A/N: I highly recommend listening to this lovely song as you read! Specifically at the end, when it's actually in the story. Here's the link if you want it! :) (Just add the dot com and slash in the space between YouTube and the end of the link because this website has to be difficult -_-)
YouTube watch?v=JxnBlvqTF7o
Also... I can safely say I have cried writing a fanfiction. I've never done that before, but it's just this song, man... I always cry when it plays in Dumbo, and the Alison Krauss version just DESTROYS me. I think it fits Ben and his Momma very well...
"Hold still, sweetheart," Leia said gently, carefully wiping at her son's lip with a wet washcloth. Ben winced as she washed away the crimson from his skin. He stared at the bloodstained rag with a blank expression, his arms hanging at his sides stiffer than cardboard. His left eye was swollen and black, and blood had painted the sclera, as well.
Ben didn't dare say anything. Perhaps if he stayed silent, Leia wouldn't ask what had happened. If she didn't ask, then he didn't have to tell.
But Leia, too, was quiet. She spoke little as she nursed the injuries, her expression even more unreadable than Ben's was. This worried the ten-year-old. Was she angry with him? Would he be in trouble? He hadn't meant to push that boy down... It was an accident.
It had all happened at recess. Ben was just sitting by himself as usual, playing with the soldier figurines Uncle Luke had gotten him for his birthday on the picnic table near the playground. The day hadn't been as bad as most. He hadn't failed any tests in any of his main subjects recently, and he had actually made an A+ on his Science test! Then again, Ben did love Science. It was Language Arts that was so difficult. He had enough trouble speaking up in real life, writing coherent sentences was just painful! But even in that class, he had been doing better. A high C was a big improvement!
Even better, no one had picked on him in front of the other kids that day. Sure, they all ignored him for the most part, but that was just the norm at that point. However, as usual, Ben's happiness didn't seem to last...
Some big kid came up behind him and yanked him around by his hair. Ben cried out in pain, grabbing the pulled curl of dark hair and turning to face the giant. The boy was a fifth-grader, and he was much larger than the fourth-grader, Ben. This kid was pretty menacing, but he looked dirty and like he needed a shower. Ben almost wanted to go home and wash his hair after even being touched by the bully.
"Your hair's so long. It makes you look like a girl," the boy said, towering over Ben. His friends laughed from behind him, covering their faces as they did. Solo said nothing in response. The boy's expression shifted into a scowl. "You Ben Solo?" he asked.
Ben just nodded sheepishly. "What, are you too stupid to talk?" He didn't know what to say, so he said nothing. "Gods, you really are a weirdo, just like they all said."
"I told you," a red-headed girl giggled in the back. The boy smirked some, his brown eyes squinting at the smaller boy in front of him.
"Do you know who I am?" he asked. Ben shook his head. "My name's Jericho. Jericho Lithomar. My aunt's name was Merideth Lithomar. Ever heard of her?" Again, he shook his head. "Yeah, I know you haven't, and I'll tell you why. Because your grandfather, Darth Vader, killed her. He killed her and he killed countless other people, and I think you're no better than him."
Ben looked down nervously, not saying anything. He didn't know how to respond to that. Jericho scowled even deeper and grabbed Ben by his shirt, lifting him out of the seat. His knees hit the bench as he was yanked up, causing him to cry out. He was held inches away from his captor's face. "I'm gonna hurt you just like he hurt her," he hissed, his breath hot and gross. Ben squirmed fearfully.
"I... I'm sorry..." he said quietly. His voice was so small that even he himself couldn't hear it.
"What was that? Talk where someone can actually hear you!"
"I-I-I," his voice caught in his throat for a minute, almost like a broken record, "I said I'm sorry." Jericho looked surprised for a moment, but it didn't last. Ben felt his heart sink.
"Yeah, you should be."
Next thing the young Solo knew, he was being slammed on the ground, dust throwing into the air and dirt matting into his hair. He gasped as the air left his lungs. Ben barely had a moment to breathe before he felt a heavy kick to his ribs, causing him to wheeze helplessly. Jericho backed away, holding up his fists like a professional fighter. "Get up and fight, you baby!" he shouted.
It took Ben a moment, but slowly, he staggered to his feet. He looked at his opponent as he breathed heavily, but he didn't raise his arms or even speak. He just stood there, helplessly. Maybe if he focused hard enough, he could teleport. Was that something possible via the Force? Ben didn't know. He didn't know anything anymore.
Suddenly, another hard swing, this time to Ben's lip. He felt blood splatter across his face as Jericho's fist pulled back, also dripping with blood. "St-Stop..!" he gasped, pain erupting through his jaw. He grabbed his mouth with his hand, muffling the next words. "Please."
Jericho just laughed. "Are you gonna beg?" He reared back his fist again. "Keep begging!"
"No, please!" Ben cried, ducking and throwing out his hands defensively as he shut his eyes. Suddenly, there was a scream, and Jericho was flying backward. He crashed into a tree, a sickening sound coming as his back made contact with the bark. Students gasped, and Ben opened his eyes and stared in horror at what he had done.
"He didn't even touch him!" a boy shouted, pointing at Ben with horror.
"He used that weird power just like Vader!"
"Oh gods, he's gonna kill us, too!" the red-haired girl cried with terror.
"N-No, i-i-it was just an accident!" Ben exclaimed, holding out his hands almost as if to surrender. He took a step forward, but the girl turned and ran.
"Stay away from me!" she screamed.
Jericho was standing again, now. Apparently, the throw hadn't been enough to cripple him, but it was definitely enough to cause serious pain. He turned around, his eyes full of a fire that would haunt Ben's dreams. Ben cowered away in fear as the older boy yelled.
"I'm going to kill you!"
