Title: Involuntary Hero
Summary: Danny and Jamie have a heart to heart about what it means to be a hero and the possible aftermath of Jamie's involuntary heroics. Post ep 2.19 Some Kind of Hero Jamie/Danny Contains spoilers/missing scene
Disclaimer: Um you know by now write? Lol I own nothing but my hard working muse Alice and season 1 DVD's.
A/N: AWESOME EPPY! Alice was so inspired by this that she insisted we write this before getting sleep – silly muse has her priorities mixed up lol so if it seems a bit off it's the wee hours *eeks* but hope you all like it. Seriously we need more Jamie in his uniform! Next season better be all that! Don't get me wrong I love the undercover stuff to…but I'd trade that if we got Jamie in his blues every eppy! Oh and don't forget to stop by my Bluebloods season 2 forum (where all spoilers are leaked – like a big one before tonight's eppy aired)
"Words in double quotes and italic's taken directly from the eppy"
"There's a baby in there!"
"They're bound to ask you the name of the officer who saved the baby."
"Putting Officer Reagan's face out there is gonna blow our undercover operation."
"I did it without thinking," Jamie whispers in a quiet, anguished tone, his somber blue eyes staring somewhat absently into the darkened horizon before him. "It was a fire…someone yelled there's a baby in there…I'm faster than Renzulli…I didn't think. A gas pocket or something exploded…there was black smoke…I couldn't breathe…felt lost, but then I heard the baby cry," Jamie's voice rattles off in a nervous stammer. "But then I saw the door…Renzulli was there, he took the baby and it was over. I mean it lasted, damn it wasn't even a minute I think but um…I couldn't wait for the fire department. If I had waited that baby would have died. I couldn't have let that happen. None of us would have hesitated."
Jamie stops and takes a few deep breathes, his heart racing as he remembers rushing into the burning building, his brow damp with sweat and sticky with soot, his eyes burning from the smoke and his lungs coughing out the putrid air; his ears desperate to find the helpless infant. Before he can think the baby was in his grasp, he stops and covers it as the blast of heat rolls off his back and then he races for the door; back outside into the fresh air and into the arms of his partner.
"And now…" he pauses as he picks up a small object at his side and starts to fiddle with it, "now I put dad in a tight spot…and I'm wondering if maybe I should have stayed in Harvard. I got the call to go to dad's office and…you know for a moment I was um…I was scared."
"The officer…was your son Jamie."
"Pull him off patrol and get him in this office forthwith."
"Did anyone see you come out of the building before you handed the baby off to Sargent Renzulli?"
"We can't put Officer Reagan's face out there in an NYPD uniform. It'll put him at risk not to mention blow our operation on the whole Sanfino crime family."
"I mean it didn't matter what OOCB said…the press…whatever…just what dad said…" Jamie stops as he thinks back to what his father said and his eyes slightly water.
"I know what you're thinking?"
"You do?"
"Yeah that you shoulda talked me outta that undercover stuff to keep me outta danger, but um…it wouldn't have mattered if you did."
"Actually I was thinking I'm really proud of you."
"Proud of me…I heard him say it but…but I hafta say I didn't believe it at first. I have caused him and my partner a lot of grief with this and…" Jamie's voice breaks as he pauses once more for a deep breath. "I just never wanted to put this on him again."
Jamie looks off into the distance and frowns before he rubs his face and then closes his eyes for a few minutes and shakes his head.
"This is all on me…but…well it's what I was trained to do right? I didn't think…I just reacted. I saved a life and then…okay so Renzulli did come out with the baby in his arms and has stepped up to put his name in the spotlight but um…well we had to tell him why. It didn't want to lie to him intentionally but…damn I just shoulda said no to all this in the first place. Yeah…he's still mad. I know he said he gets it and stuff but um…" Jamie pauses as he chokes back a sniff and shakes his head, quickly wiping his eyes. "Yeah he was upset."
