Out Of The Dark
Chapter One
'You probably thought me selfish, brother. A cheat, a liar, the trickster at his best. In the eyes of Asgard, we fought like ignorant children, but you and I know different. If father hadn't intervened I would have stopped, I promise. But to you my bonds are worth less than nothing.
All I sought from then on was to feel something like I had before. But in those few seconds staring into father's eyes, I saw there was nothing I could do. I was scared... I was frightened. I felt worthless. I wanted to cease to exist in these worlds carved of beauty and power. I wanted a purpose, but I had none. So I let go, allowing my fate to anyone's hands.
Falling through the darkness, he saw the golden glow of Asgard and the florescent lights of the broken bridge growing fainter until they were as small as distant stars. In that moment, I saw how small everything was and all I could think of was how much I regretted my mistakes. The mutiny against our father, my betrayal of my own brother and the war I evoked with my own race. All I wanted was forgiveness; all I needed was a second chance.
After watching hundreds of worlds go by, my loneliness grew. I so wanted to be home. It's where I belong, I knew that then, and I knew I would do anything to get back. I started thinking what I would sacrifice to be given a second chance. Anything. Anything so I could come home and we could jest once again. My wage didn't change when I met him. I'm not ready to admit what I sacrificed but just know that I am selfish, but not in the way you think. I did it out of kindness and love for home and that is what I do now.
You know what he did for me? I met myself, the version I could have become if I had stayed. I liked it. He was calm and happy and smiling while our shadows stood either side of Odin, equal in everyone's eyes. The short glimpse only made my yearning deeper. I no longer wanted to go back, I needed to come home. So like a fool I agreed. He could have asked for my youth, my power but instead I thought he was lenient in his plan. I was mistaken, the trickster was tricked. He sent me here, Jotunheim. I am sorry, brother, but I needed to be with you again so badly that I have put my own desires ahead of everyone else's. In this way, I regrettably am the selfish cheat you remember.'
These would be the words Loki would say if he ever saw Thor again, but as the dark and cold days and nights ran together as one, it seemed less and less likely that anyone was looking for him.
"He's not coming for you. He will never come for you."
Thor peered into his goblet, a grim reflection starring back at him from the surface of his mead. Him, Sif and the Warriors three sat along the elegant, golden table in the dining hall. Hanging above the table were large candles mounted on the carved figure of a boat; a sign of mourning.
"Peace and order... at what cost?" Thor downed his drink, droplets of red falling from his mouth. He roughly wiped them away, placing the goblet down, watching as it toppled over and clanged on the floor. He buried his head in his hands, hunching over the table and rocked slightly.
"Thor. We are sorry... for your loss." Sif dropped her gaze as she failed to lighten the dull mood falling between them.
Volstagg got up and stood behind Thor, head still bowed, the spirit in his voice high.
"You must look to the future. You are set to be king. A good one at that." He playfully punched Thor's arm, but his cheery smile faded as Thor just moved away from his touch. After a moments silence he spoke.
"He was also brought up to be a king... my brother."
Volstagg remained standing as Fandral joined him, twisting the points of his mustache before leaning on the table next to Thor.
"What you must look at now, is the history you two had. The great moments we all experienced. The tricks he played... on all of us." They smiled; even Thor raised his head and thought back on his childhood.
Fandral stood back, flamboyantly as ever; Sif and a quiet Hogun joining the crowd around Thor.
"I say we honor him, in the way we promised to show our bond."
Sif sat next to Thor, pushing aside the plates still overflowing with food.
"You once said, that even though we are different, we are still united, because we promised we could always count on one another. I know of no other who could swear such a bond and carry it on their conscious and soul for this long. Why stop at death? It is only another plain of existence. He still lives, yet we sit here in this mess and claim we still love him?"
Hogun spoke for the first time; his voice low and dry as usual.
"She is right. If we do not honor his memory, we only dishonor each other."
All of them fell silent; Thor and Sif at the table while Volstagg and Fandral exchanged glances. Fandral clapped, the sound echoing off the walls, drawing their gazes to him.
"That's settled then. I for one am not owing Sif or Hogun, you or even Volstagg anything in Valhalla."
Sif smirked and crossed his arms while Fandral nodded and gestured wildly with his hands.
"Alright, Hel. But I do not regret that."
Sif rolled her eyes as the others burst out laughing. Thor stood up and felt a knife shaped dent in the wood of the table with his fingers.
"I am known as the thunder god, the first born, the golden prince soon to be king." He turned round to face his friends. "But I will never be remembered for the one who broke a brothers bond." He reached for another full goblet of mead and drained it dry. He threw it on a nearby fire before saying, "Meet me at the Bifrost in one hour. Wear winter dress. We're going to Jotunheim."
He left, leaving the others alone in the hall. Fandral coughed, leaned in towards Sif and spoke in a hushed tone. "You don't think…"
Volstagg drummed his hands on his full stomach while Hogun watched the heavy door close behind Thor. "He has no reason to. Quite the opposite in fact..."
