I don't remember how many meters we run but I thought it was about…ehhhhhhhhhh? A trip to Europe? But-thank Lemy!- the mage stopped and for 3 or 4 seconds I thought that I had done the GREATEST BULLSHIT I have ever done in my fucking life.
-Perfect…Now I give me the chicken, it's time for a meal eh? Aren't you hungry?
-Wait a second? You put me into this only for you to eat? SWEAR THE GOD I WILL FUCKING KILL YOU! I screamed and I tried to punch him right in the fucking mouth but he …he…he stunned me…
-Hush little child, I gave you a gift you should respect me.
-Fine, but if you cook it, I eat the biggest piece.
-ok, but first, do you like fairytales?
-Yes
- Do you like adventures?
-Look, I have turned into a hairy freak with fangs around 20cm…my parents…Probably they will rip off my skin and send me to an Orthodox Boarding School…So what kind of adventure are we talking about?
-An epic quest for a king to find his kingdom. You look confused…don't you know the tale of Erebors fate?
-Nope…
-Well shall I begin?
-Do whatever you want…But FIRST…
-What young wolflady?
-GIVE ME THE FUCKING CHICKEN!
-Okay…
Once opun a time there was Erebor, a bright land ruled by dwarves…
-You mean midgets.
-No, real dwarves… If you want to know, there's no only your world, there's a word ancient, called middle earth, it is same , exactly the same thing but in that land there's not only the mankind, there were elves: similar to man creatures but with pointy ears and a very but really very long lifespan, dwarves: midgets to you and hobbits smaller than dwarves but more elfish like…think a man about 1-1,2 m with curly hair and big feet about a 40 sized shoes…
In middle earth there was Erebor, a land ruled by dwarves, filled with gold and magic there even the poorest had enough money to buy all kinds of things. But one day a evil dragon came and burnt down the city, only few escaped… since then the dwarves have no home …But now the son of that king who escaped, Thorin, has decided to take that dragon and bring back to life his kingdom …
-And? What I have to do?
-Your task is to follow and help him.
-How much I will pay?
-If the mission is successful, you will be paid but if the mission fails…you will be killed… You have two choices: One you stay here and you will be killed sooner or later or you would live hidden for all your life, two you come with me and…
-When do we start? I interrupted him because I had enough…
-Follow me…
He led me to a lake, he stand outside it…
-Where I stand is not where I wish to be.
My thoughts and desires pull me elsewhere.
Let me stand where I long to be.
My wish and my will are to be with Thorin, son of Thrain!
The water started to boil, and a supernatural light came for the depths …
-Now my child jump...
-What?
-Jump! He said and he pushes me…
For a second I felt like I was being drowning, hands to pull me down, I fight them but they were so strong and I –oh my god- was dying! Everything turns dark…I can't feel my hands…I give it up…The hands pull me… for a moment I saw all my life like a movie playing in my mind…but the hands saved me. I felt the oxygen fill my veins and the heart start to beat faster and faster…
I was in shock, I wasn't able to speak or to listen but I realized that I had got in real trouble…
I was in a low-ceilinged house, around me there was dwarves…yes real dwarves…in one corner there was a small boy…I fell, my feet were too weak to carry my weight…The dwarves helped me…they supported me and they placed me in a couch…
-Well here is the Beast you asked me to bring. Her name is Arcadio…she had come from far as you see…
-Welcome Arcadio… Are you fine?
-I have turned into a beast, steal a chicken from my uncle…almost get killed and almost drown...yes I am fine but first…give me a knife…
-For what?
-Nothing…JUST TO KILL THAT MOTHERFUCKER! I screamed and I tried to attack but the dwarves stopped me...
-Calm down Arcadio, Gandalf is friend not an enemy…
-Well... I want to ask only two things.
-Ask
-Who is Thorin...?
A small man appeared he was quite handsome: blue icy eyes, muscular body and was wearing armor.
-I am Thorin, son of Thrain the king under the mountain.
-Okay… My questions are answered… (I sit in the couch) I have fucked it.
-My height eh? Do you or don't you laughing at my height, inside of your mind? I know that, I have the half or less height than you …
-Look senior…I don't give two shits about your height… Even you were like Undertaker I would say that…
-Who?
-Wrestler, about two meters, can kill with his thumb…I am no kidding…
-What is a wrestler? Asked the small boy
-A man who is paid to beat others just for the show.
-Anyway, do you or don't you want to join us? Said one dwarf with a very strange hat and hair.
-I will join you but only because now there's no turning back for me…
-Why?
-Because … If I had to turn back, I had to kill myself
-Why?
-Who said that, ah the little kid…Look small boy, do you think that it's so easy to go home and say" Hey mama, I don't want to scare you but your daughter is a werewolf" they will rip off my skin and burn me alive….
-I am not kid my lady, I am hobbit and also if you not wanted to turn into a wolf why you just deny Gandalf's offer?
-Because I wanted
-Why?
-Because I wanted to be a real werewolf
-Why?
-Do you anything about werewolves?
-No
-Werewolf is a man who turns every full moon to a human eating beast who it fucks whatever it walks! How anyone can deny the opportunity to be a werewolf?
- I would deny it…It sounds very dangerous to me.
-How old are you senior?
-Around 50
(I laugh very quiet)
-And why you are here? If you think being a werewolf is dangerous why you are here?
-Because I am the burglar, I will be with you in the quest…
-Such a small thing and it claims to be a burglar…Did Gandalf did you this?
-Do me what? No, no, no, no, no I am a hobbit, hobbit must be small!
-Fine…Now my beloved Gandalf, where's the fucking chicken?
-Bilbo has always a table full of foods for friends, take sit and enjoy this little feast Arcadio before our quest start.