For Saval.
It all started when I heard the sniffling.
I am willing to bet thirty galleons that I was the heaviest sleeper in my dorm room. Back in fifth year, when Harry had all those nightmares and screamed in his sleep, I hardly ever woke up. I've slept through my alarm more times than I can count. I also snore, so literally nothing can get through that noise and into my ears while I'm asleep.
I'm not sure why sniffling was the thing that woke me up. It's quiet and you can barely hear it. Hell, I bet people sniffled in their sleep every single day, and yet I was suddenly awake, listening to sniffling. Maybe it's because I wasn't sleeping well those days; you would too, when there's a dark wizard threatening to kill your family. Maybe it was the fact that his evil followers called Death Eaters invaded Hogwarts, our school, and forced us to go in hiding in a magical room they couldn't get into.
Yep, The Room of Requirement was an excellent place to go in those days. We had people from the DA (Dumbledore's Army, that is), Gryffindor, Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw houses. Not so surprisingly, there weren't any Slytherins looking for a place to hide. They were usually evil, anyway.
Somehow through this room, you could go through this passageway that leads to the village, Hogsmeade. That's where we found our food: in the pub that Dumbledore's brother ran. We had bathrooms and a radio and couches. We slept in hammocks, and though you wouldn't think lying on knotted ropes would be comfortable, it was. I slept like a baby until I heard that sniffling.
It was soft and quiet - the kind you hear when someone's crying. It sounded like it was coming from the right. I turned slightly - just to see who it was and if they needed any help - but as always, I don't do things right and I end up messing up just about anything.
I fell out of the stupid hammock.
Thankfully, no one was underneath me and I landed with a soft thump. Instead of thinking about my sore arse, I cringed; I hoped to Merlin that no one had heard my fall. I didn't want a whole room of awake teenagers; it was bad enough that they were awake during the day! Fortunately enough, it seemed that no one had heard my fall.
"Neville? Is that you?"
Damn it.
"Yeah?" I whispered as quietly as I could into the dark. On my right, a dark shape slipped out gracefully from their hammock (why can't I do that?) and padded softly to where I had sat upright.
"Are you okay?" With a jolt I realized who it was: Hannah Abbott. I would recognize her voice anywhere... considering I might've had a teensy crush on her in fifth year, when we were both part of Dumbledore's Army. She may have been part of the reason I worked so hard. To impress her.
Shhh. Don't tell anyone.
"I'm fine," I whispered, hastily standing and brushing nonexistent dust off my pajamas pants. "Were you the one that was sniffling?"
"I..." She hung her head, pretty blonde curls falling everywhere. She wiped her cheeks. "Yeah."
"Are you okay?"
"No... I had a bad dream."
"Oh." The symptoms of a crush were slowly coming back; my palms had become sweaty and I felt a bit like a bumbling fool. Or perhaps that was just daily as being Neville Longbottom. "Do you - do you wanna talk about it, or something?"
She shook her head.
I wiped my hands on my pants. Didn't help much. "Well... I guess - what are you doing?"
To my utmost surprise, Hannah had crawled onto my hammock. Not hers. Mine. Even more surprising, she moved over to the right side and patted the left, inviting me to join her. It's not that I didn't want to, but... what just happened?
I mean, we were all friends there. Maybe a little animosity between Ginny and Cho, but otherwise, we all talked to each other. Did friends that were male and female share hammocks? Or sleeping arrangements? That didn't sound much like friendship to me. But then again, I didn't have that many friends. I mostly hung out with Ginny and Luna, and they were like sisters.
Hannah was definitely no sister. Maybe I was missing something. There should be some kind of friendship rule book or guide that I can consult in situations such as these. That way, I won't look like an idiot as I stared at her in apprehension, wondering what exactly Hannah was doing, or suggesting.
But really - I'd be an idiot to turn down this offer.
After a few moments of gawking at her, I stumbled over and somehow scrambled into the hammock. Really, these things weren't made for two people; after squeezing around, we'd finally found a comfortable position that involved her head on my shoulder and snuggled up against my side. I pulled the blanket up, and by the time I had turned to her, she'd started crying.
Bloody hell.
