Author's notes:
1) I can't stand BA. Mr. T is the worst actor on the planet in my opinion. You can have a different opinion than mine, but don't try to change mine. We're free to do what we want.
2) This fic takes place shortly before Season #5 begins.
3) Alia is pronounced ALL—ee—ah.
4) Don't own the team, and I'm not making any money on them. Finally,
5) If I actually got too close to real places, events, etc., it wasn't intentional. Now just remember to use the power of your voice through reviewing. Thank you!
****
The sun shone brightly into the Chinese laundry's windows where "Mr. Lee" started setting up for the day's business. A prospective client for the A-Team by the name of Maggie Coltraine would be arriving at any minute. Unfortunately Hannibal hadn't been able to glean any information on this rather bookish blonde's reason for contacting the team since the woman vehemently refused to talk to any one of Hannibal's "personalities," until he finally mentioned Mr. Lee's laundry. Then Miss Coltraine said she would speak only to the Chinese man.
Very odd, Hannibal thought to himself as he absent mindedly swept the floor. Miss Coltraine has checked out so far, but usually the clients want to pour out their story to everyone they meet. Let's see what this one has to offer the A-Team.
Hannibal leaped into his role as Mr. Lee as the bell on the door chimed. In walked a tall woman with long, dark hair, almond-shaped hazel eyes, olive skin, and a cool composure. She dressed oddly, her style more fitting for the previous decade, in heeled black boots, bellbottom jeans, a red tank top, and a black, mid-thigh length leather jacket. Huge gold hoop earrings dangled from her ears and several gold bracelets jingled on her wrists.
Who the heck is this woman? thought "Mr. Lee." She's definitely not Maggie Coltraine. Let's see what she wants. "Ah, good morning, Miss," he said in his best pidgin Chinese. "How I help you?"
"Good morning, Mr. Lee," the woman said in a melodious low voice, "or should I say, Hannibal Smith."
Hannibal couldn't help staring at the woman. She couldn't have seen through his disguise; he was a master. "I sorry, Miss," he tried to recover, "but I no know who you talk about."
The woman smiled and laughed heartily. "You know exactly what I'm talking about, Colonel Smith. You pass all your prospective clients for the A-Team through this song and dance. I can't believe someone didn't blow your act long ago; your disguise is so poor. No Chinese man has your blue eyes. A little hint: a Caucasian male can't pass himself off as anything but a Caucasian male."
"Listen to me, Miss," Mr. Lee growled. "I no know what you want, but I say there no way you find A-Team here! You get out! Now!"
The woman smiled smugly. "555-6930," she said simply. "I hope I don't have to remind you whose number that is, Colonel Smith."
Hannibal's eyes widened. "You wouldn't dare call Colonel Decker and the MPs on me!" he whispered threateningly. "I could kill you any moment I want to."
Again the woman laughed. "You couldn't kill me, Colonel Smith. Besides, I contacted Colonel Decker and his boys before I came here. The whole posse should be arriving in..." she glanced at her watch, "ooh, sixty seconds. Give or take half a minute of course. I suggest you scram now."
Hannibal discarded his disguise and glared at the woman. "If you weren't a woman, I'd break your jaw. But since you are, I'm taking you with me as a hostage. C'mon!" He grabbed the woman's arm and dragged her toward the back of the store. She didn't resist much. If he didn't know better, Hannibal might have thought that the woman actually wanted to be taken as a prisoner.
Sirens wailed in the distance when Hannibal and the woman reached the back alley. "My car is over there," the woman pointed to a black vintage Ford Mustang convertible parked at one end of the alley and pulled a set of keys out of a pocket. Hannibal tried to snatch them, but the woman kept them out of his reach. "I drive and I come quietly," she said firmly.
