Chapter 1

Gaara's Point of View

My head is killing me, I'm aggravated out of this earth, and I need to find her. I sighed softly. "Lord Gaara?" I turned my head to the voice that drew me from my thoughts.

"Yes Elder Ebizo?" My voice very monotone. I didn't mean to come off that way to Ebizo, it just happened. I can tell he hasn't taken it to heart. I think at this point it is quite obvious I don't care about this pointless meeting about an attack on the Maeda clan five months ago. "How is Kaori?" The elder said to me in a whisper, his face showing sympathy. I opened my mouth to speak but nothing came out. I merely shook my head.

"I remember those days." He said to me, he used to be married.

The council members in the room seemed to sympathize with me, just what I needed. They know their Kazekage has had it rough lately. We have a leak in the village, and still we have no leads on the man who escaped the mizukage and myself at the chunin exams. "We've discussed this a number of times already." Majority of them are afraid that the Maeda clan will leave, however a lot of them don't know I'm seeing next in line for head of house. "I'm adjourning this meeting." I stood from my seat and casually walked out of the room. They hadn't even waited to start gossiping before I was out of earshot. I didn't care though, I just wanted to see her. I know I shouldn't, I can barely think while we're this mad at each other. As I entered the Kazekage's quarters and sat at my desk, I couldn't help but think about the fight we had earlier.

The Fight:

"I don't understand Gaara! You say you'd be here for me afterwards but you've just been avoiding me." Her words slapped me in the gut. My heart sank all the way to the floor. She is partially right, it's just been a coincidence that we've had more meetings and paperwork lately. "How can you say that Kaori?!" Im yelling at her, we're practically screaming at each other. Im sure everyone in the Maede compound on this side could hear us, I didn't care though.

"Get out." She said to me. Angry tears falling from her beautiful, almond shaped brown eyes. Her body shook in anger, I hadn't even noticed that mine did too.

I pinched the bridge of my nose, my other arm tucked underneath my elbow. 'Calm down', I told myself. "Kaori… Im sorry. I'm really fucking sorry." I stopped yelling at her, and began to talk to her in my usual tone. "I'm hurting too. I wish more than anything that the baby was still here." I began to take steps towards her. "Don't." She shook her head, taking steps away from me. "I just want you to leave." I closed my eyes, I couldn't listen to this. I need to stay. I know I should stay. I know that I should grab her, hug her and make her feel protected, but I can't. I cant right now. I left. I walked away from her and the situation completely. I forced myself to ignore her tears, the tears of a childless mother.

End of Fight

I don't even remember how we started fighting. It seems that all we do anymore is fight. Sighing heavily I forced myself from the comfortable desk chair. Each step that I took towards my closet reminded me of how I left her. How I left the woman I'd do anything for, alone and hurting. I changed out of my clothes and into my sleep wear. Red checkered pajama pants and a black tank top.

'Knock Knock Knock' I heard the door. "Who is it?"

"It's me." The voice said.

"Come in." Shinki opened the door.

"Father." He said upon his entrance. "Are you not coming home?"

I shook my head.

He sighed.

"What?" I couldn't help but smirk. Shinki is well aware of what's going on, he knows we're fighting. Not about the baby, I hope.

"Do you wish that you hadn't done it?" He asked my cautiously.

"Hadn't done what?" I asked him, guiding him to the sofa. I poured him and myself fig juice and began to take a sip.

He paused for a moment. I can tell it's been on his mind for a while. "Hadn't gotten Lady Kaori pregnant?"

My eyes widened and I spat out the fig juice. I began to cough and couldn't stop for a while. "H- H.. What?"

He stared at me. His thick eyebrows furrowed together.

"Well…" I balled my fist up and brought it to my lips. I couldn't help but seriously think about the question. Did I? "No." I shook my head. "I don't. I wanted her to have the baby. Unfortunately things happen sometimes." He lowered his eyes and started at the ground. "Do you wish I hadn't?" I wish he didn't know, but the way Kaori and I screamed at each other it's a wonder the entire village doesn't know.

He gave me an accusing look. "It's just a question." I told him.

He softened his gaze. "I don't know. I would have been happy to have a little brother or sister."

I sighed softly. How long has this been on his mind? "Have you talked to her about it?" When did he find out? I kicked myself mentally. Or course he knows, he must have heard Kaori and I arguing. It doesn't take a village to figure it out.

He shook his head. "I don't want to upset her. " He stood from his seat and began to take his leave. "Where are you going?" I asked. "Home." Was all he said before leaving.

I took a long look around my quarters. I hadn't slept here in a long time. Not since I moved into the Maede clan's compound, only a handful of people know that. I want to go home but… I shook my head. I'm staying here tonight. I can't go home.

I think that, it's best if we end things. I don't wasn't to keep arguing with her about things we can't remember later. I made my way to the Kage sized bed, and crawled under the sheets. I'm a mess. I need to get myself together.

Kaori's Point Of View

I yawed wholeheartedly. Yesterday was a long day. I stood up from the bed, pulling the sheets back over it. I smiled softly at the intruder in my room. Shinki. He's so sweet. I couldn't believe he came to sleep in my room with me. He's so independent. He turned over to his other side, now facing towards me. I leaned over and kissed his forehead. He stirred a bit but kept sleeping. The sun hadn't even risen yet. His room is in the middle of renovation, so he's been staying at the other side of the compound, I wouldn't want to sleep their either.

