Of Mutants and Marxists
Disclaimer: I own niether Archer nor X-Men: Evolution
Chapter One: Orientation Part I
Bayville, Upstate New York...
The Xavier Institute for the Gifted located in a small town called Bayville was little over a year ago was revealed to have actually been a training facility for a faction of mutants known as the X-Men. Despite using their powers for good the mutants of the Institute were looked upon with fear, hate, and mistrust by the town's populace. For a year they had weathered the challenge of championing the ideas of mutant integration. But as far the people of Bayville and the free world were concerned they represented a menace rivaled only the Soviet Union.
For Charles Xavier it was a disheartening set back to say the least but the news he had received a few weeks back from Fury was perhaps more distressing. The wheel chair bound man at truly felt his every one of his fifty years and then some. Assembled in his study were the senior staff and students of his school, his X-Men. While the validity of his dream was something he doubted more and more he had no doubt he couldn't asked for a finer team. Each them represented the best of mutantkind, all of the exemplary of his ideas of what Homo Superior should aspire to be in their own ways. Charles truly abhorred having to give them more bad news but he had put this off long enough.
"Alright Chuck," Logan said gruffly, "you look like someone ran over your kitten, what's goin on?" Despite the his dry tone The others all had expressions of varying degrees of concern as well. Xavier sighed and clasped his hands together.
"I'm afraid in few days we be playing host to some government-contracted observers." Logan snarled.
"Is that what Fury's been pestering you about all these weeks!?" Xavier nodded wearily.
"I'm afraid so," The X-Men's mentor said gravely, "I tried to call in every favor I have to no avail." The response from several of the young men present was "What the Hell!" or it's more colorful variant eliciting a disapproving gaze from the professor.
"They've always been content to leave us be alone before," Ororo commented,"Why are they doing this now Charles? What has changed?" The professor sighed.
"Tensions between NATO and the USSR are rising, Fury himself believes that war is quite likely." Xavier said, he was forced to raise his mental shields to block out the barrage of palatable fear. Especially from Kurt and Rhane who had families in Europe, his heart ached for them. He wondered how long the leaders of the world would continue to recklessly threaten one another with the threat of nuclear annihilation?, "As such the government is even more security minded then usual." For one especially straight-laced and tightly wound student it was too much.
"Do they think we were going help the Reds?" Scott Summers said as he voiced the anger and resentment the others no doubt felt about the matter.
"Unfortunately...yes," Xavier said wearily, "as some of you may know several members of the Soviet Supremes have recently been revealed to be mutants." The professor explained, Russia's super human response team's role in placing hardliner and former KGB leader Aleksander Lukin in power was well known, "This I fear coupled with Russia's very public efforts to encourage mutants living in the Soviet sphere to enlist in the armed forces has had the effect of linking our people to the Communist Internationale in the minds of many."
Those few among them who actually kept with current events nodded in grim understanding. Most of his students had found the news to be too frightening or depressing to watch. Many anti-mutant pundits had filled the minds of the American public with images of mutant armies marching under the Hammer and Sickle banner. One that Xavier feared was proving quite effective connect the two of the biggest fears the people had into one chimeric nightmare.
"I bet those assholes on the History Channel don't help either," Bobby Drake said. The professor and several other looked at him questioningly. The brown haired teen sighed, "You know that show Ancient Astronuats? Well basically there's this one maniac who says our powers are the result of giant alien star gods experimenting on cavemen." Everyone was silently looking at him with annoyed and disbelieving expressions.
"That's retarded!" Logan said, "Watch the Military Channel, you might learn something useful if you did frosty."
"Can we please get back on focus?" Scott said dryly, mentally thanking his student Xavier decided to bring the conversation back to the subject at hand.
"Agreed," The Professor said bring everyone's attention back on him, "At this point what matters is how were going to cope with these people." Xavier's gaze became stern, "It is imperative that we all impress upon the younger students not to antagonize our-".
"Inquisitors?" Rogue injected bitterly.
"Observers," Xavier interjected wearily, "in the meantime we will endure this as best we can. We will have to assume any phone calls or emails will be monitored and we may have to take care to secure our more sensitive archives," He cast an eye towards Hank and Kitty who nodded in understanding. Those two had were the Institutes unofficial heads of cyber security. Xavier's gaze then turned to Logan, "While you old friend-" the Canadian cut him off.
"Play nice with the spooks?" He drawled,
"Yes," Xavier clasped his hand together that almost made him look malevolent, "and see what you can dig up about a private intelligence agency called...ISIS."
