Summary: Set in the Edo period: A peek into our favorite xxxHOLiC characters' daily life. Watanuki's been given a pink, frog-patterned gift. It is a bit garish, but perhaps the giver enjoys the unusual in all aspects of his life. Alternate Universe, 104, Fluff
Author's note: I love this fic. Or at the very least, I loved the idea of this fic.
This post, here, was intended to be the second chapter. The first chapter just refused to coalesce. I'm currently working on it, but as this chapter did shape up somewhat, I decided to post it.
Disclaimer: I do not own xxxHolic.
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Pink Frog
By letmeupme
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"Wa-ta-nu-ki-!"
"Arghh!"
A spooked young chef nearly drops his wooden spoon in surprise. He turns around to find the lady of the house smiling at him.
He slowly backpedals.
Sure, he has a good working relationship with Yuuko-san. He won't begrudge her happiness. He likes her happy.
But because he has a good working relationship with Yuuko-san, he recognizes her grin for what it is. It is a grin that oftime strikes terror into the hearts of the otoko-shu of Tamaya. It is wide, sparkly, and beautiful: a smile that makes you think of sharp, sharp fangs. Unsavory clientèle are stripped of their lifesavings, dead men are found floating in rivers, members of the Imperial family lose their positions in government when the Ichihara Yuuko of Tamaya-san grins just so.
While the greater men of the world may not know better, Watanuki, and all the other men employed at Tamaya know to avoid her when this smile is on display. They know to avoid her, like the plague.
"Uhh, hey!"
Watanuki winces as his voice wobbles. It never works, but a man's got to try.
"Yess, Watanuki?"
Watanuki tries valiantly to ignore her unnervingly blank stare. It is scary, paired with that smile.
He points in a random direction,
"Saké!"
Yuuko-san snaps out of it, returning to her usual, saké-chasing self.
"What! Where!"
Watanuki, well, he makes a run for it, wooden spoon in hand for self-defence.
He almost makes it, just a few more inches till he reaches the relative safety of the corridor-
Thunk.
"A-nd where might you be going, hm? Wa-ta-nu-ki?"
Grabbed by the collar, he is forced to abandon his weapon when he is unceremoniously swung side-to-side, vigorously, in tune with the Lady's sing-song tone.
Having narrowly avoided being swung into bubbling vats of hot oil, Watanuki slumps against the Lady's unnaturally strong grip.
He barely notices Syaoran-kun and his other apprentices frantically edging their way out of the kitchen, desperate not to be noticed.
My kitchen, my clean, orderly kitchen, to think you would one day become my grave, Oh, the unfairness of it...
If he weren't busy having a heart-to-heart with his kitchen, Watanuki would have seen their mouthed apologies.
"N,nowhere, Yuuko-san."
Somewhere, someone is crying. Bawling, more like.
Watanuki sympathizes with whoever it is, despite the ugly sound. He feels like crying, too.
Oh, wait, that awful sobbing he's been hearing, could that have been himself?
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"Do pay attention, Watanuki-san."
Shake, shake.
He is listening, he really is! He isn't trying to escape reality by going insane. Yours, truly.
"As I was saying, what a pretty juban(1) you have on, Wa-ta-nu-ki-saan."
The sing-song Wa-ta-nu-ki-saan is irritating at best, but he knows not to hold out for hope when he sees the sparkles.
Already, he is losing track of time.
And they say that is one of the first signs that you will never leave your prison cell...
"Now, I don't know about you, but I just happened to see a dashing young man leaving this very establishment yesterday, wearing the very same pattern… You wouldn't happen to know anything about it, would you?"
Watanuki's answer is half-hearted.
"...um, no?"
Watanuki's answer is overridden. Of course it is.
"It's Doumeki-kun! I knew it!"
Through the blurring of his eyes, Watanuki can barely make out the Lady's victory dance.
"No skimping on the details, ne! You have to tell us all about it-"
He wonders if there will be enough time before his death to make a request for his epitaph-
Wait a minute. Us?
The Lady is in the corridor now, bellowing in a voice all Tamaya denizens were fine-tuned to obey.
