Author: Empress Vader
Rating: PG-13
Website: http://www.geocities.com/lady_vader21/FanWork.html
Disclaimer: Dark Angel's not mine.
Prologue: Friends by Max
I walk into the Club with Original Cindy. I needed the break, I needed to dance with Cindy at this strange place and distance myself from my life. I just got finish taking down three smelly gangsters for Logan's crusade of the day. He thanked me as usual, but I don't care about him right now, I want to forget about guys all together tonight. Sometimes I wish I was a lesbian, things would be so much easier. Not because dating guys is any less of a headache than dating girls (I learned from Cindy that ain't true), but because then I wouldn't have to choose between Zack and Logan, I wouldn't have to think about Zack and Logan -- I wouldn't have to worry about the conflict I feel when I think about Zack, thinking he's my brother and knowing he wants more than that. And Logan, what the hell does he want? Some days it's all business, other days it seems like he wants more? And I want more too. But I ain't puttin' my heart out there for him to stomp on. I learned to step lightly with Logan the moment he switched from what seemed like a seduction to talking about Barcodes. Doesn't he know I want to forget that barcode exist?
If I was into girls, I could tell them both to go fuck themselves and be with Cindy. Original Cindy's my girl, my homie, my Ace, she's always been in my corner and never asked for more than I felt like giving. I love her already, not in an intimate way, but in a way that reminds me of Jondy. We were always best friends. I hadn't known the words then, nor had I used them, but like Cindy, Jondy and I just clicked. There was no rhyme or reason to it, it just was. In Manticore, Zack wasn't really my friend, I understood him and he understood me in that universal way that we X5s all understood each other. He was my brother, our protector, and I loved him, but we weren't really friends, not the way Jondy and I were friends.
I love Zack with all of my heart, because he's my brother. But I hate him for making me have to even think of him wanting me any other way. No matter how much I understand the facts of our biology, he's my brother in my mind and my heart. And Logan, I want to give him my all, but he pushes me away. So much chemistry between us. . .I hate him for not acknowledging it, I hate him for not letting me walk away from "Eyes Only" before I got involved -- before I became his friend -- before I shared my blood with him. I hate him for being the reason I couldn't join Zack and Tinga, I could have the contact number if only I could leave him. I hate Logan for being the man that I love.
But I'm not with Logan tonight and Zack's as far away as he's ever
been, but Cindy's here. My girl, my homie, my Ace. Not demanding anything
from me and everything's cool.