Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of Divergent. No copyright infringement is intended.

Roth, Veronica (2011-05-03). Divergent (pps. 247-248) Harper Collins, Inc.

Drink, Drank, Drunk

FOUR POV

I stand at the chasm; it roars behind and below me and if I was thinking soundly, I'd probably move away from the railing. I lost count of how many beers I have had. Even though I have to work tomorrow, I know I'll be fine because I can handle my alcohol. I don't normally drink to get drunk, unless I know that I'll have a rare day off and can afford to lounge around. The legal age for drinking alcoholic beverages is eighteen in the city, officially, but I've been drinking since I was sixteen. Dauntless members don't follow the same restrictions as the city does. The leaders feel that it is up to us to decide whether we can handle drinking. I agree. If I can jump from buildings and trains, seriously injure someone with my bare hands, and be skilled with guns and knives, I deserve the right to drink.

The beer I'm nursing goes down like water and I don't see myself stopping anytime soon. This might be one of those days, when I give in to the glorious fuzzy feeling and feel like a normal eighteen-year-old. Right now I feel good and stress-free and just a little buzzed. It has been awhile since I've let loose. I need a break from my thoughts and the drinking keeps her at bay, especially since we had a moment after the simulation. She is bright and can see things that not many people can't see in me. I feel like I could confess my secrets and trust her. My feelings for her are stronger than ever, that is why I must drown them away.

Tris.

She should be just another blank face; an initiate to me, but she isn't. She occupies too much of my mind to be just another face. I also can't help that I don't want to see her get hurt, or watch her face her fears in the simulations, but it is a pleasure to see how she deals with what she thinks are her shortcomings. I can see a spark that she can't yet comprehend; it has begun to catch fire behind her new eyes, and I like it.

"Yesterday, John walked a good ten feet before he noticed that he was dragging about one foot of toilet paper on one of his boots!" David laughs, barely making out the last words. He is motioning animatedly with his hands and his green eyes are bulging. He has the funniest looking expression on his face. The rest of the guys guffaw and I nearly spit out my beer. I swallow roughly and laugh right along with them.

"But then, get this," David starts. "I wanted to see how far he would go, so I stood back and just watched. Some girl saw it right away and snickered as he passed her. He yelled at her and she couldn't even talk, she was laughing at him and could only point to his boot. When he saw, he got flustered and shook it off! The best thing was the look on his face when he turned around to see who had witnessed it. It was priceless!"

The story isn't even that funny, but David's face is so red and everyone is laughing so hard, that we all have tears in our eyes. I have to grasp the railing because my drinking is starting to catch up and is making me feel a bit off balance.

When my eyes are no longer blurry with tears, I see her. And her friends. It almost seems like I am imagining it. They appear to be having a good time running and laughing.

Seeing her is like re-experiencing my transformation from Abnegation to Dauntless all over again. We are similar and not. It was surprising to see her jump into dark blackness from the building, when in my own initiation I was one of the last to take the plunge. It was neat to see her fascinated with the differences in food that she can now eat. It is amazing to see her light blue eyes sparkle every time she experiences something exciting and new. I see the way her brow furrows for just a moment when she gets new pieces of information, and the way she absorbs and stores it.

She is interesting, bold, and pretty… but she really has no idea, because for the majority of her life, just like me, she was told that even a little bit of self-indulgence is wrong.

The group jokes around me, but I've lost focus. Someone asks me something and I tune them out, instead focusing on the exchange of conversation between Tris, Will, Christina, and Al. I'm too far out to hear them, but I wish I were.

"Tris," I say, almost to myself. I clear my throat.

"Huh?" One of the guys asks. I don't even know whose voice it belongs to. I check out of the conversation.

"Tris!" I yell. It sounds louder than I expected. I see her exchange a nervous look with Will and immediately realize she might think I'm about to give her a lecture.

You are her instructor. It should stay that way.

My hand is pressed so hard into the railing that it is becoming a bit painful. I push off on it and walk over to her. I might as well, I've already called her and she certainly isn't going to come to me.