"Fine with me," Hannibal replied, "but I'm afraid I'm going to have to use this on you." He pulled out a pistol and trained it on his prisoner. The woman clicked her tongue in disapproval, vaulted over the driver side door and into the driver's seat. Hannibal hopped in the passenger seat as the woman started the car and pulled calmly out of the alley onto the main road.
"Hey, lady," said Hannibal, "we've got the military police on our tails and you're driving as if we're going to church."
"If I floor it through downtown LA, we're going to have a lot more people taking notice of us than just Decker and his boy scouts," the woman pointed out.
"Good point. What exactly did you tell Decker anyway?" asked Hannibal.
"Not much," replied the woman, "just that the A-Team would be doing business down at Mr. Lee's Chinese laundry. Nothing about you being Mr. Lee."
"Don't you think that perhaps Decker will catch on when he finds the place abandoned with my disguise lying around?"
"The place isn't abandoned." This strange woman's voice was infuriatingly calm. "I paid a Chinese friend of mine to cover for 'Mr. Lee' when Decker arrives. Just like I paid Maggie Coltraine to go seek out the team in the first place."
With that news, Hannibal ordered, "Pull over now!" and pointed his gun at the woman's head. The woman sighed and obeyed his order. "All right," he growled when the woman cut the engine, "who the hell are you and what kind of game are you playing with me? Are you a government plant, because if you are--"
The woman laughed, cutting Hannibal off. "Decker thinks he used me to get to you when it's really the other way around."
"Who are you?" he repeated, nosing the muzzle of the pistol into the woman's shoulder.
"Whoever you want me to be, handsome," she laughed. When Hannibal pressed the gun harder into her flesh, she threw him a look that a disappointed mother would give a mildly bothersome child. "Fine, if you really want to know, my name is Teagan. Alia Teagan."
Hannibal holstered his gun. "That's more like it. Wait... is your father Alistair Teagan, the shipping magnate who was kidnapped a week ago?"
"Yes, the one and only. I came to get the A-Team's help in bringing him home. I needed to make sure you guys were legit and would be interested enough to listen to my story."
"Well, Miss Teagan, you sure have a way of getting a man's attention," said Hannibal as he reached into a coat pocket. He sighed, "Damn! Face has my cigars."
Alia smiled yet again. "So are you interested?"
"Well, obviously you can pay our bill, so why not?"
"Now do I get to meet the rest of the elusive A-Team?"
****
Face paced around his "borrowed" apartment while BA lounged on the couch and watched TV.
"Hey, Face," said BA, "why don't you ever scam me and Hannibal a place like this?"
Face paused and replied, "Do you have any idea what I went through to get this place? There's no way I could...acquire two apartments like this without raising suspicion. Speaking of which, Hannibal should be back here by now."
"You think the MPs got him?"
"Nah, I saw him run out to the back alley as we peeled out. Yep, I bet he stopped and picked up a blonde at the café around the corner."
"Face, that's what you'd do! Hannibal knows to regroup after a visit from Decker."
The doorknob turned and Hannibal walked in escorting a rather dark and attractive woman.
Face smiled and adjusted his tie. "See? Didn't I tell you?"
BA frowned. "You said a blonde."
"Blonde, brunette...close enough," Face shrugged.
"BA, Face," said Hannibal grinning, "meet our new client."
Face looked quizzically at the woman, then asked, "I thought you said Maggie Coltraine was a blonde with glasses, Hannibal."
"You're exactly right," replied the woman. "I'm Alia Teagan." She extended her hand toward Face and smiled as they shook hands.
"Alia wants to hire us to rescue her kidnapped father, Alistair Teagan," explained Hannibal.
Face stared. "You mean the guy that's been hailed as the next Aristotle Onassis who was kidnapped last week?"
"The one and only," Alia answered.
Face smiled. "That's pretty interesting since Alistair Teagan doesn't have a daughter. He only has a son, Alistair Teagan II. It's in all the morning papers." He took a newspaper off the counter and handed it to Hannibal.
