The fourth and final part to my tragedy series. I recommend having read the other three first or this story might not make a lot of sense.
"The deepest definition of youth is life yet untouched by tragedy." - Alfred North Whitehead
"Wake up."
...
"Please, fratello wake up."
He could hear voices. They sounded bad. Not happy. Sad. They sounded sad. Why were they sad? He wasn't sad. He was happy. No, no not happy. It was big, stuffed, sleepy. He felt...heavy. Every part of him felt heavy. His eyelids too. So heavy that he couldn't even lift them to see why the voices were sad. Or who they belonged to. He didn't understand why he was so heavy, why the voices were sad, or what they were saying. 'Wake up, wake up' Wasn't he awake?
"Wake up." Roma begged, clutching tight his grandson's hand in his own. Feliciano's small hand was completely engulfed in Roma's much larger hands, and lying on the hospital bed in a fitful sleep he looked tiny and fragile. Lovino sat dozing in the corner chair. His eyes were red and puffy and stung to open. The two of them had been in that hospital for days waiting for his little brother to just wake up. The doctors said the damage was irreversible. They said if-when- Feliciano woke up he might not really be himself. Lovino prayed for him to wake up anyway. A horribly loud growl disrupted the quiet of the room and startled Lovino out of his tired daze. He curled his arms around his stomach and looked sheepishly to his grandfather knelt by the bed.
"Nonno?" It was quiet. Lovino was almost scared to break the silence, to draw his grandfather's attention. The old man tensed, then sighed. Lovino watched as Roma stood and stretched. He beckoned Lovino over. The seven year old hopped off his chair. His legs wobbled under him as he rushed to the bedside. He took his brother's hand when his grandfather offered it, holding it between his own.
"I'll be right back, Lovino. Watch your brother." Roma commanded, giving the two one last look before heading for the door.
"Okay, Nonno" Lovino responded, but his grandfather was already gone. He ignored the ache in his chest at his grandfather's brevity, focusing instead on Feliciano. "C'mon, Feli, wake up. Please fratello."
Feliciano didn't stir, didn't do anything. He laid there like he had been doing for the past several days, still and lifeless. Lovino laid his head, heavy with fatigue, down next to his brother's chest and sobbed, accompanied only by the thrumming ring of the heart monitor.
He heard his grandfather come back in, but he couldn't quell the sobs tearing from his throat. His grandfather's heavy footsteps crossed the room and stopped. The clatter of a plastic tray against the floor broke the stifling silence. Lovino looked hastily to his nonno, teary eyed and astonished. He followed the old man's gaze back to his brother and was met with amber eyes.
"Feliciano..."
The burning heat around his hand disappeared and was replaced with one just right. A new voice was calling out to him but it said the same words. 'Wake up' He wanted to wake up. He just didn't know how. His eyelids were still heavy. Something pressed to the side of his chest and it shook. A horrible sound took away the voice, and it turned his stomach. He tried harder and harder. He followed the unpleasant sounds, chasing the voice and it's words. 'fratello' He... he had one of those. He wondered, as his eyelids fluttered if he would see him. The room, terrible and white, came into focus and yes, he was there...
"Fratello!"
"Oh, fratello, please..."
...
"Fratello... do- do you remember the time we got into trouble for playing in the carts at the supermarket?"
Feliciano squealed from his spot in the shopping cart. He was giggling insanely, squeezing out encouraging calls of 'fratello' between desperate breaths. His fingers were white where they clutched the sides of the cart. The smile he sported threatened to split his face. Lovino pushed as hard as he could, spinning the cart in quick circles. The other patrons of the store looked on the two boys with mixed emotions.
Feliciano looked to his brother. His fratello. His fratello looked really... happy. He had missed that and he didn't realize it. He was just happy to see his fratello smile. He couldn't control the sounds escaping his mouth. He didn't care. He paid no attention to the people watching them or the fact that the old man wasn't anywhere to be seen. He was just having fun with his fratello. His fratello.
In the next aisle, Roma smiled at the pretty woman looking his way. His arms were full of groceries he'd yet to put in the cart. She smiled back. He took a step towards her but got no farther as a his grandsons came crashing around the corner with a squeal of wheels on linoleum. They ran right in front of him, both red faced and smiling, with a store clerk chasing after them. Roma gave the pretty woman one last longing look before taking off after them as well.
