Dedicated to Rainbow Dust. You are the best Angst writer I know. :P
He loves me, he loves me not…. He loves me, he loves me not….
I watch the soft white petals of the daisy fall from my fingers and flutter softly to the ground.
He loves me, he loves me not….
I chant the stupid words in my head over again. Apparently, Muggles believe that if you pluck the petals off a daisy, and say the words with each petal that is plucked, you will find out if your love loves you back. I know how pointless it is, letting your love-life be decided by a flower. But if the odds are good, I still want that little reassurance.
He loves me, he loves me not…
I still can't believe I'm doing this. Me, Marlene McKinnon, the girl who needs no one's reassurance at all, relying on a flower to reassure her that everything is alright. If only Lily could see me now.
He loves me, he loves me….
Definitely me, and not anyone else.
….Right?
I envy Lily. Every time I see her, she's always with James Potter. And he acts like he actually gives a shit about her. He cares for her, he is kind, and considerate, and everything a girl could ever want in a man. I don't understand why she had rejected him for years, when he is clearly heads-over-heels in love with her. Whenever I see them, I am expected to pull on a smile, and tell them how happy I am for the both of them. It's even worse now that Potter has proposed to her. That just really rubs in the fact that he doesn't love-
No. He does love me. I know he does. He's just biding his time… Waiting for the right moment. Just to be sure that the marriage lasts….
….Right?
But if he loves me, why is he leaving me on a park bench to wait for him when he is over two hours late?
He loves me, he loves me not….
I almost wish I was in love with James Potter too. At least then there wouldn't be so much pain. I just had to fall for him… Why did I have to fall for him?
Fate is cruel.
They twist and weave their web to make me fall in love with the one person I couldn't have for my own. It isn't fair.
Life isn't fair.
I know it isn't, but why can't it be?
He loves me, he loves me not…
There are only two petals left. I wrench them off so not to see what it has to say for our love. We both know that the answer isn't the one I wanted.
I squeeze them tight in my hand, so they crumple and try to stem the flow of tears running down my cheeks. It wouldn't do to have him see me like this…
I hear him approach me before he sees me.
"Sirius?" I ask, my voice shaking.
"What?" He asks. He walks over and sits on the stone bench beside me and looks into my eyes. He sees that they're all red and blotchy. "Oh, Godric. Have you been crying?" He steps closer and gives me a hug, finally releasing me and looking down into my eyes. "Oh, Mars. What's wrong? You know you can tell me anything…"
He trails off.
I wonder if I can really tell him anything at all.
"Sirius?" I repeat myself, mentally kicking myself for sounding like a sheep, repeating myself over and over an over again…
"Yes?" He quips, wearing his trademark cocky smile that makes most girls (including myself) melt a little on the inside. But not today.
"Do you love me?" I ask.
The words tumble out of my mouth before I can stop them and think about it.
"Do I… love you?" He repeats, as if the concept is foreign to him.
"Yes," I say again. A little courage seeps into me. "Do you," I stared him in his eyes. "Love me?"
"Uh.." His usually calm grey eyes dart around, moving wildly in their sockets. "Of course I do."
"Really?" I ask.
"Yes, really." He says. His eyes are calmer now, more composed.
I look back at him doubtfully.
He sees the doubt and holds my hand, leaning towards me and giving me a chaste, rough kiss on the cheek, withdrawing swiftly. "I, Sirius Orion Black, is head-over-heels in love with Marlene McKinnon."
I squint into his eyes.
There. I knew it. There was someone else. I could see the lie in his eyes.
I press my lips together and swallow.
He stands up. "Come on, Mars. Let's go. We said we'd meet James and Lily-flower in the Three Broomsticks, remember? We have to go or we'll be late."
He pulls me to my feet and sets off at a brisk pace, pulling me by my arm with him back towards the street, into an alley where we could dissaparate without being seen.
As we round into the alley, he pulls me into a tight embrace, kissing me squarely on the lips. This time, I do not mistake passion for lust. I kiss back with the same ferocity, and as he turns and we disappear into nothingness, I drop the last two petals that were still in my hand.
The floated to the ground, lost and trampled, their whole white color faded into a yellowy-grey, finally defeated like I was.
I love him, he loves me not.
I stole the '….Right?' part from Rainbow Dust. Tell me what you think? This is my first Marlene/Sirius fic, and I think I'm starting to like writing them. :P
Review?