Jasllyrificus

A/N: I've been sitting on this idea for… oh, a few months now, and I just felt the urge to start actually WRITING it today during English. Basically, what I've always thought is: hey, Glory, Jasmine, and Illyria were all around at the same time, weren't they? And didn't they all talk about the world of shrimp? Yes, they did! And what if they were friends, or at least knew each other? This is really a Buffy/Angel crossover, but no one reads those, so I'm posting it here. Mwahaha. You should be able to tell which is which, even though it's not really defined, because I'm pretty much awesome at characterization and this is one of my masterpieces, I think. The reason for it's un-definitiveness is that they're all sharing the same body, therefore the same thoughts. They all come from the same mind, so it doesn't make sense for them to be done in quotation marks or script format. Please enjoy. My A/N was really long. XD

My name is Illyria.

My name is Jasmine.

Oh, my God, you idiots! Our name is Glorificus! If we have to share a flippin' body, we need a name that's cool. Illyria is dumb and Jasmine is just… ugh.

My name will always be Illyria God-King, and the two fools that you once were and still are tremble before my effulgent (A/N: SPIKE WORD!) power!

No, I didn't - I wasn't even - I was creating peace in the world of shrimp -

That's such a lie! We used to hang out, like, all the time back in the good old days! And the shrimp mutiny happened a million years AFTER you got there. .Gov sites, not Wikipedia, honey.

Even the tenacious Glorificus admits to the greatness of my pow -

Whoa, whoa, whoa. I hate to say it, but I'm starting to feel like the stupid Slayer. I'm a goddess. I'm the only one with any real power here.

I have the power of joy, Glory. I've made billions of people happy. Trillions. Until Angel and Conner stopped me.

Angel? Did Spike perhaps assist in this great feat? And my Wesley?

Hey, Spike's the guy I tortured that one time! I thought he was the Key!

You tortured my pet?

It was before you met him.

Torture is never a proper solution, Glory. If you were civilized, you would know this. It should be instinct. Even the shrimp knew that it's wrong.

Torture is fun, silly! Haven't you ever tried torturing someone really fun?

No, why would I torture when I have love? I love everyone and everyone loves me.

Love? Seriously, honey, go to a girl power seminar.

I love my Wesley and my pet Spike, but somehow in a different way than how I loved my great army.

Shut up about WESLEY and SPIKE! I love Me. Just Me.

Why is "me" capitalized, Glory?

It's the color of my favorite nail polish shade. It's this totally gorgeous silvery purple.

It sounds lovely. Perhaps we should share it with the others that haven't the money to buy their own nail polish.

Jasmine, I agree with Glorificus. We cannot even agree whether to first move our left or right leg. How shall you convince her to share Me?

… I don't suppose I can.

All right, fine. So what're we gonna do? I'm so bored, and I hate you two. I didn't used to, but I do now. And there's no way we can get out of this stupid body, so we need to find something fun to do! How about a mani-pedi?

What is a mani-pedi?

Ooh, girlfriend, it's HEAVEN. Assuming I can get into heaven. I don't think I can. Anyway, you go in and they soak your feet in hot water and massage them while someone else does your nails… and then we can go shopping! I'm dying to spend some serious cash.

That actually sounds rather fun… what do you say, Jasmine? Shall we get this mani-pedi?

I suppose. We have nothing else to do. We've sat on this couch for over a year now. It could do the body some good to go outside and get some exercise.

Speaking of which, we should definitely check in the mirror and make sure we look okay! We haven't even seen the sun in that year; our skin is probably bleached! Right foot first, okay? … Why can't I move the foot? Are you guys moving the right foot?

Yes, I am.

I am as well.

Okay. Try moving the hand, I guess. Wait, I… I can't do that either! Jasmine, what's wrong with the body? Why can't we move?

I… I think we died, girls.

Well, crap! Now not only am I stuck with you two forever, but we're stuck in a dead body! Ugh. My life sucks. Why do you think it died?

We didn't feed it or give it water or exercise. I think it's our fault. No, my fault. I ought to have realized sooner what was happening. What do we do now?

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