I'm not awake enough for this, I thought tiredly as her tears soaked my t-shirt. I had no idea what to do. My grandmother never cried. Ginny and Luna probably didn't even have tear ducts. I didn't even know about Hannah's dream, so I couldn't comfort her in any way. I just did what I always did when I didn't know what to do: stayed quiet and hope it goes away.
It didn't, in case you were wondering. But eventually, she stopped crying into my shirt and started sniffling again.
"I'm so sorry," she whispered. "It's just that I used to crawl into bed with my parents when I had nightmares."
"Oh," I said, a little disappointed. "Okay. That's fine."
"Really?" When I nodded, she gave a watery smile. "Thank you, Neville." I smiled in response and we fell silent. Snores and mumblings from around the room filled my ears. My t-shirt was still wet.
Well, I guess there's no going to sleep now.
"Neville?" I glanced down to meet her wide, blue eyes. "Remember in fourth year, in the first Defence Against the Dark Arts class? When Professor Moody first showed us the Unforgivable Curses?"
My heart lurched in my chest. "Yeah."
"That's what my dream was," she confessed, her innocent eyes filling with tears. "Except on my parents." I felt my heart lurch in pain; my parents really had been under those curses. The Cruciatus curse, to be exact.
"I know how you feel," I confessed.
"Have you had a dream like that, Neville?" I didn't answer; there was something stuck in my throat and I couldn't speak. I had never voluntarily told anyone about how Bellatrix Black tortured my parents into insanity. Harry, Ron, Hermione and Ginny found out at St. Mungo's hospital, where my parents were. I wasn't even sure if Luna knew. Probably. That girl knew everything and absolutely nothing at the same time.
So I didn't answer. I didn't know how. It wasn't a dream.
She wiped her eyes on the back on her hand. "My parents are the nicest people I know. My dad didn't even flinch when he found out my mum was a witch. It was like he knew all along. He said it made it made her even more special, and he was lucky to have her."
I swallowed. "That's amazing."
Hannah gripped at my shirt to turn and press her eyes against my side. "I'm scared. What's going to happen to them? What's going to happen to us?"
"I think we're just going to fight," I answered firmly, even if I felt uncertain. "That's what we're doing. We're Dumbledore's Army. We can't just give up."
"I didn't say we were going to."
"I know," I said, feeling stupid and shutting my mouth. Everything went quiet for a moment.
"It's funny you mentioned Dumbledore's Army," she said after a few minutes.
"Why?"
"It actually feels like an army now." She shifted again, making the hammock sway. "Look at us. Bruised and scarred. Never knowing if we're truly safe. All sleeping in the same tent. Rationing food. Getting ready to fight."
"Well, I guess. I mean, we are in the middle of a war," I said slowly. "We just haven't begun the final battle, yet."
"When do you think it'll be?"
"I dunno. It's the first of May, and it still hasn't happened."
"War really changes your perspective on things, doesn't it?"
"Absolutely."
"I remember when I was four and I planned out my life on paper with a purple crayon," she confessed, smiling at the memory. "I would go to Hogwarts, like my mum. I would study really hard and make my best friends. I would meet my husband and tell him I loved him every day. Then I'd get out and go on to do some incredible job."
"Like what?"
"I think at that time, it was being a famous inventor." She snorted. "I think that hobby lasted about two days."
I smiled. "When I was little, I wanted to be an hero, like my dad."
"What do your parents do, Neville?"
"Nothing," I told her, my smile faltering. My back stiffened, and she noticed. Thankfully, she didn't press further. Very considerate of her.
"Well," she said after a moment, "At least we don't have to do our exams."
I laughed softly. I couldn't believe she managed to cheer me up after thinking about my parents. Usually it took being out in the Herbology greenhouses for at least an hour.
"Hey, Neville?"
"Yeah?"
"What's the point of magic, do you think?" I stared at her.
Did she honestly ask me that?
"What do you mean?"
"What's the point of having magic if you're just going to abuse it?" she asked, her voice becoming indignant. I shushed her, and she breathed again. "Sorry. It's just not fair. One person has caused so much havoc for so much people."
"I wouldn't call You-Know-Who a person. Monster, maybe."
"Monster," she repeated, trying it out. "He ripped apart so many families."
"You can say that again."
"I want to see if mine is okay."
