(+8 years) Stiles impulsively buys random crap that clutters up the house every time he goes, ostensibly, to meet Erica for coffee. Derek is convinced that Erica is goading Stiles into buying crap because she knows how much he hates it.
"What the hell is that?"
Stiles glances up from whatever it is he and Erica are looking at on his laptop and grins hugely.
"Isn't it awesome? We found it in Goodwill."
Derek pulls a face, lifting the resin wolf's head off the mantel piece and scowling at it. "It's hideous. Make it go away."
"Dude, you can't take stuff back to Goodwill! That's like, not good will!"
"Callie chose it for you." Erica chimes in, a smug smile on her face. "Do you really want to make a four year old cry? That's incredibly mean of you."
"You keep it then." Derek complains, throwing the offending object to Erica.
"No! I can't! Boyd's...uh, allergic to resin!"
"Bullshit."
"Whatever. But Callie did choose it for you." Erica grins toothily, setting it down on the coffee table. "It must be the emotionally constipated look on it's face. Reminds her of her alpha." She smiles again, turning the figurine around until it's facing Derek, making it all the more obvious that the badly painted eyes are pointing in two different directions.
"I'm throwing it in the trash as soon as you leave." He huffs, folding his arms across his chest and glaring at them both.
"Your boyfriend's pissed." Erica hisses to Stiles in a mock whisper, laughing when Derek stalks angrily from the room, calling "And don't go making my child cry, jackass!" after him.
Derek ignores her and wanders into the kitchen, his frown deepening when he finds Callie sat in front of the freezer, the door yanked wide open as she pulls out the contents and strews them about the room. He scoops her up, holding her at arm's length when she shifts and growls at him and walks back through to the lounge. He can't quite bring himself to use what Stiles persists as referring to as his "alpha powers" on a four year old girl, despite knowing he probably should; Callie scares him even more than Erica ever used to. He's dreading what she'll be like when she's older and is hoping she'll start to take more after Boyd as she grows up.
"Think you could supervise this if you're going to bring it to our house?" Derek snaps, dumping Callie in Erica's lap and exiting the room before she can respond.
. o o o .
It doesn't end with the wolf's head. Why Derek ever thought it would end with the wolf's head, he can't say. Every so often, Stiles will come rushing through the front door with excited cries of "you'll never guess what I found at the thrift store" or "look at this awesome thing I found marked down at Macy's". These occasions are few and far between though, because Stiles mostly likes to sneak things in when Derek isn't expecting it, as though he takes some kind of enjoyment in seeing how long it will take Derek to notice his newest purchase.
"No."
Stiles looks up from his book and beams happily at Derek; he's got that telltale glint in his eye that he gets whenever he's trying to sneak something past Derek, and the stink of thrift stores clinging to his clothes. "Hello to you too, buttface."
"Get rid of it, whatever it is."
"I'll get rid of you." Stiles replies, turning his attention back to his book. "Anyway, I have no idea what you're talking about."
Derek frowns. Nearly two years of living together combined with dealing with werewolves on a daily basis for even longer than that has made Stiles pretty good at being able to sneak lies past him. "I'll find it."
"You won't find anything." Stiles grumbles, holding his hand out to Derek. "There's nothing to find. Stop being paranoid and come here. I missed you today."
Derek raises an eyebrow and crosses to the bookcase in the corner for the room, smiling to himself when he hears Stiles' heart rate increase slightly; sat on the top shelf is a snow globe.
"Really?" Derek asks, grabbing it and holding it out to Stiles. "Is that...why is Jesus in a snow globe? Why is Jesus in a snow globe in our house?"
"Dude," Stiles grins, scrambling off the couch and snatching the snow globe from Derek and giving it a shake. "it's the most awesome thing ever. And it's not just regular Jesus, it's Christ the Redeemer. Like in Brazil."
"Why is it in our house?"
"Because it's Christ the Redeemer. In a glittery snow globe." Stiles repeats, looking at Derek as though he's simple. "There is literally nothing in the world more amazing than this. I found it at the flea market this afternoon; it only cost me four dollars!"