I tiptoed towards my closet, quietly taking off my navy colored kimono top and black shorts. Along with my opened toed ninja boots. After grabbing my outfit for the day and tiptoed once more to my bathroom. I turned the light adjustment to dim, so not to wake Shinki. I brushed my teeth, brushed my hair, and then washed my face. My usual morning routine. I stared at my soft heart shaped face, analyzing my toffee colored skin. I took a deep sigh before grabbing my comb and parting my hair into two divisions. Half of my hair in a ponytail ,and the other half hanging down my back.

I opened the drawer beneath the sink and scanned for the navy ribbon I know I had. Upon finding it I cautiously wrapped it around my ponytail, shaping it into a perfect bow. Nodding with approval I took my black kimono shorts that hung tightly to my skin, and slid them up. I had to jump multiple times in order to get them over my ass, which had gotten out of control before my miscarriage. A frown crept up to my face before I noticed. Inhaling a deep about of air into my lungs I shook myself while releasing the air. "It's time to move on Kaori. It's a new day and you have a lot of people depending on you to figure everything out." I told myself. I zipped my boots over my legs and then wrapped my kimono, finishing it off with another bow.

It wasn't very long until I heard someone stirring from the bedroom. "Lady Kaori?" Shinki's emotionless voice called.

"In the bathroom." I said. I had just finished the finishing touches of makeup.

The bathroom door slid open, and Shinki entered. "Good morning." I smiled. "Good morning." His hand went up to light switch. "Do you mind?" I shook my head. He turned the brightness to the max, it took my pupils awhile to get adjusted to the light.

"Can I ask you a question?" He said while staring at me blankly.

"Of course koibito." I said.

"Do you… Wish that.." He paused. "Yes Shinki?" I raised my brow. He took in a deep breath and asked, "Do you wish Father hadn't have gotten you pregnant? Or that you had never met?"

I gasped. Why does he think that? Of course not! I got down on both of my knees and grabbed Shinki by his shoulders. He was shocked. "I course not Shinki! I love Gaara. I love Gaara just as much as I love you!" I hadn't realized that I shook him with each sentence that I said. "I loved our baby too!" Tears welled in my eyes. "I think a family would have been the best thing for us." A tear sled down the both of my cheeks.

"So we aren't a family now?" I blinked in surprise. He think's of me as family? "I think that father loves you like you love him. I don't know who my biological parents are, but if I did I think that my mother would have been like you." He took a deep breath.

More tears slid down my cheeks. "Y- You really think so?" I sniffled. He nodded.

"Koibito." I hugged him tightly. "You'll always be my son, no matter what, okay?" Jeez, when did this kid became a psychiatrist.

He nods. "I'm gonna go train with Masuri, Mother." His arms wrapped around my back, we stayed like that for a moment, then he let go. My cheeks blushed softly at him calling me mother. "Okay, have fun." I said to him, he nodded again and before I knew it he had left the my room. I gathered myself emotionally and stood on my two feet again. I couldn't help but sniffle while crawling back into my bed, no longer having the energy for anything else.

A few hours passed and I still refused to leave my bed. My sister closest in age to me, Kumiko stormed into my room. "Get up!"

I groaned. "I can't.."

Kumiko sighed. "Was it bad?"

I nodded. "Really bad… I'm always mad at him. Every time we see each other we argue." Once again tears formed at her eyelids. "I know he's going to end this." I croaked out. "I wouldn't be surprised if he came to give me the news today."

Kumiko crawled into my bed with me, and for a minute we only stared into each other's eyes. "You've been so strong. For all of us, for father." She paused. "What happened to Midori...Then the baby? Kaori you've been so strong for all of us. I need you to keep being strong."

I hugged her, she really is the best little sister. She started to cry too. "You're a good sister, but Megumi is better." We both laughed.

"Ugh." I said to her while wiping away my tears.

"We really have become the cry babies." I laughed, she was right.

I got up from the bed feeling like a boulder have been lifted off of me. She helped me make my bed up, we had Moe, the family cook bring up lunch and we ate together. The food was so delicious that neither of us wanted to speak to each other. "So." Kumiko said. "You and Gaara, you don't think you'll make it?" I put down my plate of sashimi. "It's a long time coming. Not that I want to, I think that we have too, for now."

Kumiko looked down. "I wish there was something we could have done for the baby."

I smiled. "Me too little sister." We both smiled.

"Midori and mother are taking care of her, so I don't worry." I nodded. I don't.

Kumiko smiled. "Definitely."

'Tap Tap Tap'

Hey guys, so there are a few things I want to address, first off. This is a Gaara x Reader. You the reader, are playing as Kaori Maede. Second, I rated this story M for Mature because there will be a lot of angst/lemon. If you don't wish to read them I understand. I modeled Kaori after Fuu, who I shipped with Gaara until she died. Which is why she's so silly and affectionate. Lastly, I do NOT own Naruto. Naruto belongs to an awesome writer named, Masashi Kishimoto. I will TRY to update at least twice a month. If there is anything you guys can think I need to fix please let me know! The following chapter WILL have ANGST/SMUT/LEMON! On with the story!