Title: Succession

Category: Humour, AU, Camille/Richard

Rating: T

A/N: I was wandering around York when this idea occurred to me. Technically there is nothing to say this fic couldn't take place in the actual Death in Paradise universe, but I think you'll quickly see this is a little ridiculous. It's meant to be a bit of fun really!

I'd like to thank Maddiestj who not only provided me with a beta for the fic, but made some changes that vastly improved it!

Whenever the Commissioner walked into the station, or caught Richard out on the street, it was always to tell him something that wasn't going to make his life any easier. The man had an agenda, admittedly quite noble ones in the form of protecting both the economy of the island and the funding of its police force, but an agenda nevertheless.

Today, when the Commissioner idly entered the station as if he wasn't here to drop a bombshell, Richard had even more reason to dread whatever announcement he would be making. He'd spoken to his parents this morning (very early this morning, they'd forgotten the time difference with their excitement) and felt the plans that he'd made might just be about to be ruined.

"Good morning Team," he began with his usual greeting. "I have good news!"

Everyone had stood when the Commissioner entered, and now waited patiently for him to expound on his comment. When he wasn't immediately forthcoming, instead taking a moment to study the latest wanted posters, Richard decided to prompt him.

"Sir?" he tried, managing to draw the Commissioner's attention back to the team.

"Yes, it seems we are going to have some very important visitors to Saint Marie. The Duke and Duchess of Grafton are coming for a vacation, but will also be performing a few official duties whilst here – a ceremonial opening of the new laboratory at the hospital being one."

"A Duke and a Duchess!" Fidel said brightly, apparently rather excited by the idea of royalty visiting the island.

"Yes. Now, obviously we, The Royal Saint Marie Police Service, do have a duty of care to these individuals, and will have to ensure their security. It would hardly be good for the island's reputation if anything untoward were to happen to Their Graces whilst they were here."

Camille gave Richard a sidelong glance. She intended to give him a look to convey he should not start ranting as she expected him to. She knew pandering to some royal visitors was exactly the sort of thing that would set him off on a tirade. However she was very surprised to find he looked rather resigned to the visit. Perhaps he was learning there was not much point in arguing with the Commissioner.

"They'll require escorts for their official engagements?" The Inspector asked.

"That sounds like a savvy idea, Inspector. I hope you will be willing to spare the staff for this?" He may have posed it as a question, but everyone knew it was an order.

"Of course, Sir. I'll organise it personally."

"Thank you, Inspector. Goodbye, Team."

The second the Commissioner was clear of the station Richard sat down heavily on his chair and put his head in his hands. Camille's curiosity was piqued, she knew something bigger was clearly going on. She went and placed both hands on his desk, leaning forward and waiting for him to look up and acknowledge her.

Eventually he did just that. "What?"

"You tell me! It's unusual for you to just acquiesce like that. Or are you a secret Monarchist?" She immediately dismissed her own suggestion. "No you weren't happy about it. Hang on. Let me try this again. You went to boarding school, right? Did you go to school with one of them? Or with one of their children? Were they very mean to you?"

"For God's sake! Why does there have to be something more going on here? It's perfectly logical that royalty would require at least some security whilst here. Why would I argue about that?"

"Come on, Chief! You aren't even having a little moan now about it. That is off!" Dwayne was being bloody cheeky, but he was right. Camille just raised her eyebrows to indicate she was still waiting for an answer. Richard sighed. He thought about his last post; how nobody there would have known him well enough to even remotely pick up on such details. This made him feel rather conflicted, as he was rather annoyed with them for pushing the issue, but oddly touched that they did know him well enough to know there was an issue in the first place.

He sighed, "I suppose you're going to find out anyway. I do know them…because they're my parents."

The silence was palpable, and eventually broken by Fidel, "You're kidding!"

"I wish I was," he said ruefully.

Dwayne was standing open mouthed, torn between saluting and checking to see if the Inspector had developed heat stroke.

"But, but, you can't be the son of a Duke. I mean, you told me you used to take family holidays in a caravan. Dukes don't go on holidays in caravans!" Camille protested.

Richard rolled his eyes, "You really don't know much about the aristocracy, Camille. Plenty of them are eccentric enough to insist on taking holidays in caravans. Besides, I didn't actually grow up the son of a Duke. My father was the second born, but my Uncle Peter died when I was twenty, without issue."