Feliciano was having the time of his life. His heart was pounding in his small chest and he didn't know why all he could hear was the sound of whooshing. Water. The sound of water raoring in his ears. He wasn't worried. This was the most fun he had ever had, and Lovino having fun too only made it better. His laughter caught in his throat as the cart was wrenched to an abrupt stop. The old man that Feliciano wasn't sure he liked stood beside them. He looked mad. Feliciano knew he didn't like that look. It was an icky look.
"Lovino! What were you thinking?! You could have hurt your brother. Do you really want that again?" Feli was amazed by how big the man's nostrils flared while he yelled. He wanted to share his amazement with his brother. Lovino didn't look amazed. He looked...mad? Sad? Mad and sad. Upset. Feliciano looked again to the man yelling. His brow furrowed in frustration. He just kept yelling. He twisted around in the cart to face his brother. He reached for Lovino's hand but the brunette jerked it away. Their were tears building in the corners of his eyes.
Feliciano grunted unhappily as he was lifted from the cart and settled on the man's hip. The old man started walking, Lovino following mutely along behind. He waved his arm clumsily, trying to get his brother's attention, whining all the while. Feliciano felt upset now too. He didn't like it. Lovino wouldn't look at him. Lovino didn't meet his eyes the rest of the day.
"Do you remember, fratello, standing up for me against the bullies?"
...
"I couldn't tell you, but I was so grateful."
The noise that clawed itself from Feliciano's throat was high and distressed and he flitted about his brother, trying to get around Roma and get closer. Roma stood in front of Lovino, seated on the kitchen counter, dabbing at the boys black eye. He muttered in annoyance, the soft words slipping the ten year old's notice. Lovino sat mutely, wincing with every other pat of the icy wet cloth. He avoided his grandfather's gaze whenever the man tried to catch his eye. He had is split lip in between his teeth. He didn't want to talk. Feliciano shoved his way past Roma, knocking his elbows aside to latch onto Lovino. The older boy flinched as his grandfather pressed too hard on his swelling eye. Roma sighed and walked to the fridge.
Lovino still wasn't safe. "Lovino," The ten year old squeezed his good eye shut. "What happened?" Lovino let go of his lip and dragged in a breath.
"I got into a fight"
"...Why?"
His voice was itchy. It scratched his head and Feliciano didn't like the feeling. He wished he would stop talking. He needed to help his fratello. He was broken. His eye looked bad. He had been hit. It wasn't nice to hit but the bigger boys didn't care and hit his fratello anyway and now he was broken. No that was wrong! Not broken, he wasn't broken, just... just...
He was whining without realizing, both Roma and Lovino shaking his shoulders for attention as he fought with his own brain. He just wanted that word! He looked at his brother, at the big purple splotch that swallowed his eye. He reached to touch it but Lovino caught his hand. "It's fine Feliciano, it doesn't hurt." Hurt! The word. That was it. He smiled, saying it proudly. He hugged Lovino around the neck, laughing. It was hurt. Fratello was hurt. He pulled back and the bruise looked even worse with that word tacked onto it. His fratello was hurt.
Feliciano threw himself into hugging Lovino again, but now he was crying, sniffling over and over again the word 'hurt'. Lovino tried his best not to be surprised. Feliciano swung between moods faster than he could normally follow. His grandfather stood over them, watching, waiting for Lovino to start talking.
" They were picking on Feliciano."
His grandfather looked alarmed. "Who was?"
"It doesn't matter. I took care of it."
"That isn't what it looks like Lovino. What if-"
"'What if Feliciano gets hurt again? Do I want that?' I know Nonno, I know. But I'm not gonna let anyone hurt him anymore, not even me so you don't have to worry. I'll never hurt Feliciano again."
"Lovino-" Feliciano had to give up his hiding spot in Lovino shoulder as his fratello stood. His hand was seized by Lovino and squeezed tight. His brother dragged him from the room and Feliciano was glad to be away from the old man. He was awful when he was mad, and he was mad a lot. He followed his brother loyally, not stopping to think about where they were going. He trusted his fratello. He always trusted his fratello.
"Do you remember fratello the day I got lost?"
He was warm and that was a nice thing because he had been cold outside, really cold. The hot chocolate, that's what she had called it, helped and it tasted really goo even though he had burned his tongue when he first took a sip. It wasn't so hot now and he drank it in big gulps. The nice lady that had had given him the hot chocolate was puttering about the small building cleaning up. She smiled back every time he smiled at her. Feliciano liked her, she was nice. She made it not so scary. completely not scary but a little less scary. He didn't know where his brother or the really nice man were but it was nice to have a friend.