"He had a point but so did I…I'm just new to all this," Jamie pauses again as he looks around with a heavy frown and then back to the darkened slab of granite before him. "I just wanted to help…first with this whole Sanfino thing and then with this baby…maybe I didn't think, maybe that's my legacy and I should stop now. Wish I had said no right from the start. Maybe now Danny will be able to say I told you so."
"Maybe…but that's not his thing," Danny's voice is heard as he reveals himself from the shadows and heads toward his youngest brother, slowly easing himself down beside Jamie in front of Joe's gravesite. "Don't get up," Danny gently pushes Jamie back down.
"How'd you know I'd be here?"
"We're related," Danny tosses out offhandedly. "Figured you'd wanna escape to someplace quiet after the events of the past few days. And despite the fact that dinner wasn't as strained as we thought it might be, I know you needed to get something off your chest."
"You could tell?"
"Again…we're related," Danny smirks.
"I didn't want any of this."
"I know you didn't," Danny warmly replies. "You're not in trouble you know that right?"
"I don't feel good about any of this. Saving that baby felt good but now…I mean this was my fault and…"
"Hey the only ones to blame is the mob for making you feel this way okay. You acted on instinct…kid you can't blame yourself for that."
"Renzulli he was outside…he waited until the explosion and then came in – but only into the entranceway. So he knows he can't tell…he knows…but he's not the only one; someone knows the truth. Someone always knows the truth and in this case…its bad."
Danny hears the small quiver of fear in his brother's voice and nods; someone always knew the truth. But with so much on the line this time – it being Jamie's very future existence, the fear was real; it was justified; it was growing.
"And if someone finds out the truth…" Danny starts.
"I'm dead…Danny and I can't…let that happen. I can't be the cause of more pain for dad; not because of my willing actions."
"Dad isn't the only one that doesn't want to lose another Reagan," Danny whispers as his arm wraps around Jamie's shoulder and pulls him closer. "And for the record he doesn't blame you okay. So take that out of your head."
"Not that he says to me," Jamie's voice breaks as he looks away and slightly sniffs. "But I know."
"Hey he's not mad. He said he's proud of you."
"It was the Commissioner talking not my father."
"Because you know your father is gonna say he doesn't want to lose another son," Danny confesses what Erin had told him their father said to her earlier in the day. Jamie looks over at his brother and feels his stomach sink. "We all feel that way," Danny confesses in a broken tone. "Trust me every time I rush in where angels fear to tread I get the same talk from him so I know what he's thinkin by now okay."
"Danny I don't want to add to his pain."
"He's proud of you…we all are and that's that okay," Danny softly confesses, drawing Jamie's gaze to him, his lips twisting into a small smirk.
"What?" Jamie inquires.
"Just that at times you seem all grown up, a real seasoned officer and…"
"And other times a scared kid? What about now?" Jamie dares to ask.
"One of the best," Danny praises and Jamie's smile widens.
"You think so?"
"Just over a year on the job and already working a major undercover case like a pro? Hell yeah I think so. And I know Joe would agree with me if he were here right now; well you know…in person. I guess that's why this is so hard on dad. He…we all lost Joe and now…"
"I could be next."
"I won't lie and tell you that this is just some every day case and a regular walk in the park. Until it's over we're all gonna be on pins and needles but that comes with the job and we've all been there. Sure we argue about it and get mad with each other for not telling the whole truth to everyone labeled Reagan, but that's the job and the life and we get it."
"I wish I could go back, okay?" Jamie stammers in frustration as he tries to stand up to leave. Danny's hand shoots out and forces him to remain in place.
"I'm sure Joe wishes that too, but you can't and you know that. I won't let anything happen to you, I promise."
"Danny…"
"Jamie, nothin's gonna happen to you okay."
"I didn't want to be a hero…okay I just didn't think. I just acted."