"Where are you going?" someone asks as I walk away. I ignore the voice and focus on my end destination.

As I get close, I feel eyes behind me and of course, in front of me. I wonder if I'm about to step across an invisible line. When I'm face-to-face with her, I notice she looks…different. Her eyes seem a brighter blue, and they appear more defined than usual, probably because of the black lines that surround her eyes. It adds an edge to her look.

"You look different," I say. My words are not quite slurred, but I know they are a bit slow and thick and not at all how I usually speak.

"So do you," she says. Her eyes squint and her lip curls a bit, like she's trying to hide a smile. "What are you doing?"

I don't hesitate with my response.

Flirting with you.

"Flirting with death," I say with a laugh, embarrassed that my thoughts inside almost made me say something—ridiculous.

"Drinking near the chasm. Probably not a good idea," she states.

"No, it isn't."

I can't help but take in her appearance, her clothes, her face, and her body at this close of a range. Everything about her intrigues me. And then when I think I have memorized everything about her physically, I see the ink.

"Didn't know you had a tattoo," I say looking at the birds that are in flight on her collarbone. I take a slow drink from the bottle. I'm aware that Will is near and that the others are not far off. "Right, the crows." I take a quick glance over my shoulder. My friends still look like they are having a blast behind me.

"I'd ask you to hang with us, but you're not supposed to see me this way," I say. The words in my head don't come out filtered, and I could care less.

She seems to be a bit confused. "What way? Drunk?" she asks.

I mean to say that she can't see me as a real person, at least not until she becomes an official member. I'm her instructor. It could be dangerous. I've never once heard of a relationship between an instructor and an initiate. I didn't even know if there were guidelines or not. We were definitely warned that the initiates must look at us at as leaders not as peers and socializing with them was not wise.

"Yeah…well no," I say. I quickly add in a softer tone, "Real, I guess." I can't be sure she even hears the second part.

"I'll pretend I didn't," she says confidently. At first, her attitude frustrated me, but now, I love to see the edges of her bravery peak out.

"Nice of you."

Her confidence is…sexy. It gives me an extra bit of confidence. I lean forward, so close that if she turned abruptly or if I shifted my head a bit, I'd be able to touch her lips. People are watching. I don't care.

"You look good, Tris," I say near her ear.

She looks amused, but doesn't appear shocked by what I've just confessed. I'm surprised she can't hear the way my heart pounds inside my chest. Maybe I'm drawn to danger and having something with her would be an ultimate high. I gaze into her eyes and wait to see if she has a response. There is a slight pause as she takes a look at the bottle in my hands. She scans my eyes briefly.

She laughs. "Do me a favor and stay away from the chasm, okay?"

Her smile is genuine and I can't help but also smile. "Of course," I say with a wink. I don't care if she thinks it's the alcohol speaking, it's easy to spill my thoughts when it feels like a dream. Tomorrow will be different.

Will clears his throat and although I'd like to stay, I know I can't. People will get suspicious. I take the opportunity to walk away, feeling a smile play on my lips when I feel her eyes on my back. After a few steps, Tris shrieks and I turn around to see Al carrying her playfully over his shoulder. Our eyes meet and she waves at me as he walks further away. I smile back but don't return the favor of waving. I turn back around with a hard pang in my chest; there is an unknown feeling that rises into my throat and forms an imaginary lump. The room feels as if it's turning upside down and I feel like throwing up.

I suppose it could be the beer.

A/N:

Thank you for reading and I'd really appreciate a review. :) My apologies for any errors, this o/s is not beta'd.

I originally wrote this for myself, because this was one of my favorite/memorable points in the book. I really wanted to know more about what Four was thinking/feeling leading up to the conversation. This is also a bit of back story for my other Four/Tris story, "Free Falling into Darkness." I am continuing THAT story, and will post the second chapter soon. You can also add this to your story alerts. I may add more unconnected/unrelated o/s stories here.

Finally, after I mentioned I had written this one shot, I got encouragement to post…so thank you! You know who you are. :)

xoxo

*~Lo~*