Disclaimer: I don't own Nightmare on Elm Street, Sly Cooper, Sonic the Hedgehog, nor do I own the rock itself. That is the property of nature.
Author's note: This is indeed a parody. Lately I've seen Freddy match up against the evilest of foes, Jason, Sonic the Hedgehog, and recently Sly Cooper. Unfortunately for Freddy, he has one more foe to add to his list. A Rock. Some of you might find this indeed stupid as stupid gets, but once again it's a parody to the other wonderful fights.
Killing Two Birds with One Stone
Freddy V.S the Rock
Freddy Krueger liked to think of himself as the king of evil. In all amounts, that title was indeed his. His treacherous battle with the chainsaw wielding Jason had ended with his head severed, but somehow he had managed to get it back. A few days after lovely relaxation and massacre of teenyboppers, Freddy had another chance to show his wickedness against another lucky foe. A "dangerous" hedgehog. Now before you call animal cruelty, let me just say this was no ordinary hedgehog. It was blue, wore red sneakers, and had spiky hair. The rodent didn't have much time to live for the hair was the last bit for dear Fred, for he had no hair himself. This problem was exterminated with one flick of Freddy's bladed finger. But wait! There's more! Another monstrous thing had to be taken care of before any sipping of lemonade. Freddy discovered someone had been digging through his trash bin, a raccoon by the name of Sly Cooper. This infuriated Freddy very much and in no time at all the trash was taken out. And I'm not talking about the garbage…
Now that I've ended my prologue, let us get to the match itself.
Freddy felt the dreamscape shift and instantly he knew someone had entered his world. The thought of ripping a new victim already had him grinning wickedly and he couldn't wait for the fun to begin. Quickly he disappeared in a flash before reappearing in the view of a young teenaged girl. She had obvious dyed black hair which messily shielded her face. Her clothes were as black as the night itself with silver chains draping from her pants. Freddy licked his lips savagely, a Goth not quite the innocence he was looking for, but she would do nonetheless.
His gloved hand raised slightly as he placed the blades against the near boiler. His boots stepped stealthily against the catwalk as he began running his knives painstakingly slow on the boiler. Freddy noticed the girl cringing and frantically trying to cover her ears.
"Who the hell are you!" She demanded as Freddy was gaining a close proximity near her.
"Doesn't matter now bitch, you die." Freddy's ice blue eyes targeted the girls middle as he lunged forward with his blades fanned out. The girl stepped back, reaching into her pocket for something, before yelling out in agony as Freddy dove his fingers into her. The girl brought her hand from her pocket and started hitting Freddy with what was in her possession.
Freddy withdrew his glove and stared at the girl who was now withering and crying on the ground. In a few minutes she would die and disappear from the dream world. Meanwhile, Freddy was busy inspecting the wounds to his face that he had gained during the tussle. It wasn't anything big and the pain dissolved in the same instant the girls body did.
The nightmare king watched with pleasure as the entire body disappeared in seconds, only not all had left the dream world. Laying carelessly on the catwalk was the instrument the girl had used against Freddy, a rather large rock. The reason for the girls possession of the large rock in her pocket was beyond Freddy, but it was already doing enough harm to him by scarring his lovely boiler room landscape. That would be taken care of.
Freddy Krueger narrowed what was left of his eyebrows as he picked up the rock and began tossing it with his left hand. Little did he know that it was a heavy rock and that he was not good with catching things in his left hand. Therefore, Freddy experienced the rock dropping upon his foot, which made him wince on the impact.
"Son of a nutcracker!" He yelled as he tried kicking the rock with his other foot.
"God bless America!" Came another yelp as Freddy had managed to kick the rock at the boiler, which unnaturally deflected it and hit him smack on his baldhead. Freddy's icy blue eyes evilly glared at the stone, which was sitting in front of him once again. Smartly, Freddy picked up the rock again and flicked one clawed finger in the air. He, assuming he could make anything disappear, was shocked to still she the rock calmly in his hand.
"Will you leave me alone! Go back to nature!" Freddy gripped the thing tightly and was ready to hurl it away when the dreamscape shifted once more. Another person had entered. Freddy was ready to take care of the new victim but first he decided he must take care of this nuisance. So he chucked it down the catwalk and into the darkness.
Unexpectedly, Freddy heard a gasp, a scream, a plop, and a drop. Wanting to know what was going on, Freddy headed to where the noise had come from. Curiously, he entered the darker part of the boiler room and noticed Lori Campbell lying dead on the floor, with the stone impaled into her stomach.
The body disappeared along with the stone and Freddy let out a sigh of relief.
He had killed two birds with one stone.
Short, meaningless, and probably downright stupid. That's exactly what I thought when I typed it.