I own absolutely nothing from the tv show. This is just a different version of how things may have gone… Hope you enjoy it and feel free to give me any impression, opinion and good/bad reaction it may give. This is chapter 1 and soon I will post new chapters.

After episode 4x01….

She woke up that morning with no intention at all to get out of the bed. After a week spent commiserating herself, she didn't want the world to see it. But she couldn't control her expression, and everyone would have noticed it in the end. Sam had moved on. He moved on. How could have happened? He told her he loved her. He told her. And it was true. It should have been. She remembered he made an extreme effort to say it. But again, he moved on.

Andy turned on the other side of the pillow, as she wanted to find a position to make all the pain stop. The light hit her face like truth, like a thunder in a rainy day. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes and saw his smile. She cried again, she cried as never did before, not even when she found out about Luke.

She closed her eyes, exhausted, consumed. The new girl was pretty. Very. VERY. They laughed together coming out of the station and his arm was around her neck. Ok, stop. Shut up. Shut up. SHUT UP. She left and couldn't expect him to wait for her, again. That's why he moved on. But something told her she would have waited. You don't say I love you and then do this, because it's nonsense.

Andy turned again and looked at the alarm clock. She barely slept 3 hours and a full day was coming along. She needed to use all her energies for the best. She got out of the bed and directed to the bathroom, as a cold shower would have helped to wash away some of that killing feeling, but it didn't work. She quickly turned the water off and got out to stare at herself in the mirror behind the door. Worse than a ghost, she was much whiter. She shrugged her shoulders because she really didn't care. Nobody would have. Maybe Tracy or Dov .. or Nick. Not many people in the end. So, she decided she couldn't spend her entire time thinking about what would have happened if she stayed. It wasn't fair: whatever happened, there it was. Acceptance was not easy, but it was the only chance. Andy put some clothes on without caring too much, opened the window and turned the TV on after a week spent in pyjamas. It didn't take long to get ready. She grabbed her bag, put a change in and look for the keys. She went downstairs, looked for the safety helmet, elbow pads and knee pads. The bicycle was in the laundry, but she needed to get a little air in the tyres after all that time. She dusted it off a little and then jumped on it. The chilly wind of middle April hit her face. She rode long the street and quickly left the quiet of her suburb to dig into the traffic leading to the city centre. She laughed at thinking that it was such a chaos, worse than what was in her head.

The moment she turned into the parking lot of the station, she saw Tracy getting out of the car with Gail. "Hey" she turned removing her sunglasses. "wow hey, look who's back!" Tracy said louder to overcome the noise from the street. "Ready Andy?" seriously, seriously? "I've been better" she shot. Tracy got it immediately. "you know Andy that I'm here right? Whatever you need.." "Thanks Tracy, I'll remember that". "She's hot for him" Gail came up with her tone "Thanks for the support jerk, I'm glad that something stayed the old way!" Andy yelled at her, parking the bicycle at her usual place. She waited for the girls before going into the station. They walked through the place and went to the locker room. It was so hard to dress up and be back in that uniform. She was having to get the uniform in the right way when she jumped into Nick. He was late and from the look on his face he was tired. "Late nights again Nick? Thought you wanted to change habit.." she was pissing him a bit after all that he confessed about Gail " No way, my pal!" he answered back grinning like an idiot. She joined the group for parade and looked around. She was just looking when her gaze stopped at Ollie and then Sam. They looked at each other quickly, she slightly waved her hand to say hi. He wasn't alone of course. He looked different for what she saw with a glance: she could say that he wasn't shaving for a while and that nice shirt was showing his shoulders. She closed her eyes hoping to shut down her brain when Nick interrupted her thoughts. "It's worse than what you imagined, isn't it?" "Shut up, you're in trouble too.." "No, I'm not. She's still falling for me" "If you say so, Nick. But if I were in your shoes, I wouldn't smile too much the way you're doing pal!" "Why you say so? Listen I know how she lies… and she's lying… she wants me back, she made a mistake, she said she was sorry, I left, she didn't date anyone in my absence.. so.." "That's true, Collins. Did Dov tell you that?" "Yep." "Then take your chance, don't be an idiot. Don't play around." "That's why I asked her to talk later" "you don't miss a shot, man! I'm glad… she's more human with you so I like this thing!" They both giggled at that and silenced up when Frank started to talk. He gave instructions and orders for the day and divided the couple of partners in two groups: one would have worked with Detective Swarek and the other with Detective Callaghan. Not such a great news for Andy, but at least she wasn't with Marlo, going with Ollie that day. She would have worked with Cloe – the new cop, Chris and Luke. Tracy was in other cases at Gangs and Gail was there too. "OK, Robert Scott, 65 years old, arrested for aggression to his wife, spent 3 months in prison and got out again. His wife withdrew the charge last month." "How is it possible?" He should have stayed in jail. "I don't know, but we gotta do anything to send him back again.. a girl has been found dead 150 meters away from their house. Her parents are coming right here". They don't even let them grieve. Terrible. "Andy, you and Chris talk to anyone of the friends around the victim, Cloe and I will interrogate the parents. Try to structure the net, ok? We need to know how that ass lures his victim!" "Yes, sir!" They said together, turned around and walked to the braining room. They started from the whole documentation used 3 months before to find something useful. Chris wasn't a great speaker and Andy thanked him a lot for this. Talking was the last thing she wanted.