Hannibal skimmed the indicated article and glared at Alia. "BA, cover her!" he barked. BA leaped to his feet, grabbed Alia's arms, and pinned them behind her. Hannibal pulled out his pistol again and prodded Alia's collarbone with it.
"This is the second time you've lied to me in the span of a half hour," growled the Colonel. "Who are you really and who are you working for?"
"You know, I never actually lied to you before now," Alia replied matter-of-factly.
Doesn't anything bother this woman? thought Hannibal as Alia tried to suppress another smirk.
"I never led you to believe that I was Maggie Coltraine or anyone else for that matter," Alia continued. "All I said was that I hired people to help me find you guys so I could hire you. So I gave you a false last name. Is that any different than you, Hannibal, playing dress up and leading customers all over downtown LA to check the legitimacy of their stories? Or you, Face, pretending to be an inspector of some sort so that you can get supplies for the team?"
"Quit playing games," Hannibal snarled. "What-- is-- your-- name!" He jabbed the gun's muzzle into the woman's arm on each word.
The woman sighed. "Fine, fine. I didn't lie about my first name, Alia. My last name is Benekopoulos. Happy?"
"Blech, that's a mouthful!" BA made a face.
Alia tried to shrug. "That's what you get for being Greek."
"Who do you work for?" asked Face.
"As of now, I happen to be self-employed, thank you very much," Alia replied.
"Why did you come looking for us?" questioned Hannibal. "Answer before I tell BA here to break your arm."
Alia laughed. "You wouldn't!" BA twisted her arms and she yelped. "Ok, I see you will. I went through this convoluted method because there are guys trying to find me."
"These guys wouldn't happen to be the cops, would they?" Face asked sarcastically.
"No," answered Alia. "I used to work for Alliance Technologies developing some top secret weapons and the like for a major government contract. One day, I found documents that revealed that my boss was planning on selling the blueprints of all our prototypes to the Russians, Chinese, or whoever was the highest bidder. My boss and his lackeys found out that I discovered their scheme and decided to kill me before I could get to the authorities. I figured you guys could help get me out of trouble and get these traitors locked up where they belong. It was easy enough to get in touch with Colonel Decker through my government sources at Alliance and sucker him into helping me find you."
Face turned to his superior officer. "You know," he said, half smiling, "there's one thing that doesn't make sense. For someone who is supposedly marked for death, you seem awfully calm and willing to crack jokes, Alia."
Alia laughed heartily. Her extremely good disposition was starting to creep her captors out. "I see no point in panicking and making the situation worse, so I've been hyped up on Valium for the past week or two," the brunette replied. "Woo, my eyes are floating!"
Hannibal interrupted Alia's giggling. "Do you have the money to hire us?" he asked. "You know we can't work for free."
"Wait a minute, Colonel," interjected Face. "Don't you think that maybe we should check and make sure that we're not getting ourselves lured into some sort of trap before we start worrying about the cash? After all, she did just lie to us."
Alia lost her blissful attitude. "Look, do you want the job or not, pretty boy?" she snapped. "If you look in my purse, you'll find more than six grand. I can get you more money if you need it. Don't worry about infiltrating; I know every possible entrance, exit, and code to bypass security systems. You'll be in, out, and on your merry way in a matter of an hour at most."
Hannibal nodded to Face and the lieutenant took Alia's purse. He rummaged through it and smiled after he found a large wad of bills. "Looks like she was at least telling the truth about the money."
The brunette shrugged. "So are you in or out?"
"Where is this government lab that you work at?" asked Hannibal, gun still in hand.
BA frowned. "I ain't gettin' in no plane, especially with her!" he growled.
Alia rolled her eyes. "Ah, yes, the great big aerophobe," she sighed. "I drove here from the lab in New Mexico. It's pretty near the Arizona border and a good fourteen to sixteen boring hours as a straight shot in a car from here. That's all dependent on traffic and how fast you drive. Is there anything else that you would like to know? Birthday, social security number..."
