Chapter 1: Complications

Disclaimer: All the words contained within are my own. All that the words are about, however, belong to one Eoin Colfer, without which Artemis Fowl and his dastardly plots couldn't exist. I claim no ownership.

A/N: Hello one and all, this is my first fic on this site, but I've been a reader for a while. I thought I'd write a few shorts to get comfortable to writing. They may or may not be connected. I haven't decided yet. I've edited all you're about to read by myself, and my English is quite passable, so there should be few mistakes. Do not hesitate to point them out if found though, nobody's perfect. If you see some odd spelling, (centre instead of center for example) I apologize, but I'm Canadian, and that is how we spell. Those won't be changed. Without further ado, chapter 1!

A/N P.S.: This short is set after Artemis regains his memories from what happened at the end of TLG. There may therefore be spoilers for that book. I honestly don't know. Read at your own discretion.

"And you'll need camfoil, and a neutrino, and.."

Holly Short, a captain in LEPRecon, an elite branch of the Lower Elements police, simply glared.

"Foaly, we're going on a picnic, a simple PICNIC, why are you giving me all this?"

The centaur in question didn't even have the grace to be sheepish. Holly's glaring intensified.

"Well, If I know you like I know I do, then this 'simple picnic' with Artemis is probably going to end with someone's life being dangerously threatened by a threat we've stopped at least once already. I'd rather you be prepared."

"I'm sure nothing's going to happen!"

"You never know, Holly, there could be complications..."

Sighing, the elf accepted every bit of equipment heaped on her. She knew Foaly was right. Nothing was ever simple for her, nor Artemis Fowl, the mud man she was to have a picnic with. The duo had faced more in the past 8 (well, 5 for them, thanks to the events of Hybras) years than many fairies would faced in an entire lifetime; That entire lifetime being 1500 years. It had all been one grand adventure. Sometimes she just wanted to give it all up, then her thrill-junkie side promptly pointed out all she'd miss, and the thought returned to the very back of her mind again, where it belonged.

She was trying to focus on receiving equipment and having this tiring discussion with herself at the same time, so she almost missed her communicator. Almost, that is, because the only person who would call her right now also popped up on the ops centre screens at the same time. All of them.

"Holly, Foaly, hello. I know you are wondering why I would call you right now, but there has been a complication."

"D'arvit." Both fairies muttered simultaneously. Foaly, though, shot Holly a wink right after. A potential major problem did nothing to dampen his gloating over a correct prediction. Even if he had been hacked.

"Ireland is currently dealing with some... minor precipitation. We either have to reschedule, or have an indoor picnic. I will allow you to decide."

"I see no problem with having it outside. Surely the great Artemis Fowl can't be foiled by slightly fowl weather?"

Holly wasn't worried about 'minor precipitation'. They could always bring an umbrella or something. She really didn't think a bit of rain could halt an entire picnic. This was going to be their first real interaction since Artemis had successfully cloned himself. Gaia would have to do better than slight drizzle. Nothing short of a lightning storm would stop the proceedings.

Mind you, that's exactly what was going on above ground.

"Perhaps I should rephrase myself, my saying that was a complete, utter..."

A crack of thunder made itself known through the speakers, while the according flash lit up Artemis' room.

"attempt at reassurance. So, Holly, indoor picnic, or wait?" Artemis may have been the one with rain smashing against his window, but his demeanor remained unruffled.

"I... I... how warm is it?" Holly all but squeaked the last part out.

"10 degrees Celsius, or 50 degrees Fahrenheit." Artemis seemed slightly amused at his friend. He'd started the chat completely stoic, but now allowed a slight vampire smirk to grace his face. "Also, if you'd prefer, frozen degrees Elf." A tad bit more than slightly smirking as he ended.

Her face blanching at the first reading, Holly did the only thing natural to her. She forged on.

"You know exactly what I'm going to pick! You had better have something to warm me up when I get there you silly mud man!" On that note, she stalked out of the ops centre, barely remembering to scoop up her wings.

Foaly had stared at Holly as she stomped out. He really should have been used to this by now. She was the most impulsive fairy he knew. He was about to turn back to any number of screens to ask how Artemis had hacked him when he was greeted by static, the boy genius no doubt having terminated the connection to do as Holly commanded him.

"Ah, young love. I remember when Caballine and I were like this..." He mused to no one in particular.

