade screamed, pushing her brother without even thinking.

Big mistake.

As he hit the door, he was genuinely shocked…that she would do something so stupid; he thought she would have learned by now. His mouth twisted into a scarring grimace and his blue-green eyes filled with hate as he lunged for her. Arms outstretched, he latched onto her clothing and knocked her down to the floor beside the sofa. His hand became balled into a fist and he brought it down across her face several times.

"Don't...you...ever...push...me," he growled out between hits. Jade let out small noises of pain as blood began to fly from her mouth, so he put his hand free hand against her throat. She started to choke as he continued to hit her and her hands flew to his wrist trying to pull his hand away from her larynx.

She knew it was no use; his years in the military had made him greatly stronger, making it near impossible for her to ever fight him off. But maybe it was a survival instinct.

And suddenly, the blows stopped. His grip on her throat softened and air rushed back into her lungs from her deep gasps. His hand moved back to her face though, this time covering her mouth.

"If you ever do anything like that again," he threatened through gritted teeth, "I'll kill you and all your stupid little friends, making it all look like accidents. Do you understand me?"

Tears began to well in her eyes, but she fought them back as she nodded. Right now she didn't fear for herself; she feared for the lives of her best friend and her baby. Maybe she cared about Beck, too—no, she definitely cared about Beck—but the others didn't matter to her.

They were nothing…just like she was…

He smiled slightly and brought his face closer to Jade's. "You screw a lot of things up," he hissed, "Why don't you find out what it's like?" He pulled her face back by her mouth and slammed it roughly against the hardwood floor. "Why don't you find out what it's like to get screwed, whore?" he bellowed at the top of his lungs. Tears started to brim his eyes, and he let them fall on her face to remind her of the pain she inflicted on her.

This was a ritual now: he'd beat her up a bit, call her a whore, and maybe beat her up a little bit more as his scorching tears fell upon her.

He'd done it ever since their mother was laid to rest six feet under. He blamed Jade for what happened, and Jade did too. He blamed her because she'd been in the car too, but she survived…

After the funeral, her father busied himself with work and beer and strippers, his three favorite things. So whenever Liam West, Sr. spent his time passed out drunk or hiding his sorrows at work or the clubs, Junior took it upon himself to make Jade pay for what she'd done.

The sexual assault began six weeks ago when Liam decided to try and drown his misery in some of his father's poison. He was buzzed when he attacked Jade, so he was aware of what he was doing. He came into her room, pinned her to the bed, and managed to remove as much clothing as he sought necessary to have his way with her. Then he left her shattered on her bed, clinging to her sheets and rocking slowly as she tried to pretend it didn't happen.

As it happened more and more, she continued to pretend. Sometimes it would happen in her room and she would pretend it didn't, but most of the time Liam wouldn't make it that far and it would happen somewhere out in the open like the hallway or the kitchen...and Jade would pretend it didn't happen. She would pretend she was being hurt in the ways she loved and—sometimes—that Beck would be the one to have the balls to do it to her.

Tonight was one of those nights.