"No, that'll do, Miss…" replied Hannibal.
"Alia, please," the woman smiled. "I hate my last name."
"Well, looks like you're going to have to bust Murdock out of the VA, Face," said the colonel as he holstered his pistol and stuck a cigar between his teeth. "That is if everyone is in agreement to take Alia's offer."
Heck, thought Face. Money is money after all. Besides, what could possibly happen? I mean, besides me getting lucky with her. "Why of course, Colonel," he replied and grinned back at Alia.
"Now will you please let go of me, Mr. Baracus?" the brunette asked indignantly. "I probably have bruises where your rings gouged my flesh."
BA growled and reluctantly released Alia. The woman immediately rubbed her arms to get her circulation back. She tossed her long, silk-like hair over her shoulder and set her hands on her hips. "We'd better get cracking if we're going to stop those traitors before they sell those blueprints to the Commies, guys," she said simply.
"Perhaps you would care to help me go get the fourth member of our group, Alia?" asked Face with all of his famous charm he could muster.
"Sure, Face," smiled Alia as the two linked arms. "But I get to drive."
After Murdock's rescue team left, BA turned to his commanding officer. "I don't trust her, Hannibal," he growled. "'Alia' sounds too much like 'alias' to me."
The colonel found a cigar on the counter and lit it. "I don't think I'll turn my back on her either, BA," he replied as smoke rings floated around his head. "She's reminding me of that woman we ran into when we rescued Murdock's Dr. Richter that time. We need the cash though. Why don't you run an employee check at Alliance Tech? There can't be many Alia Bene…whatevers floating around."
"I'm no good at fact-finding missions. You know that's Face's job."
"Just ask information for the number for Alliance Technologies' New Mexico plant and then tell whoever answers that we've found their employee, Alia. Whoever is tracking her down will love to know where she's gone. If you don't want to do it, I will."
****
"Your Mustang's nice, but I prefer my Corvette," Face said as he and Alia parked outside the VA hospital.
"Do you have something against Fords?" asked Alia.
"No," he replied defensively, "I just prefer my 'Vette."
"That thing is hideous! The orange stripe ruins that otherwise beautiful car, not to mention the fact that you can spot it a mile away. Not exactly a good surveillance vehicle."
"It's more of a getaway car than anything else."
"Yeah, sure it is. I bet my antique could outstrip that eyesore any day of the week."
Face changed the subject. "All right, Alia, watch and learn from a pro." He climbed out of the car and began walking toward the hospital's entrance.
"Hey!" Alia exclaimed as she slammed her door behind her. "Where do you think you're going?"
"I'm scamming Murdock out of the VA," he replied, confused. "Why do you ask?"
"I've got a better plan than whatever harebrained scheme you've got rattling around in that thick head of yours in my trunk."
"Oh really? And what might that be?" the lieutenant asked as he walked back towards the car with his hands in his pockets.
Alia smiled evilly as she popped the trunk and rummaged around inside. Face looked over her shoulder and saw two identical suitcases.
"How are suitcases going to get Murdock out of there?" he scoffed. "What are you going to do, walk in and beat the staff over the head with your luggage?"
Alia sighed. "It's what's in the suitcases that matters. Especially this one." She opened the one on her right, revealing three large wine bottles packed securely in foam molds. She carefully took one out, popped the cork, and stuffed a grease rag into its neck.
"Ummm…" Face adjusted his tie and gestured to the bottle. "What is that?"
"A Molotov cocktail," replied Alia nonchalantly as she pulled a lighter out of her jacket pocket.
"Are you crazy?! What are you doing with three Molotov cocktails in your trunk?"
"Setting off the fire alarm."
"Obviously, but why?"