Sif looked up at the ship, its many candles the primary source of light that gave the room a pleasant, warm glow. "No. He has grown wiser. I think it has a deeper meaning for him now."
Thor stood away from the door. Having heard every word, he didn't know if he felt relieved, or more anxious to tell them of his secret.
"Do not inform Odin of our ventures. Do not try to find us and do not betray my trust. Promise me these." Thor mouthed his words as he heard Sif and the others approaching the Bifrost. Heimdall held his sword steady with both hands and watched them enter before looking down at Thor from his platform, his voice low and deep.
"I will not betray the trust of my friend, nor that of my king. I cannot promise if you conflict with your father's wishes." He saw Thor expression harden, then as his eyes looked longingly at the portal.
"I will only watch over you." He noticed Thor's child like look of wonder return and smiled. "I will not insinuate anything to the All Father of your business there. This I can promise."
Thor nodded and felt a hand on his shoulder. Heimdall turned and readied his sword as Thor jerked his head to see a beaming Fandral.
"Come along Thor. Wouldn't want to wait any longer. At this rate, the mountains of Jotunheim could have melted."
Sif chuckled as she pulled her fur hood over her head. "You're one to talk. By the time you have finished clearing your room of last nights company and changed your attire to fit your ever changing moods, Jotunheim would have disappeared all together and Hel would have frozen over!"
Thor bellowed with laughter, joining the others as they stood in the bright light of the portal.
Each of them carried a small leather bag of supplies with them; not knowing whether or not they would be staying the night, they had all brought the general necessities, along with their weapons.
While staring through the portal, Thor felt sadly nostalgic. Last time he had stood here with his friends, Loki had been behind him, willing to stand beside him in battle. Even though Thor didn't turn round, his back felt cold as if he could sense his brother's absence. He closed his eyes, feeling them well with tears before a sharp, crisp wind brought him round and out of his daze. He felt his boots sink slightly into the ground and heard the pleasant crunch of snow as all four of them stretched and hoisted their bags before looking up at the tall towers of ice surrounding them. Without a word, they walked away from the tall structures and made their way towards the woods in the distance.
The entire land was covered in a thick layer of fresh white snow. The few trees that didn't appear to be burnt or dead, blanketed with snow, ice snaking up their trunks following the grooves in the wood.
Their pace began to slow, their feet trudging through the thick drifts and their trousers sodden, their legs beginning to feel numb with cold.
Volstagg stopped and looked over his shoulder at their trek through the snow, their footprints being blown away by the harsh wind.
"I think we should make camp or head home. The cold is getting worse, must be their night now." He turned and watched all of them stop in their tracks, exhaustion present on everyones face. Fandral looked up at the dark sky and rubbed his gloved hands together.
"Blasted land. Can tell the difference of day and night only by how blue we all turn."
Thor tried to hide his grimace as he shielded his eyes from the icy wind and spotted a dozen or so trees nearby shielding a small clearing over a hill.
"We'll set up camp there." At hearing the others groan at their expectations of spending a night in this frozen waste land he argued, "If we head back now, we'll either freeze to death or be killed by a passing giant. Out here, it's derelict of everything but us and the snow."
He started walking briskly towards the trees, holding his head high. "Come along, those trees will provide shelter so we can sustain a steady fire."
The others silently agreed and reluctantly began to long hard climb to the swarm of dense trees.
The trees provided pitiful shelter from the harsh conditions but they all agreed that the tall branches would help disperse the smoke from the fire better and keep them hidden.
"Can we not at least seek out some game?" Fandral fidgeted with his blades while the others sat quietly round the fire, their bedding circling it for warmth.
Sif sat forwards slightly, clutching a warm flask and said bluntly, "Not unless you want to start a war." Fandral gave her a confused look and she huffed, continuing. "They aren't exactly happy folk since their king was killed." She hazarded a glance over at Thor but swiftly carried on when she noted he just stared blankly at the flames. "They might see you slaying a passing beast as thievery. They'll seek your hide and the rest of Asgard's if we're not careful."
Volstagg laughed as he picked up a piece of well cooked meat away from the flames, sitting back down, looking over his food before he bit into it.
Thor was the only one who remained silent while the others jested round the fire. Even Hogun joined in while listening to Fandral's outrageous tales of battle before the four of them darted around the camp site, clearing away the rubbish and kicking snow on the fire, plunging them into darkness.
They slept round the fire pit in a circle, resting their heads on their bags and all tightly gripping their thick fur coats for warmth. They kept their weapons close at hand; Sif with her sword and Fandral with his, Volstagg with his ax, Hogun with his range of sharp metal implements and Thor with Mjolnir.
He was the only one who was awake. He was perfectly warm under his coat but his mind was running wild as he closed his eyes, picturing Loki fall from the Bifrost. As he kept imagining the scene over and over again, he thought he heard Loki scream in fear while they were both catapulted by the explosion. And again when he let go of the staff, he could have sworn he had mouthed 'never doubt', before turning away from Thor and falling through the crack in space, following the burning debris of the Bifrost. He curled up tighter, feeling somehow colder and more empty than before and drifted off.
He dreamt.