While Popeye's Suds and Duds" appeared to be a normal laundry mat/dry cleaners it was in fact the cover for the International Secret Intelligence Service more commonly known as ISIS. The upper stories of this building were the home of covert agency that had worked along side the likes of SHIELD, MI6, and the CIA. The agency admittedly had seen better days, it's reputation had been tarnished by the questionable actions of it's Chief Executive Mallory Archer. For Lana Kane it had been disheartening decline to behold but up until now she had remained begrudgingly loyal but at long last her boss had gone to far.
"Mallory are you insane!?" She slammed her the file down on the older woman's mahogany desk, "How the hell are we supposed to up against mutants?" Mallory narrowed her icy blue eyes at the sight of of her expensive desk being abused.
"Your not, they've agreed to cooperate with us completely and if those muties step one toe out of line the armed forces will burn down that cult compound of theirs within fifteen minutes or less." The sheepish middle aged man standing next to Lana looked alarmed. Cyril Figgis had done a lot of things that he wasn't proud of, both in his career and his personal life. But he still had a few scruples left and would at least try to voice them.
"The military? According to our intel most of the mutants at that school are..um...children." Mallory snorted.
"Teenagers," The veteran spy said dismissively,"barely human even without unnatural powers." Mallory spat before fixing her two disturbed looking subordinates with an irritated look, "Now enough self-righteous belly aching! Sterling's already refused this potentially lucrative mission so I have no choice but to order you miscreants to take this mission or your both fired!" For all their moral objections to this mission the dysfunctional couple honestly needed the money. Naturally Cyril was the first to cave.
"Fine," He said with the same weary tone he used when agreed try out whatever emasculating sexual practice Lana wanted to subject him too on the one night of the a week they had sex.
"I had no idea Archer felt so strongly about mutant rights." Lana commented in an impressed tone that worried her boyfriend.
"Hardly!" Mallory spat, "His reasons were considerably more asinine."
The Previous Night...
A wild-eyed Sterling threw down photos of the X-Men battle with the Sentinel a year back, "That's why!" His mother stared down at the picture needing only a moment to discern what had unnerved her misbegotten son so.
"Oh for the love of," Mallory inhaled deeply before continuing, "Sterling I promise you there are no robots at the Institute. Besides that machine was built to hunt mutants, not syphilitic drunks, by a renegade black ops group."
"That has since been legitimized mother!" Sterling snapped, "and I do not have syphilis...as far as I know," He narrowed his eyes in thought, "I did just get back from Bangkok though so getting tested would be a good idea." Like a boomerang he went right back to his robo-phobic rant, "Anyway my answer's no mother! You hang with mutants you get attacked by killer robots! Now if you'll excuse me I've got to have to make Woodhouse build me a Sentinel proof panic room back at my apartment."
The Present...
"Un-freaking believable!" Lana seethed as she and her boyfriend headed down to the garage, "Now Archer doesn't even have to work if the mission involves one of his moronic phobias."
"Your preaching to the choir." Cyril assured her, "This mission is already going downhill and hasn't even started. I can't imagine an even wors..." Lana silenced him by placing a finger on his lips. Her emerald eyes narrowed,
"Cyril honey,"She said sweetly, "don't you dare say it."
The Garage, five minutes later...
"You two love birds ready to go!"
Lana stared incredulously at the red haired scientist, "Why in God's name do we have to take your creepy car?" Doctor Krieger was possibly one of the most genuinely disturbed individuals you could ever meet. From getting off on recording hobos fighting each other to his disturbing talent for disposing of bodies without a trace the man was clearly nuts. The mad scientist blinked his forest green and looked at his van which Mallory had once dubbed the "S.S. Date Rape". With it's heavily tinted windows and disturbing rock album cover inspired mural looked like the vehicle of choice for some deranged serial killer. The bearded man looked at her perplexed.
"Caress of Krieger isn't creepy." He said sounding fairly hurt as he sat a box of odd surgical implements onto the van's shag carpeting, "Besides it's shielded to block out telepathy mutant or otherwise." Both Lana and Cyril started to say something but stopped as what the mad scientist said sank in.
"Mutants can really do that?" Figgis said sounding a little alarmed, the last thing he wanted was everyone at that school learning of his past sex addiction issues.
"Some," He explained as he had the two loaded up more boxes of what appeared to be medical equipment. "Each mutant is a little different in terms of it's abilities but telepaths are a dime a dozen among them." The scientist explained, "I'm so excited to finally be able to be around real live mutants, so many experiments to perform." Cyril's looked at the stuff Krieger had already loaded on to the van, before turning to look at Lana.
"Is that why have those canisters of ether?" The scientist became somewhat shifty eyed at Cyril's finger rolling one of the canisters back and forth.
"….Also yes" The Doctor said evasively.
"Better question," Lana interjected sounding somewhat perturbed, both men turned and looked at her. She was pointing one of her fingers to the bulge in the mad scientist's pants, "Why do you have an erection?" Krieger looked at them as if they had grown extra heads.
"I told you I was excited."