By Arianna Spellcaster
A/N: George and Fred
overtook my mind and made me do this challenge.. I hope you like it
The sun shone down on Hogwarts, and
it was yet another Sunny day, with no clouds in the sky. (err too sappy, lets try again.)
49 ½ cats sat on a hot tin
roof. ("A half how do you get a half
a cat?" Fred Weasley asked his twin
brother George.
"I supposed one of the bloody
cats is pregnant, or perhaps it was cut in half but for the sake of this
assignment 49 ½ cats sat on a hot tin roof."
He gave his brother an evil eye and continued.)
49 ½ cats sat on a hot tin
roof. A Tall red headed young woman sat
on a pair of stone steps. She wore a
red, slightly too small medieval gown, but looked lovely all the same, aside
from the fact that the red of the dress clashed horribly with her red
hair. She looked down at her dress and
exclaimed aloud. "I'm the hottest thing
since Salsa!"
One out of the 49 ½ cats that sat
on the hot tin roof began to speak- ("Cat's
can't speak George." "Well this one
can! As I was writing…) "She is so
beautiful, I only wish I could talk with her as I do you, all of you. I haven't tasted her yet but I bet she
tastes like cherries. If I were human,
I'd become a bananaist too so I could be her husband. Bananaism is the coolest religion I'd get to worship fruit. Yes if I were human I'd worship a banana."
("Is this woman Ginny? Your going to
make Ginny fall in love with a banana worshiping cat man? I bet he even wears leopard print
undies. Dear sweet mother of
cabbage! What class is this for
again?" Fred again questioned George's
literary artwork.
"It's for Muggle Studies, it's
an example of muggle fiction ok? Now
either help or sod off.")
The other cats looked appalled at his outburst. "But Bartleby, how can you say these
things? Cats don't worship fruit; Cat's
worship their masters. And who is ever
going to transfigure you into a human?
Even if they did, you'd have the advanced knowledge of the kit kind, not
the brain subject to a human. You think
too much, Cat's aren't supposed to think of this sort of thing, besides,
Thinking is for wimps!" An old gray
tabby cat stated loudly, riling up the band of the remaining 45 ½ cats. ("I
still don't see how one can have 49 ½ cats!"
"Look Fred, It's my bloody story If I want to
make a pack of tarot cards fly in a chariot made out of an empty egg carton
with red feathers, I will!")
"Everyone quick come look." A young kitten shouted
as he watched something from the far side of the roof. There on the lawn was a pack of tarot cards
flying on a chariot made of an empty egg carton, supported by long red
feathers. " I wonder who did that?" Kit
again asked. Suddenly an oafish sort of
black Manx shouted, "Probably a Norwegian.
After all they are all quite strange blokes." ("your professor is
Norwegian your going to flunk this assignment George."
"Sod the bloody hell Off Fred, either you help or
else!"
"Oh All right!
What happened to Ginny?"
"I'm getting there.")
The Young woman on the ground, tossed out
breadcrumbs from her kitchen, allowing the birds to feast on the food laid out
on the ground, then in an instant the 49 ½ cats were on the ground, pouncing on
their unsuspecting prey.
The Woman smiled as she spoke to her pets. "You see, Good cats get a reward, be it
huggles, snuggles, schnoogles or food."
She walked back into the house as the cats continued to pounce, attack
and eat the birds. One purple cat in particular, pounced, and missed the bird
by just inches. She aimed her teat that
was full of milk at the flying bird hitting it square in the eye. She then pounced catching the bird in her
paws. "I can defeat my opponents with
milk, what can you do?" She yelled at
the other kits. Meanwhile the bird in
her grasp was screaming, "Bloody Hell That hurts, I've lost the eye!!"
Across the bird/cat battlefield, one could hear a
large Raven yelling out an order to a dying cat; it was the same oafish black
Manx from before. "Die in the light,
'Cause last time you missed it big time."
"This is my last Life!" His deep voice cried in fear
and agony.
"So Be it." Stated the raven as he swallowed each of
the cat's eyes. ("George?? Uh what
are you going to do now? You've still got 2 more things to put in this muggle
story how are you going to do it?"
"Watch and learn brother dear.")
Ginny, tired of being lonely decided that one of her
cats was to become a human. She cooked
up a potion and poured it into a dish of milk.
She called her favorite cats name, wich just happened to be bartleby,
the Bananaist. When he didn't come running into the house like he always did,
she became worried, and stuck her head out the front door, only to see a
variable war zone. Grabbing an armload
of Herring, she rushed out the door.
She threw it to the animals, ending the feud almost instantly. She wiped her brow and spoke to herself. "To
people armed with Herrings nothing is impossible!"
She once
more called Bartleby to her and this time he walked in. She showed him to his bowl, and allowed him
to lap it up hungrily.
In a matter of seconds, the cat was mewing loudly,
rolling on the floor in absolute pain, As soon as the pain began it stopped,
and there laying on the ground in a leopard print thong was the cat man.
"BARTLEBY!" She cried happily, running to him
hugging him tightly. ("Gag! Yuck!
George this is awful." A glare later and George was back at his
writing.) "You'll need to have a new name, Oh I'm so glad I didn't have you
neutered!.. Ahh, I know You can Be… Harry.. err.. Harry…
("What's a good name Fred?" George asked as he
racked his brain for a name for his character.
"Uh Potter?"
"No stupid a fictional name duh!"
"Uh.. Harry..
Herring?")
And so Ginny Wesley ("Wesley? I thought her name was Weasely like
ours?" "It's fiction Fred!" "oh.") and her new friend Harry Herring lived
happily ever after.
The end. (Wait!! It's not the end. It Can't be the end.. oh ya.. It's the end.)
The End.
( Hey its Fred…Oh If anyone
wants to know George made an A on his paper.
The first A he'd made in muggle studies all year. Professor Malady loved every muggle word. She especially loved how he used a thing
called a wurd processor, or something.
Oh and Uh George told me to tell you that he thanks you for reading and
that, he'd like his paper back so when you finish reading tell him what you
think and send it back by owl. I hear
Herring.. err I mean Harry's owl Hedwig needs a job tonight. Oh do you have any fizzy soda lip balm,
Ginny wants some for her date with Harry.)
The End. (For real this time.)