Except it wasn't to no one, because Holly had marched back into the room. The elf was small, but when she set her mind to it, a troll would be proud of her racket. And blissful ignorance. As well as her anger-limited vocabulary.

"Foaly. Visa. Now."

"I uh... sort of forgot to ask your commander. You'll have to request it from him yourself."

Foaly was slightly expecting Holly to break something, the way she looked. Instead she spun on her heels in an about turn and clomped back out, muttering, "complications, complications," under her breath.

Of course, as if the surface visit wasn't wayward enough already, it took a while for Holly to get clearance.

"What do you mean you're going up? It's a thunderstorm up there! E1's closed!"

"With all due respect, sir, I. Don't. Care."

"You're jeopardizing yourself here, Captain, and I'm not about to help you commit a grave act of stupid!"

Of course one of Holly's best friends, Commander Trouble Kelp, would be blocking her. Like she didn't have enough complications already. This bickering wasn't going well. She might actually lose the argument, and with it, her visit to the Fowl Manor. Not acceptable. But, she knew exactly how to win.

"HEY LOOK, LILI FROND'S NAKED!"

"What!? Where?"

By the time the Commander realized he'd been duped. He was looking at an approved visa reciept on his data tablet. There was nothing left for him to say.

"D'arvit." Except that, of course.

A half hour later, Holly was flying above the Irish countryside, tasting the clean air, feeling the air gliding over her suit. Freezing from the air on her suit...

"Foaly! Make a winter version of the suit for Frond's sake! How many times do I need to become a elfin popsicle before you do something about it?"

She might've had her radio channel open, but she knew there wasn't going to be a response. Foaly was probably too busy laughing at her shivering and worrying about her vitals at the same time to come up with a witty retort.

Artemis was waiting in his room. He'd calculated everything from the moment Holly had bolted from the ops centre. He'd even factored in the visa. Holly would be arriving in a minute. Plenty of time to spare, he thought.

He casually went to his window and opened it. Rather, he tried to open it. Artemis was gifted intellectually. He was a genius after all. What he wasn't gifted at was physical exertion, as his stuck window seemed to be telling him. Seeing this reminder of his puny strength did nothing to help his emotional state.

"You dare block me? YOU DARE MOCK ME?"

His being a genius meant that he arrived at his next thought quite quickly after overcoming the shock, though.

"D'arvit, I really hope Holly knows to slow down before getting to the window. This minor complication could really become something else otherwise."

Of course, that's exactly what happened. The complication becoming more, that is.

It took only a few minutes for Holly to become conscious, thankfully.

"Arty, I... think my helmet is broken."

"I'm not surprised. Getting pelted by supersonic raindrops and then a transonic pane of glass? It's a wonder you still have even a trace of magic in you. Or life, for that matter."

"It's truly wonderful to feel your sympathy."

"It's wonderful to give it, Holly."

The two were currently in Artemis' study, because his bedroom was trashed. Artemis himself had quickly deduced that no, Holly was altogether not rational enough to slow down to check for an open window when there was a thunderstorm outside, and ducked for cover under his bed. Crude, but lifesaving. Especially lifesaving when the sonic boom blew the broken window shards into the room like shards from a translucent grenade. Along with the grenade flew in one reckless fairy.

Artemis had quickly grabbed Holly and run into the next room over. Poor Butler was called to fend off the torrential downpour in his charge's bedroom while Artemis supervised Holly's healing. Fend off, because such a flood could not be contained, that was certain.

Holly was currently wrapped in a veritable cocoon of blankets, and sipping hot chocolate. Her suit, helmet, and equipment were strewn in various states of disrepair beside her. She couldn't bother herself to care. Near death experiences do that to a fairy.

"So... Still up for an indoor picnic, Arty?"

"There really is nothing else to do, for now. Let yourself rest a while. I'll get the picnic blanket and the... food..."

"That sounded a lot more like a sputtering stove than a human speaking with conviction."

"We... uh..." Artemis trailed off.

Holly barely managed to stifle her gasp. Something must really be wrong for Artemis Fowl II, communication extrodinaire, to stutter, use a verbal placeholder, and trail off in the same sentence.

"Some... complications arose... We may or may not have forgotten to prepare the food..."

Holly managed one incredulous look to ascertain that Artemis wasn't pulling a prank on her before letting herself, and her mouth inhibitor go.

Needless to say, a sailor would be shocked at some of the words that came out of her mouth that night. Artemis wasn't.

"Complications, complications..." he muttered under his breath. It had been a night full of them.