For the Reviews Lounge Summer Project.
For aught that I could ever read,
Could ever hear by tale or history,
The course of true love never did run smooth.William Shakespeare (1564 - 1616), "A Midsummer Night's Dream", Act 1 scene 1
Caution (Nymphadora Tonks)
Jesus Christ. She says and her eyes well up with tears that she brushes away angrily (she doesn't want him to see).
I'm sorry. He says and his eyes search for hers begging her to understand.
Don't apologize! She snaps and blood rushes to her face in anger.
Dora, I l- He stops himself and hits the brakes before he can tell her the truth (and drive over this cliff, because right now he's toeing the edge.)
She says nothing, just glares at him. They stare at each other for a long moment and Remus can hardly stand to look in her eyes because they are good and she is good and he is nothing but bad and he will do nothing but hurt her. )
And then, the masochistic part of Remus (more than a part these days), speaks, and the familiar, hated words are out and he can't take them back (he won't.)
I'm too old for you. I'm too poor for you. I'm too dangerous for you.
Bloody hell. She snorts and rolls her eyes. Not that shit again.
Too old for me? She says after a minute.
Old enough to be your father.
Tonks considers that for a second, then her eyes narrow. You bloody well are not!
She steps closer to him. And...
All of a sudden, she's kissing him, her mouth everywhere and Remus tries to keep his wits about him, has to resist but he can't. He fails- his arms go up and tangle in her hair (which is brown, not pink, and he hates to be the cause of that but he can't focus on any thought right now, its just pure instinct and they grip each other more tightly), and he feels alive and younger and richer and safe. Then she stops, pulls away, steps back. Remus stands there, breathing heavily, feeling her absence sting his skin.
Would I do that with my father?
He's at a loss for words. They've kissed, yes, but never like that, with so much desperation and passion and so many things that Remus thought were cliches only found in cheap paperbacks, not in real life, and especially not in his life. He struggles to speak and says in a hoarse (even more hoarse than his normal voice, with its damaged vocal cords from the screaming agony of transformation), and the realization jars him, reminds him that he's a monster and doesn't deserve her, isn't worthy of her tolerance, much less love, so he just raises an eyebrow and says, I should hope not.
He regrets it once he says it because its not what she wanted to hear, hoped to hear, not in the slightest. She closes her eyes and mutters under her breath about bloody thick man or something like that, Remus isn't sure. She takes a breath of resolve and Remus hopes (well, part of him does) that she's accepted it, that that was a goodbye kiss, that they'll just avoid each other for the rest of summer and will never mention this again. She opens her mouth and Remus is braced for her farewell but instead she says simply You're not poor.
Remus just gapes at her and she says How could someone be poor when they have a place to sleep and food to eat and friends and books and magic and people who love them? Ticking each off on her fingers as she continues down the list, looking him dead in the eye at the last one. He has to admit she has a point (but only to himself, not to her or it'll all be ruined.)
And as for dangerous... She whips her wand out and casts a spell, and fire is soaring in streams around her, and she stands in the middle of it, unharmed and indifferent. She flicks her wand lazily and the fire becomes creeping wisps of black smoke that cloud her from his vision and Remus is transfixed. The wand flicks again, and strong winds blow around her and her hair is swept back and she looks so fierce and beautiful that Remus swallows hard and as if she senses it, she whispers Finite. And then she's on the ground again, staring him in the eye.
Those were some of the spells I used in my last case. I headed a group of Aurors taking down a murderer who had already killed two of us before. I took him down.
She steps up to him again. I don't care how dangerous you think you are and how chivalrous you think you're being but when it comes down to it, I could kick your goddam arse. So cut the crap. You're insulting me, thinking an Auror can't protect herself. She laughs bitterly.
Remus is still struck dumb and Tonks's face softens. I love you.
He knows he can't let it happen but when he tries to sleep at night, those words always echo in his mind and remind him what he's got to live for, even if he can't let anything happen. This summer has been so fast and slow and wonderful and cruel but every time they argue just when he's about to give in he remembers his ace in the hole (he will only bring her down.)
He wants to say it back but he can't, can't let her know, and she kisses him softly and sweetly. Do you really think your weak excuses would ever convince me to stop? As if I could be convinced, Remus! That isn't how it works.
She looks him in the eye, their foreheads still pressed together and she says I'm not afraid, Remus. So why the bloody hell are you?
And without a glance backwards, she marches away. Remus leans his head against the wall and waits for the thud of her fall (she's bound to, she always does). But it doesn't come, because this time, she's being careful. And so is he.