According to you
I'm stupid,
I'm useless,
I can't do anything right.
I recalled my pokémon with a heavy sigh, already expecting what was to come. After all, I had just lost to Jun of all people in a pokémon battle. The boy in question didn't seem too thrilled with his unusually easy victory. Normally, I would have put up a better fight, coming out on top every time, but this occasion was different.
Jun stood above me, his face contorting into a grimace, and I could only bring a hand up to nervously run though my hair. Color sparked to life in his face but not for good reasons. He was obviously angry… at me. His brows furrowed and his mouth hung open in preparation to speak.
"What the heck was that? What happened to the Hikari who could wipe the floor with me in a battle?" He hesitated before pressing on. "What happened to the Hikari I loved?"
The words stung, leaving my heart aching painfully with regret.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason for my lackluster performance was because I had stayed awake all night long the night before to make him the gift that I thought worked best for him. How was I supposed to know that he'd want a battle instead of a new scarf?
"Who am I kidding?" he scoffed and turned away from me. "You haven't done anything right for a long time."
I knew that he was just caught up in the heat of the moment from not getting the fight he wanted, but that didn't change the fact that his words hurt just the same.
---
According to you
I'm difficult,
Hard to please,
Forever changing my mind.
"Hikari," he grunted in a strained voice. I glanced up from my spot in front of the mirror, a small hairclip between my pursed lips. The fabric of my dress flowed freely around my legs and gave me the freedom to swivel in his direction.
"What?" came my slurred reply.
"Stop messing with your hair, and let's just go already!"
"No!" I cried, appalled, while placing the clip in my hair and inspecting the current style from every angle. "It has to be perfect."
I turned round to face him and conjured the sweetest smile I could.
"So? How does it look?"
"Doesn't suit you," he replied dryly. "Now come on."
"No." I turned away in a huff. I swore that I would make myself look at least acceptable in his eyes before going out with him that night. It was his birthday, and we were supposed to be going to his party soon. Looking good for him would be the least I could do for him after messing up earlier that day.
"Why can't you ever make up your mind?" He went back the way he came, his hand on the door and his mouth curved downward in a deep frown. "I'll just meet you there then!"
But of course, he didn't realize my true intentions, and before I knew it, a hot tear slowly made its way down my cheek. I didn't even bother to wipe it away and just let it ruin the make-up work I had spent so much time on. It wasn't worth it.
---
I'm a mess in a dress,
Can't show up on time,
Even if it would save my life.
According to you.
"S-sorry, I'm late, Jun!" I doubled over, gulping in deep breaths and starving for oxygen. He barely let his eyes linger on me before turning away just as quickly, still mad about earlier. His nose seemed to be turned up at the sight of me.
"I thought you were taking all that time to look nice," Jun commented idly with a touch of bitterness. He wasn't even looking in my direction, but I could tell he was talking to me. "You don't look much better than when I left you."
My breath hitched in my throat, forming an unbearable lump of dread.
"I-I…" The stutters came out unwillingly, breaking my defiant, indifferent façade. He didn't seem the least bit sorry for his words, but it didn't matter anyway. I spun around and briskly walked back in the direction from which I arrived. Outside, I caught my reflection in one of the large windows and stopped to check out of curiosity. My dress was disheveled only slightly from my previous run and my hair was actually still neatly contained the way I had intended. Despite all that…
I couldn't help but feel that there was something off.
Unsure of the heavy feeling in my gut, I turned away from the large, illuminated windows and embraced the night's darkness. At least there was no one else out here to break the calm I so desperately needed. In the minutes that passed, I took deep breaths to soothe my aching heart and clear my distraught mind. Ever since Jun and I had started going out, he changed from the happy, hyperactive Jun I came to love to… this.
Truth be told, I even wasn't sure I loved him anymore.
---
But according to him
I'm beautiful,
Incredible,
He can't get me out of his head.
"Hikari…"
I jumped slightly at the sound of my name and whirled around to see Kouki. He smiled, ducking his head down slightly and making his way towards me.
"What are you doing out here? The party's inside."
"Um," I trailed off and focused on everything but him. My toes pointed to each other and clicked together lightly.
"There's no party without you, Hikari," he admitted softly. My eyes widened and my face warmed up ever so much.
"But it's Jun's birthday party," I protested weakly. "He's the life of the party."
"Then why aren't you with the birthday boy?" he inquired. Kouki almost sounded affronted by my statement, which surprised me.
"I…" My voice wavered and my hand rose slightly, stopping halfway with hesitation. "I tried to be beautiful for him today, but I…" There was another pause. "I guess that's an impossible feat for me after all."
"You're wrong." He sounded so firm and absolute that I almost didn't argue with him.
"But Jun said –"
"I don't care what Jun said!" I jumped back in surprise, and he seemed pretty embarrassed at himself for his outburst. "You're the most beautiful and incredible person I've ever met. Don't let Jun ever allow you think otherwise."
