AN: This is based on both the book and the movie, scenes from the movie intertwined with descriptions from the book. Enjoy. P.S. It starts after he has sent her back above ground.
I lay in my bed and wondered. Dreamed. Imagined. Was it all a dream? No. It couldn't have been I could still see his malformed face in my mind. I could feel his hand in mine and his voice rang in my ears. Once I had gotten over the shock, I went over his features in my mind. No nose. That was the biggest one. His eyes, his glorious amber eyes were sunken in, surrounded by a gaunt pale face, not ugly mind you just … skeletal-like. His skin was so thin it was almost see through, his cheeks, sunken in almost as much as his eyes. He was obviously starving down there.
It was true, he was no handsome prince but it was not as horrid as I had first thought. Everything had just happened so fast. He'd been so terrifying. He had been so angry . . . So hurt . . .
My breath caught on a low sob as I remembered the pain and, and loneliness I could see in his eyes. OH, Erik. Why? Why do you torture yourself so? Why do you push everyone away from you?
Hot tears flowed unrelentingly down my face and into my hair. I had rejected him, though not in the cruelest sense, but to him … A man who must've been rejected his whole life. . . .
No love . . .
No comfort . . .
No compassion from any human alike.
Just misunderstanding. And darkness. Erik's world was already so dark to begin with . . .
How could the world have shunned someone so beautiful just because they had an, an ugly outside? And I had not the strength to look upon his face; the one time he needed me. Sure, Erik was deformed, but what could that compare to his soul?
I banged my forehead with my wrists, the pain not even registering. He had taken care of me my whole life, granted it was under the guise of an angel, and hopefully, if he ever saw fit to speak to me, or even look upon me again I shall ask why he felt the need to hide his human nature, but nonetheless he had been there for me.
Oh, Christine you selfish girl!
What would make you think he even wants to hear from you again? He's probably cursing you right now, wishing you were dead.
I flipped on my side, cursing myself with the words I had heard Joseph once use when he was drunk. They were foul and vulgar but as I insulted myself I felt slightly better about the pain I had dealt Erik. But only slightly. How would I find him? How could I make it up to him? He would surely make it difficult.
I groaned and rolled around, burying my head in my pillow. Oh, Erik.
I'll make it up to you, I promise.