It was a cold day, and frost had accumulated at the edges of the windows. Alicia looked out, watching the snowflakes swirl and dance in the wind. Behind her buzzed the busy law firm. The open layout did nothing for anyone who wanted a little peace and quiet, but Alicia had grown quite used to it. Now it was nothing more than blur of noise, a slight humming that hopefully meant a productive day of work.
It had been months since his death. Still, Alicia couldn't help but be reminded of Will anywhere and everywhere she went. On the streets, she'd be caught off guard by a glimpse of someone who looked vaguely like him; the same deep-set chocolate eyes, or the same large slightly crooked nose. A whiff of his cologne would conjure up memories that she'd long buried deep inside. Every encounter left her feeling strangely empty.
It was days like this, when Alicia finally had a moment to sit down and catch her breath, that her thoughts could finally catch up to her. She had long ago learned how to suppress her feelings, to take them and put them away in a neat little box in the back of her mind, to be dealt with another day. On rare occasions when Alicia wasn't bombarded with phone calls or client meetings or court preparations, she could then sit down, and slowly unpack her problems and feelings, to examine them one by one.
She wasn't sad anymore, not over the death of Will. At first, the shock of it all just hit her, like a hammer blow to the heart. Nothing made sense, she had just seen him the day before, how could he be dead? Surely this was a cruel joke. But it was the truth. Will had been shot in court. And he was dead. After denial came the anger, the lashing out at anyone who got in her way, the lashing out at Peter. If only's and what if's racked her mind, and Alicia was consumed with thoughts on what her future could have been. She sunk into a deep depression. All she wanted was to be alone, to be left alone. She had felt so alone.
But reality had to be dealt with, and eventually Alicia was forced to deal with her problems. She realized that though her world had come crashing down, all around her, life still went on. She would need to return to reality. Her firm needed her. Her family needed her. And eventually, the sharp pain Alicia once felt quieted down to a dull ache, a weak pull at her heart.
Now she could look back on her memories and not feel the sadness. She could reminisce, and just let the nostalgia wash over her, without feeling like she'd just dropped a lead weight on her heart. She remembered little things, just snippets of conversations they'd once had, little habits of his that she'd picked up on, the way he looked in his office as the setting sun seemingly lit on it fire.
Will had been the one who got away all those years ago. He had been the one who helped her up at her lowest point. He was the one she'd let her guard down with. He was the one she had let inside. He had been the one she'd stabbed in the back, the one she betrayed by leaving to start up her own law firm.
And now, he was gone. All that was left were her memories of him. She might as well make peace with them.
"Alicia."
It was Cary, his tone urgent. "We need to go over these files for the deposition."
Her moment had come and gone. Alicia re-packed her everything back into her neat little box, and took a breath to compose herself before standing up.
"I'll be right there."