Homing Beacon

Timing: Right after the Season 2 finale with all of the series' timing and continuity challenges. Reason for writing it? Well, I was one of many, many Shafferty fans who screamed "WTF?!" (or something very similar) at the deletion of a series' promised scene in the "Chicago P.D." crossover episode on April 30th. Raw and minimally edited with absolutely no promises of sequels/continuations. Got way too much to write otherwise.

Still wearing her gritty paramedic uniform, Allison Rafferty stood silently at the doorway of the hospital room. She placed herself just enough within the room so she wouldn't be in the way of any hallway traffic, but she couldn't bring herself to take any additional steps forward.

After watching her fiancé die from Hodgkin's, she never dreamed she'd willingly come back to this hospital. Yet, here she was for the second time just as many months. And for the same person no less.

She felt herself suffocate from the overwhelming feelings of déjà vu on so many levels and moments as she stared at Leslie Shay lying unconscious a few feet away.

When Shay's original partner Gabriela Dawson went off for firefighter training, Rafferty took her spot and remembered being completely underwhelmed at the thought of being partnered with an open lesbian (again - ugh). At least she was the PIC this time. Then again, she wasn't in the mood for anyone's company, never mind an open lesbian. It was easy to force the distance between them by using a strict "don't even ask, don't even tell" as the foundation for their interactions.

She had never imagined Shay would view that like waving a red flag in front of a bull.

Rafferty had to admit she eventually dropped her guard under Shay's combination of brassy spunk and heart, a combination that Rafferty probably needed despite herself. So when Rafferty left Firehouse 51 due to a 3-month suspension, with Dawson returning, she didn't want to admit that the part that bothered her the most was missing the woman's company. Even if it was no more than the coworker ease and banter they had developed.

So when Dawson was going to participate in a one day charity event at at this hospital, Rafferty jumped at the chance to cover for her – though she would cut her own throat than ever actually admitted that to Shay. However, no one had any idea that the very same hospital event would be car bombed that morning.

Despite the first responder chaos, Rafferty easily slipped into professional mode. But despite herself, she started to notice things about Shay's increasingly haggard and weary behavior, or thought she did since no one else seem to comment on it. She even tried to give Shay a pass to take a break, but the latter woman was her usual stubborn self, and Rafferty knew the exact feeling so she wasn't going to push. After all, she wasn't Shay's keeper.

So when Rafferty heard about Shay's collapse due to that rebar wound, she was furious, impressed and terrified all at once. When Shay was still unconscious, Rafferty had spent several hours that first day sitting by the hospital bed and watching. Yet when she had to return to work and was told that Shay regained consciousness, Rafferty never came back to visit, instead sending a cryptic "Glad you're better" text.

It scared her to be that emotionally invested in someone who was… a friend, at best. Right? And for it to be one-sided was no less humiliating.

Why 'humiliating'? No, don't think about it too deeply. Or at all.

As an act of emotional and mental self-preservation, Rafferty pulled back from contacting Shay, thinking it best get lots and lots of space between them. This should be easy to do since Shay should not have any clue about her first hospital visits.

After her three month suspension was completed, Rafferty went back to work at another firehouse, pushing aside thoughts of the crew at 51. But when the gossip reached her ears that Gabriela Dawson was trying for the firefighter test again, Rafferty couldn't deny that unexpected feeling of hope. Without waiting or thinking, she put in for the transfer and got assurances that she would be considered first.

She wanted to send a message to Shay but thought it would be better to surprise the woman rather than indulge in false hope if the transfer didn't come through.

And then the news of the Chicago Firehouse 51's crew being caught in a building explosion hit the dispatch calls. Rafferty felt her blood chill even though her body movements were on auto-pilot with her paramedic partner to respond. Her heart felt twisted at the news of Shay being injured again.

So now she was here again. A different hospital room, but Shay was still the patient and she was the visitor.

She had tried to stay away, and was successful the first couple of days, even when she had patient deliveries to this hospital.

Yet after a particularly horrid shift, Rafferty drove here despite herself. As she walked the hallways to this room, she couldn't deny that she was seeking some solace.

And though she wanted to see Shay, she couldn't help but breathe a sigh of relief that the patient was asleep. It gave her a chance to turn around and run.

But she remained frozen.

Why did this Leslie Shay matter so much to her? If someone, especially someone close to Shay, asked who she was, she honestly didn't know what to say that didn't sound incredibly stupid and lame.

Suddenly, Shay's eyes opened. She stared right at her.

Rafferty felt like a deer in headlights.

And then Shay broke out into that bright, warm smile. "Allison."

Rafferty's heart filled with that brightness and warmth. She smiled in return and stepped forward. "Leslie."