"HIMAWARI-CHAN! ZASHIKI-WARASHI!-"
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And the list goes on and on. It is a special list: a list of the privileged personage who are to be present for Watanuki's personal humiliation.
"GET YOUR PRETTY ARSES OVER HERE, OUR DEAR COOK IS IN DESPERATE NEED OF GIIIIIIIRL TAAALLK!"
Dainty footsteps mark the end of Watanuki's existence.
Sweet Himawari will never smile upon him again.
Sob.
As the partly dressed courtesans and their pubescent waiting girls trickle into the kitchen, Watanuki simply sits. He has lost even the strength to have a convulsion.
"Are you all right, Watanuki-san?"
Ah, sweet Himawari-
What girl would look at him twice now that he will be publicly emasculated?
He takes no notice as Yuuko-san somehow dispenses the whole horrid, torrid affair in which he and his jubanhad been bedded and shredded by one Doumeki Shizuka. He is busy mourning his sanity. The Lady finishes the tale wiping away one sparkling tear from her left eye. The excited murmuring dies down.
The momentary quiet breaks with all the might of a river on the morrow of a great storm.
"Oh, Watanuki-san, that's so romantic!"
"Matching juban, I couldn't talk mycustomers into doing that with my best tongue tric-"
Sniffle, "I'm happy for you, Watanuki-san" sniffle.
"Congrats, brat." Snigger.
"At this rate, he might even-"
"No, he wouldn't-!"
"-smuggle Watanuki-san away dressed as a woman!"
"For his First Mistress," Twittering.
"-or maybe even his" Gasp, "First Wife!" Squeal.
It might have something to do with the noise level, what with all the sniffling, sniggering, stupid exclamations and very genuine interest. Watanuki is quite sure he is on his death bed.
He is hallucinating. The pink frogs on his juban are beginning to leisurely swim and swirl, and sweet, sweet Himawari is plotting with Yuuko-san to get one of her more artistically inclined clients to sketch 'Watanuki-san in his new juban' with 'his beau,' even discussing positioning, 'of course, Watanuki-san's slight build allows for the most interesting bridal-style's, but maybe a doggy-style kind of pose with the two of them reading a book would be nice, too-.'
He is hallucinating. He refuses to think otherwise.
He thinks of his epitaph. It should run something like this.
Beware of sparkles.
And frogs, pink frogs. They might swim on you.
As Watanuki faints dead away, he entertains the idea of being cradled in Doumeki-san's lap: just like Yuuko-san and Himawari are discussing in his hallucinations.
Doumeki would be his usual stupid, brooding self, and he would smell nice, like the incense the ninny usually uses, and his lap would be warm, all muscled thigh. The presumptuous idiot might even try to pat Watanuki's head, like one would settle a sleepy child to rest on their shoulder. And Watanuki would, well, he might allow it. He would be deathly tired, after all, from the day's work.
Watanuki won't remember this, but at the moment, he thinks it might not be so bad.
Maybe Doumeki-san has grown on him more than he thinks.
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The End
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Vocabulary
Juban – a yukata-like silk piece of clothing, usually worn by women under their kimonos. Like how modern underwear is considerably more frilly and/or daring than what is worn over it, juban also have a tendency to be more adventurous / slinky than kimonos. Women of ill-respute are often pictured in their juban day-in-day-out; Watanuki probably wears juban out of habit, having been brought up in the bordello, and so as to be less noticeable.
Ryoutei – A type of restaurant. As they tend to be high-priced, you could see the quiet pride Watanuki feels for Tamaya; while in a different genre, Tamaya is quite probably renowned for its class, and Watanuki is one of the staff that make it possible.
Kuruwa- A brothel, bordello.
Jinanbo- A slightly derogatory term for second born sons, which are usually kept around in case of emergencies: the first born dying of some disease. They have a tendency to be spoilt (no responsibilities besides steering clear of public scandal), with lots of time and money on their hands.
Otoko-shu– Male staff: in this case they double as bouncers if a customer gets a little carried away. Watanuki might have been in this position despite his thin build had Yuuko not realized his flair for cooking.
Zeni– money.
Author's note:
To whom it may concern: I've included a tiny tinyhomage here for a fanfiction writer whose works are the equivalent of crack for me nowadays. Brownie points for whomever spots it!