Mugen and Fuu in Never Never Land
by Laura Bryannan
All children, except one, grow up. Now if you're thinking the kid in question is Peter you'd be wrong. It's Mugen, okay? Deal with it. And, as we all know, Mugen lived in Never Never Land (not to be confused with Neverland Ranch) but he was sad and lonely because there was no one to tell him stories or mend his pockets. Plus, he was godawful horny since he had only the Lost Boys to play with and he'd been bored with them for ages.
So one fine evening he left Never Never Land and flew to old Edo. Hey, don't give me grief about him flying. You saw the ganja episode, right? Right. As I was saying, Mugen flew to old Edo one night to go fox hunting (if you know what I mean) and found himself doing his usual Peeping Tom thing at a familiar window. That Darling girl was great for spring cleaning and for helping other springable things happily spring.
Now, Mrs. Darling had told her daughter all sorts of stories about Mugen, and since we're talking about Mugen here, you can just imagine the kinds of tales she had to tell, heh, heh. But I'm sure she shared only the innocent ones with her beloved daughter, and so little Fuu had come to have all sorts of rainbow-colored fantasies about our hero and his adventures, considering herself the resident expert on all things Mugen.
Thus our story begins in the nursery of 14 Whateveritwas Street, with dear Fuu daydreaming in her nightgown and her brothers, Jin and Yuki, leaping about on the beds brandishing wooden swords. They were always playing with their swords in bed together, it seemed. Fuu couldn't understand what the fascination was, but they were ever at it, day and night and night and day.
"We're swarthy buccaneers," Jin would insist, battling Yuki into the closet. Much arrrghing and ooohing and aaahing could be heard at such times and Fuu could only shake her head. Who cared about pirates when there was Mugen to think about?
She fell to sleep that night and dreamed heavenly dreams, but was soon awakened by a streak of devilish cursing. "Goddammit, Momo!" came a furious whisper. "Where the fuck is it?"
Fuu sat up and rubbed her eyes to discover a spiky-haired youth prowling around the nursery. "Boy," she called. "Why are you swearing?"
He rounded on her. "I never swear!" he stated firmly, hands on hips.
"But you did," she insisted. "I heard you."
"No I didn't."
"Yes you did, I'm sure of it."
"I didn't!"
"Did!"
"Didn't! Now shut the fuck up! I'm busy here."
"See! You swore just then!"
"Didn't!"
"Did, did, did and did!"
"Damn, girls talk too much!" he declared. "Are you gonna help me find my stash or not?"
"Your stash?" she asked, wide-eyed.
"Yeah, some fucking dog scared the shit outta me at the window last night and I dropped it somewhere. You better not've pinched it, girly."
Suddenly, a flying squirrel thing soared across the room and grabbed a baggie on the floor, dive bombing poor Fuu in the process. It landed on Mugen's shoulder and dropped its prize into his hands as he crowed. Okay sure, Momo was supposed to belong to Fuu, but everyone knows she had the hots for Mugen all along, right? Besides, Momo was only in the show for the deus ex machina factor anyway, so work with me here.
"Oh!" cried Fuu in delight. "A flying squirrel thing. How cute! May I hold it?" She reached for the tiny creature but it hissed at her and ran inside Mugen's shirt.
"She's quite a common girl, you know," Mugen explained, dancing around like a spastic hip-hopper, trying to keep the naughty thing out of his pants. "For god's sake, Momo," he hissed, guarding his loins. "Later, bitch!" He finally throttled the squirming creature way too close to the family jewels and stuffed it into a drawer.
Eying Fuu up and down with a leer, he asked, "What's your name, peachface?"
"I'm Fuu Moira Angela Seizou Darling," she replied. "Are you really Mugen?"
"Well yeah, don't you remember?" He peered closely at her. "Huh, I guess you're not Wendy after all. Who cares? You'll do. Wanna come party with me?"
"In Never Never Land?" she asked, breathlessly.
"Sure," he affirmed, leaping to the windowsill. "Where else would we go? Come on!"
"Oh, I'm so happy, I'm going to give you a kiss!" Fuu cried, advancing on him with pursed lips.
Mugen looked around frantically, ready to take off. "Why'd you wanna do that?"
"My goodness, what a silly question," Fuu murmured, seductively. "When a girl and a boy are all by themselves, there aren't that many things they can do, are there?"
"Damn girl, you move quick."
"I'm not interested in playing coy maiden, even though I am one," Fuu explained. "Let's enjoy ourselves tonight."
Mugen remained unconvinced. "You're not gonna pass me any All Night Mushrooms, are you?" he asked, warily.
Fuu frowned. "You must have me confused with someone else. Kiss me, you fool!"
"Uhhh, we better wait till we get to my place," he decided, eying the dresser drawer with trepidation. The hissing coming from inside sounded ominous enough to shrivel his equipment.
"You're really going to take me to Never Never Land?" she asked, excitedly.
"I said so, didn't I?" Mugen replied. "Come on. We better hit the road."
"How will we get there?"
"We'll fly, of course."
"But I can't fly!" she protested.
"No shit," Mugen agreed. "Guess I'll hafta teach you."
"Really? OMG!" she squealed. "But wait. Teach my brothers too."
Mugen noticed the two lumps under the bedcovers for the first time. "Brothers, huh? Well, OK, but make it quick."
"Jin! Yuki!" Fuu called, poking them. "Wake up. There's a boy here who will teach us to fly!"
"Fly?! I'll come at once!" said Jin, donning his tophat and slippers.
"Me too!" yelled Yuki, jumping out of bed in footie jammies with a drop seat in the back, and we all know how useful those can be, don't we?
"We're going to Never Never Land," Fuu happily announced.
"Who the fuck said we?" Mugen argued.
"But I couldn't go without Jin and Yuki," she told him, pouting.
"I'd love to battle real pirates," enthused Jin, leaping about the beds again, brandishing his sword in typical fashion. Mugen thought for a moment, then decided a guy in a tophat, nightshirt and nothing else might be good for some amusement. Besides, the younger one with the buttflap wasn't too bad either.
"Well, alright," he agreed, "but only if you follow orders. I'm the captain."
"Yes sir!" the boys cried, saluting.
And so they thought lovely thoughts and jumped up and down to no avail, when Mugen finally remembered. "I gotta sprinkle these sunflower seeds on you first." He reached in his pocket and pelted them while the dresser drawer rattled loudly and frantic squealing could be heard from inside. "Ain't too keen on sharing, are ya, Momo?" he snickered as he finally opened the drawer.
"It's a sugar glider," observed Jin in wonder as Momo scampered around scarfing all the dropped seed. "My word!"
"It's a fairy!" Yuki argued, proving he needed glasses more than Jin.
"No, it's a rabidly jealous flying rat," Mugen stated, definitively. "We better split before she finishes eating."
So they were able to make their getaway, zooming through the window with much excitement. "We're flying!" they cried, happily.
"Yeah, these seeds give a decent buzz," Mugen agreed, "but we'll have to wait till Never Never Land for the good stuff."
"Never Never Land," Fuu sighed in bliss, holding hands with Mugen as they soared along. "I've dreamed about it all my life. How do we get there?"
"Second star to the right and straight on till morning," he replied, tossing Jin a small contraption. "But if you get lost, use the GPS."
to be continued