The rain hit the window with jarring constant noises. Surprisingly, Feliciano didn't mind it. He was... not happy, but not worried or upset. He just was and that was good enough. He had finished his hot chocolate but he still sipped mindlessly at the cup, watching the old lady clean. He wondered why she was cleaning. Feliciano didn't think she lived here, it was a weird place to be living. It was full of tables and chairs and there had been other people here earlier. They had all left before it got dark. He turned his attention to the window and something outside caught his eye.
There was somebody outside walking around. He pressed his face to the glass to get a better look. The person stopped walking, and then started walking really fast. They disappeared around the corner. Feliciano settled back into his seat. The lady was almost finished cleaning when the doors burst open. They both jumped. Lovino stood in doorway, dripping wet and snarling. He was mad but Feliciano was thrilled to see him anyway. The nice man was standing behind him, also soaked. His thrill dampened a little when his brother marched toward with the snarl still on his lips.
Lovino swept his brother into a crushing hug. Antonio was talking to the startled waitress, letting them have their room. Feliciano was getting wet but he didn't complain as he hugged his brother back. "Idiot!" Lovino snarled, pulling back. He was still glaring.
"Fratello?"
"I thought you were lost! I thought something bad had happened to you! What would I have done if something had happened to you Feliciano?" Feliciano didn't have an answer other than to hold his brothers hand and squeeze. Lovino did that for him sometimes and it always made him feel better. "Feli..." He squeezed a little harder. Lovino sighed. "...C'mon, let's go home."
" Please, fratello..."
...
"Are you... are you still angry with me?"
His fratello squeezed tighter. It wasn't so comforting this time. It just hurt and he couldn't breathe. His fratello was hurting him and he didn't understand why. He tried to make him let go, scratching desperately at his fratello's hand. His fingers came away with blood and he felt bad for making his brother bleed. He stopped scratching, grabbing instead Lovino's wrists. The harder he pulled though, the harder Lovino squeezed. He had to close his eyes because the black eating away at the edge of his vision hurt. Or maybe that was the aching in his chest. Why did his chest hurt too? Lovino wasn't touching his chest. Just his throat.
He wanted to ask, but he couldn't speak. Was that it? Did Lovino not want to hear him. He wouldn't talk if Lovino didn't want him to. He wouldn't even breathe if his fratello didn't want him too. Lovino didn't have to hold him. He didn't have to hurt him. Feliciano could be good. He would be. Lovino didn't let go, but dug nails into his neck. Tears rolled from under fidgety lashes. He didn't have to open his eyes, he remembered Lovino's face. He looked really made. Feliciano wondered one last time what he had done to make his brother so mad.
"Feliciano?"
"Lovino!"
"Ugh, Feli don't scream. I had the weirdest dream." Lovino rubbed at his eyes, sitting up on the bed.
" About what, fratello?" Feliciano snatched up his brother's hand as soon as it dropped, curling it in both of his.
"About... about you." Lovino took a good look at his brother for the first time since he had opened his eyes. He almost looked older. He looked happy. He looked like himself again. He yanked his brother into reach by their clasped hands, hugging him hard.
"Ah! Fratello! I'm happy to see you too!" Feliciano laughed, hugging his brother back even tighter, and smiled. Lovino was shaking in his arms, crying and stuttering.
"Mio dio, Feliciano, I'm... I..." His words deteriorated in sobs and hiccups. Feliciano cooed softly and stroked his brother's back, trying to get him to calm down. He knew what Lovino was trying to say and he would have told him that had he not known that Lovino needed to say it for himself. His patience never wavered as he held his brother and let hi sob into his shoulder. He rocked them back and forth on the bed, humming quietly. Lovino forced himself to take a deep breath and stop his sobs. He curled his fingers in the fabric of his brother and wondered how Feliciano could stand to be near him. "Mi dispiace, fratello. I'm so sorry. Please, I... I..." He was crying again and he just couldn't force the words out. He couldn't ask for forgiveness because he new he didn't deserve it. He stared his brother in the eyes and begged him to understand what he couldn't say.
Feliciano pushed his brother away gently, still holding eye contact. He smiled softly, brushing his brother's hair from his forehead. He kissed Lovino's forehead, wiped away his tears and sighed. "Oh, fratello, I forgave you along time ago."
"Tragedy makes you grow up." - Jane Campion
So, this is absolutely the last part of this universe. Ever. This part was written for lildeadkitty, who is an amazing reviewer and the friend who actually gave me the idea. I hope it was up to snuff.