Alia rolled her eyes. She said every word slowly and illustrated them with hand gestures as if she were talking to a toddler. "When the fire alarm goes off, all the patients and staff have to exit the building. That means Murdock will be leaving too. When that happens, everything will be in utter chaos. The nurses and orderlies won't notice if one patient is missing. All you have to do is call Murdock up on my mobile phone and tell him the plan while I light this baby and hurl it at the hospital. Get it? Good!" Alia smiled, handed Face the phone, patted him on the head, and sauntered off whistling Bridge On the River Kwai with the lieutenant staring after her, gaping.
"It finally happened," Face muttered to himself as he dialed his friend's number. "I found someone crazier than Murdock."
****
Alarms blared as one section of the VA exploded into flames. Patients and doctors flooded out of the building and onto the lawn. Face stared in disbelief at the chaos as Alia came sauntering back to the Mustang, admiring her handiwork.
"Isn't it beautiful?" sighed the brunette. Once she saw the lieutenant's expression she said, "Don't worry. I didn't hit the ICU or anything like that. I got a little used stairwell that was under construction. No one got seriously injured, if anyone got injured at all." She jumped up and sat on the trunk of the Mustang. "You called Murdock, right?"
"Yeah," Face replied, tearing his gaze away from the conflagration that fire trucks now rushed to put to an end. "He knows where we are. He should be coming any second now."
"So…" Alia began as Face scanned the crowd, "What does this Murdock look like anyway?"
"Murdock's a rather unusual character," he answered. "Brown hair, usually wears a baseball cap and a leather jacket…"
"Is he also very slim and tall?" she asked, pointing to a man walking towards them that fit both Face and Alia's descriptions.
"Yeah, there he is!" Face waved to get Murdock's attention. The captain waved back and started jogging towards the Mustang. "Probably should start the car so we can get out of here quick." Face turned to Alia to see her smiling and waving back at Murdock.
"Are you even listening to me, Alia?" the lieutenant asked.
"Of course I am, but I at least want to say hi to Murdock," replied Alia. "Mmm…tall, dark, and handsome, just the way I like 'em!"
Dammit, I'm losing her to Murdock! thought Face. He opened his mouth to try to win the brunette over with his famous charm, but the pilot arrived before he could utter a sound.
"Hey, Face!" interrupted Murdock as he halted in front of his friend and Alia. "What's with your plan to scam me out and that weird phone call? Didja actually set fire to this place?" He indicated the VA hospital with his thumb over his shoulder.
"I told you, Murdock," Face retorted, pointing accusingly at Alia. "I'm not the arsonist. She is! Do you know what she did? She used a Molotov cocktail out of her trunk! What type of maniac keeps Molotov cocktails in her trunk?"
"A very prepared maniac who happened to get the job done, thank you very much," replied Alia.
"Who's this?" asked Murdock. "She doesn't seem to be your type, Face."
"Believe it or not, she's our new client," Face answered.
"Hell-ooo!" Alia waved her arms to try to catch the men's attention. "Am I invisible to you?"
Face ignored the brunette. "Alia Bene…ah… Benna…Benak…Ben… just call her Alia."
Alia rolled her eyes. "It's Benekopoulos. Jeez, how hard is it?"
"Let's just get out of here before someone notices that Murdock's missing," said Face.
"Aww," Alia cooed. "You're mad because you didn't get to flirt with the nurses, aren't you, Facey-Wacey?"
Face waved a finger in warning. "Knock it off, you! If you weren't a woman, I'd…"
"Pound me?" Alia batted her eyes. "Like I haven't heard that one before. Besides that, I doubt you could do much more damage than a few bruises." Face glared daggers at the brunette, but she merely examined her nails while humming.
A smile slowly spread across the lieutenant's face as an idea came to him. Alia perched precariously on the edge of the Mustang's waxed trunk, just asking for trouble.
Face grabbed Alia's arm and yanked her off her car, an audible pop coming from her shoulder as she hit the ground.
"Damn! I hate it when that happens," the brunette muttered, pushing herself up with her left hand. Her right arm hung at an odd angle, the shoulder obviously out of joint. "Don't smile too much, Peck. I'll wipe it off your face. You were just lucky I fell funny."
