Title: Iris

Rating: T

Pairing: Female Percy Jackson (Persephone)/ Hermes

Summary: Realization dawned over her like lightning from a clear sky, surprising, shocking and totally unexpected. She was in love with him. And she tried to remember, in daze of the new, both frightening and warming discovery, when exactly had her feeling shifted so drastically. And she started, as logic dictates, from the very beginning.

Disclaimer: I don't own Percy Jackson and the Olympians. The only things I have are my imagination and one annoyingly insistent plot bunny.

Prologue
I Don't Want the World to See Me

And all I can taste is this moment,
And all I can breathe is your life,
And sooner or later it's over,
I just don't want to miss you tonight.

And I don't want the world to see me,
Cause I don't think that they'd understand.
When everything's meant to be broken,
I just want you to know who I am.

Iris – Goo Goo Dolls

A ghost. This was what Percy felt like as she walked through the overly full and way too cheerful streets of Olympus. The surviving naiads, satyrs and other immortals had all returned to the city and were celebrating already, dancing and laughing on the streets, not caring that there were still pieces of rumble and stone rolling on the ground. Their fallen comrades, friends and family, seemed to be forgotten, at least at the moment, everyone swept away by the euphoric mood that had settled after the end of the war.

Even the gods were too busy celebrating, having no hesitation to throw one of their legendary parties in the still half-ruined throne room. The demigods had been more than happy with the distraction, throwing themselves into dancing and drinking in a struggle to chase the terrible memories of the war out of their heads.

Percy sighed at the thought.

She understood them completely. Hell, she even envied them a little. What wouldn't she give to be able to forget everything for a moment and join them in a night for fun and celebration, meaningless chatter and laughter.

But she found that she couldn't. The memories in her head were fresh and searing, the weight on her shoulders too heavy to fade into the background even just for tonight. She had lost so much in the span of a few days that her mind was having a hard time catching up, her heart barely having the strength to bear the loss.

So many friends dead. Charlie, Silena, Will… All good people, good friends. People with their future ripped away because they had chosen to fight in the name of gods who had slighted them, forgotten them. And the worst thing was that she, Percy Jackson, had been the one to lead them to their death. She had been the one issuing the orders, too lost looking at the big picture to realize that this wasn't a game or a training session, this was war and people died in wars.

And Luke… Her biggest regret and the one ghost that vehemently refused to stop haunting her thoughts. He had been a traitor, yes, but he had also been her friend and now his blood tainted her hands, invisible to all others, but bright and obvious to Percy, despite the time she had spent rubbing her skin raw in hopes to wash it off. She had been an active participant in his death, the one who helped drive the blade through his Achilles'' heel.

She was a killer now, a murderer. And Luke was not her only victim. Other demigods, fighting on Kronos' side had fallen by her blade, despite her efforts to maim, not to kill. It had been so hard. Surrounded by enemies, with only a handful of allies, Percy had had hard time focusing. Her hand had strayed. One moment, it hadn't mattered. Monster or demigod, they were all her enemies and they had to be eliminated. She had killed them all.

A murderer.

The others hadn't seen that way, though. A hero of Olympus they had proclaimed her, offering her gifts, anything her heart could desire. Immortality. The ultimate gift, the one offered only to the greatest, bravest heroes. A gift that could be offered only once in a lifetime.

And she had refused.

She just couldn't bring herself to agree to live forever when so many had died for this cause. She had to make their sacrifice worth it. And she had done it the best way she could. She had made sure no one would feel the need to die the same way in the future.

At least it had slightly lightened her guilt.

Percy turned into one of the less populated streets, finally allowing the hood of her sweatshirt to fall. It didn't matter if her face was visible now because there was almost no one to see her here.

Slowly, she continued up the paved street, freezing when she noticed a lone figure looming over one of the few unharmed fountains in the city. It took her a moment to realize who it was and her muscles both tensed and relaxed at once.

For a second, she considered fleeing, but quickly chased the thought away. Hermes was her friend, the best one she'd ever had and she couldn't just leave him when he was in obvious distress. And he was distressed, she could say. He was leaning against the rim of the fountain, his shoulders sagged miserably as he watched the flashing Iris message.

"You know, even after three thousand years the power of mortal ignorance still astonishes me." Hermes murmured, motioning towards the IM, where images of mortal newscasts changed so rapidly that Percy had hard time understanding them. "They've already written off Typhon's appearance with a series of freak storms."

Percy glanced at his grim face, regretting that she couldn't see his eyes which were still glued to the images, though she knew he wasn't really watching. Cautiously she touched his shoulder, silently prompting him to look at her. His muscles were tense under her hand and she wondered what a storm of emotions he was suppressing under the calm façade he had built.

"I owe you an apology, Hermes." The girl muttered and he finally turned, watching her carefully, with a bit of confusion in his eyes. "I said you were a bad father. I lashed out on you. I'm so sorry." She sighed and looked away, blinking back tears. "We were losing the war and I was just so scared and frustrated. I needed to lash out on someone and you were just there at the wrong time and I'm so sorry I said all that. I swear I didn't mean it. I would never think something like that about you." Percy swallowed heavily, looking down to the ground in shame. She had possibly lost her best friend because of a few rushed sentences spoken under the veil of anger and helplessness.

A pair of warm, familiar arms wrapped around her and she closed her eyes, burying herself in his embrace. Tears threatened to spill, but Percy held them back. Despite how much she wished she could just let go and weep and cry for all the loss and pain she had been through the last few days, she couldn't. This wasn't about her. Not this time.

He had been the one to hold her while she cried, to keep her together when she fell apart so many times in the past and now it was her turn to be there for him, to offer comfort and understanding when he needed it.

Percy felt his hands curl in fists against her back in effort to fight some emotion. "Don't." She whispered, one hand massaging his biceps in an effort to make him relax. "Don't hide your feelings from me."

It was as if these words unleashed the dam. With a stifled gasp, Hermes buried his face in her silky black hair, his body trembling as he held her tightly, anchoring himself to her, grasping her like a saving line. And she took it all, running her fingers through his curly hair, pressing soft kisses against his temple, while she whispered comforting words into his ear.

And while she held him, she remembered all that had happened between the two of them through the span of the years, all leading up to this moment. How they had met, how their relationship had progressed, all the bittersweet memories they had made together.

Realization dawned over her like lightning from a clear sky, surprising, shocking and totally unexpected. She was in love with him. Yes, she had known the feelings of love and friendship that ran between them, but she had never before realized that her feelings ran deeper than that.

And she tried to remember, in daze of the new, both frightening and warming discovery, when exactly had her feeling shifted so drastically. And she started, as logic dictates, from the very beginning.

AN: I know right now I should probably update my other fanfictions (and I will do that very soon) but this idea just wouldn't leave me alone. So, here it is. My new fem!Percy/Hermes story.

I hope you like it! Let me know!