"Erica put you up to this, didn't she?"
"No! Erica said it was hideous and probably cursed. I'm starting to think that she doesn't have a soul." Stiles sighs, giving the snow globe another shake and smiling wistfully as glitter swirls around Jesus' head. "Don't you like it?"
"Do I like anything you bring into the house?"
"Um." Stiles pauses, biting at his bottom lip. "You like me?"
"Sometimes." Derek concedes, taking the snow globe from Stiles and frowning at it. He gives it an experimental shake, rolling his eyes when Stiles grins at him. He's not really thinking about Stiles' taste in home decor right now. He's thinking of Laura and their apartment in New York and her habit of buying the tackiest and kitschiest things she could find in dollar stores and the boardwalk shops at Coney Island, of the little shelf in their old kitchen, full of the plastic dinosaurs that she loved so much. He thinks Laura probably would have loved Stiles nearly as much as he does, and would have probably been an even worse influence on him than Erica. Laura would have loved the snow globe.
"So you're cool with Jesus?" Stiles asks, breaking into Derek's little trip down memory lane. "He can chill with us?"
"I guess I have to keep Jesus if I want to keep you, right?" Derek asks, looping his free arm around Stiles' waist and pulling him close so he can kiss him.
"Damn straight." Stiles laughs, throwing his arms around Derek's neck and returning the kiss eagerly. "I promise, next time I go meet Erica for coffee, I won't go near the flea market."
"Or Good Will." Derek suggests. "Or Dollar Tree. Or...maybe you could just not go for coffee with Erica again. Ever."
"Fine, whatever." Stiles smiles, nuzzling his nose against Derek's neck. "No more tacky stuff for the house."
"Good."
"Unless I happen to find a lawn flamingo somewhere. We're in dire need of a lawn flamingo. Maybe two, 'cause one might get lonely."
"You're going to buy a whole flock of the damn things, aren't you?" Derek sighs wearily, pulling away from Stiles and flopping down on the couch. Stiles nods happily as he puts the snow globe back on the book case. Derek sighs again as Stiles comes back to the couch, grabbing his book and curling into his side as he starts reading again. He's giving it a fortnight before he comes home to find flamingos on their front lawn.
. o o o .
"Did you seriously think I wouldn't find out about this?" Stiles calls as he slams his way into the house. Derek ignores him, turning his attention back to the sketchbook in front of him. He knows exactly what Stiles is complaining about and figures he can bring his argument to him rather than rushing downstairs to be bitched at.
He might have accepted Jesus in a snow globe into his life, but he'll be damned if he's having the resin wolf's head on his mantel piece, looking as though it's judging him and the ceiling simultaneously. Which is precisely why he snuck it into Boyd and Erica's house last week, hiding it behind a photo of the pack from their high school graduation. He'd hoped it would take them longer than this to catch on.
"Your stupid shenanigans made Callie cry." Stiles tells him from where he's leaning against the door frame. He's got the resin wolf clutched in one hand and waves it at Derek for emphasis. "Boyd said to tell you that you owe them a week of babysitting to make up for it."
Derek snorts in response, knowing that while Boyd might not follow through with that threat, Erica definitely will. The wolf's head is going back to their house as soon as he thinks they've forgotten about it.
Sneaking the wolf's head into each other's houses becomes something of a running joke with the pack. It lasts a whole month at Isaac's place before he breaks into Derek and Stiles' house in the middle of the night to return it, complete with an Abraham Lincoln style top hat made from an old cereal box and coloured black with a Sharpie. Allison spots it within twelve hours and brings it back, an amused look on her face as she hands it back to Derek and explains that Scott hadn't even noticed it, but that it made their son, Charlie, cry and she doesn't want it in their house. John threatens to arrest Stiles when he finds it in his kitchen, sat in amongst the out of date spices that have been there since Stiles moved out; Stiles' protests about how it was Derek that put it there and not him fall on deaf ears. As far as he knows, it's still in the bathroom cabinet at Erica and Boyd's house but he knows it's only a matter of time before Boyd manages to sneak it back in and stash it somewhere. Boyd's crafty like that.