At this point, some teachers nearby had noticed the commotion, along with several other students. Apparently, they had all seen Ben throw Jericho...
And all of them, teachers included, looked afraid.
Afraid of Ben.
Ben looked at each face, his head spinning. This was a nightmare. It had to be. This couldn't be real. It couldn't be!
But even worse than the stares was the thinking. They were all so loud. He could hear their thoughts from every direction, each more frightened or hurtful than the last. He's gonna kill us all! He really is the grandkid of Darth Vader. He's such a freak. It became a deafening cacophony, over-stimulating his sensitive mind and making everything spin. He grabbed his head, almost wanting to scream. Maybe he did scream. He couldn't remember anymore.
Suddenly, there was yet another collision. This time with his eye. Ben was knocked back into the picnic table, skull colliding. It hurt, but not bad enough to cause real damage. Whether it was due to the noisy thinking, the screaming teacher, or the previous damage, Ben felt himself blacking out.
When he came to, he was in the front office with an ice pack over his eye. Leia was arguing with a lady at the desk, near yelling about the way her son had been treated. Thankfully, Han was gone on a supply run, so he wouldn't be home for a few days. If it had been him to come... Well, there would have been a much larger scene. Leia would probably tell him later that night so he could have a few days to cool off. At least then the principal might make it out of the confrontation alive.
And there they were now, Leia tending to his injuries in the comfort of their home, lovingly wiping away any traces of the fight she could. When she finished, she sat the rag aside, turning and folding her hands in her lap as she stared at Ben long and hard, clearly studying him. The boy looked down shamefully.
Leia was busy a lot. He didn't see her as much as he did his father, but he loved her just as much. Leia was a politician, so she was very busy. Han was gone every now and then, but for the most part, he was a stay at home dad. Nonetheless, Ben felt close to both of his parents, and his Uncle Luke, too... Even if he didn't tell them half of the things he was going through.
"Ben," Leia said, holding out a hand and placing it on his cheek affectionately. Ben glanced up, a bit bashful. His mother's expression was concerned and sad as her eyebrows knitted together with worry. "Honey, you know I'm not mad, don't you?"
Ben nodded, his shoulders relaxing a bit. That made him feel somewhat better. "I know," he said hoarsely.
"And you know that you didn't do anything wrong."
He did look up, then. He squinted at her. "B-But... I hurt that boy?"
"It was an accident," she said soothingly, rubbing his cheek, "And he hurt you first."
Ben didn't say anything for a moment. He stared down at his feet, hands slowly clenching into fists as Leia held her hand on his face. He didn't know why... But for the first time, he felt tears welling up in his eyes. He tried to force them back, however, because he knew he shouldn't cry. Even though Uncle Luke said it was good to express how he felt, the voice in his head told him he shouldn't and that his uncle was just being too nice.
The youngest Solo looked at his mother with large, sad brown eyes. "Am I a monster, Momma?" he croaked, the tears threatening to spill. He looked into Leia's eyes, which squinted at him.
"No, baby, no..." she said, placing the hand on his cheek on the back of his head and using the other arm to wrap around his waist and pull him closer. "You're not a monster, Benjamin. You're nothing like a monster."
"T-Then why do all of the other kids say I am?" Ben cried, the tears pouring out, now. "They say I'm like Vader. I don't wanna be like Vader. I'm not... Am I?"
"No, Ben, you aren't like him," Leia squeezed him tight, her head on his. "You're like your father and your uncle. You're a good boy."
"T-Then why?" he sobbed, "Why do they think I'm like him?"
Leia didn't answer for a moment... But she suddenly pulled him away, placing both hands firmly on his shoulders. His sniffled and struggled to breath steady as she looked at him seriously. His cheeks were wet and sticky with tears.
"It's because you're special," she said absolutely, "You're a better person than any of them, and they know it. They know it and they're jealous. They know you have a good heart, and they want to break it because they can't have it, too. And you know how children can be. When they don't get what they want, they try to take it away from someone else. Even adults do that sometimes."
Ben sniffed. "Really?" he asked.
"Really," Leia said, then glanced down, "Come here."
The mother picked up her child, cradling him in her lap and letting his head rest against her breast like a pillow. He didn't say anything as tears continued to slip from his eyes, now falling on Leia's white blouse. Softly, beautifully... Leia began to sing. She sang like she did when he was just a baby.
"Baby mine... Don't you cry. Baby mine, dry your eyes.
"Rest your head close to my heart, never to part, baby of mine..."
She brushed back his black bangs as she rocked him slightly. He breathed shakily as he listened.
"Little one, when you play, don't you mind what they say.
"Let those eyes sparkle and shine, never a tear, baby of mine."
Ben felt the tears stop at last as he listened to the words.
"If they knew sweet little you, they'd end up loving you too."
Leia's voice suddenly seemed to raise as she sang, the emotion increasing as if she was speaking the lyrics from her heart and not just reciting the song.
"All those same people who scold you! Why, what they'd give just for the right to hold you..."
Her voice grew softer again, a hand rubbing his face.
"From your head, down to your toes... You're not much, goodness knows.
"But you're so precious to me—Sweet as can be, baby of mine."
Ben was asleep now, and Leia stood to carry him towards his bedroom, careful as to not wake him. As she tucked him in, she bent down and placed a kiss on his forehead, whispering the final line into his skin as he breathed deeply in the rhythm of sleep.
"Baby of mine..."
Leia walked towards the door, turning and placing a hand on the light switch. Before she flicked it off, she looked over at her sleeping baby. Her heart hurt for him, and she knew Han and Luke would, too.
All of those people who had hurt Ben, bullied Ben, scolded Ben... They didn't know how good it felt to hold him.
They didn't know how good it felt to love him.
