There was a mirror in the vault of her mother's Hightown estate (and it had always been Mother's home never hers her home was far away and long since swallowed by the Blight and she had not stopped it),locked away in the cellar, hidden behind boxes and tapestries. It was an old mirror, large, round with a wooden frame painted gold. There was a large crack in the mirror, running from the top down to the middle, cutting into the reflection and distorting it.
Mother had said she would get that mirror fixed one of these days. It had been in the house when she was a child, and it had broken during a particularly rough day of play between her and Gamlen(She still had to tell Gamlen he would be devastated and blame her just like he should what would she tell him)when they had been young. It had been locked away and forgotten. Fixing it had been on a to-do list somewhere, but it had never been done.
Mother had said she would fix it one of these days. But Mother was dead now(And she could've stopped that too she could have moved faster or watched her more closely this is her fault). And the mirror would never get fixed.
Aderyn Hawke stared into the mirror, and a cracked reflection stared back. She thought for a brief second that there would never be a more accurate depiction of her, before losing herself again, staring at the broken woman in the mirror.
The woman in the mirror had tired, sad eyes that had witnessed too much and stared beyond seeing. She had flecks of blood on her face, and none of it was her own. It was never her own. She stood tall, but there was no strength in her stance. There was a small smile on her face, but there was no mirth behind it.
The woman in the mirror was to blame for all of this. She was to blame for the death of her mother. She was to blame for the death of her sister, the death of her father. She was to blame for every person she had failed to protect, every promise she had made and broken. She was a failure who had been given only one job: keep her family safe and together. She had failed, miserably. Father would be so disappointed in her…Carver would be angry with her again…
Maker's breath, she needed to tell Carver. Carver would never forgive her…her beloved little brother, who had every right to hate her for everything she had done (I wanted you to have the freedom to choose your own path Carver I'm so sorry I love you I'm so proud of you) and everything she had failed to do(It should have been me that the ogre took not Bethany I killed your twin and you can never forgive me for that).
The woman in the mirror had tears in her eyes.
Aderyn looked at her, the woman in the mirror, and she was suddenly filled with rage. How dareshe cry! She deserved everything she got! It was all her fault they were all dead! She had no right to cry for them, not when she had killed them!
Monster.
Murderer.
Failure.
You deserve to die.
She screamed, grabbing the mirror and hurling it to the floor, where it started to shatter, the crack growing larger, splintering off. She screamed again, picking it up off the floor and tossing it down, again and again, the cracks growing larger as the glass slowly shattered.
CRASH
For Father.
CRASH
For Bethany.
CRASH
For Wesley and Aveline.
CRASH
For Ser Carver.
CRASH
For Gamlen.
CRASH
For Mother.
CRASH
For Varric. For Isabela, Fenris, Merrill. For Sebastian. For every friend she would let down.
CRASH
For Kirkwall, the city she had to protect because it was her mother's home. Because it was her home now, and nobody else would protect it.
CRASH
For Anders, the only thing she had left. For the heart she knew she was going to break, but was too selfish to give up.
CRASH
For Addy, the girl she had been, who had hopes and dreams and who had put them aside, who had always planned on picking them up again someday. The girl who's dreams she killed slowly and painfully.
CRASH
For Hawke, the woman she should be, strong and protecting everybody without fail. The hero she should be, that Addy should have become.
CRASH.
For Aderyn.
The woman she is, who failed every single person that mattered, and who would continue to fail until all of Kirkwall burned for her mistakes (All of their blood was on her hands how could she protect them like they wanted like they needed their faith was misplaced and they wouldn't understand 'no'). Who could not keep her mother safe (White lilies you should have known you should have moved the minute you saw them arrive)even though she was supposed to be strong and resourceful.
Who could not even fix a damned mirror.
She stared down into the shards of glass, and pieces of a woman stared back.
There was no fixing this mirror now. The pieces would never fit right, the cracks would always be there, the frame was damaged, it was just a piece of garbage now.
The woman in the mirror suddenly grinned, a twisted, shattered smile, before she started laughing. Aderyn couldn't help but laugh alongside her, sinking to her knees and taking a piece of the mirror in her hand, squeezing it hard, laughing louder as the glass cut into her palm.
She was still sitting in front of the pieces of the mirror an hour later when Orana found her, laughing hysterically, tears running down her cheeks, the bloody piece of glass still in her hand. She made Orana swear not to tell anybody, saying that nobody else needs to worry about her. Orana agreed, wondering for a moment if she will regret not telling anybody.
Anders found the broken mirror when he comes up to be with Aderyn, and wondered if he should tell her that the old mirror in the vault had fallen over and shattered. But Leandra Hawke was dead, and he knew Aderyn had more important things on her mind than an old broken mirror.