He opened his eyes, lying on his back he looked up at the dark blue sky of early morning. Staring at the still bright stars, he pulled his coat closer, breathing deeply, feeling the cold air against his face.
He sat up, glancing round at the others as they slept peacefully. He hunched forwards, burying his face in the warmth of his hood. He felt the fur tickling his face, catching in his beard, hearing the wind whistle past him as it blew his hair.
The peaceful sound was broken by heavy, laboured footsteps in the snow. He kept his head down, not knowing if they had been seen, but when the sound died, he lifted his head in the direction. He squinted through the trees, thin branches snaking from thick tree roots, casting shadow patterns on the white snow.
His eyes focused on a strange and familiar shape standing amongst the taller trees. He threw his coat off, held it over his arm and started walking towards the slender frame. As he got closer, he saw the figure move slightly, as if it were a timid animal shying away. He slowly edged his way closer, ignoring his stinging skin as the temperature dropped and snowflakes began to fall.
The figure turned slightly and Thor watched as the light lit up his face. His black hair longer and flowing over his shoulders, also blowing in the wind. His face looked gaunt and paler than he remembered, his eyes and nose tinted pink from the cold. His eyes so impossibly bright. Thor's gaze followed his pale skin from his face, down to his neck and shoulders. He was shivering; covered only by a dark grey, somewhat tattered blanket.
Thor held out his coat to him and waited as he studied it, a scared look suddenly overwhelmed him and he ran almost tripping over his own bare feet. Thor froze for a second before softly saying, "Loki... no."
The image shattered like glass around him, everything slowly turned black around him.
He stirred, sitting up and flailing his arms, letting go of his coat and awakening the others. They instinctively grabbed their weapons and sat up in defensive positions while Thor steadied himself and looked between the two trees off in the distance. Once again he saw the pale half naked outline of him. He pointed, arms out stretched, speechless as Sif followed his line of sight and spotted the figure too. She ran at him full pelt, hoisting her sword high, screaming in rage.
The shadow disappeared as he attempted to run away from the charging woman. Thor had only just stood up when he heard a thumping sound and panicked wailing just out of view. He, Hogun, Volstagg and Fandral all hurried after Sif as the strangled cries continued.
Thor looked on from a distance as he saw the warriors three standing over Sif and the figure while she pinned him down and held a smaller blade at his throat, her sword standing up, buried in the snow. As he walked alongside, he could see how little effort she was using to keep the man from bolting, even so, his efforts to break lose appeared to be straining him due to his quickened breath. It's not until he gets close that he sees the man's face properly, early morning light creeping through the thinly scattered trees. He's blue, Jotun blue, but he seems only slightly taller than Sif. His black hair, tangled and dull, matched the bleakness of his face and eyes.
Those blood red eyes now focused on Thor as he peered over Sif's shoulder. Fandral, Hogun and Volstagg all stood back silently as Sif relaxed, feeling the Jotun cease his mild thrashing. She now focused on him. His face was almost untouched but his bare arms and legs bore several healed scars and opened wounds. She saw his rough calloused hands, the raised light blue patterns on them, deep mauve grazes on his knuckles having recently bled leading to cracked and bitten fingernails.
She slipped her blade into her boot and sat up, still straddling his thighs so he couldn't escape, but he didn't seem interested in running away. He was too entranced by Thor. The warriors three lowered their weapons and watched as Thor knelt down in the snow next to him.
Fandral leaned forwards and spat, "What are we doing? He could freeze you solid in one touch!"
Sif glanced at Thor before looking closer at the Jotun. She sounded bewildered and confused as she said, "He hasn't hurt me, he seems... different."
Volstagg scoffed. "Well he knows he's surrounded. Look at him! He's even smaller than Thor. What kind of frost giant is he?"
Hogan stayed quite as Sif looked at the three of them. "But, does he not remind you of... of..."
"Loki?" Thor's deep voice cut her off and the warriors three craned their heads in more, all the while, the man kept his blank stare fixed on him. Thor waved his hand and Sif moved back and stood with the others, leaving the man almost paralysed in the snow, the look on his face between sad and elated, tears forming in his eyes as his lips curled before trembling. He mumbled something before sitting up on bent legs and wrapped his gangly arms around Thor. He gingerly placed his hands on his back. As he did, he felt a warm patch below his shoulder blades, and then looking down at the dent where he had fallen on the ground, he saw the snow had been stained with blood. He sensed Loki tense as he moved his hands away but felt his arms pull him in tighter. He felt his heaving chest against his own, feeling his protruding rib cage under his thin clothing and his cold skin against his own. His breathing was fast and loud as he began to sob into Thor's shoulder, nuzzling his face into Thor's hair.
Thor gave up trying to let him go and hugged him tighter, scrunching his eyes shut, holding back tears as he begged, "Loki... brother, what happened?"
He felt Loki shudder and collapse wholly in his grip before he heard him whisper back, "Red... lips."
Thor stopped sobbing, looking straight ahead at the frozen land, his hands instinctively gripping tighter around his brother. He clenched his teeth as he felt the other's looking on confused. "Home, now!"