"So you're an involuntary hero," Danny muses with a bemused smile as he looks over at Jamie who merely purses his lips and frowns. "You're a Reagan and it's in the blood. You can't change that."
"Yeah well my name isn't sitting well with my partner who hates me."
"Ah now you're being silly," Danny adds in haste. "Remember the gambling stuff? You went out on a limb for him…"
"This was an outright lie about the job."
"Which trust me he understands," Danny tries to assure him.
"He was pissed when he confronted me about it," Jamie argues back as he remembers the next day and the strained meeting with his partner.
"Hey Reagan…you were undercover and you didn't tell me?"
"Who told you?"
"You ride with me nearly every day for a year and you don't tell me? I'm not just anyone. I heard from the PC. Nice to know you trust me."
"You were under orders not to tell anyone, just like Renzulli can't even tell his wife about the real baby rescue. It's part of the job and you'll learn it the more years you got under your belt. The award ceremony cleared it up right?"
"I was proud of him," Jamie mentions. "I know he said he was proud of me but um…I was proud of him."
"Trust me kid, we were all proud of you that day. You kept to the job…that's what was the most important thing…not your two seconds in the spotlight to satisfy some YouTube plug," Danny explains. "Renzulli knows that which is why he complied."
"Think we'll ever get the trust back between us?"
"I guarantee it. Might sting for a bit but yeah you'll be all good in no time."
"Still…it didn't feel right," Jamie groans.
"You don't get it do you?" Danny lightly huffs.
"Guess not."
"Then what I told Erin was right, glad I'm not the only knucklehead in the family," Danny chuckles.
"Not funny."
"Hey none of us like to be surprised. But I tell ya if Jackie were to tell me the same thing, sure I'd be pissed and give her the same lecture Renzulli gave you. Then I'd go home…sleep it off and come in the next day knowing that if the situation was reversed, I'd be doing the same thing. Or she had to take the praise for something I did and couldn't openly acknowledge it…whatever it's the job and what partners do for each other. You didn't do anything wrong."
"Then why do I feel so bad? This whole case…all I've felt is regret, anxiety and frustration," Jamie groans as he picks up a blade of grass and slides it between his fingers. "I don't sleep well…always looking over my shoulder. Damn it tell me Danny."
"Because it's not been a happy case. Okay that's lame but the truth," Danny shrugs. "Who's happy going up against guys you don't wanna even classify as humans? You had to contend with Mr. Happy Go Lucky who doesn't live up to his name Noble, yeah some hero that loser is; his I'm hot but head games and murder are my thing Bianca and don't forget your boss for a day Johny Tesla who ends up as fish bait…oh yeah and you nearly spent some quality time with good ole Uncle Phil Sanfino…a man who loves his carving knife more than his own flesh and blood. Gee tough call on which of those is makin' you lose sleep at night."
"Okay I get it," Jamie just nods in agreement, his mind processing all that Danny was reminding him of.
"Dad is aware of all that too…plus he's worked with the Sanfino's before and much like myself knows what they are capable of…so yeah he's proud but scared too. He doesn't want to lose you."
"I never wanted to make him feel that way," Jamie confesses with a heavy sigh. "I just wanted to help."
"Like with the baby rescue," Danny reminds him and Jamie looks at him but finally resigns in agreement. "So stop beating yourself up already. You can't change it right? The press is happy…Renzulli will come back tomorrow…you said you made up at the bar right?"
"I still think things are gonna be strained," Jamie sighs as he thinks back to his discussion with Renzulli in the bar.
"I pretend to be a hero and you pretend not to be."
"You did me a big favor. It wasn't easy and I appreciate it."
"Trust me, he's gonna be fine and you…"
"Will continue to look over my shoulder wondering who's gonna pull up on the next call. Danny with today's social media who knows who filmed that and put it up…somewhere. You said it yourself. All they have to do is zoom in on my face and they'll put Jimmy Riordan together with Jamie Reagan."