"I know mine is fine," I said confidently, refusing to consider otherwise. "They're strong. They're fighters. They have to be."
"I hope so." She rolled over. "My mum was an astronomer, did you know that?"
"No, I didn't."
"Yeah. Whenever I couldn't sleep, even if I was in her bed, she'd take me outside on clear nights and show me constellations and tell me stories."
"She sounds like a great mother."
"She was," Hannah said quietly. She seemed the shrink into herself. "I miss her."
I swallowed. I remembered when everyone had received news that Hannah's mother had passed away. She looked so crushed and small and helpless. I could tell that her family meant everything to her at that point. I knew exactly how that felt.
I tentatively wrapped an arm around her. "Do you ever feel alone?" She snuggled into me.
"I guess. My dad's worse. He doesn't have someone to hold him right now."
I sighed. "My – my parents were tortured into insanity," I confessed for the first time. My heart was pounding in my ears. "They're still in St. Mungo's. I visit them every holiday."
To my surprise, her eyes caught mine. There was something so tender in them. Not pity, like I was half-expecting, but hurt. She was sharing my pain. No one outside my family had done that before.
"Neville?" I didn't answer. I couldn't breathe. "I'm going with you next time."
I couldn't help it. I had to ask.
"There'll be a next time?"
She sighed. "These days, I try to look to what I'd like to do in the future," she said, closing her eyes, "and I can't see a thing. It's like I don't want to get my hopes up that we might win this war and imagine what I want to do."
My heart felt like it was sinking – drowning. "I had these hopes and dreams and stuff. But it's like I haven't thought about anything but fighting for so long. Not even plants."
"Me too." Hannah opened her eyes again. "I wanted to grow up and fall in love and have a family. I wanted to graduate, for Merlin's sake. Now I don't even know what's going to happen tomorrow."
I nodded in agreement. "War really does change your perspective on things," I said, echoing her earlier words. "We just never know what'll happen next, and it's terrifying. I'm afraid I'll wake up one day and everyone will be gone."
To my surprise, Hannah began fumbling and fidgeting with her fingers. "Neville?"
"Yeah?"
"In case I won't… you know, be able to tell you one day…" She took a deep breath. "I really like you. I have for a while, now. Which you probably have already figured out since I'm sort of sleeping with you. But not like that!" she said quickly, her face flushing. "You know what I mean. But I wanted to say it. You deserve to hear it."
My mouth fell open, but I couldn't breathe.
She blushed again, looking as though she were about to burst into tears again. "Okay. I think I've embarrassed myself enough tonight. I'll just…" And the next thing I knew, she was wiggling out from our position.
She was leaving.
Oh bloody hell, WHY CAN'T I JUST GROW SOME.
"Wait –" I managed to say, grabbing onto her arm. That's just about all I did before she fell into me again. I couldn't think. All I could see was this beautiful girl I've fancied for two years and how I was missing my chance because and if I screwed that up, who knows if I'll get a second chance.
She didn't say anything as I tried to choke out words. She was patient and kind and loved her family and missed her late mother and even if she wasn't really that confident and scared out of her wits, he still admired something in her. It might've been her spirit.
That's what he wanted to say. Was trying to say.
Instead, what resulted was my lips on hers.
My mind went blissfully blank. I'd never kissed a girl before. It never really bothered me that much – I mean, Harry and Ron hadn't really done much, either – but I still always wondered what it was like.
It was bloody wonderful. Her lips were soft and warm and she smelled amazing and I didn't know what the hell I was doing but she wasn't protesting so I guess it was okay. I tried to put everything I'd thought into that kiss. I didn't know if I'd be able to do the same tomorrow, but that was her point, wasn't it? Living today.
When we stopped, I couldn't stop smiling. Her expression matched mine.
We didn't say anything. Just lay back down, pulled the blanket back over us. Her nose nuzzled into my neck and I kissed her forehead. I had a feeling that even though I hadn't slept much that night, it would be the best night's sleep I would have from a long time.
And in that moment, we were swaying in the hammock, the darkness swallowing us around the glow of candlelight. It was deep breathing and sniffles and snoring and sleep talking blending together in a lullaby. It was the feeling of Hannah against me, enclosed in her scent and heartbeat.
It was just us.
For at least a moment.