Silence fell over us once more, and Kouki seemed to struggle with expressing whatever else seemed to be on his mind.
"Even if Jun isn't always thinking of you, I am."
I hadn't even noticed the flood of tears that broke through until I felt his warm arms wrap around my shuddering form.
---
According to him
I'm funny,
Irresistible,
Everything he ever wanted.
"Hey."
"Hey," I greeted back with a wide smile. We both chuckled before getting to the matter at hand.
"You sure Jun doesn't mind us hanging out?"
I laughed and waved a hand dismissively.
"Why? We're just hanging out as friends, right? Anyway," I glanced away and focused on an odd-colored pebble on the sidewalk. "It's not like he really cares anyway."
What was that last part? Bitterness? The truth? Or both?
Kouki cleared his throat and grabbed my hand, tugging me forward. "Come on, I thought we were going to have a picnic."
"Oh, right!" I nodded in affirmation and stooped to pick up the cooler with our lunch, still holding Kouki's hand. "Where should we eat?"
"Isn't here okay?" He glanced around for a moment before stopping with widened eyes and a growing smile. "Or why don't we go by that tree over there? It looks shady enough."
"Okay," I agreed, hauling the small cooler at my side. It seemed heavier than I remembered it being earlier. I let out an unceremonious grunt before nearly falling forward. Luckily, Kouki noticed and caught me before I could spill our lunch onto the cool grass.
"Let's carry it together."
I made a face, which he heartily laughed at, but allowed him to take the other side of the basket. Once we made it to the tree in one piece, we both collapsed with satisfied sighs. I noticed him staring at me out of the corner of my eye and raised an eyebrow.
"What?"
He seemed to flush slightly.
"I just thought that you're actually really funny… and cute." I tilted my head to the side, not quite catching the last part he had whispered. Then the first thing he said sunk in.
"Eh? Funny? Me?" I pointed a finger at myself, not sure if I heard him correctly. According to Jun, I wasn't funny at all and was born without a sense of humor.
"Who else would I be talking to?" he asked playfully and lightly tapped the top of my head. I pouted at the hit and stuck my tongue out at him in retaliation. My hand reached for a cold sandwich but unintentionally bumped into his hand. I jumped back in surprise at the accident, my heart beating wildly from just the simple contact of our hands.
Kouki seemed surprised at my reaction but went on eating his sandwich in silence. Once that was accomplished, he rubbed his stomach in satisfaction. "Just what I've always wanted," he whispered, glancing in my direction rather than at the cooler.
I felt my face heat up uncontrollably at his words, and, for a moment, I could've sworn I saw a contented grin flash across his face. His hand reached out toward me, and suddenly the mysterious feeling in my heart returned again.
It was a pleasant feeling, so I leaned in toward it, my eyes fluttering shut.
---
Everything is opposite,
I don't feel like stopping it,
So baby tell me what I got to lose.
He's into me for everything I'm not,
According to you.
"Hikari, lately, you've –"
I looked up from my book at the blond in front of me with a frown. It had been a week since he had last come by, not that I really cared anymore. But I still gave him my attention as I always did.
"I've what?" I prompted for him to continue. He looked away and ran a hand through his hair like he always did when he didn't like something.
"I heard you've been spending a lot of time with Kouki lately," he said simply. I nodded in response.
"Yeah, he's our friend," I justified. He seemed dissatisfied with my answer.
"What does he see in you?" he muttered to himself in disbelief as though seeing something I was unaware of. I shook my head at him and smiled in an effort to play along.
"Everything you don't see?" I suggested jokingly.
He didn't find it funny at all.
---
According to you
I'm boring,
I'm moody,
You can't take me any place.
"We're going out tonight, Hikari."
"I don't want to," I shot back irritably. Jun sighed and ran a hand through his hair, obviously annoyed by my attitude.
"But all you're doing is reading that dumb book! That's so boring!"
My face darkened and fists clenched.
"This book is not dumb!" I reminded him in a hiss. It was my father's after all, so he of all people should've known its importance.
"Geez," he whined, taking a step back. "No need to get so mad about it."
His words only succeeded in making me angrier.
"Well, excuse me for wanting to have a night in for once!"
"With that attitude, we'd probably get kicked out of anywhere I'd want to take you anyway!"
"Oh, so the park is off-limits to people like me, too?" I retorted, truly livid at the conversation at hand.
"Fine," he acquiesced finally, trying to calm his temper, "we'll just stay here tonight."
I just moodily crammed my face back into the worn pages of my book.
---
According to you
I suck at telling jokes 'cause I always give it away.
I'm the girl with the worst attention span;
You're the boy who puts up with it.
I could tell that Jun was really trying his best to bring the spark back to our relationship, but it was no use. The smile on his face, the way he leaned in to listen… even his laugh was forced. I looked away uncomfortably despite my still dying giggles from my own joke. Normally, even when we were just best friends, he would've told me how much I sucked at telling jokes.