The day passed without any improvement and Callaghan became pissed off. Andy and Chris completed only a partial network of contacts and were still discussing about that when Ollie came in, ready for the Penny. "First night back McNally! Let's go for a drink, my turn to pay!" he said in a big smile. Andy was tired and annoyed about the violence story and the last thing she wanted was getting drunk. She politely refused Oliver's offer and said that she was going straight home. "Com'on Andy, it's just a drink! With your old Ollie" He said trying to convince her, but she was tired and wanted to avoid people. "Oliver.. thanks, it's very nice from you, but I just want to go home" Oliver eyed Chris who said "I'm not hearing anything here" and he added "we should have a little talk" He became suddenly serious and Andy got what he meant. "No Ollie, no. We don't.." "Oh yeah, we do. About how you feel." " you seriously think I wanna talk about how I feel? Oliver, it doesn't matter. Look, I'll be fine. I don't need to talk. He made his choice and all I need to do is accept it." Oliver looked at her, disappointed, maybe hoping for a very different answer. "Andy, don't be so cold, ok? It's not.. let's say this: if you need me, I'm here." "Thanks Ollie". She hated this kind of conversations. That's why she didn't want to talk about it. She didn't need people looking at her with compassion; she remembered that feeling of pity after she broke up with Luke. Everybody trying to be nice and careful with her. She let them do it, but not this time. At this thought, anger began to run into her veins. She helped Chris to up-date the board with the last details and then left for the locker room. That anger was growing silently and hungrily. She practically run out of the station, took her bicycle and went home. By that time, she was very angry. She wasn't a baby. She could deal with this. And she would have showed everyone.

After a quick visit to the nearest grocery shop, she lost herself in cooking. She loved it and loved how it relaxed her. It required precision and concentration, but also passion and devotion. She prepared her favourite recipe and then moved to the living room and switched the TV on. She ended listening to an economic discussion about the latest data on inflation, employment and salary. Not very interesting but the guy was able to catch her attention enough to make her follow the debate for a while. However, her nerves called for sleep and she jumped into bed. She took the phone to set a second alarm clock afraid of missing its ordinary on the bed table, when she noticed she missed 4 calls from Tracy and a couple of messages where she asked if she was ok. She threw the phone on the chair behind the room and went to bad. Again, she couldn't avoid to feel anger raising up from her chest. She was physically exhausted, but her head was already spinning, unable to calm down, she tried to think that all Tracy wanted was her happy friend back. And she knew she would have paid whatever necessary to put things back they were months before. With Sam in her life. With Jerry and Tracy planning their future. She felt guilty: she was so concentrate on herself that she missed the difficulties Tracy was going through to move forward. How poor she was as friend. She jumped out of the bed, took the phone and typed Tracy back. She proposed breakfast together. Tracy text back immediately, saying it was ok.

It was 5 o clock in the morning when she heard the first birds singing outside her window. Like a lullaby or a mermaid melody calling for her, until they woke her up completely. It was early but since she had slept much more than in the last week she felt the energy back in her body, so decided to go running.

She run for 13 miles when she remembered she had to have breakfast with Tracy. She speeded up back home and surprisingly found her set in front of her door with two coffees in her hand. She smiled and apologized, Tracy stood up asking for what possible reasons she did it. "It helps me emptying my mind Nash" "ookk.. so .." "No, no Tracy. Don't start again. I don't want to talk about it, ok?" "Andy, if you don't talk with me, who else do you talk to? You need this, not just you, everyone would!" "you're right maybe" said Andy after seconds "but I am not ready now, ok? If I will be or need, I'll knock at your door. You'll be first". "Fine, fine." They looked at each other and then Andy turned back to look for the keys left under a plant next to the door. "What a place to hide keys, McNally, my child would find them too!" "Shut up, I know, it just .. I didn't know exactly, it was 5 in the morning!" "yeah, when normal people stay in bed at the time, did you know?" "Shut up!" she was laughing now. "However, you need some recap about the last six months. Don't worry, we won't talk about him" she said as she noticed Andy eying her back. "Dov has fallen in love with Cloe. He has become such an idiot. You should see him, it's ridiculous .. and Gail, she spent half of the time talking and crying about Nick… she's sorry and they are back." "What?" Andy snapped back. "Oh yeah, they are. Ollie has divorced and now is dating someone new .. she's nice but he keeps her out of us, so I really don't know much about her." "Boy, Nash, what is this? You being a hell of a detective? You're chatting as a 80 year-old!" "the fact is that it looks like a show where everything is going well apart from me" Andy turned to face her friend and left the cup on the kitchen table. She knew what she was talking about. "Oh Tracy" she hugged her friend firmly and looked into her eyes. "you'll always have me. Always. Ok?" Tracy nodded and tried to convince herself of this truth, but she was still fearing to lose everything from one day to the other. That thought was still set in her heart and scared her more than anything else. Andy shook her a bit and raised her gaze. "Tracy, I promise. I'm here to stay as much as possible if you don't mind. Stop thinking about me dead. Or your mother. Or your sweet baby. If you don't, it will kill you" They hugged for a little. "Ready to screw up the world today?" "Oh yeah, McNally, you're really going to do it when you'll know it" Andy turned back and asked what was now. "Marlo is going to be your support officer for the next 2 months, Frank asked me to tell you" Andy dropped the piece of cake out of her mouth "What? Are you kidding me? This is not a joke, this is not a joke!" Tracy turned serious "She will" Andy grabbed the key, waited for her friend to leave the apartment and shout the door behind her. What the hell. Miss-compassion was turning into Miss Just-laugh-about-me.

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