"Damn same initials…who came up with that stupid name in the first place?" Danny groans.
"Not me," Jamie huffs. "Yeah some kind of hero I turned out to be."
"You know the best kind of hero's are the ones who aren't even acknowledged as hero's."
"Yeah like who?"
"Joe," Danny nods toward their late brother's gravestone. "He did a lot of great things but much like dad, hated the attention and spotlight, saying he'd rather just have it noted on his file and be on his way. Grampa…although I think if we let him, he'd put on a superman costume," Danny finishes with a chuckle before he looks over at Jamie's somewhat serious expression and frowns.
The two of them sit for a few moments longer before Jamie leans all the way back so that he was looking up at the stars, Danny following suit. "Danny be honest with me…I know he'd never tell me but is dad disappointed in me?"
"In you personally? No…if you mean by things right now – yeah of course."
"But…"
"But it's not your fault. If it were I or even Joe…or heck Erin, he'd do the same thing…put on the brave face, back us one hundred percent and then inwardly wish we were Walmart Greeters."
"Thought he liked Target better?" Jamie lightly chuckles.
"Hey we could both be go go dancers for a kids club as long as it wasn't in the line of fire every day and he's be the happiest man in the world. But that's not us and knows it…we're him and he can't do a damn thing about it. This situation has us all on edge, if you're feeling it…so are we. That's just the nature of the job."
"The look on his face…Danny he was…damn it was tough to take. He was about to tear up," Jamie utters with a heavy frown, both of them still looking upward into the inky night sky. "It was the same look tonight after family dinner when he told me that I'd never forget saving a life. And he's right. I see it every moment, rushing into that darkened building, gasping for air, finding that baby, hearing it cry and then taking my first breath of fresh air."
"Then hold onto that good feeling and let it push aside all the bad stuff. That's what I do with good cases like the one I just finished…chases away all the bad ones that I failed at."
"Failed?"
"Yeah and don't tell anyone I said that or I'll kill you."
"After tonight's supper, I think fat and cholesterol will do that for me," Jamie lightly groans as his stomach slightly grumbles. "What was Erin thinking?"
"Yeah Linda's got us eatin' salad for supper tomorrow with some kinda bean thing," Danny groans as he looks over at Jamie who's now pulled a small black box from his pocket. Both of them sit up as Jamie slowly opens it; both of them looking at his first honorary decoration.
"You earned it kid," Danny tells him in a warm smile. "You thought dad forgot?"
"I uh…yeah I did," Jamie confesses as he looks with pride at the stripe he'd soon wear proudly.
"Not our dad," Danny proudly states.
"He's my hero," Jamie whispers with a tender smile as he looks up at Danny.
"Mine to," Danny agrees as he pats Jamie on the back. "Come on lets go…early day tomorrow for both of us."
"Hey Danny?" Jamie asks as they slowly head way from Joe's gravestone. "Did you really call me a knucklehead?"
"I did," Danny chuckles. "You can't be a hero all the time; it'll go to your head."
"Like yours?"
"Knucklehead," Danny laughs as his arm playfully wraps around Jamie's neck and his other hand ruffles his hair.
Jamie merely laughs as Danny finally lets go; turning around and looking back at Joe's gravesite before following Danny out to his car. The past few days hadn't gone as planned but life had shown him who the real heroes are, it was those that were willing to extend themselves for those they cared about; taking a fall, or taking false praise, voluntary or involuntary; in the public eye or accepting a silent thank you. The true definition of a hero isn't the actions you are remembered for but the person behind the actions that make them happen.
"Come on kid…lets go home."
THE END!
A/N: Okay so I hope you all liked this little eppy insert and yes am just building my files and notes on anything mob related for my third story in my 'blue' series where the mob comes back for Jamie…so keep an eye out for that but please do review this before you go and thanks so much in advance!
PS: I hope you are all enjoying 'Police Academy' back to those regular updates next week.