"Jun."
His chuckles subsided quicker than what was considered natural and confirmed my suspicions.
"You really don't have to try so hard."
"Hikari, I…" Pain and guilt flickered across his features. "I…"
I shook my head and held his rough hands carefully.
"You really don't have to force yourself to put up with me." My eyes fell to my lap where our hands rested before flying up to meet his again. "Really, I mean it."
"If I don't, then who will?" I could tell from his tone that he was trying to joke, but he was too choked up for it to have the desired effect. I shook my head again.
"Don't worry about me," I reassured him and stood up, letting his hands slide away from mine along with what was left of our relationship. "I'll be fine."
Then I was gone.
---
I need to feel appreciated,
Like I'm not hated.
Why can't you see me through his eyes?
It's too bad you're making me decide.
Tears wet his shirt before I could stop myself, and his arms only pulled me closer in response. I selfishly ran to him in the middle of the night without a second thought, but he took me in just as quickly.
"Hikari," he cooed into my hair softly, rubbing my back in comforting circular motions. "What happened?"
"J-Jun – I-I-I – he –" Kouki took a step back to look into my frantic eyes, probably hoping to find a better answer than my disjointed syllables there. I took a deep breath to compose myself and sighed mournfully. "I think we…" I hiccupped and wiped my eyes angrily in an attempt to keep my composure. "… broke up."
I knew I wasn't grieving for a lost love anymore but a lost friendship.
"I'm… sorry," he apologized, hesitantly reaching out to me. I instinctively clung to him, needing from him the support I never had with Jun.
"I guess our expectations of each other were too big," I whispered despondently, tightening my hold on the arm of the boy in front of me. "We couldn't see each other as best friends anymore."
The dim room only seemed to grow dimmer with my despair.
"Don't think like that."
"H-huh?" I looked up at him with wide eyes, not quite understanding.
"Don't let your light go out just like that, Hikari."
"Kouki?" I tilted my head slightly in confusion, a lone tear sliding across my warm cheek. His long fingers quickly brushed it away with a weak smile.
"You're what keeps me going, so if you go out then I –" he stopped abruptly as though realizing he didn't like what he was saying. "If you fall into darkness, then I'll be there with you to guide you back to the light."
I let the words sink in before letting out a light giggle, much to his relief.
"That's kind of cheesy," I commented cheekily, already feeling a little better. Kouki opened his mouth to protest, but I cut him off. "But I really needed to hear that. Thank you."
Our hands found each other again, my battered and broken heart already on the road to recovery.
---
According to me
You're stupid,
You're useless,
You can't do anything right.
The next time I personally saw Jun, I was happily walking alongside Kouki, our hands and fingers intertwined. Instead of ducking my head like I would've years before, I bravely led the two of us over to where he silently stood and watched us. He seemed genuinely sorry about his previous actions, but I was able to give him a small smile with the support of Kouki.
"You're the one who was stupid, useless, and incompetent," I told him with resolve. I was glad to finally have gotten it all off my chest after so many years of holding it in. The man next to me gawked while the one in question just crossed his arms with mock-irritation and a twitching smile.
It was my wedding day, so I believed I had the right to say every word.
"Yeah, I really was," he agreed regretfully. I held my left hand out to him, the golden band shining beautifully in the afternoon light. The diamond in the middle caught the sun's rays as well and glimmered like the ocean just outside of town. He grinned at it before shaking it. "So you remembered."
"Friends forever?" I asked innocently. This was always our make-up ritual as children, and being adults didn't change a thing.
"Yeah," Jun nodded, a small tear sliding down his face. A moment passed in silence before Kouki cleared his throat. "Oh, right." He finally let go of my hand with a sheepish grin. "Almost forgot about your husband for a moment there."
"Jealous?" Kouki jokingly asked with a quirked eyebrow. Jun laughed and I flushed somewhat, shaking my head at his question.
"Hmm, just a little," he admitted with a thoughtful glance. I jolted in surprise at the honest answer. "To think I could've possibly had her once upon a time…"
Before I could object, Kouki spoke for me.
"Then I would've had to try harder to steal her away from you."
"Well, you don't have to worry about that now," Jun said with an indifferent wave of the hand. After a minute, he placed it on my spouse's shoulder supportively. "At least you can see all of the good qualities in her that I couldn't."
The three of us stood in silence, taking it all in. A sudden, light breeze picked up and blew petals between us, startling me out of my thoughts.
"Thank you, Jun," I finally said with a teary smile. "That's all I needed to hear."
---
Orianthi – "According To You"
A/N: Halfway through writing this, I decided that any other songfics I decide to write for Pokémon will go under this story. Truth be told, this is actually my first songfic, but it was pretty fun. Don't expect this to update often though, 'kay?