This is my first AkuRoku fanfic. I don't normally write up about Kingdom Hearts but I was feeling nostalgic over a few older fanfics I went back and re-read. This is set in an alternative universe/AU that's pretty much the real world. I've decided to go a darker route and brush up on violence, drugs, alcohol, angst, self-harm, attempted suicide and maybe sexual assault or rape. Though, not everything is going to be depressing, just Roxas and a few choice characters. I promise it will lighten up later down the road and a somewhat, not happy but content ending I have in mind when the time comes but that is subject to change.
Full Summary: Roxas has seen death countless times and his life he has made for himself begins to crumble when he moves from the only city he's ever called home to start anew. He meets his guardian angel in the form of an egotistical asshole who isn't as bad as he thought. Other pairings inside, mainly AkuRoku.
Roxas was there when his mother was on her deathbed, he was there when his father commited suicide then when his older brother's boyfriend was killed in a car wreck. As each death passed by, his coping methods worsened. Cloud's had enough and uproots them to a new city, a new beginning.
Roxas was only 12 when his mother passes away from cancer. She was desperately trying to combat it for 2 years prior but it was at its final stage and her skin was ashen paired with tired, slightly glazed over eyes. She tried to smile and pat her youngest son's hand. He remembers her small petite hand being cold as ice. He glanced at his older brother Cloud, who being 19 at the time rushed out of his university classes to see his mother what would be the one last time. Their father looked almost almost as worn down as his wife and he sat next to her bed as her heart monitor began rapidly making a high pitched sound that echoed in the room for about a minute. Nurses began quickly moving around Roxas' mother trying to stabilize her until the machine went eerie silent. His father let out a sob and Roxas himself couldn't help but grabbing the fabric of Cloud's shirt and cry into it.
Roxas did a lot of crying. He hated feeling so weak and useless. Was there anything he could have done to prevent his mother's death? She was just laughing and dancing around the house cooking a few short months ago! Why hadn't he noticed her coughing fits or her every seemingly being zapped right from her body? The 12 year old watched a rift in his family tear them apart. His father wanted little to nothing with his blond boys. Not even so much as a glance or 'How is school?' exchanged between them. It pushed Roxas even further out if the house to hide his pain.
Regrettably Cloud went back to university and Roxas continued school. Hayner would often skip with him and they sat behind their old clubhouse to smoke fags and just enjoy each others company. If he was lucky, Hayner would have a cigar from his father's stash. On occasion Pence and Olette would join them but only when there was no school. Neither of the studious friends ever accepted a cancer stick from the blond boys. A couple of years passed by, the group of kids becoming 15 with the exception of Hayner turning 16 and getting his drivers licences.
Roxas walked back to his house at midnight, swiping at the mosquitoes that attempted to suck his precious blood from his pale skin. He noticed the lights were on through the kitchen windows as he crept quietly into his house. A quick glance towards the light source in the kitchen Roxas stopped. His dad was hunched over the table going through the mass of hospital and debt collector bills he had received the previous years of his wife's treatments and hospital stays. He had a half empty bottle of scotch and a small glass.
Roxas snuck towards his room, hoping his dad didn't notice him because he had been out drinking with Hayner. The two would frequent Seifer and his posse on occasion when they were feeling free-spirited. Seifer was 21, roughly a year older than Cloud. Though, Seifer and Cloud would never be caught dead hanging out, they were polar opposites and had often scuffled with each other in primary school.
The blond would roll his head back in pure bliss when he managed smoke some good hash. He passed it around to Seifer, Rai, Setzer and Hayner. Fuu and Vivi would only drink and even then Vivi would sober up and tried to place himself as the designated driver. Soon the party crowd got too much for Hayner and he would only drink. Nights like those Roxas tried to stay away from the addictive substances.
Roxas took an ibuprofen and washed his face in the bathroom before getting into bed around 1 am. He woke to the sound of the telly blaring from the living room at a quarter past 4. It was still dark outside and Roxas stumbled around trying to make his way towards the sound source. He crept across the house for the 2nd time that night and he stared at the movie that was playing. It was a classical western film and he looked for the remote. He glanced towards the kitchen seeing his father's dark figure standing by the counter.
"Dad what are you still doing up?" Roxas asked over the sound of the movie. It was too loud in the house to hear the clicking sound coming from the object his father held. "Have you seen the..." Roxas then saw the object in his father's hand. It was the gun from his safe. He held it up towards his chin but then settled for placing the barrel inside the cavern of his mouth.
Roxas tripped into the kitchen table, spilling the mess of bills and letters onto the floor. The noise alerted his father and he turned to face his youngest son. His finger was on the trigger and the pupils of his eyes were almost non-existent. "Dad what the hell?" The blond had meant to yell towards his only living parent but his voice came out soft and drowned out from the movie.
Click. The sound following was almost deafening and then there was nothing. Blood spattered everywhere, noticeably a large blood spot on the wall behind his father but there were little droplets that had impacted on the bills all over the floor. The worst was the few speckles that landed on the teenager's face. He could feel the thick, red substance roll down his cheek onto his shirt.