"Oh, I wasn't smiling about that," replied Face. He pulled a set of keys out of his pocket and dangled them in front of the woman. "This is what I'm smiling about. I lifted your keys when you hit the pavement."
Alia narrowed her eyes. "You have no idea what you've just done, Peck. That Mustang is much more than a means of transportation to me. For taking my keys, you've just volunteered to pop my shoulder back into joint. Now stand still while I ram it into you!"
"GAAA! GET AWAY FROM ME, YOU NUTCASE!" Face yelled and darted madly around the parking lot, Alia in hot pursuit.
Murdock sighed. "I'm the resident nutcase and don't you forget it! Why else do you have to keep bustin' me outta here every time we get a job?"
"Stop moving, damn you!" shouted Alia as she tried to corner Face between parked cars. "It will only hurt for a few seconds, you wuss, especially if you run towards me. Then I might not have to ram you multiple times."
"Then why don't you run into a car or a tree?" Face retorted as he jumped over the hood of a sedan, narrowly missing the brunette.
"Where's the fun in that? Besides, you're nice and soft and squishy!"
"Please don't call me that!"
Murdock leaned against the Mustang, crossing his hands over his chest to watch the pandemonium. "I could really go for some popcorn right about now. Face, she's gainin' on you!"
"Do something, Murdock!" Face shouted as he darted past his friend with Alia on his heels.
"I thought you liked havin' women chase you," smiled Murdock.
Face lapped Murdock again. "I don't think this one's entirely human!"
"Hey! Stop acting as if I'm not here, you wimp!" huffed Alia.
Murdock sighed as the brunette ran towards him once more. Looks like I'm the one that has to get the group outta here before we get into trouble, he thought.
When Alia passed by him, the captain grabbed her right arm and yanked on it with all his strength. The brunette's arm made a loud snap as she was almost pulled off her feet. Face finally stopped running and smiled, thinking Murdock had at least sprained her arm.
Alia looked rather confused for a few moments as she tried rotating her right shoulder. As she realized that Murdock had popped her arm back into its socket, a wide grin spread across her face. "Hey, you fixed it! Thanks, man!"
"It was nothin'," the captain replied.
"Isn't that refreshing," said Alia, hands on her hips as she checked Murdock out. "A real man for a change. And not only is he not grossed out easily, he's polite too! Somehow I think that you two got switched somewhere so that Face should be staying at the VA and Murdock out on the streets."
"Actually, we did get switched around once," Murdock commented. "Remember, Face? You got that phony pardon an' I took your place in the team, but then you came back. You insisted that it was easy bein' me an' the guys from the VA grabbed you instead of me? You shoulda seen your face as they dragged you out with that straightjacket!"
"I thought we had an agreement, Murdock," Face growled. "We would never mention that incident again."
"But, but, but…" stuttered Murdock.
"NEVER mention it again!" Face cut in, a vein starting to throb in his forehead.
Alia wrapped an arm around the captain. "Ooo, dirt on the Faceman! You and I should talk, Murdock."
"Later!" Murdock exclaimed and pointed at a couple of orderlies the size of linebackers that caught sight of him and rushed towards the Mustang. Murdock jumped over the side of the car and into the back. "Let's go, muchachos!"
Face tried to get into the driver seat, but Alia beat him to it. "Move over!" the lieutenant yelled. "I've got the keys!"
"Unless you want to be a eunuch I suggest you hand them over now, bucko!" Alia yelled back.
Face's eyes popped out of his head. "Here!" he replied and tossed the key ring to the brunette.
"Seatbelts!" said Alia as she strapped herself in and started the car. Face jumped into the front and the brunette threw the Mustang into reverse. Just as the orderlies caught up to the trio, the tires screamed and the Mustang shot into afternoon traffic.
****
To be continued…