"He didn't have an issue with dying?" Dwayne asked, perplexed.

"No, died without issue, it's the technical term for having had no children. When he died the title went to my Dad," Richard explained impatiently.

All three officers were staring at him, which didn't exactly make him feel comfortable. Sighing, he continued in an effort to fill the stunned silence. "I spoke to them earlier, but they didn't tell me they were coming 'officially'."

"Do you have a title, Sir?" Fidel asked curiously which earned him a glare for his question.

"Yes! Detective Inspector. Something I expected you to know, Fidel," he responded bitterly.

Camille shot Fidel a reassuring look, and decided to pursue the matter herself because it was just too much damn fun winding Richard up like this. "Ah, okay, but do you have another title? You know, one due to you because of your father?"

He let out a long breath, "Technically, I am the Earl of Euston, but I have never used it in my entire life and have no intension of starting now."

"You're an Earl!" Her voice squeaked, and she was a little embarrassed by her own girly excitement. "And one day you'll be a Duke, right?"

"If I can't think of any way to get out of it."

"Will we get to meet them?"

Richard considered trying to convince Camille it wasn't something she'd enjoy, but he was pretty sure he'd fail and get yelled at in the process so he might as well resign himself to it happening now. "If you want to."

"How do we address them, Sir?" Fidel, God bless him, actually had his notebook out. Dwayne shot him a look full of derision, but the younger officer ignored it pencil poised for Richard's answer.

"It's Duke or Your Grace for my Father, and Duchess or Madam. Technically it should also be Your Grace as well but Mum doesn't like it."

"You're Mum has the title Duchess just from being married to your Father, right?" Camille asked.

"Yes, born a commoner as they say."

"Then I could be a Duchess," she said rather dreamily, though it only took a second to realise her slip.

"Good God! Are you planning on seducing my Father to gain a title?" Richard huffed out loudly.

Fidel and Dwayne shared a smirk at both Camille's slip and their boss' denseness. Camille found herself in a unique predicament: being thought of as the sort of woman who would seduce an older man for his title or denying she had any intention of doing so and risk Richard actually figuring out that, in a moment of complete weakness and craziness, she'd imagined herself married to him.

"I was only joking!" She said eventually, though the pause between the accusation and her response was suspiciously long.

"All right then. Can we put the matter to rest for now? Get on with some actual police work?"

Camille looked disappointed but went back to her desk. Dwayne pretended to work at his computer, but all he'd actually done was google the Duke of Grafton. Fidel was busy checking on his computer the official form of address for an Earl…just in case he ever did need it.

The issue did not remain dropped. Throughout the afternoon, he continued to field questions from his team concerning his family.

Dwayne had looked like he was hard at work, but only five minutes had lapsed after the original conversation ended when he let out a low whistle and called across the room. "Chief, will you inherit this massive house?"

"What? Euston Hall?" Richard asked for confirmation.

Camille and Fidel joined Dwayne at his desk as he scrolled through Google images, with Camille making enough admiring comments that Richard began to seriously wonder if his father was safe from her after all.

"I haven't actually asked them the contents of their will," he said shortly, even though he knew he would be left the place.

"If enough of the Royal Family died, would you become the king?" Camille had asked half an hour later.

"A hell of a lot of people would have to die for that to happen. Do you need some work to do?"

"Just asking!" she said defensively. "Have you ever met the Queen?"

"No!" he said. "Oh, wait, yes, but I was two at the time and I don't remember anything. We were visiting Uncle Peter and I think she was at Sadringham and came round for tea. You'd have to ask my mother for details."

And still the interrogation continued.

Did you get invited to Will and Kate's wedding?

Do you have a family crest?

Does an Earl have an official outfit?

How many bedrooms does Euston Hall have?

Have you ever used the title to get out of trouble?

Do your parents have an issue with you not having issue?

The last one pushed him past his limits and he ended up shouting. "NO MORE BLOODY QUESTIONS UNLESS IT PERTAINS TO POLICE WORK! DO I MAKE MYSELF CLEAR?"

A chorus of "Yes, Sir" followed.

Then Dwayne added boldly, "You know Chief, you should spread this whole 'I'm an Earl' thing around. I bet you could get a lot of attention from the ladies."

Richard put his head in his hands and groaned.