Roxas didn't remember the events that followed the suicide of his father. He remembered his throat being stiff and scratchy by the time the paramedics arrived. Dead on the spot they announced as they cheeked his pulse and loaded him onto a gurney. Roxas didn't remember the ride the police officer with the long dark hair gave him as he escorted him to sit up at the station. The man had a quiet voice and piercing red eyes that almost looked through his entire being.
"Where were you tonight?" The officer, Vincent Valentine deadpanned.
"I was in my room. I was getting a glass of water." He hated how unsure and small his voice sounded.
"Really? I have eyewitnesses who say they saw you get out of a car 15 minutes before the estimated time of death. You can't be at 2 places at once."
"I didn't kill my dad if that's what your asking! I was...I was out with my friends. You can ask them!" He was upset, even infuriated that this stranger would assume such a thing! Fine, the truth came out bitterly. No point in lying about where he was if they already knew he had been out.
Cloud was the listed emergency contact and was up at the station in just under 10 minutes even though the drive from his flat was twice as long as it took him. His brother's boyfriend, Zack followed behind. Both of the university students stood in their pyjamas and it would have been funny seeing that their night clothes matched each other under different circumstances. That's when the red eyed officer informed the couple he had alcohol in his system.
Roxas was numb even as he went home with them and took a hot shower. He laid on their couch, staring up at the ceiling. No one went to school that day. The court ruled it as a suicide finding no evidence the youngest son would commit such a crime. Though, they did get him on underaged drinking and he had to spent the next 2 months going to a meeting for depressed teenagers. Oh, plus a therapist that was only in it for the money.
Talking about it never helped. The blue eyed boy just had to be more crafty and cunning about his blatant drug and alcohol abuse. Cloud and Zack were always so busy it made Roxas' job easy. He doubled on twice the amount of his daily intake. Snort coke, smoke crank, swallow acid, inhaling paint thinners. Anything and everything to take his mind off of his own life.
Roxas blocked out the images ingrained into his head. They sold their house and moved all of the blond's personal items into their apartment. Life resumed momentarily. Roxas was 17 by this point and hung out with the crew of his older brother's sworn enemy rather than Hayner. Heroin, meth, LSD, cocaine and marijuana were just a few of Roxas' weapons though the latter was nearly harmless and he would sometimes stub one with Zack as they goofed around to piss off Cloud.
His preferred weapon was meth or heorin and he easily obtained it from Seifer. Only snort or smoke. He didn't want to cover his arms in track marks making it a dead giveaway of his problem. Seifer was a tall, gangly looking blond never seen with his black beanie perched over his thinning hair. Roxas and him became the best of friends, replacing Hayner entirely.
Roxas didn't bother showing up to class anymore, he couldn't concentrate if he tried. His once perfect marks had slipped down the drain. His extracurricular activities were non-appealing to the point he couldn't stand listening to the words that came out of his peers mouths. He became angry and easily agitated. The simplest of questions or sounds set him off. Weed became a daily ritual needing the plant after a long, hard night of more dangerous drugs.
In the back of his mind, he knew that Cloud knew. Cloud didn't know the extent of the problem though. Alcohol and weed never hurt the older Strife as he was just like Roxas his age. The parties were normal, the teenage rebelling was normal even the lack of communication was normal. The tall blond made excuses for his brother, he'd be better when he started college or give him time to mourn the loss of his father.
Roxas attended his brother's university graduation, a cheerful and bright day to receive their diplomas. His brother was nearly top of his class if you didn't count his genius best friend Sephiroth. He sat in an uncomfortable chair in the shade, hissing at the sound of overwhelming clapping and cheering increasing his headache by a tenfold. He kept his hood up uncaring if the heat made him sweat. He just wanted to go. After the ceremony everyone was taking pictures. Zack and Cloud took embarrassing photos of being sweet little love birds and Sephiroth tried to look as dignified as possible but a brunet Roxas didn't know the name of snatched up his diploma. The group of the 4 grown men parted ways after that day with the obvious exception of his brother and his goofball of a boyfriend.
Cloud was working late and one of Zack and his friends was going to be in town. Zack had gladly volunteered to pick the silver haired man up from the airport and drag Roxas with him. By miracle, Roxas choosing to lay down in the back seat listening to his iPod was so sort of miracle because just 5 minutes from their destination a car hit them head on from no where. Zack died and Roxas wish it had been him instead. Nothing ever works out that way and Roxas spent 2 weeks in the hospital after the car had flipped half a dozen times, breaking his leg in the process. He was to wear this itchy cast for 6 months but before that time ever came Cloud told him they were to be moving right before the end of the summer. One of Cloud's friends from university had suggested the two brothers move into his home town 8 hours away from their current residence. Cloud needed to move on from everything negative for the sake of Roxas.
Neither of them knew the damage that had already been done.